To feel increasingly resentful of the growing divide between those who are able to home school and those who can't

[thepeopleversuswork]

To preface this with the observation that I'm very lucky to be able to work from home in safety and I haven't lost sight of that.

But I am working about 10 hours a day in order to be able to hold onto my job. I'm a lone parent and have no support from anyone. My company expects me to be literally always on and takes no account whatsoever of the fact that I am supposed to be home schooling.

I'm constantly bombarded with people who are either on furlough or not working talking about the "pressures" of home schooling and how difficult it is to fit it in when they have whole days free and are agonising over difficult maths problems etc. Or people posting endless pictures on social media of the cool, creative things their kids have done.

I'm really lucky if I get to spend half an hour with my DD setting tasks for her and very rarely get to do any supervision, let alone teaching, as I'm holed up in the next room.

I've mentioned this to various friends and they will raise an eyebrow and say "but surely your work must understand?". No, they don't understand. It makes me feel so shit.

I get that furlough is not ideal and that we're all in various ways struggling so there's no point feeling resentful of other people for their circumstances.

But I'm increasingly concerned about how the government and schools plan to handle this if physical schooling becomes more difficult over a longer period.

A real divide is going to grow between those who are able to support their children in the home and those who aren't. I can accept my daughter's schooling taking a back seat for a few months or weeks. But what happens if she ends up losing half an academic year to this, while the children of SAHMs or those on furlough get lavished with one to one attention at home?

Does anyone else worry about the impact on our children of those who are physically unable to provide this support?

OP, I have a friend who contacted school as she was struggling massively with her DD (also a single mum of 3). School were flexible and allowed her to attend at their discretion, as they didn't have as many key worker children attending as they had planned for. So it might be worth asking school.

YANBU, it's incredibly difficult OP and you are in a difficult position.

Honestly I'm on mat leave at the moment and my 5yo (reception) DD is getting very little 'home schooling'. Mostly because she refuses to and I've lost the will to fight- today there has already been 45 minutes of screaming because I asked her to write a few words on her story map from the oak academy lesson.... which she watches because I refuse to try myself anymore. It's just not worth it.
But then I see others on SM with all these wonderful wholesome activities and children reading, writing, playing, doing crafts etc while mine has forgotten most of what she knew and spends 70% of any given day screaming and crying... I feel like a failure compared to these parents and when I try to reach out to friends who seem to be doing better they just don't get it.

The growing impact of this on children and parents is huge, disproportionately so imo.

tenderden sorry but it just doesn't work like that. If I "set better boundaries" at work I would be fired, pure and simple

Then you have a shit job, sorry

I have a fairly good job in the legal sector and nobody I know is expected to sacrifice their health like this any more, even the people earning over £100k. My best friend is a Director of a household name company, and she sets the hours she works.

You say your boss has far better boundaries - model yourself on her.

As a PP said, support at home has always been a variable in education and it does have an impact.You're assuming people on furlough can focus all their attention on their DCs and support them but they may not be able to do that; they may not want to do that; they may not have an education level to do that. They may be worried about their finances and their long-term employment prospects. They may be ill.
There are so many variables that impact the level of home schooling and support that DCs are receiving so although I understand why you feel frustrated that you feel you can't do more, I don't think assuming other people are having it easier is helpful. 'Resenting' it is a waste of energy.

I totally understand OP, and I think people may not fully appreciate the precarious nature of maintaining jobs at the best of times, let alone the additional pressures of performing at work when the recession fully takes hold (needing to prioritise holding on to an income).

I am also client-facing (acc management in a specialist business service agency) and my employer is fab - nonetheless keeping hold of my family's main income has to be a priority.

Many people that don't work in similar roles / pressures simply won't get it. I agree with snoozing SM (i am having to)

I hear you I really do. 12 hour working day here of which about 9 hours is video calls. The amount of work set by the school is INSANE.

Nothing to say other than you are not alone.

Well the problem is your shit company, not other people's home circumstances.

It's not just those working who struggle - I'm on mat leave with 2 younger DC and I look at the photos of what some of the kids in DS aged 5's class are achieving in awe. I can't give DS 1:1!

I really feel for you. Our daughter has Aspergers, is very dyslexic and struggles with self directed learning. At school she has individual support daily. She is also 16. Right now all I get when I ask for more flexible working hours is responses such as “you are doing her no favours molly coddling her” or “well she will have to stand on her own two feet soon”. She studies Engineering, Physics and Mathematics. She has gone from averages over 80% to 30% or less. All you, and I, can do is try our best to support but it is really hard. One glimmer of hope is that she is getting some 1 to 1 support online every day from a uni student who is not at Uni currently. No charge. Have you thought about putting out a request for a random act of kindness from a higher level student or trainee teacher? I actually hear my daughter laughing during ‘school ‘ hours and she does her assignment b3cause she wants to please Fred and looks forward to his feedback. Obviously be aware of esafety but might be wort( considering. Good luck x

How old is your dd? How is she doing school work, print outs or online. What works for me is because my daughter is doing her work on a laptop, she has her own desk set up in my office. It helps because her teacher is sending only a vague outline of stuff to do ie use this website for this, use that one for this topic etc. I'm also making full use of bbc bitesize and oak national academy, even horrible histories has it's place. I know that I'm fortunate in having enough technology that I can work things like that and a daughter who will happily work that way.

Those of you saying the problem is your shit company yes of course. But what realistically do you expect me to do, given that I am not going to be able to get another job now? And given that I am the sole breadwinner?

I have gone out of my way to say I understand that everyone is struggling and parents with fewer commitments can’t be blamed

I just wonder what will be done over the long term to support people like me.

I agree. I am currently working 12-13 hour days as my company furloughed 80% of staff, but the workload was still there.

i have tried to set aside 09.45-10.30 each day as the day I support DS1 with his maths. I try popping in every 30 mins or so to 'check' they are still engaging. But it is proving next to impossible.

from tomrorow I am expected to be abck in the office full time as they have decided that senior staff can be back in and socially distance in our own rooms. DH will be WFH full time while also trying to support home schooling. My father (ex teacher) was laughing because he said parents would finally understand how tough teachers have it. I have always known how tough teachers have it... but supervising google classroom and assignments for 2 kids when you are also trying to keep your employment going is just really really hard.

OP I agree - my youngest definitely does not fall into the category of 'disadvantaged' but because my husband and I are doing 60 hour weeks to keep our jobs going (and as safe as possible bearing in mind there will be redundancies at both our workplaces sooner or later, ie we both have to evidence how valuable we are for when the axe inevitably falls), she is getting very little home school time with us, just a bit at weekends and the time that her older sister helps with but that doesn't always work out. When I speak to my SAHM friends or even those who work a very short week ie 2/2.5 days, I feel irritated and anxious when I hear what they've done with their LOs. I don't check fb at all now BTW, some good advice above about avoiding that - those pictures of wonderful projects are painful! Also, I haven't cut myself off but I'm keeping less in touch with those parent friends who make me anxious for the reasons above. Ie keeping in touch with the odd friendly 'touching base' text rather than calling. I need to do that for my own MH.

I obviously don't have any answers but I wanted to empathise that you're doing amazingly as a lone parent - there are two of us here and we're frazzled/exhausted enough as it is, have often thought how impossible the situation is for sole parents with complex jobs to hold down. If anything it would be great if the next priority group to go back were those children where the parent has sole care and works full time. Would make a good deal of sense for people in your position and I'd feel that was a fair, reasonable policy for those who are struggling without a separated partner to take the strain for part of the week.

We really need to know how old your child is. The key thing is that she is learning, not exactly what she is learning. Source some good documentaries for her. Give her projects to research online. Pay for some online language lessons (these are much much cheaper than traditional tutoring) - that will motivate her. Get her some fun books to read, and at the weekend talk them over with her. Make full use of your weekend and lunch breaks to check what she's doing and talk to her about it.

OP would it not be possible to shift your working hours. We speak to people all the time at work who have kids to see after ( we don't have any staff with young kids) - some only respond in the evening - some work weekends - generally everyone is being a bit more flexible but still doing the job.
It's not about working for a crap company - unless you are working for a big company who can swallow losses - it's really hard at the moment to have a member of staff not working and continue to pay them - we simply couldn't afford it and keep the company afloat (and we owe to all our staff not to let that happen, but we'd always try our best to be as flexible as we can.

Does your work allow you to spend 5 minutes with your child about once an hour? That makes all the difference.

OP - honestly have some flowers. and a hug. and some cake. and some wine.

The pressure on maintaining an income is immense at any time, multiplied by 1000% for a single parent.

People do not get how hard getting jobs is going to be in the coming economic devastation - we have only just seen the first effects of it, and the next quarters results are going to be devastating.

I agree - hold onto your job, its so important.

Do whatever you need to get through and ask for help if you can.

Sending best wishes

I am sooooo glad my daughter is year 11 and so has no work. I doubt I could have got her to do it. Endless homework is not a good idea. They need zoom lessons - private schools are doing these but not state. I am also still working from home and have no time to be “teaching”.

I just wonder what will be done over the long term to support people like me.

Over the long term I would start looking for a better job with a better management team. One that doesn't have one rule for the boss and a different one for you.

Do you have friends in different sectors who have less stressful working environments? Do you have transferable skills?

I really doubt that you would be sacked for working your contracted hours - unless you have been there less than two years. You appear to have been brainwashed into thinking this.

We don't know you, but it sounds like you are either a martyr or a mug. Instead of being resentful of those who have normal work set ups, you should focus that anger and frustration at your manager.

Assuming your dd is not year 10 then you are stressing about nothing . No new concepts should be introduced fir other years , and if they are they will be gone over again. You dd is not being disadvantaged.
I have several dc , they will miss months of school due to shielding. One of my dc is in on year ten , she can’t return to school in September she is the only dc I am concerned about academically.

If I don't respond to an email that is outside my working hours the work doesn't get done and the client gets pissed off and fires us

that describes my work. It's not even that I risk being fired but I lose the contract, so money we cannot afford to lose.

People might struggle to understand that, but some of us are working in industries that will struggle, are highly competitive and MUST put all the chances on our side. Things will get a lot worst, we know that.

OP, as opposed to you, it also means that I can find time during the day - like I am now obviously. If I am in a meeting, I cannot physically take somebody else's call, so I do set up "appointments". It doesn't matter if it's with my kids.

How old are your kids? I honestly find it easy for the little ones, I just make a list of all the videos to match the lessons from school, so I know where to direct them. A lot of it on BBC for example.

I have relocated the kids homework to the dining table, so I sit on there with my laptop and we ALL do our "work" together.

At worst, your children will learn more about history, geography, any general knowledge because they'll have seen more videos or read more books about it. You catch up quickly with a few concepts at the weekend, and they'll be fine.

@Limeavocado

I totally agree with you here:

I obviously don't have any answers but I wanted to empathise that you're doing amazingly as a lone parent - there are two of us here and we're frazzled/exhausted enough as it is, have often thought how impossible the situation is for sole parents with complex jobs to hold down. If anything it would be great if the next priority group to go back were those children where the parent has sole care and works full time. Would make a good deal of sense for people in your position and I'd feel that was a fair, reasonable policy for those who are struggling without a separated partner to take the strain for part of the week.

Sorry, my DD is 9. Up to a point she can work unaided but she tends to drift off and lose momentum and I need to get her back on track.

Sometimes I'm on calls for 2-3 hours at a time and inevitably she will have lost interest in whatever project she's doing. And inevitably she will drift back to screens.

RitzSpy in theory yes, in practice no. I'm now doing a job very early in the morning (from about 6am) and I asked in return to be allowed to stop working from 4pm. They always say yes if I ask explicitly. But in practice if an email comes in at 5.30pm to me without any of my team members copied, and for which there are no coworkers on the project team, it falls to me to do it. There's no point asking someone else to do it because they won't be able to.

Can the teachers not be online one to one to the children at least once a day? What are they doing? I know some kids are at school occupying teachers but some should also be free for teaching online too actually talking to the children - or are they doing this?.

Regardless of whether she might be sacked @happypoobum she certainly does not want to be on the list of redundancies and she certainly doesn't want to be looking for another job as a single parent in a recession.