To feel increasingly resentful of the growing divide between those who are able to home school and those who can't

[thepeopleversuswork]

To preface this with the observation that I'm very lucky to be able to work from home in safety and I haven't lost sight of that.

But I am working about 10 hours a day in order to be able to hold onto my job. I'm a lone parent and have no support from anyone. My company expects me to be literally always on and takes no account whatsoever of the fact that I am supposed to be home schooling.

I'm constantly bombarded with people who are either on furlough or not working talking about the "pressures" of home schooling and how difficult it is to fit it in when they have whole days free and are agonising over difficult maths problems etc. Or people posting endless pictures on social media of the cool, creative things their kids have done.

I'm really lucky if I get to spend half an hour with my DD setting tasks for her and very rarely get to do any supervision, let alone teaching, as I'm holed up in the next room.

I've mentioned this to various friends and they will raise an eyebrow and say "but surely your work must understand?". No, they don't understand. It makes me feel so shit.

I get that furlough is not ideal and that we're all in various ways struggling so there's no point feeling resentful of other people for their circumstances.

But I'm increasingly concerned about how the government and schools plan to handle this if physical schooling becomes more difficult over a longer period.

A real divide is going to grow between those who are able to support their children in the home and those who aren't. I can accept my daughter's schooling taking a back seat for a few months or weeks. But what happens if she ends up losing half an academic year to this, while the children of SAHMs or those on furlough get lavished with one to one attention at home?

Does anyone else worry about the impact on our children of those who are physically unable to provide this support?

the current government appears to consider the right to play golf
I have no idea what this refers to frankly, but I would imagine the right to be outside is the same as the right to play sports, have picnics etc.

Not sure it goes into the same area as plonking kids together in a classroom.

@thepeopleversuswork couldn’t agree more. 6 months ago if you had said you were going to wfh full time while looking after small children/homeschool you be called out as being neglectful - now it’s suppose to be totally fine.

Women, as usually, are being disproportionately impacted by this. There appears to have been no recognition of this or discussions about how to help this.

ReincarnatedDodo thanks. But I'm sure working time directive wouldn't apply. It very rarely does in professional private sector. The business model just wouldn't sustain it either, to be honest. Businesses like mine would simply collapse if we were signed up to this. But appreciate the thought.

Some companies provide flexible working - as in you do the same hours but different work patterns (e.g. some of your hours at the weekends or in the evenings when the children have gone to bed).

Do you think you could propose that arrangement to your work HR? & have you spoken to fellow colleagues with children of school age? Either they can give you tips on how to manage it or back you up if you go to HR and ask for a change, if they're also struggling.

OP there are millions of DC like yours up and down this country and around the world whose DP(s) have had to work FT and flat out during the lock down and who simply haven't been able to do anything meaningful with their DC. What will be done to support all those families? Unfortunately, I suspect very little, but at least if your DC is only 9 she has plenty of time to catch up. Six months of lost primary schooling is not a disaster. Give it a year or two and she'll be caught up and all this will just be a nightmarish memory. So try not to beat yourself up or feel any worse than you already do. Do some reading, writing and maths with her at the weekend, if you can, and let all the other stuff go. I'm a SAHM and eight weeks into the lock down and we are no longer doing everything. Today the younger one is playing in his paddling pool between short bursts of work. If you have a paddling pool, get it out now and fill it.

LocalNetter no it wouldn't work. As I've mentioned earlier the key issue isn't so much what the bosses want us to do its what the clients demand. If a client demands something that only I can do at a certain time of night then I have to do it in order for the client to be serviced. If I declined to respond to a request of that nature the account would be at risk.

I can take some breaks in the day and will do if its possible. But set work times like this just wouldn't allow the business to function efficiently.

It sounds like utter shit. But at this point, you have to decide what matters more, your clients or your daughter.

If your work, when explicitly asked (in an email!) say that they acknowledge your current situation and agree to a specific set of working hours that allow for homeschooling, then you save down that email and refer to it EVERY TIME it becomes an issue. Client bitches to higher-ups, higher-ups come to you? "I'm sorry they feel let down but as you will remember from our correspondence on x date, I am currently home schooling my child as a single parent, and we agreed my hours of work would be y-z. If the client needs more support then it may be necessary to give this acct to someone else/share the load until my child is able to return to school." Rinse and repeat, always in writing. Then they cannot fire you for it because you are working as agreed. Industrial tribunal would have a field day if they tried.

Yes they won't like you, you won't get the next promotion, you might not get a bonus. But seeing as the role is toxic anyway, who cares? You keep your job, you do what you've agreed you can, you homeschool your child, you be a pain about it, you do not budge. As soon as lockdown is over, you find another job. One where they don't treat you like a droid.

Thanks to whoever posted about the Oak academy. It will be very useful for us.

This is not really about the op but more about homeschooling.
I frequently do free online courses with futurelearn. I’ve just received a leaflet today promoting learning for children 13+.
I haven’t looked at it (my DCs are adults) but thought it might be useful for some:
futurelearn.com/flschools

It’s really tough and I feel for you op but try not to be so hard on yourself. You are doing extremely well in a difficult situation. You can allow your child to do a bit of work on their own. It will be absolutely fine as far as their education goes. I wish I could help you! I am very fortunate in that I can stay home with the children. I’ve been a single parent for ever though and I’ve been in serious hardship so I take nothing for granted. Try to ease up on yourself.

I get you OP, we have 2 WFH parents which does make it a little easier as I have a job that can flex so I can work evenings or very early mornings and have some time in the day. DH is on a rota and has to be available for those 8 hrs every day.

I have a year 1 child and have decided I'm not sending her back after hearing the school plan which is very rigid and unpleasant sounding, work have been fine with as long as I continue to get all the work done so it will be a tiring few more months.

Not sure if this will help but we have 'embedded' English maths and curriculum stuff into everyday activities so that DD isn't having to sit and do school work much but is still learning.

So things like:

• snack box in the kitchen with a menu and prices, she has to use play money to buy her snacks throughout the day so learning currency.
• she has to read a book to her dolls at bedtime
• at least twice a week she helps cook dinner and has to write down the recipe, then look at the shopping receipt and add up the cost of the ingredients.
• when we go for walks she takes her Collins nature checklist book to tick off the trees, plants, flowers... she has seen.
• Nature is one of her curriculum topics this year so she's planted some veg and learnt the names of the different parts of a plant which she's been looking for as they grow.
• she's writing postcards/letters to friends which we post through doors on our walks

say that they acknowledge your current situation and agree to a specific set of working hours that allow for homeschooling, then you save down that email and refer to it EVERY TIME it becomes an issue.

you REALLY don't get it, do you.
it must be nice to work in a business that can afford to lose clients, not all of us can. With the very real threat of nasty recession looming, some of us can't afford that - or can't afford to be the first in line for redundancy.

You have clearly no idea whatsoever of what business environment some of us are in.

May I suggest ordering some of the CGP books for her age? I'm guessing she's Y4? The KS2 books are pretty good, and there are different ones that have explanations (i.e. a lesson) as well as testing their understanding on what they've learned. My DS' school sent some home for him at the beginning of the lockdown, and they're good because he doesn't need my input to get through them, unless he gets to a bit he doesn't understand, which he can ask about when I have a moment to check in with him.
Have you looked at the Oak Academy stuff online too? That's for all years, so there should be some things there that she will be able to access and learn.

Also, these pesky clients- do they need responses immediately, or must it just be before 9am (or 8am, or whatever) the next day? I have found that setting an hour aside each evening, usually 10-11 to respond to things that have come in after work, or I didn't get to follow up on, or need chasing- to sort those out so that I can get some proper sleep by not stressing and get a quick start in the morning. I also find it helpful to get up and showered, and start work about an hour before waking the children up. It gives me some really good quiet concentration time before an onslaught (and ensures my connection is solid and fast!).

Thanks to whoever posted about the Oak academy. It will be very useful for us.

as long as you are not like the poster who started an entire thread yesterday because there was one spelling mistake!

@TorysSuckRevokeArticle50

oh i like some of your ideas. I'm going to steal them. Thank you

VeniceQueen2004 sorry, I know you're trying to be supportive but it just doesn't work like this in my industry. Please for those people talking about setting boundaries etc try to understand this: an action like that wouldn't just mean no bonus or promotion, it would mean initially a disciplinary and ultimately redundancy. And I wouldn't "keep my job".

Client facing industries like this with small client account teams rely on a small number of people being able to service the client. If one person is essentially working to rule due to childcare/homeschooling the whole model collapses. There is occasionally some flexibility in unusual circumstances but this is the norm.

And please don't ask me which is more important out of my clients or my daughter. Without my clients, I can't support my child.

I know you're trying to be helpful but with respect you sound like someone who has not worked in this kind of industry and has no experience of these pressures. It just isn't that simple.

I don't mean to sound like a stuck record. There have been some really good practical suggestions here which I will take on board but I'm not open to having anyone else come on and tell me its simply a case of standing up to my employer.

I'm a part time 'keyworker', and I work shifts so I am able to spend time with the kids doing homeschool. However I'm really concerned about the general impact on children in all this, sorry that your employer is not more understanding

Yanbu. I'm a lone parent of 2 trying to work from home, home school DC and run the household. Am virtually completely isolated, with the small support network I do have living miles away.

Plus, have other 'issues' I'm currently dealing with.

Feeling sorry for self.

I'm sure you've thought of this OP, but if the issue is cover for client requests (and when does 'out of hours' stop, BTW? 7pm? 9pm? 3am? - see what I'm saying? there must be a cut-off point that your company would back you on, otherwise insomniac clients could just shoot off an email in the middle of the night and demand the same turnaround time as if you were sitting at your desk during normal office hours) then it's not supersmart to have only one person covering some accounts, is it? If you fall under a bus, or ill, then those clients won't get covered at any time of the day or night, and your company loses the business. Presumably when you go on annual leave, you hand accounts over to someone to cover? So why can't you tag team on these accounts in the present circumstances?

then you could split the day - you do 6-4 and your colleague on the account does 8-6 (or whatever works) and maybe schedule time each day to confer and cross check. Yes it'll take a bit of time to set up and get people up to speed on the account, but it's more resilient than the current situation isn't it?

Am I being mad? It seems obvious to me.

sorry that your employer is not more understanding
again, in many case it has nothing to do with the employer, it's about the CLIENTS.

See all the teacher bashing threads? They might be using state school and not directly pay the teachers, but all these people screaming that teachers MUST step up, are unreasonable not to be doing live videos from 9 to 3, must be lazy and uninterested bladibla... these are the kind of clients you might be dealing with. They don't give a shit about personal circumstances, and they are out with a competitor if things don't go their way.

I do think short bursts of focused attention are the most valuable. 15 mins here and there, nobody says you have to do it in school hours, could be in the evening, half an hour of paired reading before bed. I pay for a Mathletics subscription and NightZooKeeper (English), kids can do these without much input, but I appreciate not everyone can afford to pay out for such things.

I agree this situation is dreadful.
OP, my child sustained a serious injury at school in year 9. She missed 5 months of school and almost a whole year of part time struggling to catch up. School gave no help or support whatsoever.
Despite that, she did catch up and eventually did very well. I wasn't in a position to help much. It was a head injury and she couldn't read or see a screen for 5 months.
There are some great science and nature programmes around atm. At least that is something.
Could your dd plant some seeds on her window sill? Even the smallest things can inspire some interest.
I am so sorry for all parents in this situation.

Both ours had maths tutors already so we upped their hours and they teach by zoom. So I know my 11 year old getting 2 hours of quality one to one maths teaching a week. Obviously have to pay but if you have the budget might help?

I'm still expected to be available for conference calls at 9pm.

Say no.

The only reason companies get away with this is because people don't put their foot down.

I worked for a company for 6 months. I asked for flexible working before I started and they said they were fine with it. Whenever I needed to use the flexibility, I was told X used to do it and she had kids. I made it clear X didn't have MY kid, and she also didn't have MY life. Basically if I used an hour for flexitime, they wanted me to give two back. Unpaid of course. It was frustrating that how I was expected to work as a parent was based on what another parent (who clearly couldn't say no to working far more hours than she should have been) had done before me.

Every other company I have worked for are far more sensible and understanding about the pressures, and I can't fault my employer right now. They know all staff (not just parents) have things they need to attend to at the moment and as long as we are relatively productive, they are happy with that.

There are a lot of people having to choose between ...

Borderline neglecting their children (in general, but particularly their education)

And

Risking losing their jobs and being unable to provide for them.

It is one shitty situation to be in, no mistake.