To feel increasingly resentful of the growing divide between those who are able to home school and those who can't

[thepeopleversuswork]

To preface this with the observation that I'm very lucky to be able to work from home in safety and I haven't lost sight of that.

But I am working about 10 hours a day in order to be able to hold onto my job. I'm a lone parent and have no support from anyone. My company expects me to be literally always on and takes no account whatsoever of the fact that I am supposed to be home schooling.

I'm constantly bombarded with people who are either on furlough or not working talking about the "pressures" of home schooling and how difficult it is to fit it in when they have whole days free and are agonising over difficult maths problems etc. Or people posting endless pictures on social media of the cool, creative things their kids have done.

I'm really lucky if I get to spend half an hour with my DD setting tasks for her and very rarely get to do any supervision, let alone teaching, as I'm holed up in the next room.

I've mentioned this to various friends and they will raise an eyebrow and say "but surely your work must understand?". No, they don't understand. It makes me feel so shit.

I get that furlough is not ideal and that we're all in various ways struggling so there's no point feeling resentful of other people for their circumstances.

But I'm increasingly concerned about how the government and schools plan to handle this if physical schooling becomes more difficult over a longer period.

A real divide is going to grow between those who are able to support their children in the home and those who aren't. I can accept my daughter's schooling taking a back seat for a few months or weeks. But what happens if she ends up losing half an academic year to this, while the children of SAHMs or those on furlough get lavished with one to one attention at home?

Does anyone else worry about the impact on our children of those who are physically unable to provide this support?

If you don't work weekends, why not put in a few quality hours of schoolwork then. She is having lots of downtime during the week.

Maybe children of furloughed should not be prioritised for entry to schools when they are open.
We are 2 key workers who are working still. No time to home school. We should get priority entry for school in Sept and furlough families kids can start in Jan 2021.

Have you opted out of Working Hours Directive?

And, has it always been like this (the long hours, 9pm skype calls).

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel a little bit better.
The real problem is not so much my direct bosses, its our clients, who still need the work done and don't really know (or care about) what our particular childcare challenges are. They are all under financial pressure themselves and need to get more bang for their buck. Its a simple equation that if we want to keep them paying the same amount we have to work more. My going to my bosses and saying "I'm home schooling, I'm tired, can I have more flexibility" just won't cut it. I've already had an incident where I was indirectly bollocked because a client relayed to my boss that I wasn't delivering at my previous rate. The client in question must have known the pressures I was under but ultimately financial considerations are top of mind. Yes these people are arseholes but knowing that to be the case doesn't help me on a day to day basis.

Thanks for the positive suggestions and the support though. It is reassuring to know others are in the same or similar boats and to hear that people are ultimately optimistic that our kids will get through it.

For whoever suggested asking for my DD to be able to go in as the equivalent of a key worker's child -- I've been reluctant to do this so far as she's got asthma. She's not shielding as such but I'm very careful.

As we move towards school reopening though I think it would be beneficial for her to go in.

Sorry, just seen she is 9. Right. Have you timetabled the day for her? That might help provide some structure for both of you - especially if you regularly timetable in nice things like a play break / TV time / reading time / snack time / free art time. In a classroom in Y5 kids are never wholly engaged for the full lesson - I know because I used to teach Y5! Your daughter isn't going to be able to get her head down and work solidly from 9am till 3.30pm. She's used to being able to stop and chat to her friend, or get up when she's fidgety and wander off to sharpen a pencil, etc. So don't beat yourself up if you can't get her to concentrate for hours on end. Fully qualified and experienced teachers can't do that either!

Are school setting enough work or are you having to come up with things to help? You could look at various online websites e.g. Twinkl, TeachitPrimary, etc., which provide resources you can print out the night before and leave for her to do? You could lay out several sheets in a row on the table and she could choose which one to pick up and do. If she gets bored with one or stuck and you are on a call, she can switch over to an easier one. You could even colour code them - red for tricky, amber for medium, green for easy - and she can pick the difficulty (I used to do this in the classroom and children almost always chose to challenge themselves rather than to pick the 'easy' one.) You'd be giving her some agency, some control over what she's learning, and that might help keep her interest.

There is also a month's free trial on Reading Eggs at the moment which also has a maths strand. The reading definitely covers 9 year olds; can't remember if the maths does. If she's keen on screens then I would try to find a few educational games she can do online for 15 mins apiece each day.

Instagram is good for finding activities. There are great ideas for simple science experiments on there. If you got one ready for her the night before - i.e. got all the materials together and wrote out prompt cards - then that might engage her if you pull it out when her attention starts to flag.

There are also lots of live lessons being taught at different times of day at the moment. Twinkl definitely have some, can't remember if they are suitable for 9yos or not. But have a google and see what you can find. There will be lots of pre-recorded lessons too and if you could find one that, for example, takes her step by step through an art or science activity then that might be fun and she'll feel a bit like she's having teaching.

@tara66 yes some schools are definitely making teachers available online to talk to and help children. The school I used to teach at is.

ReincarnatedDodo almost certainly, yes. My industry has no respect whatsoever for official working hours. No union representation etc so I would be laughed at if I took that to them.

I'm in a similar position and it's impossible as you say.

YANBU but we have to do the best we can. Sounds trite but seriously, what else can we do? Its not ideal but it is what it is.

I'd like to see schools go back asap for this reason. If you can more easily homsechool then good for you and your child. Dont send your child back if you dont want to. But for many other children, it's a real detriment.

You're doing the right thing by realising that you can't do both.
Have you thought about writing to your local MP?

BadBadBeans I have a very loose timetable, yes, but it quite often goes out of the window. In practice, to be adhered to it requires me to come in and crack the whip at various points and that's often not possible if, say, I'm on a call for two hours. She will do the work for a bit and then drift off onto watching something and I won't physically be able to get up and set her back to it for some time.

(Writing to your MP to ask what will be done for parents who can't homeschool, that is)

YANBU. I’m sorry you’re finding this stressful. Although it may seem like you’re surrounded by people that are coping, they are mostly the ones that have time to post on social media! I’m a secondary teacher, and although my older pupils are managing just fine and making good progress, I’m VERY aware that my Y7s (who are all Obviously still older than your DD) are getting very spread out - some are good at independent working, some are not but have a parent able to supervise, but there’s a sizeable number that just can’t be supported enough to keep up.

We aren’t taking to parents about this yet, as the last thing parents need right now (and I am one, too) is more “conditional” information that could still change, but we are making plans for how to deal with this assuming all pupils are back in from September (and if this changes, we’ll change our plans!). We’ve adjusted Schemes of work for next year and will be putting in extra, low-key assessment (think surprise multiple choice quizzes or similar “fun” assessment) so that we can work out who needs most help and and support them. This won’t be a quick process, but we hope to have everyone caught up by the end of the academic year.

There’s just no point telling parents all the detail yet as so much could change, and obviously the whole point is that we will need to be flexible and adjust things for different pupils. But we’re really not blind to the situation, and at the moment we feel the worst thing to do would be to put too much pressure on families that, for whatever reason, can’t support their children’s education at this time.

Yadnbu.. And I think a lot of posters are missing the point.

My ds isnt coping with lockdown due to losing his dad albeit a few years ago... A lot of the timw he's just not in a place to learn

As a parent working from home I have had to. Prioritise his mental health.
And that's fine short term.. I'm willing to let schoolwork take a back seat for a few months.
But as you say.. Its after the summer, it looks like kids will be in school 50%
Like you say that's when we will see huge gulfs opening up between parents who have time and money and those who don't.

My son is due to sit National 5s next year.. To say I'mworried is an understatement

That is why the government wants the children back in school!

Op your post could have been written by me. And I have a DH, both working full time from home, demanding customers - zero respite, deadlines have to be met. We are exhausted, I'm exhausted. We can all only do what can do.

Our school sets these wonderful activities that need parental involvement, I see people going oh you can just squeeze it in..when ffs I'm shattered. Or do zoom classes, my school doesn't have this set up. Stop with all the well meaning advice please, as it really really doesn't help.

Currently bribing the middle child to help the youngest do some online work for school, as youngest hasn't a clue how to do it, I had my board meeting on mute - camera off due to "bandwidth" issues..,,,so I could walk into their room spend 5 minutes with them & hope nobody asked me a question.

This is not sustainable, and yep I'm a bit jealous of those who can "do it all", I'm fed up to the back teeth of those who come up with "so called helpful timetabling & oooooo it's so easy or oooooo your workplace should be more flexible to your needs......". Patience has worn thin, so we are doing what we need to do to get through lockdown.

My work needs me to meet my deadlines, as does the customer, my children at the moment need a roof over their head more than stressed out ineffectual home schooling. To those who are wonder women and can do it all, great fabulous for you. To the rest of us mere mortals, we will get through this, just need to ignore the "well meaning perfect brigade" who are making special memories ....whilst some of us will just look back on this time with memories of pure and utter exhaustion.

Rant over, whilst having a scheduled toilet break, slice of toast is somewhere in the house, will retrieve and then crack on with the next 4 hours of Skype meetings......

If I were you I'd be scoping for a new job right now OP.
Some of our home schooling consists of stuff like - listening to a book on Audible, listening to an eBook while following on a page. Looking at the stuff school has sent and getting DCs to do the ones that a re independent - drawing, colouring. I've taught Dcs how to play soltaire ( and other card games). They watch Blue Planet/Planet earth and write about the thing they liked the most etc.
The rest of the time they play often on their own, in their rooms, read, draw, whatever.
there are ways to do it with you checking in,

Definitely NOT being unreasonable

It is absolutely impossible to work all day and home school if you have no support. It is creating a huge divide and is enormously unfair on our children. This is precisely why schools need to open ASAP and people should stop being so precious about social distancing.

YANBU as there will be differences in the progress children are making at home.

while the children of SAHMs or those on furlough get lavished with one to one attention at home?
This is where you are mistaken.

SAHM here and my school aged DD has to share my attention with a very demanding 2 year old sibling. She gets a distracted parent who is pretty frazzled managing them both alone.

The number of school aged children actually getting undivided parental attention has got to be pretty low in reality.

It's not just the wfh that are struggling.
I was working 12 hour shifts in a factory and that was my contracted hours.

My kids were left to fend for themselves a lot of the day and so no work was being done.

I'm furloughed now. I've done a bit more with them but dd10 has shut down completely re school work. I'm just concentrating on her mental health now

To be honest I have begun to care less and less. Well done to all those holding down a job and home schooling 4 kids, well done to those who are opting for only teaching life skills. Honestly I work in a team where I am the only one with dc, my colleagues do no care if I am trying to help a French lesson and baking a cake while on a zoom call would be a disaster. So all hail those of us who are muddling by, the kids will be fine with unlimited Xbox and Netflix.

I think we may need some parents to bring a group action to sue the state to make schools be fully open as parents are losing huge sums by the failure to provide schools eg £24k a year for childcare at home that has to be hired in.
8m children x £24k is a lot of lost money although some of those 8m children will be siblings and some will have a housewife or permanent unemployed parent I suppose.

I worry. I'm still working full time as a carer in a nursing home, and DH is working full time from home as a college lecturer. We haven't had time to support our children as much as we'd like. DS(15) is currently yr10 and I'm concerned his GCSEs are going to suffer. DS(12) seems to be needing lots of nagging encouragement to do any more than bare minimum.

And there is a bit of jealousy towards those who have loads of time to do things with their children. I'd love to get 80% of my wages to stay at home and do the best I can with my children.

But I simply can't. I am needed elsewhere.

I also worry about my boys mental health. DS(15) is really struggling without the social interaction of his friends and more importantly his girlfriend. DS(12) is taking it more in his stride and seems to be ok for the time being.

I'm lucky that they're at ages where they can be left to get on with it. Otherwise I don't know how we would cope with trying to juggle it all.

crazychemist thanks, that's interesting and glad to hear this is being given some consideration. Understand that schools don't want to put too much out in the public domain at the moment but reassuring to know this is recognised.

Aretheystillasleepbob I mean you're right that over the long term I do need to find a job which is less punishing and more aligned with my life. But again, this doesn't really help me now! Its the worst job market for about 40 years and I would probably need to retrain to enter another industry. For now, the reality is I need to accept these conditions. I do accept that I need to change but for posters to pop and tell me my employer is a bastard - as if I had never thought of this -- is not really helpful at the moment.

The people I hear you. Same situation, nearly 9 year old child, do project work for clients and not delivering work is not an option. Only person on projects with knowledge and experience to deliver them. I have been doing up to a full 7 day week of 10-12 hour days, not helped by trying to work on a laptop rather than 2 screens. I have no office.

DD already disadvantaged by the lack of time I have normally to help with homework. I need to stand over her for anything to be done, so we're not doing most of it. It's a fight to get her to watch some Bitesize.

It's shit and heartbreaking to see yet another way she's disadvantaged by our situation.

I agree OP.
Covid does not affect people equally, and sadly neither does lockdown.
The ongoing effects of this inequality on a generation of children is going to be pretty awful, anndof course this comes after a sustained period of growing inequality anyway.
My family's OK as we are some of the lucky ones, with the time, money and education to provide an OK grounding for DC, but there will be so many children suffering.
Having said that OP, to be positive, the very fact that you are thinking about this and doing your best means that your DC will be fine. Kids don't need perfect parents, just parents who care enough to try their best.
But on a societal level, what we are doing to children is disgraceful.