Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

Surely your grandparents wouldn't want you to suffer and would be happy to just eat the same stuff you eat? Or they could occasionally eat stuff you just bung in the oven? Would none of your friends, boyfriend, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours, community groups not be able to do this shopping instead?

@hammeringinhyhead

No bullshit, now you see why I'm burning out.

The weekend job is completely separate to my office one and I do it because

1. I need the money - working in a big city everything from rent to food is expensive and my salary is a pittance considering the area I'm in

2. it's a job in care, I work with vulnerable people and really enjoy it.

3. normally I'd only do one weekend day but due to the pandemic we've actually had some staff member die and because I care about my vulnerable clients I don't want them left without caring staff who are fully trained and that they know and are comfortable with

Why not ask your boss if they can pay you for the extra hours, then maybe you could drop the second job? "Hi boss, this was ok as a short-term measure but as the weeks have gone on I can't with these hours with pay. Can we come up with a plan to return to my usual responsibilities of temporarily increase my pay to reflect hours during the pandemic please. Thanks, bask."

And you know some of us are working, homeschooling and also have a panic disorder. It's shit, for all of us.

Have you missed the queues at the supermarkets? The fact I cook for my elderly grandparents and delivery food and other medicines aswell. Have a panic disorder. Actually need some time to drive between supermarket, GP's house, parents house, my house. It all takes time and adds up pretty dam quick.

We know it adds up! Caring responsibilities, eh?

It's tough, but please try to be glad that you are able accomplish these tasks outside work. Not an option available to parents at the moment. Especially not an option available to those parents who also shop for elderly relatives whilst struggling to stay sane themselves.

I don't say this to attack you. It really is just that tough for everyone at the moment.

Surely your grandparents wouldn't want you to suffer and would be happy to just eat the same stuff you eat? Or they could occasionally eat stuff you just bung in the oven? Would none of your friends, boyfriend, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours, community groups not be able to do this shopping instead?

They don't want me to suffer at all and i do exactly that. I'll make big batches of spag Bol, curry, lasagne, stew ect. That can then be portioned out and delivered to them and they can bing in the microwave/oven when they're hungry. My parents are sadly also shielding, my boyfriend is isolating with his family in his hometown so I currently too far away although I know he's worried about me. No siblings and no aunt or cousins nearby enough sadly, they would all have to drive over an hour. Community groups could possibly shop for my parents but I really don't know how to even start looking at this. For my GP's because I cook half the stuff I buy for them it just wouldn't work to have shopping deliverers directly to them without it going through me first.

How is this thread still going 😂

Try Facebook for community groups. If you've got time to read and respond to nearly 700 Mumsnet posts I'm sure you could manage it.

@ArtisanPopcorn

The thing is due to the nature of where we live there isn't really a community. There's no local Facebook groups, no one does street parties round here. No one knows their neighbours. People are very much just get on with their own lives. The threads on MN I see about people snitching on neighbours or being named and shamed on local fb pages just baffles me because there's nothing like that round here.

@sandybval

Thank you

I understand why you would
Think that because I used to. Now I have twins and recognise that the whole world benefits from happy families. You will need help from your friends and family
Someday. Someday your friends will become ill or need help , or you will too. No man is an island. What I'm trying to say is , you're in a privileged position. Those with kids can't work as hard because they are doing work with the kids too. Please have sympathy because if you have kids some day you will realise that you will need the help and kindness of others too. It's true especially when you are vulnerable and have a small child.
I do understand it is difficult but remember those with kids are
Trying as hard as they can. Have grace.

But I'm saying if this virus is here to stay long term and this becomes the new way of life rather than an unprecedented blip parents need to re-evaluate their lives because school isn't childcare. For the short term there are obviously allowances but that can not last long term and then parents will have to make the tough choices that come with reduced working hours because of their children.

What are these tough choices you speak of? Can you explain?

Loads of employers won't offer part time work.

Loads of employers won't be hiring and the job market will be INSANELY competitive so not like you can get a new, flexible, part time job easily.

Many employers won't be happy letting people work from home long term or to work around core hours to allow for juggling childcare and work as they are now. Some already aren't, as this thread illustrates.

So the choice you're talking about is not actually a choice at all for many.

Loads of parents will lose their jobs and be forced to go on benefits if employers have your attitude.

And thus lots (more) children will slip into poverty.

Yay for tough choices.

And thus lots (more) children will slip into poverty.
Yay for tough choices.

Well that’s the hugely depressing consequence of all this. Which plenty aren’t engaging with.

@baskininjoe

How incredibly rude and patronising of you. I am not easily replaced at all thanks to my special skill set and training

Calm down Liam Neeson!

I've read through this thread and taking on board your own comments with regard to dyslexia and the fact that you are feeling anxious, its clear that you are very angry about the lack of appreciation you are being shown.

Everyone is struggling with the adjustments that we've had to take on board. It is not a pissing contest, you only know part of the challenges your face and yet you are judging them. There's nothing demonstrating empathy in any of your posts, but yet you are expecting empathy from others.

What is it you want? For your entire workplace to sing in gratitude for you single handedly saving the company? For the MD to say "well folks, you may well be better suited to this promotion, be better qualified and a better leader than baskininjoe, but she's worked the most hours so she's getting promoted because and we're giving her a 50% pay increase"

None of us is perfect. Not one of us. We are all replaceable, including you.

If I found out that one of my team had posted so much about their workplace and been so disparaging about their colleagues I would be holding a very frank discussion with you.

apologies for typos - I've spent at least 10 hours battling with IT system issues and am knackered.

" if I found out that one of my team had posted so much about their workplace and been so disparaging about their colleagues I would be holding a very frank discussion with you."

And what would you say since she hasn't disclosed anything identifying about her workplace or individual colleagues? (Unless I've miss it?).
Everyone is allowed a rant.

I agree, Everyone is entitled to a rant - its quite healthy.

Mumsnet has a vast readership. It is regularly plundered by the Daily Fail for stories, snippets end up on Facebook and so a 28 page thread could well disclose more than the OP intended to do.

As a manager I would be questioning my leadership skills and asking why this question couldn't have been brought directly to me, given the negative impact it is having. I would be looking to my leadership team to establish why we do not appear to be supporting the mental wellness of our teams.

"Mumsnet has a vast readership"

Yet I have been repeatedly chastised (not just on this thread) for being on here despite not being a parent. And had many an eye roll directed at me for posting on a forum that is apparently for parents, despite @MNHQ repeatedly saying otherwise?

Who chastised you OP?

It was suggested that posting in AIBU on a parenting forum probably wasn't the best place to complain about... Parents!

Not to mention the death by 100 drip feeds in the race to who has the most unutterable shit life right now.

@ConstanceSalinger

RTFT and you'll see. Actually you might not seeing as many of the comments have been deleted for being rude, abuse and threatening as well.

Mumsnet is not just a parenting forum, it emcompasses all areas of life and is for everyone.

"Not to mention the death by 100 drip feeds in the race to who has the most unutterable shit life right now."

The reason it was a drip feed is because a lot of it actually has little relevance to my original point. But as poster after poster went on about how perfect my life is and I have nothing to be stressed about or find hard I had every right to justify my stresses. Since apparently no one is just allowed to rant about just one thing that's bothering them unless they can justify that their life is shit all round.

Also some of my drip feeds, like my dyslexia, are completely irrelevant. And I would not have mentioned it at all had it not been for multiple posters patronising and smugly taking the piss out of me for my spelling accompanied by gleeful grin and winky faces until I felt the need to defend myself from the multiple implications that I am stupid.

I'm not chastising you for posting. I am a parent, and have been posting on Mumsnet for about 8 years (albeit with a different username). I wasn't a parent when I joined.

I think the issue is be aware of your audience...When you take a pop at parents, on what is undoubtedly a parenting forum you will get a backlash.

OP you really need to do some self reflection. You've got 28 pages of people telling you that you have a poor attitude. Any valid point you may have had is lost. Go talk to your boss.

I think in all honesty part of the issue currently is everyone feels like they have the short end of the stick , and everyone has in a way. Honestly op I do see where you are coming from but with the exception of a few, noone is finding this easy. Yes you are working long hours , that is hard , very hard. However its brutal wfh with children. Counting the hours and swapping is a shirt term solution, fine but from an economy point of view it just isn't sustainable.

The trouble is there is a core few which are taking the mick. We all know the ones, that have got a bit comfortable on lockdown. They are taking the mick, it's clear they are refusing to return because they want more time away, but I do believe they are that...the core few. The majority of people are struggling in different ways.

Whilst I totally understand where you are coming from, your perspective feeds into a them and us attitude. It's not helpful. You don't know when the shoe may be on the other foot.

Now fine if we were another 6 months , then of course , there should be contract changes asap, however we don't know that. Things are still week to week.

Everybody seems to think they are doing more than other people , everyone thinks they have got it worse. I saw a quote that made me smile , we are all in the same storm but we are in very different boats. You never know when yours may spring a leak so very careful you haven't increased the holes in someone elses, you may need it.

I've gone through a rollercoaster, you mention you are a carer , I've been in care for 22 years and in fact it taught me exactly this. Things turn on a penny and you have no idea when one day you need someone else.

You have every right to post here, and your frustration is totally understandable but your need to change the rules is shortsighted. I'm in a side area for care now , I've been working anywhere between 10 and 16 hours a day from home for 9 weeks with DC at home. As have my colleagues with no DC at home. It's been hard in different ways.

I'm trying to parent and teach my DC, and work (we are not in a job that can be done half passed...there isn't really an option for being less productive ) , my colleague has no DC but supports his boyfriend who is about of home keyworker , my other colleague has a keyworker husband at a senior level and a 2 year old child , another is a single mum who has found a way to work flexibly with no loss in productivity and our boss has no DC and noone else in the house and backs us in every way she can.

Every single one of us has had a bad day, every single one of us has reached breaking point. We have made a point of shoring each other up on those days, no comeback , no attitude. We just do. Because tommorrow it might be our day to need the help. Colleagues have stepped into cover online exams because the other one is about to lose their mind, I've stepped in to cover a colleagues meetings because her son was ill.

You aren't wrong but maybe a bit shortsighted.

@lachy

You may not be but many posters have.

And I am not taking a pop at parents, I have said I understand they are doing their best and can't (not won't) do anymore. But it doesn't mean it's not not fair on me as well. Which I what I am expressing my frustration about and asking for compensation (money or time) for.

Well this is one of the most depressing threads I’ve seen in a while...

I have no problem whatsoever with you posting on MN OP. As you say, the forum is for everyone.

I just don't know what kind of reception you were expecting when you came on here to ...

Criticize parents for having to look after their children in a global pandemic when childcare options were shut. A situation that none of them wanted or had any part in creating.

Making it clear that you didn't want them furloughed either. Because reasons.

Establishing that you wanted them first in the queue for redundancies and last in the queue for promotions when this is all over.

Clarifying (when pressed at length) that they should sitting their children in front of screens for hours on end and binning the home schooling, because the kids should suck up the shit situation, even if you aren't prepared to.

Snarking that 'school isn't childcare' anyway, implying that the lack of childcare shouldn't be an issue. Or something. Not quite sure what that point was about.

You are of course, entitled to your opinion. I just don't get why you didn't anticipate that the above wouldn't get a warm sympathetic response on this site, which has always been an advocate of mothers in particular.