Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

[MindyStClaire]

If your workload is too much to cope with, you need to speak to your manager.

Please don't think parents are being lazy or feckless when they say they can't work as normal. We're both WFH and have a two year old. The absolute most that can be done for whoever is on childcare duty when she's awake is fire off an occasional email. At this point, the only thing that could give for us is sleep, and we're not getting enough of that. I know countless people in the same boat.

It sucks, but working parents have lots of ways we usually cover the children while we work - school, paid childcare, family etc. Literally none of those are available right now so there just isn't an alternative to working around the children. They can't just be put in a box because we have a call or whatever.

[FrankieKnuckles]

@baskininjoe you told me all I need to know about you when you used the phrase 'pull yourself together'
I don't need to start another thread about how hard I'm finding it because other people have done it for me. By the way in a case you hadn't realised your problem is with you/your employer not your colleagues-if you are contracted for 8hours but work for 12 only you can change that 👋🏼

[DamnYankee]

@baskininjoe

I'm a parent and I can say you make some good points. You are in a tough spot, and no mistake.

I think when parents see that school - while not "normal" - is going to work, I think expectations of all employees will change.

Can you go to your boss with your frustrations and ideas?

[qwertypie]

Being a parent is a full-time job and difficult enough to manage alongside work under normal circumstances.

Our choices are something along the lines of:

• neglect children and work unhindered at full capacity
• care for children while also attempting to work, with standards for both sliding a bit; hopefully for an employer who is not inhumane

What would you do?

[RhubarbFizz]

Be thankful that Covid-19 has hit the world as a pandemic at a time when you have chosen not to have children. I wonder what reaction you would have when you have chosen to have children? I hope you never have to spend 12 weeks in a flat with no garden when you choose to have children, shielding as a family to protect a family member.

Kindness and compassion are lovely attributes to have and many families are showing their children how to behave so hopefully they do not grow up to be selfish.

If you have an issue in your company you need to raise it as an issue with your management. Every company and business is working differently. You do not like how you have to work - feel free to change jobs so you don’t have to have to be inconvenienced.

For full disclosure I am a keyworker, As is my DH. I would rather not have members of my family put at risk and work longer hours to save lives too, ok. However, bit hard to say to a patient, oh sorry I am only paid until x hour, and someone else is at home with your child so your relative will have to go without life saving treatment for the ne t two hours, isn’t it?!

[RhubarbFizz]

• with their child

[baskininjoe]

@qwertypie once again nowhere in my post am I attacking parents and saying they should work more. I am saying because they are not, for reasons they fully sympathise with, it's making work and life considerably shitter for me and am musing about possible solutions to this.

[OneandTwenty]

I think when parents see that school - while not "normal" - is going to work, I think expectations of all employees will change.

someone was explaining that their school is expecting someone to pick up the children at lunch time and bring them back for afternoon classes.

It's only one example, but the schools are nowhere near as "normal". They currently do not work for working parents to go back to "normal",

[Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese]

Sorry @ribena I missed you have a 10 month old too, teach me to finish reading when I relate to a post as I needn't have added my second paragraph.

[baskininjoe]

@onceandtwenty

I saw this thread and for that OP it didn't make any difference as the couldn't work from home.

However for everyone that can having 2-4 uninterrupted hours without DC at home could massively improve their productivity, taking even a little bit off the extra workload off the rest of the team. This is the kind of thing parents need to take up. If I know your DC aren't at school 8 hours I don't expect you to complete work as if they were, but for those 2 hours that they are you can and should do.

[Osirus]

I don’t think you can judge, OP, until you’ve actually experienced what it’s like to have a child.

Now, I lived with my sister’s children (from their birth until early teens) and I thought I knew exactly what it would be like ! I had no idea. It’s nothing like having your own.

I was quite lucky before I was furloughed as my 3 year old happily entertained herself for a few hours every day so I could work, but not everyone is that lucky.

You can’t change this situation so you’ll just have to learn to live with it for now.

[FilthyforFirth]

Jesus what a horrible thread. What would you like us to do with our children? Should I leave my 2 year old to fend for himself so I can make sure I log enough hours?

I never say this, but you dont have kids so you have no idea. I am confident it is much harder trying to do your full time job whilst looking after small children full time than it is doing extra hours.

Bore off with your parent bashing.

[baskininjoe]

@dontstandsoclosetome

Please refrain from verbally attacking. As I have In no way attacked you.

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Why are people talking about 'when' OP has children? She hasn't said she intends to?

Again, I have a toddler, we both WFH full-time and it's really hard and I'm very, very grateful for the understanding my employer has shown and I know I'm very lucky to have that, and also that DH is also home to work shifts. We're both struggling and exhausted. But I dislike the narrative that all parents have it harder than all non-parents. I was thinking about it this morning and it is true that for me personally this would have been lots easier before I had DS, in the main. But I think for me the worst time that this could have happened in my life so far would have been the summer of 2017, when I'd had three miscarriages and was suffering from anxiety and depression. I think if we'd been in lockdown then I would have gone from occasional suicidal ideation to a much more dangerous place. I'd take my situation right now over that, every time, so I don't think it's true that it's always easier to be without children by a very long way.

[babynamesarehard]

The children exist and need to be cared for. Yes it sucks that you are picking up slack but your colleagues with children are trying to work whilst also trying to look after their children/potentially homeschool them - two jobs in one which is why they'd usually be paying for childcare.

No one is loving this situation. It's crap all round. Think about it this way; you can switch off from work and have a nice glass of wine, watch the tv and relax. Your colleagues with children are 'on' 24/7. No childcare/school/family support has utterly destroyed my husband and I and I'd give anything to just be picking up the slack of my child free colleagues workload

[MindyStClaire]

I can kind of see your point re school OP, but at the same time if I had concerns about safety at school I would never dream of sending my daughter so I could work. Also, it seems school will be part-time, with no wraparound care and no summer schemes etc, so parents will continue to have childcare issues for the foreseeable. The return on 1 June will only buy parents a few hours a week.

[MarieQueenofScots]

If you can’t cope with your workload you need to take this up with your employer.

You’re directing your ire at the wrong people.

[Ginseng1]

What do you expect parents to do? It's shit all round. In Ireland so no school til September and they are mooting childcare reopening end July for one day a week to start - what good to anyone is that? I hope September will be full time but we don't know. My creche childcare today sent another doom and gloom scaremongering (imo) mail out that afterschool might not be back until after a vaccine. I really need to stop reading those mails! Right now I'd love be offered redundancy or unpaid leave until this thing over! But it wouldn't mean other colleagues would get paid more if I left. They'd just get even more work piled on them.

[LaurieMarlow]

*Our choices are something along the lines of: - neglect children and work unhindered at full capacity.
- care for children while also attempting to work, with standards for both sliding a bit; hopefully for an employer who is not inhumane

This sums it up.

Have you ever looked after children OP? For a day?

They need care. The little ones in particular just don’t entertain, feed, wash, change, look after themselves.

Parents working from home are being asked to do a fairly impossible juggling act right now. It’s absolutely shit. We are facilitating the closing of childcare though, so we’re absolutely doing our bit.

As for when the schools open, I can’t fucking wait for mine to go back. But none of us are in any kind of vulnerable category. I presume I’d feel differently if we were.

[SuitedandBooted]

All these threads show is that it's different for everyone.

Some have very understanding employers, others do not.
Some are struggling hugely with their kids at home, others aren't.

There are over 100 people employed in the company I work for. It's a very fair, "we're all in it together" sort of place.
Some people are going above and beyond, and other are taking the piss.

It's just life, really. Different attitudes and circumstances.

[OneandTwenty]

baskininjoe
out of curiosity, are you working in your office? and you resent parents who wfh?

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

My workplace have agreed that those carrying on will get first choice of holidays and a bonus. Would yours look at something like this?

[Bojangles33]

I can see where you're coming from and I've been in your shoes. I now have a toddler. I suppose it's one of those things that we hope we all do both sides at some point (obviously not with this specific situation but with other things) and it evens out. Unfortunately there's always some CFs who take the piss!

[baskininjoe]

@OneandTwenty

No I am wfh as well (which is a nightmare in a tiny room in a tiny shared house). And I don't resent parents who wfh at all. In fact I don't resent parents at all. I resent the massive amounts of extra work and stress put on me because of everything else that is going on.