Be brutally honest are we cruel parents or is my dm and older colleagues being ridiculous?

[Awbu]

In a nutshell me and Dh buy houses and renovate them while we live in them.
We have two dc 7 and 4.
Eldest has lived in 3 different houses, ds 2. This has meant we’ve be able to increase money in house from 15k to over 100k and move dc to a much better catchment school in last year.
Obviously it has been disruptive for the dc slightly we had to stay with family for 4 weeks during last renovation as walls knocked down etc.
We are hoping to do another one before we can buy our forever home (hate that term but a home we would stay in forever).
People at office all openly criticised this idea and accused me of being a cruel mum moving them from house to house (these moves btw have been from one village to another 2 miles away). They are all women in their late 50’s/60’s who have had one family home after marriage so I can see why this doesn’t seem ideal to them.
Anyway my dm has gone batshit today after I said we’d move depending on the effects on the market within a year- and accused me of the same ‘cruel to unsettle the children’,
I don’t get this every move has been better than the last more space for dc, nicer village etc but am I being harsh on the dc?

DS has just turned 8 and has lived in 3 different places, moved school twice, thats the problem with renting

I think at that age it's absolutely fine as long as the houses are renovated before you move in. I don't think it would be good for children to live in multiple renovations with the not eating proper meals, not having safe places to play and being exposed to lots of dust.

I dont think it matters up to a certain age. When they start having firm friendship groups moving school be ones awkward. But as you say they are not movng schools now so I do t see the harm children like a sense of place. But that could be a town. I moved my children four times in three years after their father died. Moving schools was far more traumatic for them (only did that once) than moving house.

I went to 7 different primary schools (one secondary school) and lived in I think 10 or 11 (maybe even 13 if I really try to pin them all down) different houses before I left home! Moved due to parents work.

It was mostly fine! Iv turned out ok and quite quickly settled after each change. Obviously some schools suited me more than others but I don't really hate any! I hated a couple of the areas I lived in but again you can't love them all.

I was adamant that once I got to secondary school I wasn't going to change school which meant that I had a long "commute" on bus from certain houses but that was a choice I wasn't willing to compromise on and parents had to take that into account somewhat by allowing a longer travel on bus.

That's a long way of saying they will be fine but eventually for exams and things they will need to settle at one school.

We renovate them Dh is a trade -and I work in a related industry. Last time Dh and probably 3 workers at the house daily for 3 weeks after the kids asleep I went back to paint house. Obviously next move we wouldn’t be able to do all ourselves I will have to take the kids to friends villa whilst Dh stays at new home.

Not at all. We live in rentals and have had to move the kids 4 times in last four years due to landlords giving us notice. We are finally in a long term one now. Kids are fine with it!

YANBU,
I have moved with kids to three different countries. Adding up, before age 10 they’d all lived in at least two countries and four houses. Some owned, some rented.
It’s just a different lifestyle. It’s not “cruel”.

Why do you need a bigger/better house. What's wrong with a normal run of the mill house.

Will you be able to travel to the villa in the present climate.

My eldest has lived in four houses in ten years and moved primary school once. All absolutely fine. We were in rentals until we could buy.

I think the key was that the moves were within the same few miles, so there was no impact on seeing friends and family, she still went to the same clubs etc.

I actually think it can be quite good for a child to move once or twice. But like anything, it has to be a balance. In your shoes I'd say one more move of house and no more move of school, and get the house move over and done with asap

I moved as a child, for my fathers job, better prospects, more money etc. Although I can understand completely why they did it I was really sad to leave my friends, our village and change primary schools. Made friends in new county, lived in a town as opposed to the country, settled into new house etc then we moved again, didn’t change schools but lost local playmates. I cried for days. My own children are now young adults, made it clear to DH that we were not moving them under any circumstances.

We are ex military. We tried to count dd1’s settings once. There were about 13 from nursery to high school. She’s moved house, um, 8 times in that period. So 8 moves (including three different countries - four if you count Scotland and England separately, but obv the others are different places in UK.) And um, actually, she went to uni at 17, so if you include up to her 18th birthday you can add another setting and house.
When we moved to the ‘forever’ town she asked to move schools after a year as her friends’ (That she’d known less than a year, obv) were at the other one.
I have three kids. In their late teens they are entirely unscathed by their roaming years.
Of course, you have to be sensible about it - we did a lot of prep for every move, researching what they could expect, telling them all about the place, identifying ballet schools and swimming pools, and cool places we could visit, and telling them about the new schools. We also have a kid with a disability, so a lot of our prep was getting in touch with new consultants and setting up new physio/SLT/OT referrals and figuring out which equipment (walking frames, wheelchairs, seating) we could take with us.
Honestly, bimbling about two next door villages while you work in the same job, with family on tap, isn’t going to damage your children in the slightest. Dd1 was in her third primary school in y2 (in third country) and as it was an infant school she moved to a different one (no feeder route, and actually in a different county) for y3.

We moved a lot when I was growing up due to my dad's job. Moving house was never an issue. Moving school was horrific and always set me back a long time - socially and also in some ways academically (though I made not up in later years). Don't move schools if you can avoid it, but otherwise home is wherever the parents are

I went to loads of different schools because we moved a lot and all over the country as a child. I used to enjoy being the new girl at school and making new friends. I've continued to move a lot as an adult.

Take no notice of anyone - you are doing something fabulous for the long term benefit of your family.

FWIW - my Dad has reminded me that we had lived in 4 houses before I was 7 - I can't even remember. However, I have moved a total of 23 times and having done it whilst young I have found it less stressful when older so maybe you have done them a favour in buidling resiliance!!

Yeah you sound like horrible people earning a living, long-term improving your children’s quality of life and security . It’s a hysterical response by other people especially for a move in the vicinity of where you are. Surely it should be about the people in the house anyway?

The “lucky” thing does often grate, let’s be realistic most of the time it’s actually shrewd financial decisions and hard work. For example first house l bought with an ex was a wreck, we had to re-do the whole place. We split and then l spent my share on a flat to do up. Fiancé and l are now buying the house, renting the flat out as an investment. So yeah when people were spending their weekends relaxing or going out for the day or buying a new car. Then l was working on properties and investing my money back into the properties. It’s all choices

My DB did this when his DCs were small. They're adults now and they are very vocal about how much they hated it and how unsettled it made them feel.

I moved once a year before in primary though i started at the same school. I didn't feel unsettled - if anything it was good fun moving and living in a variety of places. Home is where your family is. Your kids are so young and only you'll know how much it has impacted them.

I think if they dont move schools it's fine. One old friend has moved six times in eight years and her ds has moved school five times in that time. She rents but constantly moves to upsize, get a better set up. Shes not judged. It's like a yearly ritual now to move on. At least she has zero tat from all the moves

An alternative view is that your children will be flexible and resilient in the face of change.

One of my 3 children is really hung up on the idea that he will live in the house that we are in forever, the idea of having to move one day for work or other practical reasons is quite worrying. It would be easier if he had got used to the idea that family is who you are with, not where...after all you never really know what the future holds.

An alternative view is that your children will be flexible and resilient in the face of change
Well clearly this is not a given at all, going by this thread 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know someone who has done this, he's late 50s so not sure why you think this is something older people haven't done before you. The person I know has had real problems with his eldest, dropped out of a very good school after GCSEs, has a bad drug problem. Don't know if the disruption was a factor in that but the father admits it was tough on the kids, they lived in some terrible building sites and once the house was all freshly done they had to move and start again. Financially it worked out really well, someone in a not well paid job he ended up with a very nice house and no mortgage in his 40s.

I'm not sure there is anyway of judging, the boy I know of might have had problems anyway even in a more settled life but I do know he said he hated it. Sometimes things aren't ideal, I lived in 7 houses as a child due to parents business, I think it was unsettling and when I look back I think at one point I needed help, I used to cry all day at school and teacher got very fed up with me. My parents must have recognised the problem as they didn't move again and I settled and was OK.

You know your children best, do they seem OK with it, I think with me it was very clear I wasn't OK. In photos I am an incredibly sad looking child.

This number of house moves might seem unusual to those at the higher end of the income spectrum who are buying houses but it can be quite common to those with far lower incomes who move from rental to rental (or council house to council house) every year or two.

Not 'cruel', but yes it will be disruptive and unsettling for them.

Speaking from experience I hated it. Mind you I hated school so was not about to keep changing schools! I left early. We moved a lot - either Dad got a new job or the firm moved. However, that said, my brithers seemed to do well at school, both got qualifications. I only got one - after school.

At least she has zero tat from all the moves As the wife of a hoarder that is a real positive. I don't hoard anything, my memories are in my head, my husband who lived in one house till he was an adult can't let things go. It could just be personality but it could be how we grew up.