God, lateness really winds me up. Why are people so late?

[pointing]

If you're a late person, why?!

If people are routinely late it's because they didn't want to come.

I said people who are sometimes late are more likely to be a bit cooler than judgey uptight clock-watchers who think they get to choose who is a proper adult

😂😂😂 OK darl. You carry on being a 'bit cooler' than people who realise that the world doesn't revolve around them - additional needs excluded.

They do it to control everyone else. They like to be the most important person so they make sure they are. You can see this as well when you read rationalisations about lateness - often people will declare themselves too special, too interesting, too creative to be on time.

I don't get worked up about it tbh, but I also do not wait for people. If someone is late more than once I leave. So that's that. It's a solvable problem.

DH is never actually late but he's so to-the-wire it gets my blood pressure up watching him getting ready. If I say the train is at X time, I'll get up and ready in plenty of time. He'll sit in his pants until 20 minutes before we have to leave, then rush around while I'm sitting with my coat on. He'll run around shouting "have you seen my left shoe?" and "can you phone my mobile? I've lost it" 8 minutes before the train is due.

I despise lateness but none of my friends seem to think twice about being 20 minutes late for everything. The most irritating time was when a friend phoned me, upset, and asked if I could come into town to meet for a coffee. It wasn't really convenient but she needed to talk and she was already in town, so I told her which train I'd be on and when I'd arrive (giving her a 30 minute window - she was 10 minutes away, maximum).

She rocked up 15 minutes after I told her I'd be there, having left me standing like a spare prick outside the station because she'd popped into a shop on her walk over. She didn't even apologise

These threads happen all the time, the people who choose to be late announce that they are either ‘not anal’ like that’s justification, or that they’re shit at existing on a basic level and hint at undiagnosed issues to deflect any criticism. I choose to live in a way that I can function as an adult in society, turn up when I say I will, it’s not difficult. I wouldn’t be around someone who refuses to do this, so I wouldn’t be in the scenario of waiting around for them, no matter who they are.

My pet hate I don’t usually mind as long as they call or txt to say. Bad manners.

I've been a late person all my life, I have never been late on purpose and feel awful about it when I'm late to see someone or for something important. I've tried to sort it out a lot, even the times I seem to be running on time it doesn't usually work out that way. I don't value my time over other peoples time, not sure how you can make that type of assumption.

Lateness can also be a symptom of other issues as it can be related to attention span, sense of time, motivation, anxiety etc

Are you also late for work? ^

There are some really awful and just plain insane assumptions in this thread, it's wild how you genuinely believe that just because someone is late it means they have bad intentions, believe they're more important or are trying to have control. Maybe accept that not everyone is the same as you and people can struggle with things that you may find easy such as managing time, focusing (to get ready) etc

Actually being late all the time , can be a symptom of ocd. Can't stop checking doors, windows, plugs, cooker, it's awful trying to leave the house.

In these threads there are always the posters who vehemently deny that their tardiness is due to them thinking their time is more important than us poor saps waiting for them. But the fact is, under all the excuses and faux reasons, they do believe their time is more important with every fibre of their being. That is what it comes down to every time.

I know late people aren’t sitting in them homes guffawing like evil villains about their time being more important. Late people don’t actively think this. They don’t think about the people waiting at all. However, they show their distain loud and clear. Their time is so much more important than others, that they don’t even have to give the punctual people headspace. It’s all me, me me. I can’t, my brain, it’s hard, I underestimate, chill out, my friends know what I’m like. All true. But do something about it please. Take a time management course. Do some behavioural therapy. Lots of different things are hard for lots of different adults. If there is something I am not naturally good at and it creates a burden for family, friends or workmates, I try and find a way to improve.

How can you assume that late people don't think about the people they're late to see? How can you judge someone elses behaviour and assume the reasons behind it without having experienced it yourself? Some late people have tried extremely hard and feel very guilty about their lateness, some try very hard to be on time but often end up being late, including to things which only affect themselves. Not everyones brain is exactly the same, my brain often cannot tell the difference between an hour and 10 minutes, or a 5 minute task could take an hour without realising, not everyone has the same attention span as you, not everyone has a normal sense of time or ability to focus and not zone out

They do it to control everyone else.

But the fact is, under all the excuses and faux reasons, they do believe their time is more important with every fibre of their being. That is what it comes down to every time.

Wow, I can't decide whether it would be great or awful to have a mind set that makes you feel justified in making such huge and negative assumptions about other people.

I'm erring on the side of pitying someone who feels so disgruntled about the world that they make other people's behaviour about themselves.

It's OK to be prompt, it's OK to be early, it's OK to be late, everyone is different and that's OK. We're all just doing our best with the resources and demands we have. Some things will annoy us more than others a) this says more about us than them b) we can choose how much to engage with that.

A variety of reasons.

“Look at me”
“Im in control not you”
Disorganised

Institutkarite Yes I am able to make it to the airport in time as a flight has an actually scheduled time. My point is I don’t get in to a flap about something that really isn’t that important and luckily you tend to be friends with people how have similar values to yourself and none of mine are obsessed with times. If we are meeting in a bar they just get a drink as they know everyone will be there shortly and we will be out all evening! not that difficult to comprehend really.

More than once I have been left waiting by myself for a friend. Not a group setting where it doesn't matter, or in a bar where I can sit and have a drink either.

One example, we arranged to go swimming with the babies, other mum was 40 mins late, my baby was freezing by this point. I felt it was rude for me to leave as soon as the other mum arrived so I had to hang out for 10 minutes and then say I had to go. I was pretty cross as how rude she had been to turn up so damn late.

Another one recently, meeting a friend with her DS, Her child refused the pram, so the child got what he wanted and walked. Making her 30 minutes late to meet me in a cold park. I would have scooped the child up, put them in the pram and ignored the moaning for the 5 minutes it would have continued for, and got on with my day.

We have a family that is always late to school. Even when we extended school start time to “between 815 and 845” they were late. The children would rock up between 9 and 915, either missing morning learning or disrupting assembly.

During lockdown we have had to limit opening to one side door and to a 15 minute slot. Once that door is closed the teachers cannot see anyone waiting outside.

Only after they had waited outside in the rain for 15 minutes because they rocked up really late and no-one knew they were there have they started coming on time. Mum was raging that day, but it was her own fault. She didn’t care when it was just the kids that suffered, but as soon as it impacted her...

Why on earth is this bothering you now? Noone is going anywhere together so they can’t be late!

I saw this earlier, thought it was appropriate for your thread. I agree with you op, I'm always on time or early for stuff.

DPiL were often late, they would get sidetracked by something else. They didnt think their time was more important. They put more value on the unplanned event than the planned event.

In the moment the long unplanned chat with a random would be more important than a planned visit to see family.

They did this sort of thing quite often. They would be invited for dinner but a spontaneous big lunch out would be more important. Arriving for dinner and being uninterested in the carefully prepared food.

They were lovely people, they really were but hopeless to arrange this with.

Poor executive function is a crap excuse. You can develop strategies.

I have a friend who is almost always late.

Last summer she bough us and our kids tickets for an event (I paid for ours she just booked them). Place was a 30 min drive away and we planned to meet 30 mins early so kids could play first. I arrived on time but of course she didn't.

As event start time got closer I started to panic about getting in. Got charting to another mum and told her about friend and my worry and she always does this etc. Anyway, 5 mins to event start she arrives, I wave over to her and say hi, as does the woman I had been chatting to - they know each other! This woman and I looked at each other and we laughed (I was slightly mortified) but she whispered 'don't worry I won't tell her what you were saying' 😳

I agree with you OP.
Late people will deny that their time is more important but that is EXACTLY the message they give off when they are consistently late all the time- WTF else are we to think?

Its rude, its disrespectful and it causes me anxiety to wait endlessly for someone. It indicates a very poor character in my opinion and I wont tolerate it any more, I now just leave if they are very late. My life has improved immensely since doing this.

Caveat: I am referring to chronically, consistently late people, not a once off which can happen to all of us.

I know late people aren’t sitting in them homes guffawing like evil villains about their time being more important. Late people don’t actively think this. They don’t think about the people waiting at all. However, they show their distain loud and clear. Their time is so much more important than others, that they don’t even have to give the punctual people headspace. It’s all me, me me. I can’t, my brain, it’s hard, I underestimate, chill out, my friends know what I’m like. All true. But do something about it please

This is absolutely spot on and completely sums up what irritates me about lateness