God, lateness really winds me up. Why are people so late?

[pointing]

If you're a late person, why?!

I do think, though, that your attitude to lateness with friends is one of the most telling things about your personality. Almost all my friends are, like me, normally on time but don't consider being 5-10 mins late a big deal. I've nothing against the perfectly punctual, but I've never really clicked with one (and I do have something against the perpetually very late!). Same with attitude to money - it seems like a trivial thing but I never click with the 'pay exactly for what we had, down to the penny' type even though I think they technically have the 'correct' approach.

I have a 6th former like this. She swans in late, with coffee. Says 'oh sorry miss, the traffic was bad'. It's a 10 minute drive that always has bad traffic. Or 'sorry miss, I just got into school', which is not even attempting an explanation as to why. She accosts me and her other teachers constantly on our way to lunch or in between lessons to ask detailed advice about an essay but fails to show up to prearranged actual meetings. She's a sweet girl but has few friends because she is maniacally self centred. For those on here who are aware you do it and why, I don't understand why you therefore can't make conscious changes. If your instinct is that x will take ten minutes, check yourself and think, no, it needs 20. Or only do one thing, not 3, before leaving.

@Wearywithteens say no then.Its not hard
If an event starts too early say no and don't go.
Don't say yes and swan in at 7.Thats so rude

@WickedlyPetite
I am/ have. And I'm talking 5 minutes late, not more. And yes I'm always working on it.
@Bbang - interesting- I'd love to hear more.

To be honest, it came as such a complete surprise, but it all really makes sense. I'm in my late 40's and I had no idea.

Even after having my DD who is now 3, I'm still on time and still wait around for people. Maybe I'm a keeno.

I'm always late, but not intentionally. Something always pops up as I'm about to leave, or buses are late/missed. I do inform people that I'm running slightly behind.

I hate it too. Worked with a chap who strolled into the office at 12 minutes past nine every day. Funny how he was out the door every day at 5.29.
I asked him one day ‘if you were going on the holiday of a lifetime and the only train that day to get you to the airport left at 9am, what time would you get to the station?’.
‘8.45 at the latest’ he said

Funny that.

I was brought up in a late family. I’ve observed that my DM never allows for anything to go amiss and leaves the minimum possible time to do anything and get anywhere. I think a lot of people just, for example, catch the last possible bus and then if it’s late, blame it on the bus instead of realising they could have caught the previous one.

Some people think that getting somewhere early is a waste of time, which does fit with valuing their own time more than others’ but I don’t think it’s always conscious.

I have trained myself to be punctual but I do tend to be optimistic about how long things will take me in general and I agree that is another reason for lateness.

People who have no reason to be late crack me up! My MIL is always always late! For everything!

You will get a lot of:

'oh I can't help it!'
'I try and fit too much in'
'its just what I do...ain't I a character lol!'

However, I agree with PP, its a lack of respect and thinking their time is more important than yours.
I bet many perpetually late people manage to work to a schedule or catch a plane to a holiday on time though??

If you know you are always late, teach yourself tactics to avoid it. And yes, it is that simple.

I neither know nor care why late people are late, because I don't pursue friendships with them. There are millions of people to be friends with - why tolerate such a disastrous personality flaw?

These types seem to be magically on time or even early for things that are important to them. Way back when I was a student, there was one girl who was consistently late for lectures, and would make quite a grand entrance, coat tails sweeping behind her etc. utterly attention-seeking and extremely disruptive and disrespectful. One year we had a lecturer who used lock the door once it was time to start. Funnily enough, after missing one lecture she managed to be on time to all the others.

I resigned from a national committee once because I was the only person who had a significant distance to travel (300km), all others were within 20km but I was the only one of 11 who made it to every meeting on time. Some were on time for most meetings, but not all, others were never on time but I was the one who was there on time every single month. After & months I resigned from it.

I have a friend like this. She's actually a successful attorney! (How she makes it to court on time is beyond me!)

I've observed it seems to be down to several factors:

1. She does not remember how long day-to-day tasks take. For example, I know showering takes me about 15 minutes. Blow drying my hair takes 10. She can't remember any of that.

2. She underestimate(s) how long things will take - and will often try to fit Just.One.More.Thing.In....

3. And as lovely as she is, she does love attention. Her Dr. dad was a pretty cold fish. The only way she could get his undivided attention was to be "sick." So I'm guessing she's developed a series of attention-seeking behaviors. And this is one of them.

Doesn't mean she's a bad person. I'm sure she thinks I am inflexible, overly anxious, and too structured and closed off. All true. Working on it

DH doesn't like 'waiting around' for things, so doesn't mind being late.

I hate being late.

Since we missed his best friend's funeral service because we arrived ten minutes late, we go with my timetable.

*I find it SO rude. Yes, it means they think their time is more important.

When it's so obvious that your time is so much more important than theirs.

Well I am often late. It is because I am not very organised and secondly because I am quite laid back and see obsession with being on time for something that really isn’t that important, as quite anal and uptight. Different strokes.

Miss Marks, so you think leaving a mate waiting for ages is ok?

Define what you mean by ages?? When my friends and I go out for lunch or a night out we might say 1pm, but that could range from some of us being there at 12.45 and some 1.15. My friends are like me- laid back, realise we have kids and busy jobs etc, and we aren’t anal.
I am the same with work too but luckily the office is open from 8.30 to 6 so again doesn’t really matter if I rock up at 9.15- just stay later. Life is too short to be giving yourself unnecessary stress obsessing about being somewhere for an exact time!

I’m never late for appointments, work things, getting kids to school etc. But with friends, if it’s just drinks or meeting at our houses, we all often run a bit late. None of us are bothered, things happen and it’s not a big deal to us.
My mum would have a strop if she said we’ll leave at 10am to go shopping and I was 5 minutes late, completely did my head in. She wasn’t in any way flexible with anything, I like being around people that are a bit more relaxed.

The finance manager in a previous place of work was obsessed with her team all being at their desks for 9 (I was also a manager), and her team were a nightmare for her. There was always friction about the uptightness. I have never had those issues as a manger as it is amazing how much better staff respond to having the pressure taken off them in the morning.

We were supposed to have friends over at 5pm once, they phoned at 5.15 to say they were running late (no shit)

I don’t consider 15 minutes late to come over to someone’s house at all! Its different someone coming over to meeting up somewhere.

Why does being late = a negative?...

I'm often late because I'm always so busy not for myself but trying to help everyone else whilst looking after my 3.
But then I'm lucky I guess that my friends and family don't think I'm a dick which seems to be the point of this thread.

Yallreadyforthis

I've been like that my whole life. I genuinely feel I can fit more in to a smaller amount of time, or I underestimate how long things will take.
My son is the same. He had a training session recently on ADHD, and was surprised to find he fits most of the traits. actually, we both do.
So many things make sense now!
I don't feel entitled, I don't think my time is more important, I'm not rude. I hate it, I'm trying to get better.
I so hate these threads!

I don't get this, if you hate these threads why have you replied for a start.
And you can't diagnose you and your son with adhd stemming from being late.... 🙄 If you've been like that all your life and realise you think you can fit more into your time then why don't you do less.. Its not like you don't realise

My DD is always late. For everything. Her time management is appalling, she is extremely disorganised and loses and forgets things all the time. It became really evident in her early teens. She tries so hard to be organised and on time but never manages it. She has recently been given a diagnosis of ADHD. Turns out she ticks every box for the diagnosis. It often goes undetected in girls and is picked up more in the teenage years. It's thought many adults have it without diagnosis. So instead of getting pissed off with people for being late, I try to be more understanding. We never really know what others are dealing with.