God, lateness really winds me up. Why are people so late?

[pointing]

If you're a late person, why?!

Exactly. Not very nice

@MissMarks
Are you on time for a flight or a train journey? If your answer is yes, it's obvious that you are able to organise your life to a timetable when it suits you.
I'll bet you're not late when it's important to YOU,

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother Because it is a personality trait. In the same way being inflexible and seeing things in a very black and white way is 😉

My best friend is always late. Her daughter dances several times a week, the journey takes 15 minutes but she leaves the house 5 minutes before the class starts. So her daughter misses part of the class, but she just doesn't care, its like her time is more important than anyone else's!

Institutkarite Yes I am able to make it to the airport in time as a flight has an actually scheduled time. My point is I don’t get in to a flap about something that really isn’t that important and luckily you tend to be friends with people how have similar values to yourself and none of mine are obsessed with times. If we are meeting in a bar they just get a drink as they know everyone will be there shortly and we will be out all evening! not that difficult to comprehend really.

I don’t worry about people being late for meeting in a bar, but being late when you invite them for dinner is rude beyond belief. Particularly when they live five minutes away and turn up an hour late. I had one friend and I used to tell her we would be eating at 7, rather than 8, so that she would be approximately on time.

@LisaSimpsonsbff - When I was a university lecturer I tried not to make a fuss about late students

I had a lecturer who, for the first week of first year, made anyone who was later come down to the front row. After the first week, if someone came in late, he refused to continue the lecture until they left. He had eyes and ears in the back of his head and no matter how quietly you tried to come in , he always heard. The main problem with him was we never knew what time was late as he rarely turned up on time himself so late could be any time after the official start time up to 15/20 minutes after the start time.

I stop dealing with people who are late it's too annoying. Even worse are the people who turn up too early, the ILs are always at least an hour early for anything, come over for 11am means they will show up anywhere from 9.30am, WTF?

I’m rarely late because I’m socially awkward and hate arriving late, but when I am it’s because I’ve always misjudged the amount of ‘faffing time’.
I know I can get my DC dressed and out in half an hour, but there’s always faff, one of them will have lost their shoes, they’ll need a last minute nappy change or have a blow out etc... whenever I set a time I always make it half an hour later to account for ‘faff’ now 😂 but if I’m ever going to be late I call and let them know as soon as I realise, I never just turn up late!

I get anxious at the thought of being late, so I am usually early . I'm not anal

My mother was always late for everything, so I would always arrange to meet her an hour earlier than the time I actually wanted to see her, that worked well, until she cottoned on....
I am the total opposite, I have such anxiety about being late for appointments that I always turn up ridiculously early.

Gertrude- that’s not what I mean- I mean it is anal to worry about what other people do. That’s great if you want to be early but if someone is getting annoyed what someone else does that’s a whole other thing.

Because their life is hectic. No excuse to be late everytime though, but once in a while it's forgivable.

I am never late for work or appointments but often late when meeting my friends who live a distance away. I get stressed about the long drive, or arriving somewhere I am not familiar with and will do lots of last minute faffing, then stress all the way there about being late.

I find people turning up really early if they are coming over worse than being late. Absolutely hate it. Also turning up unannounced with the expectation that you drop everything for them.

I do think, though, that your attitude to lateness with friends is one of the most telling things about your personality. Almost all my friends are, like me, normally on time but don't consider being 5-10 mins late a big deal. I've nothing against the perfectly punctual, but I've never really clicked with one (and I do have something against the perpetually very late!). Same with attitude to money - it seems like a trivial thing but I never click with the 'pay exactly for what we had, down to the penny' type even though I think they technically have the 'correct' approach.

Exactly this.

I would hugely differentiate between turning up 2 hours late for an appointment and meeting someone in a pub at ten past when you said you’d meet them at 9. Lighten up, people!

Someone mentioned upthread that everyone crowds round latecomers and wants to talk to them. If that’s true, it’s not because they’re late, it’s because they’re cool. Who wants to get stuck with the anal, rule-bound, turn up 20 minutes early crowd? Not me, thanks.

And actually, that’s why “on time” people get so angry and anxious. It’s because they actually got somewhere way too early and they sit around judging you for the 20 minutes they’re waiting when you’re not even supposed to be there plus the 5 or 10 perfectly ordinary polite “lateness”.

And don’t get me started on the massive rudeness of people who turn up early at your own home. Extraordinary cheek. Fuck off until I’m ready.

I'm always early and can't stand lateness. Unfortunately I now have teenagers who don't seem to understand the importance of being on time. It drives me mad. Honestly I was never late when they were younger but having teenagers who are responsible for getting themselves ready is a whole other ball game.

My brother in law is late every time we meet. Has been for over 20 years. It’s very annoying. He has a very responsible high managerial job and I wonder how the hell he functions at work to be honest.

I prefer people being a little (up to 15 minutes) late. I get very stressed when people arrive at my house early for any occasion. I actually find people who turn up early to be rude, not the ones who are (within reason) late. They expect you to be house-ready and available to socialise, when actually I'm not ready for them before the time I've given them. Unlike a pp it's come down to saying a later time to one couple, knowing that they will arrive earlier but still at a time I can manage.

I hate lateness. DHs stepmother is ALWAYS late. When we got married their invitation said the wedding was at 1.30 (everyone else’s said 2pm), they arrived just as I was about to walk down the aisle at 2.10 having waited as long as I though reasonable.

These days if they are invited for dinner I either do something cold or something that I can prepare in advance and only needs 20 mins or so in the oven once they show up.... I once said Sunday dinner would be ready at 2... they showed up at 4! I’d fed the DCs by then as they were small and very hungry (I may have had a sandwich to quieten my growling stomach).

My son has ADHD and during the diagnostic process it was remarked upon that I probably have ADD. I have poor executive functions, terrible timekeeping, grossly underestimate how long things will take, or give myself too much to do and panic and procrastinate over it.

It's all very well to say "you're aware of it so just change". I really do try but it feels beyond my control. I feel terrible when I let people down. And it's not because I think I'm more important. It has terrible consequences for me too. I have missed flights (note: plural) and been refused admission to important exams. I hate it.

Sometimes I manage to force myself to be organised and turn up early somewhere. That also makes me panic as I've no idea what to do with myself while I'm waiting, it feels so alien.

My husband is super early for EVERYTHING and it drives me mad. I'm an on time person sometimes just on time but I hate lateness. I went to a christening once where the baby and parents were 30 minutes late. Set off at the time the service should have started. Her family didn't blink as she's famous for it.

It is the height of rudeness to be perpetually late. Those saying it's just a personality trait or that it's cool (?!) aren't really speaking like adults in the real world.
If you know you're always late, learn from it and develop strategies to get better at being on time. Repeating the same mistake and giving the same lame excuses to friends all the time is remarkably tedious. If you don't have the time to see your friends at the time they suggest then don't agree to it. Be honest. Say that you probably won't manage that time and make alternative arrangements. But don't make a date then run in late, full of excuses about not being able to find your moisturiser or busses being late, waiting for the washing machine to finish, etc. Nobody minds the odd ten minutes lateness due to roadworks, etc, but when the late person chooses to faff, dawdle and put on a load of washing, knowing it will make them late, it's not a quirky, laid back, cool character trait, it's a character flaw.

I have no interest in developing strategies. It hasn’t held me back in life so far and I am not going to stress myself out needlessly and I don’t expect others to do the same to accommodate me. There are certain times when you absolutely can’t be late- I had a meeting with a government minister a few weeks ago for example, but interestingly he kept me waiting twenty minutes. I didn’t actually care as knew he was having to deal with covid issues. That’s life!

I always used to be one of those people who was late for everything when I was younger, a mixture of reasons probably including a tendency to leave everything until the last possible minute, not anticipating potential hold-ups, underestimating how long it would take me to do things and just sheer absent-mindedness. Eventually of course it caused problems for me such as missing important appointments and losing jobs and I had to learn to be better organised and prepared for unforeseen circumstances. I hate being late now, I'm almost always early these days and ironically absolutely hate it when other people are late!