Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

YANBU, while you are sat safely locked in your car with your bonnet up being a good Samaritan, they can be switching their dud battery for your good one.

I would have said no to op. Don’t feel bad. They had no need to call you a name. They asked you said no, they have no idea what’s going on in your life and what your reasons were. None of their business anyway.

16T0tallyFuckedUpFamily oh dear. Quite a while actually which is why I am confident to challenge you. No insults or accusations in my post dear.

Really. Which one. I’m praying it’s not mental health or any kind of patient care, since you have such a lovely disablist moniker. That would be rather depressing.

If you had helped him he,wouldn't have called you a bitch

'Now look what you've made me do'.

It's okay to say no. It's okay to make that choice. To anyone thinking that they are obliged to ignore their own feelings of uncertainty/wariness in order to not appear rude - please, please look into this, into assertiveness and boundaries. And yes, I agree with previous poster, read 'The Gift of Fear'.

Not just to avoid muggers/scammers/rapists/thugs, either. For your own pride and autonomy, self respect and confidence.

There is nothing wrong with saying no. I think we should help girls practise it, often, loudly and confidently. We can say no. And if someone calls us a 'bitch', well, then, it just proves their intent. Our self esteem can't be dependent on the approval of others.

I don't think it's very nice to wish karma upon someone just because they didn't help a complete stranger @Villageidiots. I've already explained why I didn't want to help as well.

Don't worry, it doesn't exist.

Not rtwt, but jump starting another car can fuck modern engines. So you wnbu

@16T0tallyFuckedUpFamily. Oh dear. You really are out of control aren't you. Maybe justify and substantiate your post rather than fling pathetic insults at me. You are amusing me though. Lol.

I would have done the same thing if I drove! I’m all for helping people, but if your gut instinct says don’t, then you have to go with that.

You haven’t actually answered the question and how is the moniker Village Idiot anything other than an insult towards disabled people? You seriously don’t see that? Well I suppose it’s not really worth trying to educate someone who can’t see past their determination to be right, even when completely wrong. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not going to bother as you’ve proven who you are.

You were under no obligation to help and should feel validated in your decision not to by their immediate aggression.

When I bought my new car last year the salesman mentioned they shouldn’t be jumpstarted/used to jumpstart. The power surge can destroy the computers so best avoided.

You didn't owe him anything. I'd have made an excuse, too. I'm sure they found help elsewhere. It's not like it was a heavily pregnant woman struggling with quintuplet toddlers out in the middle of nowhere. Two able-bodied men in a populated area will be fine.

I think it sounds a bit dodgy. How did they get there if their battery was flat? Why didn't they call family, friends or RAC / AA? When you were reluctant (and a lone female), why was he so insistent? Especially when there were lots of other good options for them?

I would be suspicious, and would close all the windows, and lock the doors, the moment I got out of the car, and put the keys in my pocket.

It's a popular trick to distract a driver, and snatch their handbag, laptop etc through an unlocked door.

My old mum had her car stolen when she stood aside to let someone walk past the open door.

I know how to use jump leads and would probably have helped, if not in a hurry

Your spidey senses were clearly very good. They could have been up to anything. It could have been a ruse to steal your car or even worse! There's a thing called the AA they can call up if they're in that much trouble.

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily that isn't a weird comment at all. Of course we all make snap decisions based on first impressions. This particular man seemed nice and he was handsome. I decided to help. I might have said no if he looked like a creep or looked unkempt, or just gave me bad vibes.

Absolutely no one is obliged to help someone that makes them feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to justify yourself and you have no need to feel guilty.

The fact is- men have no fcking clue what it’s like to be a woman alone and to have to evaluate situations in terms of their own safety. The very fact they called you offensive names simply because you couldn’t help them indicates what vile characters they were and that you did the right thing.

Fuck them.

@snappybitch - Again, Ted Bundy....

Jump starting a car can damage either one if done incorrectly. I would not have let them do it either. Cheeky sods opening the bonnet without you even being there. You should not have been on double yellows though.

Refusing to take no for an answer is a clear indication that saying no was the right call.

Because of the risk to electronics in modern cars I might jump start a dead battery for someone, but would never allow someone I did not know to do so.

Cheeky sods opening the bonnet without you even being there.

Actually, I hadn’t even picked up on that. How did they know she would be straight back? Also, if she was on a double yellow line (naughty, but that’s for another thread) she was going to be at greater risk of getting a ticket, if she stopped to help.

Sorry for the misunderstanding!

It was their bonnet that they had open, they were fiddling around with something. My car was locked with the hazards on.

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but I'd never leave my car unlocked anywhere

You trusted your instincts. Two unknown men, one woman and they call you bitch for not doing as they say? You made the right choice.