Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

People really need to understand that women are allowed to say no. That's all.

YWBU I would have been cautious too, and as you were in a rush, perfectly ok to say so.

so a bit random how this guy had obviously driven it from somewhere (as you were parked on double yellows, rather than near someone's driveway) then happened to stop right by your car on double yellow lines, so not in a normal parking spot, and in the right position to jump start it (i.e. its bonnet facing towards your bonnet), then turned the engine off for whatever reason then tried to start it again for it then not to work, realised it was a dead battery and managed to get out and get the clamps ready etc. all within less than five minutes?

Exactly what I was thinking. It all sounds very dodgy, and you obviously did the right thing.

Sorry posted the above on the wrong thread! Have asked mumsnet to take it down!

I would have let them jump start the car however if you were not okay with it - that is your decision and totally fine. Don’t waste your time thinking about it, plus he did call you an offensive name!

Actually if they were not there when you parked, so had arrived with their car then I would guess that the issue was beyond just a flat battery which you normally see when a car has been stationary.

Yanbu anyway, something felt off and it was not like they were stuck in the middle of nowhere or in a dangerous situation or awful weather etc so don't feel bad, especially after his little under the breath comment.

I wouldn't have got involved in this situation.

Luckily you didn't. They weren't nice people.

The battery is still the battery and is still easy to find.

Sometimes, yes you can get to it and find it, sometimes they bury it under the rear seats, in the boot under another load of bits, under the bonnet but sometimes, not its not that bloody simple changing the battery the cars ECU system needs to know what type of battery it is etc etc!!

Good call OP.

You went with your gut👏👏👏

Here we go, a nice man from Halfords telling you how to do this if you need to!

And the RAC telling you mich the same the AA website has the same on this ones got a vid!

www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/car-maintenance/how-to-jump-start-a-car/

IMPORTANT

WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT CONNECT THE POSITIVE LEAD TO THE NEGATIVE ON THE OTHER CAR AND VICE VERSA. THAT WILL RESULT IN A POSSIBLE FIRE A BLOODY GREAT FLASH AND A LOT OF DAMAGE!

YANBU

A car doesn’t drive somewhere and stop and suddenly have a flat battery. That sounds well dodgy. Good on you for trusting your gut feeling. There’s no way I would’ve said yes to that. And calling you a bitch! I’d have flipped them a finger as I drove off!

This is a great way to blow the donor vehicle's alternator to bits and to melt your jump leads!
RAC Shame on you.
DO NOT connect your jump leads and turn over the engine on the flat battery straight away - WAIT at least 5 minutes with the donor car engine running. This will equalise the voltage in both vehicles batteries first.

First comment under the RAC info!

A car doesn’t drive somewhere and stop and suddenly have a flat battery

Yes it could and quite easily. If say its an older car or the battery hasn't been changed for sometime then its capacity for holding a charge can be very low espically in cold weather. It also may well be that the battery isnt being charged properly such things as a slipping fan belt will not let the Alternator provide enough power to run the cars electical system and chage the battery and that can be a comination of a poor battery and a charging system thats not working efficently.

So matey and co could have jump started their car and driven it for a bit then stopped and if the battery was not being charged or the battery could not hold a charge then they'd need another jump start.

So yes they could have been genuine.

Or they might not have a flat battery at all, it might have bene that they were after nicking the OP's car. OP gets out of her car perhaps they say come and look at this on their car after its seeminmghy started she might well do that and at that moment they push her over might rush back to her car engine alreay running and just drive off with the jump leads detaching themselves as they go!

As old Dixon of dock green said "mind how yer go on the roads"

Willow2017

Dear me thats remiss of them! I didnt read thru it!

You'd thought they would have got it right wouldn't you?

As to the OP's car if she and they could have found the battery conenction in her car, not all Audis have the battery under the bonnett there are sometimes to conenction points there instaed, and the other car was older i'd have expected it may well have worked ok with no damage.

So matey and co could have jump started their car and driven it for a bit then stopped and if the battery was not being charged or the battery could not hold a charge then they'd need another jump start.

So yes they could have been genuine.

But how likely is it that they would park, do whatever they'd stopped for, try to start again, find they couldn't start, open the bonnet and go out, and work out that the battery (rather than something else) was the problem - all within the 5 minutes that OP was away? Let alone that they would have chosen to park neatly on a double yellow line with their bonnet facing OP's.

OP, you did the right thing. How rude of him though !

If they had jumped it already, got to where OP was and needed another jump straight away they would have really needed recovery to a garage

You can’t go around driving needing a jump start each time it starts

And even with my most oldest unreliable cars where they have been prone to not starting, this has not happened

Be bold! Be happy with your decision.. You were not being rude!....

Someone (mysogynist wanker as it turned out), asked you a favour (or possibly was dodgy as anything) and you said no. I'm sure they wouldn't have been as rude to a bloke.

It's just an excellent example of men asking and EXPECTING women to help them, without complaint.....

When you think of this... (Assuming not dodgy) ... Look at costs benefits analyses.... Their benefit - they get their car started quickly, they don't have to pay a garage to do it.... However, you derive NO benefit .. You're delayed, you run the risk of car damage, all to help a stranger ... And you run the risk that these men MAY be dodgy.... Up thread someone mentioned Ted bundy. He was a good-looking serial killer who used the broken down car (also having his arm in fake plaster) as a way of kidnapping/killing young women... Often in plain sight.

I'm sure they wouldn't have insulted a man who told them he didn't have time to stop and help...

The gift of fear is an excellent book. I've given it to several young women.

Remeber silence of the lambs ! Not BU

*@newyorkcity9 * you weren't being unreasonable at all. You trusted your instinct. If they had been genuine (and decent!) blokes they would have said OK no problem.

Had something similar happen to me when I was 19 - I was riding my horse when a car went past and stopped in a gateway a little way ahead. As i went past, ask if I could help him push his car as the alternator had gone. Unfortunately for him, two days earlier I had replaced the alternator on my own car so knew he was lying!! Also, what on earth did he expect me to do with a bloody horse while I 'pushed his car'?!!! Anyway I said no, he pleaded, I suggested he visit the farm just over the road and carried along my way. Two minutes later he drove past me............

@Thisisworsethananticpated - so I’m not the only one who remembered that scene while reading the thread!

I probably would have helped but maybe your spidey senses were tingling and you were right - especially after that reaction!

I missed it first time round but this

This is one of those scenarios which makes me feel very sad for women as no man would ever have to feel fear about two unknown men asking a favour.”

... is absolute bollocks by the way, to say that a man can’t be intimidated by 2 other men and a massively unhelpful way of thinking.