Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

@newyorkcity9 gosh this is getting a bit OTT isn't it. You weren't rude you just didn't help, highly unlikely that they were up to anything as abducting women outside their office in the middle of the afternoon isn't a very likely scenario but that doesn't mean you have to help. He probably isn't normally that rude but was stressing about not getting the car started. Someone else probably stopped and he's forgotten all about it by now.

Download The Gift of Fear now. You'll never doubt yourself or feel the need to justify your actions to randoms to validate your own gut instinct or feelings.

I would of helped, I think it’s a bit selfish not to when it would of taken a minute and you were right there.

Yanbu you were definitely best to avoid. I let some men open the bonnet of my old car, they sneakily tipped oil in the water coolant whilst another put oil in my exhaust. Then when it started it there was smoke coming out the exhaust and they showed me oil in the water coolant. I was shocked and devastated, it was an old car. They offered me £100 to take it away I only found out about the scam after they had taken it. It was worth £1500.

It is too convenient that these men 'broke down' by your car.

I'm so glad your story had a happy ending @snappybitch. I thought your post was going to end with your BMW being ruined 😭 thankfully not.

I'll have a look at that now @TinRoofRusty! Thank you

Oh my goodness @Summerof699. What a pair of wankers! That's awful.

A very handsome man chapped my door one afternoon

That’s one weird comment. Would you have felt the same if was an overweight bald man, who wasn’t handsome? As part of my training I worked in a daycare centre for people with serious mental health issues. There was an incredibly handsome (I mean truly toned and model looks) and wonderfully charming man there. I was warned never ever to be alone with him because he was a multiple rapist who had battered and brutalised women. They wouldn’t jail him because he had a personality disorder.

would have, could have, should have. Have, have, have, not of.

That book is worth its weight in gold, newyork. I made my daughter read it.

@newyorkcity9 it is a known scam, putting oil in the water coolant and in the exhaust while the owner is distracted by an accomplice. Google it. You may well have had a very lucky escape, well done for being suspicious.

This is one of those scenarios which makes me feel very sad for women as no man would ever have to feel fear about two unknown men asking a favour. Sadly we do, and a great deal of us would have done the same as you OP.

This is really well put.

TinRoofRusty Normally I’d tell a poster off for that, but I think it’s deserved in this case. 🤣

All I said was if OP had helped he wouldn't have said anything. I didn't say it was okay. He was probably a normal bloke who just wanted a hand and was annoyed. We've all muttered stuff when we're annoyed.
But of course this is MN and he's a male so is obviously in the wrong.

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily and what was a bloke like that doing working in a day care centre exactly

@newyorkcity9....nothing wrong with my comment? Obvs you didn't have to help. But why wouldn't you? Wouldn't that have been a reasonable response?

As a woman it’s good you go with your gut feeling to remain safe

I would if I'd was with my husband but not in my own .. What if it was a set up for something really sinister also there's a pandemic you don't want a stranger touching your car etc ! you did the right thing op xx

Saying no to someone isnt rude.

The fact he called her a bitch just emphasises the fact they thought a lone woman would fall over herself to do mens bidding and were mightily surprised she didnt.

This notion that women should act to please everyone else no matter how they feel.about it is ridiculous in 2020.

And the idea that its ok for a man to call a woman.names when she doesnt do as expected is appaling.

@16T0tallyFuckedUpFamily. Completely made up. He would not have had that freedom. So many attention seekers on here.

They just happened to break down right in front of your year old Audi within a matter of 5 minutes, and there were two of them? So one could take your car and one the original quite easily? Did they actually even attempt to start it, or just say straight away when they saw you they'd broken down?

Sounds dodgy AF to me and sod anyone who wishes bad karma on you, let them get carjacked instead. My cars 6 months old and if anyone asked me to let them jump a car off it I'd be telling them to jog on, its common knowledge its a risky move on modern cars.

I don't think it's very nice to wish karma upon someone just because they didn't help a complete stranger @Villageidiots. I've already explained why I didn't want to help as well.

*what was a bloke like that doing working in a day care centre exactly^

He wasn’t working in it. He was an outpatient. It was @ 20 years ago and I still have t gotten over the horror of knowing that this beast was attending a place that was full of vulnerable young women. I really hope things have changed since, but I wouldn’t bet on it. I often think of how all his poor victims felt, knowing he was untouchable. This was in Northern Ireland, so it might be different where you are.

My point still stands. Don’t be so foolish as to trust someone because of his looks. This young man would have had no issue attracting women, yet was still a monster.

I did think that too @StartingGrid but who knows.

Completely made up. He would not have had that freedom. So many attention seekers on here.

So how long have you been working in law or mental health? You’re very good at throwing insults and accusations, aren’t you? You might want to work out why you feel you’re correct about everything and maybe get some help in dealing with the reasons behind that.

We've all muttered stuff when we're annoyed.

So how often have you muttered insults about a stranger man so that he can hear them?

no you should always follow your instincts. he called you a bitch which isn't a great sign!!

i helped two women in b&q car do this but i felt in no way uncomfortable.. i hope if i had i would have had the balls to say sorry no - I'm terrible for this!