Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

I would have done the same.

One of the things I've had to teach my kids is to be wary of adult strangers asking them for "help" with things when they're out without me.

It's a great tactic for abducting kids... of course they want to help the man who's found an injured puppy etc. But they need to know that it's a massive red flag, because a well-meaning adult wouldn't be asking a young teenage kid for help; they'd be asking another adult (or phoning somebody they know).

And sadly the same can be true for men approaching a lone woman for "help." A considerate man who thinks about these things would have the awareness not to do this. If a male stranger singles me out to ask for help then my immediate instinct is to say no and move away. Because it's something that shouldn't be happening.

You did the right thing, it could well have been sinister and they could have done something to disable your car then you would be trapped.

It was not cool for them to ask you and they certainly should have respected you when you weren't comfortable.

flattenthecurve I'm sure you're a nice chap but please don't ask women for directions, it will make them nervous. I've been harassed so many times like this so I get palpitations whenever a bloke approaches in his car or on foot.

I do think YABU - simple thing to do and takes a minute. Hopefully you are not stuck in the future with someone who has the same attitude as yourself.

You followed your instincts, which is important. Think I would have done the same.

Astella bang on. Next time you need a minute's help think of how you reacted today. As plenty pp have said it's a disgrace that you don't know these basics of car maintenance, and it completely plays into the female stereotype that we need a man to help with such things that are beyond us.

PS HAVE!

“A considerate man who thinks about these things would have the awareness not to do this.“
Absolutely agree - you would think two men approaching one woman would be even more aware if they were legitimate and definitely would not call her a bitch, they would graciously accept her decision.

Hopefully you are not stuck in the future with someone who has the same attitude as yourself.

Hopefully you're not stuck in the future in your expensive car with a completely defunct computer system - thereby rendering it undriveable - because it's shot to shit through having tried to jump-start some stranger's car ....

YANBU. You didn't know these men and you stuck to your instincts. I used to be v helpful towards people but I got stopped in the street once when someone asked for directions. I obliged and while I was pointing out where to go, one of them nicked my purse. I do know not everyone is out to get you but being a bit cautious and savvy isn't a bad thing!

Normally I would totally help someone out, I’m confident hooking my own car battery up to cables and have cables in my car along with essential tools first aid kit code reader machine etc. HOWEVER for you to be gone for 5 minutes and then magically a car has appeared in front of you but has a flat battery is odd and suspicious regardless of whether it is two men or a lone woman or an entire family. I’ve been the person stuck with a flat battery (in the rain no less) and three people said no to helping me as a lone female before one said yes and that was completely their right to do so.

No, you were right to say no. He should have breakdown cover, that’s what it’s for. I had a flat battery a few weeks ago and had to call out the AA. You know, like sensible people.

If it was me and they had jump lead cables I would have let them jump start their car via the battery in my car but I know how to do this so it would not have been a problem. It does only take a few minutes and if it wasn't his battery that was flat and possibly the alternator then his car wouldn't have started and he would have known it wasn't the battery and if his car had started it would be his battery was weak or flat, I think. Maybe he was stressed and that's why he was rude when you refused. If you don't know much about cars then I can see you would be wary and more likely not to help. Don't worry about it!

It’s quite possible he had a flat battery if he hadn’t had his car out in a while because of lockdown, mine is! I can understand why you might not have felt comfortable though and the fact he called you a bitch when you had a perfectly valid excuse says to me that you made the right decision.

I agree with others on here ... how bloody dare he call you a bitch. The sheer entitlement of that empty pocket pig. Maybe you picked up on him without realising it !

1. That's what the AA is for so you don't have to bother strangers,
2. Why should you risk your health (to watch him) or your cars health with helping out that man hog !

Too long women are guilted into being 'nice' to complete strangers and it has cost many their lives. Good Job trusting your instincts GF!.

If you are sure, say no.

I'm saying this as a man. If you don't feel comfortable, then dont do it.

There are so many stories of abduction n robbery etc, that I don't blame you at all.

If.my fiancee told me the same story as yours, I'd be pleased she didn't give in and drove off. You don't know who they were and you don't know who's about these day anyways.

DO NOT feel guilty at leaving them. Not being sexist, but I suspect a man helped them out at some point. It's what us men do! We help out fellow man, just like you'd have probably helped a woman.

Astella bang on. Next time you need a minute's help think of how you reacted today. As plenty pp have said it's a disgrace that you don't know these basics of car maintenance, and it completely plays into the female stereotype that we need a man to help with such things that are beyond us.

Its precicely because I Know the danage it could do to my car if said men had bog standard jump leads that i wouldn't do this.
Kind of puts your theory on its ass doesn't it?

You have every right to say no. You don’t know them.

I wouldn’t allow anyone to use my vehicle to jump start theirs even if it was family or friends. It would bugger the electrics in my car as it’s a renowned problem for BMW’s and I don’t have thousands to fix it if that was to happen!

Like you, I’m frontline and rely on my car for work. They should have breakdown or could’ve called a mechanic. Can’t be too careful in the current climate.

YANBU.

You need learn how to start a car with a flat battery. You can get little battery packs for this. No need for another car FYI.
Feeling uneasy shouldn’t be ignored.

@newyorkcity9. Ted bundys name getting thrown around bloody hell, you didnt help they were frustrated. You were worried. Forget and move on x

I wouldn't of stopped either. Trust your instincts x

Funnily enough, we had to jump start one of our cars from the other recently. Long non-use had rendered one battery flat. We would have connected up the two batteries directly, which was what I was taught ages ago, but in this case, one lead had to go from battery in car one to a different, non battery terminal/connection in car two. Heaven knows what damage might have been done if we hadn't checked what to do online first.
It's your right to refuse without guilt or having to justify yourself. Entitled, selfish git called you a bitch thus confirming he is one of life's takers.

Thanks for all the replies, I can see it's 50/50.

After seeing the comments about other cars being damaged from this sort of thing I am quite glad I didn't help him now. I doubt very much he would have offered to pay to fix my car had something gone wrong/been damaged. I felt justified after he insulted me anyway.

Your comment stood out to me the most @Puffalicious. I don't think anyone said it was a disgrace that I didn't know the basics of car maintenance (and frankly that's the most dramatic thing I've ever read ). I'm very sorry I haven't had a chance to scrub up on my car maintenance skills as I've been working non stop as a carer during this pandemic, but you just carry on making your assumptions.

Btw...to some of the posters NO... @newyorkcity9 - she does NOT need a reason to say no.

No-one needs a reason to say to a stranger especially a woman or child out alone. NO ( i don't feel like it) NO (I don't like you), NO (I think you're an axe murderer and I like living).

And for that 'Bitch" comment, you should have called the police when you were on your way and told them what happened and reported them as suspicious. Because it was !!

Do what feels right for you, always!! The opinions on here are just that, opinions. You will never know if they were genuine but you kept yourself safe and that is the most important thing. And as a carer, being late for work affects a whole host of people so good on you.
I have been driving for 30 years and can't change a tyre and couldn't give two hoots. That's what the AA are for. My nails are way too nice for that bs

If they had a flat battery how did they manage to park in front of you in the time it took you to go into the office?

No way would I have helped.

his battery - his concern