To give the kids beans on toast for tea?

[whenskiesaregrey]

I bought the kids a crazy golf set off Groupon for the garden. Nice little wooden set with fun little obstacles. They were playing lovely, and I'm shattered after a day in work so I order a Domino's as a treat for us all. Plan to surprise them with it. Food is ten minutes away and the crazy golf suddenly evolves into DS10 getting frustrated, DD7 taunting him, DS10 hitting DD7 with the golf club and DD7 booting one of the obstacles in temper so that it breaks. They scream at each other. I shout at them to get in the house. They both storm off to their bedroom, I tell them to stay up there. I get "you're the worst mummy ever" shouted down the stairs from DD. Domino's arrive. I tell them they're no longer having it after their ungrateful behaviour and make them beans on toast instead. They're now sat at the table looking very forlorn and I feel guilty and sad as our evening has been ruined. I will not tolerate ungrateful behaviour when there's children out there who don't get things bought for them.

IABU not to let them have the pizza?

Ah, that’s fine. Cold pizza tomorrow (especially Dominos) is the biz. We always buy one too big and keep a slice each for lunch the next day. Takeaway pizza is a treat, and they didn’t deserve a treat. Not like you starved them.

Sounds ridiculous to me. Using food as a punishment and wasting it as well. Bonkers.

It’s the kind of problem on which reasonable minds can differ. I totally see the forfeit as the treat element, not so much the food element. If you’d sent them to bed with no dinner at all you’d have been unreasonable but you did feed them. And the pizza can be brought out (whether tomorrow or another day, presumably you can freeze it?) when you feel it is more likely to be appreciated.

It doesn’t sound like you’re kicking yourself OP but I do hope you’re not, notwithstanding some of the more negative replies.

Have a peaceful night. 🍷

They had a treat withheld because they'd behaved badly. BOT still a good meal, you haven't withheld nourishment, they just didn't get the treat food (tonight...). I think you did fine, it's right to draw a line about destructive behaviour. I'd make sure the sun doesn't go down on any anger though - you wanted to do something nice for them, as you do every day, tomorrow is a new day, all that sort of thing!

I don't think you were using food as a punishment imo. The dominos was another nice treat, it's not like they've been sent to bed hungry!

You did the right thing and I'm sure they learned a valuable lesson.

Good god. It's like some PP think OP didn't let them eat any food at all!

OP you did the right thing!

@mommybunny wine has been poured. As a treat, obviously I appreciate your comments though, thank you.

It’s so tough. I think YABU but I can see why you did it. My kids have had a few lovely treats in lockdown and I have been annoyed that they have not been as grateful as they would normally be. I think the fact is that unless the door bell went and it was grandma/grandad/their best friend holding the pizza they just aren’t as happy or excited. We’ve had more arguments than normal (although not many!) it’s just because they are all fed up with each other.
Enjoy your pizza tomorrow!

I agree that what you did was right, they need to learn that they can't behave like that especially when you got them the crazy golf as a present. I'd eat the pizza myself when they've gone to bed and enjoy it!

@grumpyorange I did go back and check I included that bit!

YANBU and i’d eat their pizza later

It seems like a waste of Pizza - I don't blame you though

@Thisismytimetoshine I'm hoping that tomorrow we will have had time to chat and will have explained that tonight was not a good time to have it due to the preceding behaviour. It's not perfect I know.

YANBU, they hadn’t earned the treat. It’s not exactly using food as a punishment. You have taken away the treat and still given them a nice tea, they are not exactly hard done by! And also good idea to not waste it and give to them tomorrow or you could just eat it all yourself tonight :)

Beans and toast lovely with some grated cheese on top

@Nanalisa60 they definitely weren't getting cheese!

@kimbo1611 I know, I was so bloody annoyed that I'd ordered it when they did that, as I couldn't then cancel!

Op, you were very quick to use the food as punishment after being at school all day with children who have nothing.

Don't use food as punishment and don't punish your children for having more than others.

Id find a way to give them the pizza and at the same time I'd explain the punishment handed out to them was an over reaction on your part and very much a case of two wrongs not making a right.

Hitting someone with a golf club is ridiculous........not sure golf club victim should have been punished however yanbu.

Stick to your guns. And introduce them to the joy of pizza for breakfast if they manage to behave themselves

Thanks all. I know it's not perfect but I don't think I could have sat eating the pizza and it would have started getting late for tea. I've learned my own lesson though, not to order pizza on a whim! I'm an autistic, single parent who doesn't always get it right but, other than potentially causing an eating disorder , I'm glad it doesn't seem like I was too harsh on them.

I’d have punished them but not with food. I’m not a fan of using food for anything other than fuel for the body. Same reason as I wouldn’t call a take away a treat.

Pizza was originally marketed in GB as 'Italian Rarebit.'

By which logic, beans on toast is Fagioli su Tostato.

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo victim volleyed an obstacle into the fence! But I appreciated she had been whacked. But she had also enticed him. Who knows!

I wouldn't use food as a punishment.
Just take the crazy golf set away.

@MintyMabel I definitely see it as a treat, no cooking and no clearing up, and usually nothing left over either!