To give the kids beans on toast for tea?

[whenskiesaregrey]

I bought the kids a crazy golf set off Groupon for the garden. Nice little wooden set with fun little obstacles. They were playing lovely, and I'm shattered after a day in work so I order a Domino's as a treat for us all. Plan to surprise them with it. Food is ten minutes away and the crazy golf suddenly evolves into DS10 getting frustrated, DD7 taunting him, DS10 hitting DD7 with the golf club and DD7 booting one of the obstacles in temper so that it breaks. They scream at each other. I shout at them to get in the house. They both storm off to their bedroom, I tell them to stay up there. I get "you're the worst mummy ever" shouted down the stairs from DD. Domino's arrive. I tell them they're no longer having it after their ungrateful behaviour and make them beans on toast instead. They're now sat at the table looking very forlorn and I feel guilty and sad as our evening has been ruined. I will not tolerate ungrateful behaviour when there's children out there who don't get things bought for them.

IABU not to let them have the pizza?

@pussycatinboots

Yabu to use food as a punishment.

Did you bin it or eat it all yourself?

YANBU they need to learn and hopefully next time they might think before lashing out. Hope you enjoyed the pizza!!

What would the punishment have been if you'd anyway COOKED dinner or had planned something like beans on toast to start with?

But you've made more work for yourself by having to make beans on toast!

I hope it's all peaceful by now

As soon as one gets hurt though, that's a different matter.

Of course. But I’d have just separated them, give them 10 minutes to cool down, think about their behaviour and apologise. Then pizza.

Most sibling fights are soon forgotten unless they’re made into something bigger that they need to be. Just my opinion though, everyone does it different and it’s not like not giving them pizza is a terrible thing to do.

@SleepingStandingUp I'll give it to them tomorrow, but they don't know that yet. It won't be as nice but I'm not going to waste it. But I'll tell them next time it will go in the bin.

They are children
They are living in weird times
Siblings rarely place nice together all the time

Don’t use food as a punishment. Why tell them off for bad behaviour by being bitchy? What does that teach ?

The night doesn’t have to be ruined
Give them the pizza, explain that the behaviour in the garden wasn’t on
Move on with life

It won't be as nice but I'm not going to waste it.

I don’t like it the day after but my kids swear it tastes better the next day. 🤣

@Westfacing that was why it was beans on toast and not a 'proper' tea!

@P1nkHeartLovesCake we have moved on with our life!!

Glad you haven't binned it. But I'll tell them next time it will go in the bin. you're ungrateful brats who don't appreciate how good you have it compared to the kids I work with so if you're naughty again I'll throw your perfectly good food in the bin and waste it because we can afford to. Hmm.

All kids are living difficult lives at the moment, their behaviour doesn’t show that they were ungrateful. That’s just what they happened to be playing with at the time.
Also you shouldn’t use food as a punishment.

Its a bit cruel to withhold pizza that had already arrived imho.

It doesn't matter. You need to follow it through.

Sometimes you have to bring them sharply back into line in a way you don't usually. Let them have some tomorrow.

I don't think food as a reward/punishment is necessarily the best approach. Food is just food. We all do it to some extent though.

I would have given them the pizza but only because I'd spent money on it

@SleepingStandingUp okay, not quite, but

I’d have dealt with it seperatly, and then once all had calmed down and they had apologised let them have the pizza cold and salvage the evening. Nothing wrong with the way you’ve done it though.

I'd think up another consequence then eat pizza together.

I think it’s tough in lockdown. My tether is a good bit shorter than it was! I think I’d probably have been inclined to make them apologise and maybe some sort of other reparation and then get on with the evening, including pizza.

Maybe let them have a slice later, a pre-bed snack - otherwise you might start feeling bad later!

I don't agree with using food as a punishment either, sorry.

You've ordered and paid for the dominos and now it's just sitting on the side going cold for what?

What you did was good. You sound like a really good parent, not tolerating disrepect and bad behaviour.

You could have given them the chance to apologise but beans on toast is still a lovely dinner!! Not likely to behave like that again, are they?

Bloody hell, I grew UP on beans on toast for tea in the 60s/70s (middle class, educated family in well-to-do area). If we were lucky, we had grated cheese on top.
I'm in two minds about reneging on sanctions if behaviour improves. DS, who was ordinarily a dream to raise, would milk it. I overheard him telling dd once that it didn't matter if they did (naughty thing) because they could always be good later and earn back the treat!