To give the kids beans on toast for tea?

[whenskiesaregrey]

I bought the kids a crazy golf set off Groupon for the garden. Nice little wooden set with fun little obstacles. They were playing lovely, and I'm shattered after a day in work so I order a Domino's as a treat for us all. Plan to surprise them with it. Food is ten minutes away and the crazy golf suddenly evolves into DS10 getting frustrated, DD7 taunting him, DS10 hitting DD7 with the golf club and DD7 booting one of the obstacles in temper so that it breaks. They scream at each other. I shout at them to get in the house. They both storm off to their bedroom, I tell them to stay up there. I get "you're the worst mummy ever" shouted down the stairs from DD. Domino's arrive. I tell them they're no longer having it after their ungrateful behaviour and make them beans on toast instead. They're now sat at the table looking very forlorn and I feel guilty and sad as our evening has been ruined. I will not tolerate ungrateful behaviour when there's children out there who don't get things bought for them.

IABU not to let them have the pizza?

SleepingStandingUp

Well sometimes children play up, they are children it’s what they do. It really doesn’t make them spoilt brats

As for I know kids that have it worst 🙄🙄 oh please, you could apply that to any shit in life couldn't you. Someone is ALWAYS worse off no matter how tough the kids you say you work with or anyone else has it

I agree with those talking about food as a punishment. Usually I would think the same. But on this occasion, I just couldn't see us sitting eating a takeaway so soon after their behaviour. When they were initially in their bedrooms, I was in two minds what to do. But, it's done now!

We've had a chat. I asked them whether we should have done things differently. Daughter said she doesn't no (meaning yes!). Son said no and that he was sorry. I said I don't want to see that behaviour again, we hugged, said love you and they are now reading. They'll be going to bed soon anyway (always go to bed at this time, that's not another punishment!).

The OP surely didn't set out to 'use food as a punishment' just that the pizza arrived as things kicked-off - it could have been a planned movie or a walk around the block that was cancelled as a sanction.

She's hardly going to do any lasting damage to her children - not like they were sent to bed with no supper!

God, I wouldn't dream of using the withdrawal of food that is actually there as a punishment!
Nothing wrong with beans on toast, but if the pizza has actually arrived your kids will just think you're being spiteful. No lesson there.

I don't see it as using food per se as a punishment - more like denying them a treat (eg. we are no longer going to the park, beach, having the pizza).

I absolutely think you did the right thing. Actions have consequences. Always threaten a punishment you are prepared to see through (and that suits you).

I could possibly get on board with not ordering the pizza. But not what op has done.

Crazy golf always makes me want to murder whoever I play it with, to the extent that I refuse to ever play it now, and I'm an adult.

I thought I was the only person in the world who ate cold leftover pizza for breakfast !

(But of course I make it myself, starting with rearing a pig to make chorizo.)

@Westfacing that was it. They stormed off into their rooms. DD screamed down the stairs at me. Then pizzas turned up! I thought about not telling them it was here, but you could clearly smell it!

@SeasonFinale that's how it felt, like any treat, not necessarily because it was food. Wish I hadn't looked wistfully at them playing nicely and ordered the bloody thing!!

A treat, after that sort of behaviour? No.

Not unreasonable, they don't get a treat if they're being horrid. They can have it tomorrow.

On a side note, I had beans on toast for lunch today for the first time in about 20 years and almost vomited. Beans are not my friend 😂

YANBU
It’s not withholding food/using food as a punishment when you are provide nice food as an alternative, you’re teaching a very important lesson if you’re badly behaved you don’t get the nice things! I wouldn’t have thought any less you for throwing it in the bin either. Actions have consequences.

Save it for lunch tomorrow (or breakfast).

They'll be going to bed soon anyway (always go to bed at this time, that's not another punishment!).
I send my dc to bed quite early but before 7pm for a 10 year old?

I mean, we love beans on toast in this house!

But, I don't think I'd want to use food as a punishment or as a reward - it can spark unhealthy connections with food that worst case, can lead to eating disorders. I'd try and make the least possible fuss about food always and punish another way.

With my rational hat on I’d say it’s more appropriate to take away the toy rather than the pizza.

in the moment though, I’d have found it very hard to call them down for pizza when furious with them.

@AldiAisleOfCrap yeah, it's always been the same. He chills and reads for a bit then lights out at 8pm. They've always been good at going to bed but they've recently got their own bedrooms and I think DS enjoys that bit of time in the evening to wind down. He'll sometimes go to bed earlier but I encourage him to stay up until at least 7pm.

You’ll never get a unanimous agreement on a topic like this, everyone parents differently so hopefully you weren’t seeking complete validation.
For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing. They misbehaved, went in a huge strop and then... what, a takeaway for tea? Doesn’t sit right with me either and wouldn’t have taught them anything. If you’d withheld dinner completely, my view would be different but that’s not the case.

@minipie yep on both parts!

@Justjoshin22 not validation as such, but more interesting in what people thought. I'm autistic and I often question myself and whether I'm acting in the right way.

At the end of the day, it's done now!

The problem is, if you make a habit of this, they’ll start seeing certain types of food as a ‘punishment’ and probably grow up not liking it- imagine growing up not liking beans on toast, that would be a travesty!

I agree with others that food shouldn’t be used as a punishment. It’s easy to get annoyed though, and give a punishment that you know 2 mins later wasn’t a great idea.

@Helmlover1 I did actually think that, DD will often choose beans on toast for a weekend dinner! But I couldn't think of anything else on the spot that didn't involve me cooking

But what message does giving it to them tomorrow send? They're still getting pizza. Just manky day old pizza.