AIBU to be frustrated at flexibility being given to parents but denied to others?

[BojoKilledMyMojo]

I've been generally musing after conversations with a few friends over the past week on working arrangements.

It seems to be very common for parents to be given as much flexibility as they need to accommodate kids being home or to allow for drop offs / pick ups / appointments / sickness etc during non covid times.

All that is terrific, but why is the same flexibility not routinely granted to others? And why are non parents expected to pick up the shitty end of the stick all the time by being in early, staying late, working Xmas, getting last dibs on holidays etc?

legally the man is not responsible for his wife. Legally the daughter is not responsible for her father with dementia.

I mean, I think flex should be extended to everybody ! but going after parents to get them to limit their caring responsibility is absolutely a hiding to nothing.

I plan to remain happily children and I completely agree with your post. Parents get away with murder, whereas the childfree are expected to pick up the slack and are treated as though their time isn't valuable or like they have nothing better to do! Stinks

Happily childfree that should have said

When you're old and infirm the chances are you'd rather be looked after by someone who had a decent childhood and a good parental bond, as the quality of care is likely to be far higher

You're a nasty piece of work aren't you. My childhood was utter shit. How DARE you imply that the standard of care I gave the residents I looked after was somehow lacking.

That’s not true of my workplace at all. The boss has even said (off the record at the end of a team meeting) that those with kids are expected to do the same as those without as “you chose to have kids”.

I think there needs to be a balance and a bit of give and take. Not all this I've got kids so I don't need to do this that or the other. That attitude just puts everyone's back up.

Doesn't sound fair but I've never been given flexible hours just because I have children. We all work Christmas and holidays, if you ask for it off for any reason it's not granted.
A few people who have been granted flexible hours regret it as they constantly get extra work put on them so the employer can make a point. Or they get shifted around to different departments.
After my baby is born I'm going part-time rather than doing flexible hours.

Parents get away with murder, whereas the childfree are expected to pick up the slack and are treated as though their time isn't valuable or like they have nothing better to do! Stinks

Do you know my absence record is far better than many in the team who don't have kids.

I think I've averaged 0.5 days off sick a year since i've been there. Probably less.

So you could argue that I have picked up the slack a few times........
I

I think I've averaged 0.5 days off sick a year
technically carers day shouldn't come off as sick days

Where do you think workers come from?! You all started off as children and you had parents who brought you up as well as working (usually). Most non parents will one day be parents. Parenting is a huge responsibility and one that keeps the human race going. When you're old and infirm the chances are you'd rather be looked after by someone who had a decent childhood and a good parental bond, as the quality of care is likely to be far higher. So give the parents in your workplace a break and reap the benefits of their parenting in decades to come.

What utter sanctimony.

You clearly don't have kids OP. I'm sorry your employer won't allow you more flexibility to drip your cat off at the school gates.

Yes, I tend to agree with you OP.

I used to work with someone who played the parent card at every single opportunity - it actually made her quite unpopular in the end. She had a partner at home who did pick ups and drop-offs but the preferential treatment she got was staggering.

I've never worked in an environment where parents weren't given priority over holidays, going home early, not working bank holidays, getting weekends off. Having children isn't a more important reason for wanting time off than say, wanting to see your mum or wanting to spend time with your partner.

I once put in a formal complaint about the rotas at work because the lady mentioned above once got given eight weekends off in a row (we worked in retail so were open seven days a week and nobody was contracted set days) and I hadn't been given a single weekend day off in eight months, despite asking several times.

The excuse? So she could "spend time with her kids", whereas I hadn't spent a single day with my husband outside of annual leave in eight years because he worked Mon-Fri (set days, couldn't switch) and I was made to work every single weekend to cover this other lady's time off.

How are your colleague aware of what others have to do when they have a childcare need?

If I leave to pick up my kids from school I have to make the time up.

I'll get flamed I'm sure but whilst I utterly respect anyones choice to be child free it does me in later life you will be reliant completely on other peoples children for care and/or security so it boils my piss when they then have a problem with anything that makes raising children a little bit easier as if those paying taxes in the future, working as doctors, police officers ect..will spontaneously exist for there needs.

OP, I completely agree that flexibility should not be given only to parents. The last corporate I worked at begrudgingly allowed me some minor flexible working after I had DS (one day a week from home). Subsequently, a male team member without children asked, when the company moved offices, if he could slightly shift his hours a few days a week to accommodate the fact that he had a sports commitment that, now that the new office was further from his sports group, he could no longer get to in time. He was declined. It was outrageous.

There definitely are some individuals (parents) in offices who seem to think that because they have children the rest of the team must compensate and accommodate them but really the problem is the organisations they work for and the approach to team management.

You clearly don't have kids OP. I'm sorry your employer won't allow you more flexibility to drip your cat off at the school gates.

What a ridiculous comment.

It's not your employers job to sort your childcare issues. If your hours mean you can't drop your child off at school, then use childcare! Don't expect your colleagues to cover for you just so you can do the school run.

I Would like to retract that post, I didn't really think about what I was writing. Bad mood. It was mean and unnecessary. My employer is generally really good but I work on flexi with generally makes it a bit easier.

'll get flamed I'm sure but whilst I utterly respect anyones choice to be child free it does me in later life you will be reliant completely on other peoples children for care and/or security so it boils my piss when they then have a problem with anything that makes raising children a little bit easier as if those paying taxes in the future, working as doctors, police officers ect..will spontaneously exist for there needs.

Clearly you know how ridiculous this statement is right? People without children are more likely to have time to provide care in other ways - to their own elderly parents, as volunteers etc. Your children may well become productive members of society but they cost society a fair amount in the meantime - education, health etc. This martyrdom of parenthood is silly.

OneandTwenty ok I have included a few days for my child being in hospital in the calculation

If its actually me being sick then its a lot lower......

And lots of holidays been used. Thankfully the tough nursery years means its much less of a balancing act now.

In my experience, flexibility is not given whatsoever to almost everyone. Only a couple of people who are super friendly with the managers get to work part time or from home. I asked to go down to 4 days a week or WFH once a week etc, basically any flexibility, even leaving an hour early once a week or fortnight and making up the hours but was told no. They can always come up with a reason to say no, there is a list on the government website that they just copy and paste in to the rejection letter. "detrimental to service", "can't back fill" etc.

Finance in the nhs.

I work somewhere which has to be staffed 24/7/365 and we actually always have volunteers for Christmas. It's the third team I've been on where we've worked 365 days per year, and there has always been a sign up list for bank holidays, and Christmas absolutely always has volunteers.

In my current place we do sleep ins and the late-night-ultra early NYE to 1st Jan is the worst shift becuase where you normally get to attempt to go to bed soon after 10pm (to be up for emergencies/ possible emergencies at night then to do the ultra early the next day from 5:30am) on NYE you're lucky to get to bed by 3am (and still need to be up at 5:30am).

You can't work both Christmas and NYE and technically only 2 people need to work Christmas but the same 3 people always do it together...

If I couldn't get any time off during school holidays at all I wouldn't be able to go on holiday at all with my children so I'd just leave and find a new job - I work in an employees market in a shortage profession and that's my prerogative.

IME lots of parents actually want evening and weekend shifts however - where there are two parents at home this allows parents to cover childcare between themselves better than both parents working 9-5.

Most places DH and I have worked have actually had a degree of flexibility for everyone (core hours work places where you set your own start and finish times as long as you are in during the middle of the day each day and log the contracted number of hours whether you work 7am to 3pm or 10am to 6pm, or shifts with a lot of scope to set your own shift pattern). The trick is to join a workplace or team that suits your needs in the first place, not join one without making any enquiries about working hours/ leave arrangements etc then complain that you wanted something else and it isn't fair.

In many teams there will be one parent who takes the piss - but equally there is often a non parent who does.

Complaints about "parents" as a category having preferential treatment are often not the objective truth at all. Often parents are at a disadvantage because they can't be flexible so they are passed over for promotion. If you actually can't be flexible, then you aren't. Nobody is going to just fail to collect their 6 year old because it's not fair to leave the office and collect them when other colleagues are still working - if that's the choice then stuff the job and the colleagues tbh.

Parents get away with murder, whereas the childfree are expected to pick up the slack and are treated as though their time isn't valuable or like they have nothing better to do! Stinks

I really like to know where you work. My workplace does not give this freedom and flexibility to parents. We don't get anything above the childless other than a couple of days emergency leave (unpaid!!) when a child is ill. we are not allowed to bugger of early, or swan in late. No preference for holidays or Xmas. your place sounds fab for parents. where do you work?

Did you start this thread deliberately?

People. Don’t bite.

Where are these magical flexible jobs?
I have children and have always had to fight to get time off. My kids regularly have no one at their plays etc.
The pressure to stay late for a meeting or deadline is huge but if I have to leave I just have to go or my children don’t have anyone to pick them up from the childminder. As a result I get paid less (workless hours) and have not been promoted.

One of a team I worked for constantly flexed their hours around their dogs and partners dog training sessions and puppies.

I flexed less due to my children so didn’t feel in the slightest bit guilty.

"As a parent and a teacher myself I have thankfully never had to call in a favour at work related to my children as we have a nanny."

Wish I could afford a nanny on my teacher's salary. Kids being sick is my biggest stress. I used to be able to get my Mum to come over sometimes, but she's over 70 so I won't be asking any more, plus she lives 75 miles away and has to come and stay with us.

I would happily take the time off unpaid to look after a sick child, but with teaching it's so difficult as someone has to be in class with the kids.