To have no sympathy for alcoholics?

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I'm the adult child of one, my life has been nothing but completely miserable because of it.

Today in my home town the newspaper ran a story about an alcoholic man who trespassed into the cancer department late at night. He stole two bottles of alcohol sanitizer from a fridge and drank them, he vomited sick and blood on the floor, urinated on the floor and then ripped down a cubicle curtain. He was found by a frightened cleaner the next morning.

The comments are full of people feeling sorry for the bloke, yet no concern for the cleaner who had to deal with the aftermath or the hospital who are now down on vital supplies and have to pay for repairs.

AIBU to have no sympathy for alcoholics?

@funnel you even posted the you didn't cause it mantra.

If you believe what you posted then you know that nothing anyone else does changes the behaviour of most addicts.

No alcoholic became full blown, nasty and is abandoned overnight. Friends and family tend to hang on trying to help for years, often at great personal cost.

I didn't cause anyone to become alcoholic. Sadly nor have I ever been the reason and alcoholic chose to seek help and gain control.

Just like the mantra you posted.

So stop trying to blame codependents for the behaviour of alcoholics.

OP. I 100% agree with you.

My father was an alcoholic all throughout my childhood and I still I’m still suffering psychologically from my upbringing.

I use to go to school with bruises on my face from him hitting me the night before. The following day when he’d wake up he never remembered doing it.

People are saying it’s an illness- it’s a very heavily self inflicted illness! You have to drink an extreme amount of alcohol over a period of time before the addiction kicks in, to get to the state of being an alcoholic.
It might not but their fault they’ve had knocks in life but it’s certainly not the faults of others that their “illness” has had negative impacts on.

I’m battling with many demons which I won’t get into but I’ve never allowed myself to turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism at my lowest points.

I know on paper they’re ill and need help but as the child of one, no, I don’t have much sympathy, particularly for people who do nothing to acknowledge or change to improve their situation once they become parents.

Perhaps if I met someone who was trying to stag in recovery I’d feel differently but as far as I’m aware I have not.

Ex DH used to regularly wet himself. He has liver failure, gout, diabetes and the shakes. His mother and he talk about his health problems running in the family.
He used to regularly scream I JUST LIKE A DRINK OR TWO in my face. Will still not admit he's an alcoholic.

No, they can't. Very few addicts can do it on their own, and people who are dependent on alcohol need medical supervision to withdraw.

funnelfanjo Yes they can, they’re just not willing to. If they actually want to get better, they’ll seek treatment.

You keep giving that message to addicts that its all their own fault and they just have to dig themselves out of the hole they have got in, that will teach them. Do you want them to get well, or do you want to punish them?

Again, it’s not mine or anyone else’s responsibility to ensure they get well. It’s their own. They don’t need mollycoddling, they need resilience and to sort themselves out.

She has never admitted he is an alcoholic. Neither has he.

And after reading some of the views on this thread, why would anyone ever admit it.

Hence 'Anonymous'....its so stigmatised.

So stigmatised infact that even people in full blown addiction will not admit it to themselves...'I'm not one of them' being the attitude of denial that keeps people sick.

If it was more freely accepted, acknowledged and talked about without prejudice and judgement more people would be open to asking for help and 'admitting to themselves they had a problem'....its step one...the actual words are 'powerless over their addiction' but I'm sure that's likely to raise more than a few eyebrows on here....

That's a bit chicken and egg.

You are still forgetting the years of support family and friends give their alcoholic, trying to get them to admit they have a problem, to access help. In my experience it is the alcoholic that is desperate to save face, keep what they are/do secret. That's why battered partners, impoverished families carry on as though nothing is happening.

Again, stop blaming those who are unfortunate enough to become embroiled on someone else's addiction.

@CuriousaboutSamphire I think you are reading something in my posts that I did not say. I do not blame codependents for the behaviour of alcoholics. I am saying, alcoholics have to know that in seeking help, they will be offered help and not ridicule or judgement.

Not every alcoholic is an abusive, narcissistic arsehole that has exhausted the patience of their family and friends over many years. As I said in my first post on this thread, there are as many reasons for becoming an alcoholic as there are alcoholics.

@Taddda Having lived with him and around him all my life I disagree completely. I can't speak for all alcoholics, only my dad, but he is not powerless over it. If he chose to he could deal with it. It's much more complicated than addiction, there are so many factors involved in why he drinks and one of them is it is part of his power. He is anything but powerless.

@funnel, read your posts back. You may not have typed what you meant. Your posts definitely come across as blaming co dependents

I also think alcoholics with children must have a difficult time.
I think once they recover is when they have time to reflect on how they’ve fucked their kids up and stolen large portions of their childhoods. They can’t ever change that or make it ok.
It must be a heavy burden. I know I will never forgive my parent for this.

@LetsJustGetOnWithIt That's why I didnt use the word 'Powerless' in what I said, it's in the words of Step 1- used by way of a person surrendering to their problem.

It takes some strength and power to access the help however...

Your posts definitely come across as blaming co dependents

@CuriousaboutSamphire I have read them again and I'm baffled as to how you get that conclusion.

@Taddda I was referring to the phrase "powerless over their addiction ", Im trying to say his drinking is part of his power and his addiction isn't the only reason he drinks. The whole thing is complex, and for him the drinking is almost a badge of honour. Does that make any sense?

How is it a disease?

@LetsJustGetOnWithIt unfortunately yes it does- it also possibly means he'll never admit to his problem because he doesn't see it being one- I'm very sorry, it must be incredibly hard to live through.

Not one jot of sympathy from me.
My alcoholic grandfather beat my gran up for most of her adult life.
My dm and her siblings were so badly affected.
He died when I was 2 but my life was also affected because of my dms childhood.

I am naturally wary of drinkers and hate being near drunk people. A family friend followed me home once because he wanted to get to our drinks cabinet, fortunately my dh met him at the door and sent him on his way.
Alcoholics ruin every life they touch.

OP I'm also an adult child of alcoholic.

I understand your feelings.

Taddda totally agree with your post
Aa step 1 is admitted we were powerless over alcohol
The guilt and stigma stops people asking for help
The alcoholic before any help is powerless when it comes to alcohol once he takes that first drink then all bets are off
Unless you have been there then you really haven't got a Scooby I certainly hadn't until it happened to me
Any body that has a problem I suggest they talk to an alcoholic in recovery because it's only then you will get any understanding and hopefully a solution to your problem

No sympathy from me

I cut off my best friend as I just couldn't handle her alcoholism anymore. This was after years & years. She treated me like rubbish, emotionally blackmailed me. She left me alone in a foreign country to go on a bender, nearly started a fight on a plane & in the end was arrested for drink driving & hitting a parked vehicle. She tried to drive away from the scene twice but stalled the car.

She would always phone me while I was at work saying she was going to kill herself & would then post photos of herself on SM later in the day on a happy walk with her and then boyfriend.

After I couldn't take anymore she used to send PM to my OH slagging me off & trying to get him to split up with me.

I am so much better off without her. I has sympathy to begin with, tried all I could for at least 10 years to help her but she never wanted to help herself & it was making me ill & stressed with worry.

The last straw was her insinuating that she'd kill herself if I wasn't her friend. I was not being treated like that & I didn't want her alcoholism on my conscience.

She is still an alcoholic nearly 4 years later & on meds for a damaged liver.

I don't have sympathy for either alcoholics or drug addicts. They've made their choice.

Excuses about bad upbrongings are just b*llshit. A lot of people (including me) had awful childhoods but didn't turn to drink or drugs.

Flame me.

It is certainly the case that for alot of alcoholics they do have support. As mentioned up thread, families and friends often take years of shit from them in attempts to support them / get them help.

In my case I can say I did everything humanly possible to support my DM for many years and I can see from this thread that many others have suffered on and on in vain, wanting to support their alcoholic loved ones.

Every attempt to support her personally or provide practical support was thrown back in my face. She doesn't want to be helped.

Contrary to what some here have said, she absolutely does enjoy it. I know her better than anybody in the world.

My thoughts are with those who have lost somebody, and those who have suffered the misery of dealing with problematic drinkers.

It fucks you up, having parents like that.

So much like the cleaner in my OP, I'll reserve my sympathy for those affected who truly are blameless.

Just wondering do people have sympathy for people suffering from eating disorders for example Anorexia this is also a choice

Alcoholism is a chronic disease of the brain Most people however much they drink will not develop it Basically my off switch is bust and I know even now that if I took another drink now after many years the same reaction would happen
Have a google