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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 13/05/2020 15:46

Different culture, isabelle

I do understand that someone can have a different cultural background, that's not the bit I struggle with. I'm from a very conservative Christian background myself, so I definitely understand the thinking behind the roles for women and roles for men. The bit I struggle with is the practicalities. Even amongst my most conservative relatives, if, for example the mother was ill and in hospital, the dad would deal with the kids himself and take them to visit. Or if she was ill at home, he'd take them out to their eg swimming lessons (albeit he'd think he was doing it as a favour, rather than doing it because they're her responsibility). Or if she died, he'd raise them himself. So it's not the belief system I don't understand, it's how it actually works in reality.

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 15:46

I can't get my head around the idea of one parent never taking children anywhere on their own

What do you think single parents do?

Connie222 · 13/05/2020 15:47

Bloody hell.

My Ds is 17 now but he had a few toy pushchairs when he was little. He loved taking his teddy’s out for a walk in them.

Twice I had rude comments though from random men who saw him. Twice I told people to fuck off.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/05/2020 15:48

What do you think single parents do? eh? Surely single parents DO take children places on their own?

PorpentiaScamander · 13/05/2020 15:50

Are you married to my ex?

I bought ds1 a doll for his 2nd birthday (I was 7 months pregnant at the time). His Dad said he would bin it. I said fine. Then I'll buy another one and will keep doing so until you stop binning them. I took ds to an NCT sale one day. (He was around the age of 2) His dad gave him a pound to spend and made it very clear he could buy whatever he wanted even if Mummy said no (I had vetoed a drum set amongst other stupidly massive things because we lived in a small terraced house). I laughed quite a lot when DS picked a toy pushchair Grin
He's 15 now and I don't think he's gay, which was the only objection his dad had to him having a doll. The doll is in a drawer in his bedroom and the lovely toy silver cross pram he saved up for when he was 6 is in the loft.

DS2 also had a pram and doll but preferred to push his toy cars around in it.

Your DH is a twat.

mymadworld · 13/05/2020 15:51

I think you need to regain some control here op before it spirals Sad. I'm really not one for ltb especially not mid-pandemic with a toddler and heavily pregnant but I would be making one call to him with some very clear guidelines about what is and what isn't acceptable in your relationship. Word it as you will but the essence has to be:

  1. NEVER control my finances or decisions like that again
  2. Don't EVER speak to me like that again either in front or ds or alone. I was scared, felt bullied and didn't like that side of you one bit and won't hesitate to kick you out or even call the police if you try it again.
  3. If I want to dress ds in a pink tutu and let him push a pram, then I will. It won't turn him gay or any other such misogynistic, sexist, chauvinistic nonsense and If you can't accept that then you are not the partner for me so fuck off out of our house.
  4. You're workmates are clearly from the same time warp as you so I neither want to hear or care what they have to contribute.

And mean it. You don't want to live that life so either make it crystal clear now and make sure he knows you're serious.

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 15:51

@SleepingStandingUp I meant what do they think single parents do because someone said they couldn't understand how one parent could take the children everywhere and the other one not.

Firsttimedogowner · 13/05/2020 15:51

@Pinkyyy you just gave me a good laugh! Envisaging you with a broken arm trying to navigate a pushchair along the road while DH strides along beside you. Sorry can’t help you with that I’m a “man” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

isabellerossignol · 13/05/2020 15:53

What do you think single parents do?

I think it's pretty clear that's not what I meant. You referred to your DH in your original post, so I took that to mean that you are in a partnership, and that was what I was responding to.

As I mentioned in my last post, I do have an understanding of cultures where things are 'different', I come from a background that many on Mumsnet find it hard to fathom that it exists in this day and age. I just don't understand the practicalities.

Nursejackie1 · 13/05/2020 15:54

Is your DH one of those men that pushes the pushchair with one arm and with the pushchair in front but to one side of him as if he has to put distance between it, oh look everyone how macho he is pushing with one arm!

Hodge00079 · 13/05/2020 15:54

Is he normally an idiot or just stressed? If it was the latter I would still want an apology. Not a good thing to have a meltdown like this with a heavily pregnant woman.

To me the whole toy thing is an not issue. His reaction seems OTT unless there is something in his upbringing. I would be more sympathetic if there was. However, controlling behaviour with Amazon account is not ok.

If it would not put you in danger I would say ordered another pushchair. If it is a joint account that is linked to a joint e-mail just reset the password. Otherwise set up a new account

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 15:55

@Firsttimedogowner first of all not sure why you're wishing harm on me but that's out of order. Secondly I don't think you should be laughing at my culture.

Time and time again I post on this website giving my personal opinion on a subject and get the piss taken out of me. It's ridiculous to be honest and the only reason I won't change my name or stop talking from my experience is because I want people to realise that there are other ways of life in this country and perhaps it might not hurt them to try and learn something instead of ridiculing that which is different.

AnnieCartwright · 13/05/2020 15:56

My DH wasn't happy when I bought toddler DS a play kitchen.

Until I pointed out the DH cooks and washes up. Also that most top chefs are male.

Same with a toy hoover.

OP, does your DH never push DS's pram?

JudyCoolibar · 13/05/2020 15:56

he refuses to listen and it's clearly his way or the highway at this point.

I think I'd opt for the highway at this point.

How happy were his bosses about him using paid-for work time to conduct a highly selective poll about his child's toys amongst his workmates?

MizMoonshine · 13/05/2020 15:57

Give us your address.
Receive an assortment of dollies and pushchairs.

JudyCoolibar · 13/05/2020 15:58

I wouldn't give my boy a pushchair and my DH wouldn't push the pushchair.

Why, @Pinkyyy? Is your husband really that insecure about his maleness?

EsmeeMerlin · 13/05/2020 15:58

My 2 year old has a toy pushchair-a pink one also. I bought it for him at Christmas from sainsburys and he loves it and takes it on walks pushing one of his stuffed toys.

Your dh is a homophobic arsehole and if I was you I would now be determined to get my son a toy pushchair.

Firsttimedogowner · 13/05/2020 16:01

This reply has been deleted

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isabellerossignol · 13/05/2020 16:01

Pinkyyy can I ask a question?

In your culture, if you were in some way unable to look after your children, would a female relative step in?

Soubriquet · 13/05/2020 16:02

But @Pinkyyy, I’ve seen traveller men pushing their children’s pushchairs

Why won’t your dh?

SimonJT · 13/05/2020 16:03

@Pinkyyy Someone not bothering to care for their own children isn’t a different view point, it’s a scummy irresponsible act.

FamBae · 13/05/2020 16:04

OP I'm sorry that you have seen a side of your DH that you would have preferred not to, mymadworld's advice is bang on because if you let this slide and he thinks he has got away with his dictatorial behavior on this occasion trust me it will happen again and again. For what it's worth my son loved his pushchair as much as my daughter loved her garage, he is now coming up to 30 and loves nothing more than his family and getting muddy on the rugby pitch.

Butwhhhyyyyyyy · 13/05/2020 16:04

My son loved a little pushchair and went everywhere wit it with various toys in it too. It was also pink as it was his sister's, neither DH or I cared as he was happy.

Ibelieveinyesterday · 13/05/2020 16:04

perhaps it might not hurt them to try and learn something instead of ridiculing that which is different.

You want women on this site to see the value in the culture driven oppression of other women? Hmm
No thanks!

paap1975 · 13/05/2020 16:04

You're married to cave-man. He's worried your son will "catch the gay". Oh dear!

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