To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

[WolfInSlutsClothing]

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

Nope, I don't see why he would need to. He doesn't take the children anywhere on his own so I'm always there to push it.

Why does he never take the children out on their own? Would it really hurt him to give you a break and take them out for a walk or something?

And even when you are there, what makes you his slave? Why shouldn't he be the one to push? I've got visions of you being one of those woman tottering along with a double pushchair and loads of shopping hanging off her arms, plus a big suitcase on your head, whilst their husband strides along unencumbered, because he's the Man and it's your job to slave for him.

perhaps it might not hurt them to try and learn something

Why isn't that a two way process? Do you think it would hurt your husband to try to learn something about basic respect for other human beings?

my grandson just had a baby doll for his birthday .
its his favourite toy .

Why are you having another child with this stone age man?

I wouldn't give my boy a pushchair and my DH wouldn't push the pushchair. well, if memory serves me correctly @pinkyyy was a loan voice on a thread recently where she proclaimed that Donald trump was handling the CV pandemic wonderfully. So erm, I think it’s fair to say that some people are just different.*

TBH it’s one thing saying that you don’t want your child to have x or y. I don’t agree with it but it happens. Going into the account, cancelling the order and then changing the password is on a whole other level however and I would be seriously questioning the relationship over that one.I imagine this isn’t the first highly controlling thing he has done. Can you think of others OP?

My DS loved playing with the toy kitchens at nursery/baby group. So we bought him one for his birthday. And my then DH assembled it. It would never have occurred to either of us to say no. Why would we?

your “culture” is what’s ridiculous and also dangerous and harmful. No proper education for girls, dangerous stereotypes about men and women that only harm and hurt them. Forcing children into marriages, not encouraging university or bettering of each other. I feel sorry for you and your children for the life you are going to make them endure. Now I know you are a traveller I actually feel so so sorry for you so apologies for laughing.

Wow. How fucking racist do you want to be? You clearly don't know what you're talking about either.

Its him, not you, that's trying to decide what your son likes.
Honestly with that explosive reaction I'd seriously consider getting rid of him.

He shouldn't control you in that manner, and he certainly shouldn't be the goddamn toy police.

It may seem drastic to consider leaving him over this, but it's not about the toy. It's about his backwards attitude, both towards what his son can and cant play with AND his controlling and aggressive behaviour towards you.

What you put up with is what will continue. Do not put up with it.

Sorry he has revealed such an ugly side of himself, OP.

I'm not answering any of the other questions because all I get is posts like the above. Racism and prejudice. All I do is give my opinion and I receive so much hate prom closed minded people who think that their beliefs are the only ones that matter and that clearly the whole world must think the same as them. I'm sick of it.

My son was desperate for a pink pram and a doll for Christmas which he got and loved. His is now 27 and straight as a die - although I would have loved a gay son.

@Pinkyyy

In order for people to be tolerant of your culture you need to be tolerant of theirs.

Surely you see how the gender ideology of the travelling community promotes potentially opportunity limiting ideas about what it means to be a female.

You may agree with those ideals personally, but for example surely you can see that telling a girl she doesn't need a formal education limits her potential to earn, doesn't allow her to be financially independent and means she is much more likely to be trapped in an abusive relationship as where would she go?

I'm sure lots of travellers are very happy and thrive in that culture but the fact is that your culture tells women that their purpose is to be a mother and wife at the expense of having their own identity. Their priority is their husband and children, at all costs.

Apologies if it's not the same for you but I grew up with traveller friends (though some of their parents didn't like them mixing with us) and they would stand by what I'm saying.

Sorry @Pinkyyy but everything you’ve said on this thread confirms what I said. Your poor children will grow up with stereotypes and damaging behaviour and have little to look forward to in terms of betterment and a life fulfilling the potential of who they are And please don’t trot out the old ‘racism’ argument 🙄 🙄🙄

@BackseatCookers I completely see where you're coming from but the issue is that I am tolerant of other people's culture, they're just not tolerant of mine. I don't ridicule and belittle people on here for what they believe, but they always do it to me. I'm very accepting, but completely unaccepted.

I thought he was angry because you are ordering unnecessary things during lockdown lol!!

My daughter is 18 months older than our son, he's 2 and he plays with everything boys and girls toys. They play barbies and dinosaurs together, that's entertaining to watch 😆. I guess it'd be odd to order a dolls pram for just a boy although our friends did just that, they didn't care. I don't think playing with dolls will have any impact on gender and all the rest of it, it's just toys isn't it. I should be having sleepless nights over our 2 year old turning into a dinosaur if toys have that much influence 😆

Tell your husband to stop being silly.

@Firsttimedogowner you don't know anything about my children so keep your assumptions to yourself.

Aren't men funny about these things.

No, men aren’t funny about these things. Sexist men are funny about these things.

Oh and it's not "trotting out the old racism argument" it's calling something out for what it is.

Pinkyy, first of all FWIW I think Firsttimedogowner's post is offensive and ignorant.

But you haven't articulated here WHY you believe that there are boys things and girls things. That would be a useful step towards other posters potentially being able to understand your point of view.

He's being ridiculous. YANBU.

I think it's fine that he disagrees about the pushchair. My husband is the same. No it's not ideal but sometimes people disagree on things like this. What is not fine is about how he's handled it. It is controlling. My husband didn't agree with puschair, but we had a discussion about it and came to a compromise that he will push teddies in it and not dolls. Again, not ideal, but it would be silly to pretend that a lot of men don't feel this way.

It must be very hard listening to people saying not nice things about your husband, however, we only have a snapshot of your relationship. His behaviour is abhorrent towards his pregnant partner he's supposed to love and care for. Take some time to think. If he's not normally such an arsehole, ask him if this is the hill he's chosen to die on.

I’m going to add my not-original viewpoint to this thread because his behaviour has pissed me off.

What a sexist, narrow-minded, bigoted homophobe. Ugh. He’s despicable. He’s projecting his own fragile masculinity and apparently delicate sexuality on to a tiny child. This says so much more about him than anything else.

If your next baby is a girl would he refuse to allow her to have a toy car, football, robot, spaceship or other typically gender-ised toy?! I bet he fucking wouldn’t. Would she be banned from wearing....trousers?! gasp!

He’s a real prick. And that’s without even touching on the fact that he feels justified in screaming at, verbally abusing and financially controlling his heavily pregnant partner.

@IntermittentParps thank you, I appreciate that you would say that. The reason I didn't say why was because it wasn't necessarily relevant to the thread, and I have a tendency to get caught up and take over someone else's thread. That's something I'm trying to work on but it's hard when people are so nasty towards me. It all comes down to my cultural beliefs though basically, we're traditional people.

Ugh. Your husband is a jackass. My son loved to push his dollies in his pushchair and he did turn out to be gay. So fucking what?!

My husband was abit like this at first. Not with the amazon account etc but about only allowing my son "boys" toys. My son has always been a bit feminine and I do think he will probably be a gay man which I'm not bothered about in the slightest. Over the years my husband has accepted the way our son is and allows him to play with what he wants or act how he wants. It's taken 9 years but we are now at the stage where my husband realises he cannot mould the children into who he wants them to be

@Pinkyyy appreciate you getting back to me - we've spoken a few times on here under different names and I know you have often felt attacked by others and been nice to say I haven't been horrible about your culture which I appreciate.

I do think you struggle sometimes to see that people aren't attacking you per se, they are attacking the values of a culture which has some elements that I truly believe are only damaging and not positive.

I'm sure there are loads of things about your culture that can be positive and allow for children and adults to be their best selves, but I genuinely believe that the gender ideology of the travelling community serves to keep women dependent on men at all costs. I cannot in good faith say otherwise.

Doesn't mean I don't think you're a good person, or that your husband isn't - but I think your norms are further removed from other people's than you think so you don't understand why people are shocked at things you say like you said how your husband would never push a pram.

That sounds absolute madness to loads of people and they're allowed to express shock at that without being called intolerant and racist - because it is a genuinely shocking thing. If a middle aged, middle class, non religious man from the Home Counties said that I would think it was shocking.

So sometimes it's the action and belief people are criticising rather than your culture as a whole. To some people it doesn't matter why he wouldn't push his own kid in a pushchair, what matters is that he wouldn't do it - which feels outdated and non supportive of the mother involved as well as the child.

I think it's fine that he disagrees about the pushchair. My husband is the same. No it's not ideal but sometimes people disagree on things like this. What is not fine is about how he's handled it.

I agree with this. I think this is what I was trying and failing to say.