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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 15:20

@AragornsManlyStubble I completely agree about that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2020 15:21

Some people do still believe that there are boys things and girls things, myself included. I wouldn't give my boy a pushchair and my DH wouldn't push the pushchair.

That is incredibly sad.

Have some stupid, sexist notions if you want but caring for children is something basic. I have such happy memories of DH pushing DD. My enormous, martial artist, nose broken so many times it lays flat DH. Being incapable of doing normal childcare tasks makes men seem insecure, weak and not manly at all.

Toomboom · 13/05/2020 15:22

My DS had a stroller to push around his teddies, he loved it. He is an adult now, never did him any harm. I really can't understand your husbands problem -- he is living in the dark ages.

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 15:22

@Pinkyyy your husband wouldn't push a pushchair with his own kid in it?

Nope, I don't see why he would need to. He doesn't take the children anywhere on his own so I'm always there to push it.

DoIneed1 · 13/05/2020 15:23

Pinkyyy loves writing posts to provoke a reaction.

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 15:24

Pinkyyy loves writing posts to provoke a reaction

False. I write honest posts. It just so happens that my way life is totally alien to most people on here, that doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to give my opinion too.

itbemay1 · 13/05/2020 15:24

My DS had a pushchair and a dolly he loved it!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/05/2020 15:26

I think pinkyyy is from the traveller community IIRC - men's and women's roles tend to be more "traditional", as I understand it.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/05/2020 15:28

He didn't 'turn gay' which is clearly what men think will happen if a boy has a pram., no, this isn't a generic man thing. Plenty of men don't think this and plenyy of women concur with the men who do. DS has a pink one and a doll, DH doesn't care. He only cares about the one fabric doll because he thinks it's creepy. He'd think this is DS was a boy or a DD.

TheFairyCaravan · 13/05/2020 15:29

My boys had pushchairs and dolls, DH is in the military he couldn't have cared less. DS1 is a soldier and DS2 is a nurse. DS2 has always been a caring, nurturing person who, wherever he goes, children flock round him. We live on a military base and lots of little boys go out and about pushing little pushchairs especially atm.

Your DH needs to get a grip. What your son is going is perfectly normal. It's role play and it's how he will learn. If I was you I'd order him a pushchair and a doll from Argos or somewhere, or get your mum to do it for you.

GabriellaMontez · 13/05/2020 15:29

The worst but for me is that he cancelled the order and locked you out of Amazon. Who the fuck does he think he is? Your dad? Boss?

That is a big gauntlet hes thrown down. It says I'm the boss. I get the last word, what are yougoing to do about it"?

I'd have reordered one by now.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/05/2020 15:31

Not everyone has to have the same beliefs and people are going a bit OTT on this thread. depends, do your beliefs include thinking its OK to scream at your partner if their dare disagree with you? Are you happy only doing what your DH says you can and being screamed at if you disobey him?

isabellerossignol · 13/05/2020 15:32

Nope, I don't see why he would need to. He doesn't take the children anywhere on his own so I'm always there to push it.

I can't get my head around the idea of one parent never taking children anywhere on their own. Unless it's quadruplets or something, in which case it makes sense.

Majorcollywobble · 13/05/2020 15:34

You must be feeling really insecure with being eight months pregnant plus bringing up your 18 month old son. And having to deal with this silliness.
Could it be that your OH is put out as you didn’t think it was enough of an issue to raise getting the dolls push-chair with him before ordering it ?
Either way he’s a control freak .
Those pull along trucks on wheels are a fortune to buy ( the American kind ) - which would have been an alternative . But a little cheap dolls buggy is much more sensible. When things have calmed down can you just calmly say you didn’t intend a huge issue ?
When our daughter bought a buggy for her son I asked if I could buy a boy baby for him. He loved the fact it looked just like him physically plus “feeding “ and “dressing” it .
In every way it hasn’t made him anything other than the boy he is .
He also had a mini Dyson Hoover and a kitchen which he still loves . Such a pity your OH feels this way . Keep talking and try to find out what’s at the root of such an angry response x

Thisismytimetoshine · 13/05/2020 15:34

Different culture, isabelle

Majorcollywobble · 13/05/2020 15:35

Baby boy doll !

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2020 15:37

I’m not even sure what I’ve just read, do people like this still exist.

What is he so thick he thinks a push chair will make his son gay or wish to be a female? Wtaf is his reasoning. And so what if your son does turn out to be gay or wish to be female , what’s he going to do, blame the pushchair when he was tiny?

Honestly, what the hell is wrong with him? To think he’s raising kids too and can hold down a job.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2020 15:39

Some people do still believe that there are boys things and girls things, myself included. I wouldn't give my boy a pushchair and my DH wouldn't push the pushchair

Eh what now? 🙄

FizzyGreenWater · 13/05/2020 15:41

Tell him not to come home.

Open another amazon account and buy the pram with it.

Open your own bank account and put an appropriate amount of money in it.

Tell him to start looking for online counsellors as you are not sure this marriage is going to work unless you can both talk through what apparently appears to be his closet homophobia, as well as his very, very quick descent into abusive, controlling behaviour as soon as you refused to 'obey' him:

  • violent argument, no discussion,
-locking you out of family controlled accounts to get his way.

None of that is ok in a marriage- it is LTB territory.

Does he want to be your partner for this birth? He needs to get a very sharp shock, right now.

Not trivial at all. Utterly unacceptable.

But - you could sort this, and still be left with a knuckledragger who spends his days presumably fixing cars, bantering about wimmin and gay boys and then comes home to impart the same values to his son(s). So have a think :(

JustinMyJustin · 13/05/2020 15:41

Your husband sounds insane. Both in his attitude towards his son and in his controlling behaviour locking you out of your amazon account.

I feel for your son being raised by a man with such archaic attitudes.

Thisismytimetoshine · 13/05/2020 15:41

Travelling community, Blunt

bluestarsatnightfall · 13/05/2020 15:42

This is about much more than you buying a little pram for your son. Do you work? Is he always this controlling with money?

Wheresthebiffer2 · 13/05/2020 15:43

Lots of children enjoy pushing teddy/dolly around in pushchairs, boys as well as girls. So your husband is being ridiculous.

I bought a blue one for my daughter.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/05/2020 15:44

Oh and OP - if you have a career, don't even think of dialling it down to be SAHM or similar. This is NOT the kind of man you want to be relying on to be a 'team' with - I think he's just shown you exactly how much respect he has for you.

MsMarple · 13/05/2020 15:45

Both my sons loved pushing their teddy round in a little blue buggy! Now they mostly love fortnite and fighting with each other... so in my experience toddler toy prams have no effect on testosterone levels at all