Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
mindutopia · 13/05/2020 14:58

I think this would be a deal breaker for me. This will not get better.

For that matter, my 2.5 year old ds has dolls and a doll pushchair (they were dd's, we didn't go out and actively buy them specifically for him, though obviously would have if he'd showed interest). He loves it. He also has a doll he sleeps with and regularly goes 'shh shh' and puts his baby to sleep. He also now sleeps with one of the babies at night. There's nothing odd about boys playing with dolls.

Your dh sounds massively insecure about his masculinity.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 13/05/2020 14:59

Aren't men funny about these things. My DS wanted a buggy when he was a toddler too, he loved putting his teddies in the nursery one and pushing it around. I told DH I was getting one and he was unhappy and told me not to. I bought it anyway and the only one I could find was pink. He played with it for a few months and moved on to something else. He didn't 'turn gay' which is clearly what men think will happen if a boy has a pram. They forget that as fathers they are often pushing a pram!!

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 13/05/2020 15:00

and don't get me started about when I painted his toenails.

WeAllHaveWings · 13/05/2020 15:01

The pushchair/sexism isn't the problem and not worth commenting on.

The inability to communicate with and respect each other is. Focus on a solution to the actual problem and don't get distracted by the pushchair.

perfectstorm · 13/05/2020 15:01

Is he generally nicer than this to you, OP?

If you order it from say a new account, with different passwords, what would he do - and would you be scared of his reaction?

I'd also be worried about his view of women in general, and you in particular, if he is this disgusted and horrified by his son having any sort of toys he sees as female. What does that say of his view of women?

All children like buggies because they like playing at the world around them. A buggy is no different to a car. It's something they use, and adults control. They like playing at that. Your husband, ironically, is being a big unreasonable screamy baby.

SimonJT · 13/05/2020 15:01

@Pixiefringe What exactly makes a toy a toy for girls or a toy for boys?

SunshineDays2019 · 13/05/2020 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Becstar90 · 13/05/2020 15:04

Ask him if he thinks it's okay if a father pushes their child around in a pram Wink

lottiegarbanzo · 13/05/2020 15:04

My suggestion to him would be that he should probably not be trying to share his life with someone who so clearly does not share his values. He's tried, it's failed, you're not going to change.

Time for him ot move on and find someone who is as much of a sexist twunt as he is.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 13/05/2020 15:07

It's not a small thing is inherent misogyny, babies and children are women's work and your son shouldn't be getting any other ideas about that, as for cancelling the order and changing the password is controlling and he's being incredibly aggressive about it. A female child relative of mine (6) told me balls are for boys and said that DS a year old at the time shouldn't play with dollies because he's not a girl. Her older brother will sit and watch football with their dad while she helps mummy clean up and all involved are absolutely fine with this. I see gender stereotypes very clearly with her parents and it makes me very sad.

diddl · 13/05/2020 15:07

Well he obviously wants something to push his teddy around in, whether that be pushchair, shopping trolley or something else!

Whilst your husband might have preferred it not to be a pushchair, cancelling the order is way OTT!

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 15:08

Some people do still believe that there are boys things and girls things, myself included. I wouldn't give my boy a pushchair and my DH wouldn't push the pushchair. Not everyone has to have the same beliefs and people are going a bit OTT on this thread.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 13/05/2020 15:11

@SeeWhoRustsFirst
Phew! 😉
I just see so many people bravely leave bad relationships only to end up in another one fairly soon afterwards. Often it's conditioning or what they've come to expect and it's so sad.

justasking111 · 13/05/2020 15:12

Just order a pushchair from Argos, Smyths. Oh and open your own amazon account, who has a shared one these days, I do not want my OH peering over my shoulder at my kindle choices.

justasking111 · 13/05/2020 15:13

Oh both my grandsons have kitchens, and loads of dolls to play with, whatever rocks their boat I say.

DameLucy · 13/05/2020 15:13

My now 32 year old 6ft 1in son, who is now a real “man” had a doll’s buggy, a doll’s high chair and a tea set! They’re only toys for goodness sake! I’d be angry if my husband acted like yours too!

TheTeenageYears · 13/05/2020 15:13

My friends bought DS a blue pushchair and boy baby when my DD was born, he loved them. Maybe suggest to a family member that it would make a great gift for your DS when his baby brother or sister is born - obviously needs to be someone who you can confide in about this and who doesn't mind getting involved.

DH is completely out of line. I'm not sure where you go from here.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/05/2020 15:15

Set up a new amazon account in your own name from your own account.

I would do this - and re-order the pushchair.

Your DH is being stupid!

AragornsManlyStubble · 13/05/2020 15:16

Pinkyyy ignoring the fact that you’re clearly in a time warp, it’s the DH’s reaction that’s the biggest problem. OP shouldn’t be yelled at and abused by her DH.

HaddawayAndShite · 13/05/2020 15:17

Oh and open your own amazon account, who has a shared one these days
People who are in controlling and abusive relationships like the op sadly.

Ibelieveinyesterday · 13/05/2020 15:17

Jesus Christ, it's a fabric box on wheels. What is wrong with him!?

OP, you've a really serious problem here. He is a misogynist who sees fit to give his heavily pregnant wife verbal abuse.
Much easier for us to say than you to do obviously, but I wouldn't stay with someone who could have your DS growing up with such disgusting views.

And his workmates are obviously twats too Hmm

WitchWife · 13/05/2020 15:19

@Pinkyyy your husband wouldn't push a pushchair with his own kid in it? what if you were away, ill or busy with another child?

Amazed people anywhere still have this attitude, my dad has told me about debates like this amongst his dad friends 40 years ago where the "non-pushers" were laughed at for being old fashioned.

Whataloadofshite · 13/05/2020 15:19

Your husband is a twat.

WitchWife · 13/05/2020 15:20

"Jesus Christ, it's a fabric box on wheels."

Sorry but that's cracked me up!

Pickles89 · 13/05/2020 15:20

Your 'D'H sounds like a proper nutjob. Honestly, he must be mentally unbalanced, because his behaviour really isn't normal.

What is normal however is toddlers playing with toy pushchairs.

Swipe left for the next trending thread