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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
Longlockdown · 14/05/2020 02:55

I never, ever vote.
You original post is enough.

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.

I have worked with 0-5 yr olds for 25+ years, published 6 books still avail thro Bloomsbury on Amazon.

YOU are right.

HE is best becoming an EOW parent. And I have never said that before. He is bullying you, and you are beginning to thing you are wrong.
You are bright & clever!

darkforceofexcesszeal · 14/05/2020 02:58

Ds used to breastfeed his dollies. And pushed his dolly buggy all over the village. He also learned to walk in Barbie shoes and did ballet, and spent most of his toddler years in a leotard and tights pretending to be a cat. He’s 18 now and the sort of man your crappy husband would be proud to call son.
Except, my son wouldn’t be proud to call such a pathetic excuse for a man ‘dad’.
Such values have no place in 21st century parenting. Tell him to step up to real manhood or gtfo.

RightYesButNo · 14/05/2020 03:28

Op, this is not about the toy.

Every time you feel yourself slipping, tell yourself this isn’t about a toy (so you don’t feel silly).

This is about a man who wouldn’t stop screaming at his heavily pregnant wife when she asked him 20 times to stop. What would you do if you saw that happening in public? What would you think? You certainly wouldn’t think she was being silly, and I really don’t think you’d care what the discussion had been about previous to him screaming at her. You do not deserve to be verbally abused. You said that shouting appears to be his way to deal with everything right now. Is that a sort of nice way of saying that he’s shouting AT you all the time, is it? You’re so vulnerable at 8 months pregnant (not that it would be okay even if you weren’t pregnant), and he knows that, hence calling and asking about specific things he knows are difficult for you, like bathing the toddler.

I know you mention you’re worried that you’ll just soften up and give in and he’ll come back from his mother’s. But whenever you’re interacting, really hear yourself asking him those 20 times not to shout at you, and he wouldn’t stop.

I’m not saying LTB. But if this is his only way of communicating lately, I would at least try to demand some counseling before he comes back.

gumball37 · 14/05/2020 04:19

I have never understood the aversion to boys playing with dolls, kitchens, doll accessories... Don't we want boys to grow up into men who enjoy parenting and are capable of taking care of themselves in a household setting?

Tsubasa1 · 14/05/2020 04:58

So bizarre really. I didnt think a pushchair was a girls toy! Is he forbidden to play with pots and pans and playfood and a tea set aswell?

pickledbunions · 14/05/2020 05:08

What a shit role model he is I'd leave the bastard

understandmenow · 14/05/2020 06:19

I dont necessarily see a pram as just a girls toy purely because dads push prams too. My nephew went through a doll phase practicing be a dad, it was adorable. I dont agree with trying to pretend theres no such thing as girls toys and boys toys though.

WTF! I cannot believe this type of shite still exists! Really, the 1950s need you back.

OP, you asked loads of people at work, I can just picture the scene, aggressive work colleague yelling, "aren't I right" and people just eye rolling and mumbling yeah if you like! Honestly, he cannot of asked in a clam levelled way, because very very few people are so thick and misogynistic to agree with him.

He sounds utterly awful, you asked him to stop shouting at you 20 times, over a small child's toy, what happens when you do something that is worthy of upsetting you?

How dare he control the family money, by cancelling your order and as for changing the password....... fucking hell, that's bad!

understandmenow · 14/05/2020 06:20

*he asked loads of people at work

Sostenueto · 14/05/2020 06:36

Seems your hubby has a very big problem with what is masculine. He buys him what he classes as boys toys. He's not having his boy playing with what he classes as girlie things that is quite plain to see. Buy a pushalong brick carrier take out bricks and put teddy in. That will keep your boy happy as he wants to copy mummy pushing buggy and your hubby who has a problem with what is girl and boy toys. ( I never played with dolls I played with cars, garages and soldiers and meccano cos I found girls toys were sooo boring!😁)

understandmenow · 14/05/2020 06:46

Seems your hubby has a very big problem with what is masculine. He buys him what he classes as boys toys. He's not having his boy playing with what he classes as girlie things that is quite plain to see. Buy a pushalong brick carrier take out bricks and put teddy in. That will keep your boy happy as he wants to copy mummy pushing buggy and your hubby who has a problem with what is girl and boy toys. ( I never played with dolls I played with cars, garages and soldiers and meccano cos I found girls toys were sooo boring!😁)

Thank fuck people like you are in the minority, just why should OP appease her OHs ridiculous demands? He has already suggested that he'd buy the DS a wheelbarrow instead?

You do realise that the OP is allowed to make a decision without her "hubby's" approval?

Another one that needs to get back to the 1950s!

malificent7 · 14/05/2020 06:47

I would never sleep with him again after that...ick.

understandmenow · 14/05/2020 06:51

@Sostenueto also with your "appease" your "hubby" idea of buying a push along brick carrier, are you also saying he was ok, to ring up shouting and screaming at the OP? Cancelling the order and changing the password, so the "little woman" can't make a further decision that he doesn't agree with?

Is that all ok, because he has an issue with boys and girls toys?

OP is also 8 months pregnant, if it's a girl and she is "allowed" to have a pushchair, should OP make sure the DS doesn't play with it?

Ridiculous situation.

NerforMuffin · 14/05/2020 06:54

Eurgh what an absolute chauvinist pig.

OP. If you PM me I will get your DS a little pram sent to your house x

SunshineCake · 14/05/2020 07:15

Back of *@Yeahnahmum. She didn't "let him." She can't control what he says and she has told him to go. Justify your comment.

SunshineCake · 14/05/2020 07:16

Ffs Off

Raindancer411 · 14/05/2020 07:38

We brought our son a kitchen unit to play with when he was 3. Daddy cooks all the time, so we didn't even think anything of it. Even at 7, he still uses it and 'cooks' me meals. One of his friends from school (a girl) comes over and they both play together with it.

A pram for an 18 old is not a problem in my eyes and like others have said, men push buggies and have to change nappies etc. I think your husband is being silly...

Oblomov20 · 14/05/2020 07:52

What a twat. Boys love pushing things. And a small light pushchair is best indoors and will cause least damage.

hannah1992 · 14/05/2020 08:02

Wow. I only read the first page of comments but that is ridiculous. I hate all this boys stuff girls stuff shit. I have 2 girls. In the garden they have a wheelbarrow, a lawn mower and gardening set, they have a trampoline a pool and a swing set. My dd4 actually prefers “boys” toys. She prefers cars and tools over dolls and prams. She has a police station and a fire station. She has a tool bench with hammer and screwdriver etc. She also has a toy mechanics set.

Just let them play! It’s good for the imagination and allows them to grow into their own personalities

peperethecat · 14/05/2020 08:03

Wow your husband is being ridiculous. And why is he so afraid of his son wanting to play with teddies or - heaven forbid - dolls? Is he worried that your son might grow up to be a sensitive and caring man who takes an active role in looking after his own children?

NekoShiro · 14/05/2020 08:05

I would be livid about him going into a shared accout and locking me out, absolutely livid.

WolfInSlutsClothing · 14/05/2020 08:07

He did end up apologising last night, but as well as apologising he also wanted me to apologise for buying something that I knew he didn't want behind his back. I obviously refused to apologise as I'm not ever going to say sorry for buying my child a toy.

According to him he's hurt as he specifically asked me time and time again not to buy 'his son' girls toys and that it's the only rule he has. He also said again that I'm pushing my values on him, to which I told him that of course I am, how on earth do you raise a child without teaching them what you believe to be right and wrong? I think it's wrong to tell a child they can't play with certain toys, I don't want my son growing up like that.

He then said that he should be allowed do the same so, and I said no because your values are wrong and I'm not having you making him feel like a 'pussy' or whatever stupid word you want to use for a toddler who plays with toys you don't approve of. The conversation didn't end well, don't really know where we go from here but Im adamant I'm not backing down.

Oh, he also said to buy the buggy then if I want but he doesn't approve, and I told him I never cared about his approval to begin with and he was always getting the toy regardless of his feelings because he's not the one playing with it. I still think he's a complete and utter arse hole. Ds is here now playing with a truck happy as Larry, I wonder when he gets this scary girly toy will he instantly stop playing with the boy stuff and be an instant homosexual? I might buy him a dress just for the sake of it. Atleast ds won't ever feel like he has to hide who he is around me, I can't say the same for his father but I can't control what he does 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
WolfInSlutsClothing · 14/05/2020 08:09

Oh, regarding a toy kitchen. That's another thing he aparently doesn't want him to have, even though he cooks dinner atleast twice a week and loves cooking... I'll also be buying him that.

OP posts:
understandmenow · 14/05/2020 08:19

Well done on standing your ground OP, but I think you have a long road ahead!

allgoodinthehood · 14/05/2020 08:19

I'd also ad nail varnish and kids makeup to that shopping list and a pink top

allgoodinthehood · 14/05/2020 08:20

Plus a dolly to go in the buggy

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