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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
Tonz · 13/05/2020 19:41

A lot of little girls like to play at being mummies so whats the problem with little boys playing at being daddies. He may not have asked for a toy pushchair but the fact that he's putting a doll into his own and trying to push it tells me he would enjoy playing with one better suited to his size. Get him his pushchair and tell yourhusband to grow the fuck up

DysonFury · 13/05/2020 19:41

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Allthebestusernameshavegone · 13/05/2020 19:44

Pm me your address op and I’ll order it from my amazon account for you!
My DS is 6 and today was pushing around dd’s dolls pram with her. They had a ball!
Your OH Is a cock!

Saxifraga · 13/05/2020 19:47

It's absolutely fine, but your partner is not nice for acting like this. Sorry you have this stress to deal while pregnant!!

countrygirl99 · 13/05/2020 19:50

I'm sure other sites sell them. Teach him that blocking you from Amazon is a futile gesture.

Allthebestusernameshavegone · 13/05/2020 19:55

Sorry just read the full thread.
Hope you’re ok op! You’ve done nothing wrong at all. He’s an absolute wank puffin xx

thatonehasalittlecar · 13/05/2020 19:56

Show him this article - modern ‘tech’ prams were basically invented for men to push around.

www.theguardian.com/news/2018/mar/20/bugaboo-luxury-pram-baby-buggy-stroller-parenting

He sounds like a very insecure man with some really questionable attitudes. Make sure you don’t end up trapped in the 1950s with him.

Stephie0x3 · 13/05/2020 20:02

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT being unreasonable!! Children can play with any toy, no matter what their gender! Xxx

Shouldershrugger · 13/05/2020 20:08

I bought my son a pram. He pushed it round everywhere. Then he was done with it after a month. I think your dh is being pathetic and homophobic. To change the password is ridiculous. I feel sorry and angry for you op. Fwiw my son hasnt catched the gay cos of it!! Nonsense

derxa · 13/05/2020 20:13

Only on MN...

tricky29 · 13/05/2020 20:19

Just shows how toxic these perceptions are about gender. My DD got a tool bench from one set of grandparents as a toddler. The other set were horrified! I sort of feel sorry for your kid’s Dad that even in 2020 he is so bothered about what others might think or what it might mean for your son’s sexuality as if a) it matters or b) a toy would influence it anyway.

The changing password, calling you a cunt etc is a whole different thing. I wouldn’t be forgiving or forgetting that at all. Only you know if it’s something he normally does or something totally out of character.

runrabbitrunrunrun · 13/05/2020 20:27

Please don’t let your Dh the touch your boys pushchair again, it will make him gay and he’ll leave you for a man!

Anotheruser02 · 13/05/2020 20:51

The way he's treated you is so much more serious than the thing he has issue with. Controlling and aggressive.

Confusedaboutthis01 · 13/05/2020 21:14

This is really concerning. He’s so wrong for shouting at you and having such odd opinions. It’s one thing saying he doesn’t want him to have it, but he really cannot expect to be taken seriously by just shouting and protesting like a child without even trying to explain his rationale. It’s pathetic behaviour and you I feel for you OP. What a shitty time for him to reveal his true colours

kateybeth79 · 13/05/2020 21:16

My DS always played with DD's toys. He once spent all day in a ballet tutu and cried when I asked him to take it off! He's 6 now and whilst he still humours his sister's role playing with baby doll games, he would much rather play with guns, swords and dinosaurs. No harm done here!

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 22:14

Sorry you married and bred with a cunt OP

In what world is that even remotely necessary?

Ibelieveinyesterday · 13/05/2020 22:45

In what world is that even remotely necessary?

Agreed @Pinkyyy. This is someone's real life and she certainly deserves no blame for her husband's actions.

GabsAlot · 13/05/2020 22:59

i dont care what culture country or planet youre from thats downright sexist

and then to call you a cunt id leave him for that

timeisnotaline · 13/05/2020 23:03

Op I hope you are going ok. Well done so far, it must be difficult with being so pregnant. If you want a hope of a happy relationship it’s really important you make your boundaries clear now and don’t let him back without an apology, a commitment to never ever call you a cunt, to never ever say he doesn’t care about the children or he might never see them again, you on the amazon account (set up your own anyway though!) and your little boy has a pram, if he’d rather not live with his son who has a toy pram that’s his decision. If he says you kicked me out say ‘how about I tell everyone you called me a cunt, said you didn’t fucking care if you never saw your kids again’, do you think they’d all think oh poor x being kicked out? They’d think gosh I never thought of him as the domestic violence type, I hope wolf is ok. So if you keep saying that, I will tell everyone. You’re a grown up making choices how to behave to your wife and children, now behave like one and own those choices.

CoronaIsComing · 13/05/2020 23:12

I want to know who the 2% that think YABU are?? 😵

BackseatCookers · 13/05/2020 23:27

Another one agreeing with @pinkyyy that a particular PP said something disgusting - I reported it so hopefully MN will see / have seen.

Yeahnahmum · 14/05/2020 00:12

He changed your order. Blocked you on amazon and Shouted at you.... Wow
What an incredible arse of a man. And you let himHmm??

Make a new account. Order a new stroller and tell your husband to get it together

Or enjoy a life with 2 kids whilst being married to a sexist, controlling, homophobic arse of a man.

Coyoacan · 14/05/2020 00:16

If pushchairs and dolls are not for boys, then I wonder at him, being a man, thinking he can have an opinion about what a baby plays with, surely that is an exclusively female domain.

He sounds really insecure about his own sexuality, OP.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/05/2020 02:39

Interestingly, I doubt he'd be bothered if his DD were to play with cars, trucks, tools etc. It's not an issue in these misogynistic twats' minds if girls play with "boy" toys, because that's an "upgrade" in status - boys playing with "girl" toys is downgrading their status. HmmAngry

I rather love the internet memes about "boy" and "girl" toys - as in, does this require a penis to operate this toy? No? then it's a toy for boys AND girls.
Does it require a vagina to operate this toy? No? Then it's a toy for boys AND girls.
(NB - pretty certain there are NO toys for children that require either a penis or a vagina to operate them!)

Igotthemheavyboobs · 14/05/2020 02:48

Yanbu, I can't stand this attitude of 'girls stuff / boys stuff'. Imo, bollocks like this caused this huge gender confusion as people start believing harmful stereotypes make you a man or woman.
Your husband is bring a twat

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