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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
okiedokieme · 13/05/2020 18:39

My DD's had a toy garage, trains, tool set and explorer sets, all from the "boys" aisle. One is an engineer the other a researcher.

mummabearfourbabybears · 13/05/2020 18:41

That's the most bizarre reaction I've ever heard. Good grief. Your husband sounds very insecure. My son when he was about 18m loved his pushchair. My husband was in the army and often walked son and said pushchair round camp to the NAAFI and back. No one said anything and it's wasn't unusual. Daddies push prams too.

LouLouLoo · 13/05/2020 18:43

You should really send him a link to this thread.

He’s beyond ridiculous.

SunshineCake · 13/05/2020 18:43

That's great that he is saying you're kicked him out when they ask why and he tells them I won't let her buy our son a buggy and I've yelled at her and cut off her account.

Get it first. He's a dick. Enjoy the peace.

B0bbin · 13/05/2020 18:44

You're so right and he's so wrong. Youre just getting DS something that will allow him to play how he enjoys playing right now. He might use it as a wheelbarrow in another game. Has DH ever done this kind of stuff before? He sounds awful, cancelling the order and changing password. That's really controlling.

PipGirl404 · 13/05/2020 18:44

I'd pay good money to watch his face as he read the replies on this thread.

Is he a closet gay by any chance? He sounds massively insecure about masculinity.

Anyway, glad you're advocating for your children and unlike a lot of posters on this board you sound like you're putting them first which is great. Don't let your son grow up with a sexist pig for a father!!

Crimsonnightlotus · 13/05/2020 18:45

So if your baby is a girl, she won't be allowed to play with her brothers cars etc?
I really hope your dh comes to senses.

Holothane · 13/05/2020 18:46

I had cars and action man that parachuted down if you threw it high enough, a tent, today I live in jeans t shirts usually dr who stars wars, but also love rose gold, pink what does make me, a happy 53 year old, your dh is a disgrace. I’d leave and bloody quick, it’s not just the toys it’s the amazon account. Hugs.

Katypyee · 13/05/2020 18:46

Your DH is behaving like a massive tool! There is no such thing as gendered toys!! Kids can play with whatever the heck they like. Did he push your DS in his pushchair as a baby? Was he okay with this? What is the difference?

My DS when he was around 2 loved my DD's dolls and wanted a pram of his own. We bought him his own pushchair and dolly for his birthday and he was son happy. My DH didn't have any issue with it. I mean, why would he?

Your DH sounds awful!

YANBU.

LakieLady · 13/05/2020 18:48

The only think I'm afraid of is that he'll wear me down enough by telling me I'm wrong that many times that I end up giving in

Be strong, OP. Grey rock him. Tell him the matter is closed and no longer up for discussion (after you've ordered the pushchair). Once he succeeds in "wearing you down", he'll know that that works, and he will use it whenever he doesn't get his own way from here on in.

That behaviour is a subtle and insidious form of abuse, and over time it erodes your energy, your spirit and your self-respect. I speak from experience, and sadly for me I didn't recognise it for what it was at the time.

Oddly enough, my ex used to call me a cunt when I insisted on doing something he didn't approve of, too.

Standupthisisnotateaparty · 13/05/2020 18:49

He sounds like he's calmed down a lot

Or his mum tore him a new one.

Sceptre86 · 13/05/2020 18:50

It really is a shame that your dh feels this way and I would be having a proper discussion with him about it. I don't like that he changed the amazon password, that smacks of control which I am not impressed with. My ds is a very 'typical' boy he loves vehicles of any kind, he is loud, loves jumping off things but he loves helping me in the kitchen and around the house too. Two of his favourite toys are his sister's toy kitchen and his dyson hoover. He is very boisterous but loving and likes playing with his sisters dolls so we bought him one. He pushes her in her pink pram and pretends to be a daddy, his dad though is every inch an equal parent to me and a good role model. Your dh is making things out to be a big deal when they aren't, kids at that age don't have a knowledge of boys and girls toys that is put upon them by adults. Kids should be allowed to play with any toys, by labelling one set of toys as not for boys it could cause a child to feel shame for wanting to play with such a toy and do so in secret which you would surely want to avoid?

WelcomeToTheMountaintop · 13/05/2020 18:55

Interestingly my DH subconsciously felt that pushing a baby makes you look LESS gay (proof you’ve shagged at least one woman)

We found this out when dd was a baby, we inadvertently got caught up in a huge pride march.DH looks like a bit of a bruiser, but is quite gentle in his manner, and often gets chatted up by gay men. He doesn’t mind this, but gets a bit embarrassed when it happens in front of me. (I don’t mind either tbh)

Anyway, caught in this twirling mass of sparkly humanity, DH says gruffly ‚‘I’ll push the pram‘. So even a burly biker type will resort to pushing a (pink, frilly) pram in order to look more masculine 🤣

missingeu · 13/05/2020 18:58

I'd be tempted to order a pretty pink one, and say you'd thought it was the colour he was against.

My son now 15 loved his pushchair, it went everywhere usually with a Thomas train and football in it.

Cheeeeislifenow · 13/05/2020 18:58

He is a prick and I bet it's not the first time, he sounds controlling and possibly homophobic. Fuck that, who wants to be with someone like that?

RaspberryBubblegum · 13/05/2020 19:00

Make an eBay account and order the pram. Then tell him not to come home.

Honeyroar · 13/05/2020 19:00

Well done you for staying strong and putting the phone down without letting him pretend nothing happened. He owes you a huge apology and has to mean it if there is any way forward. All that horrible swearing at you, controlling what you buy and generally behaviour is awful, especially when you’re heavily pregnant.

Devlesko · 13/05/2020 19:00

He's wrong and controlling. Why are you with him? What a terrible father and husband.

Maybelatte · 13/05/2020 19:09

He sounds like a total idiot. My DS is the same age and loves pushing his dinkum doll around in his walker.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/05/2020 19:16

I think it's a case of he agrees to counselling - online, and now, before baby (or he will not be able to be at the birth) and you are brutally honest in saying that a. you won't stay with a person who even thinks about treating you the way he did today and b. you will not stay with, or even want your children to spend enough time to be influenced by, a ridiculous, chauvinistic, bigoted homophobe. So he needs to start delving into why he thinks any of this is ok and to start to undo it, NOW.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/05/2020 19:19

Your son would have been happy with anything with wheels to push his Teddy around in. There was no need to buy a doll's pram/stroller. her son wants a buggy like his with a baby like him

But maybe explains it’s the wheels he is into might make him understand a bit better. what if it isn't the wheels thigh, what if next week he wants a crib for his doll / teddies and a bottle to feed them? What if its the (gasp) nurturing he's into? Would you assume a little girl who wanted a pram was only obsessed with wheels?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 13/05/2020 19:20

I would tell him to stay elsewhere if that is possible at the moment
Being shouted at like that is never acceptable
No excuses for his awful behaviour it's such a silly thing for him to get so angry
Sorry you are dealing with this it must be v v stressful for you

Piglet89 · 13/05/2020 19:21

@Theplotisgoneawayforever has nailed it.

Imknackeredzzz · 13/05/2020 19:25

Oh god how awful to be married to such a thicko

SunshineCake · 13/05/2020 19:26

FFS I must be hormonal as @NamesNamesSoManyNames and @Thisismytimetoshine your comments have made me tear up a bit Blush.

To embarrassed to say why but *@WolfInSlutsClothing DON'T send h8 this thread. There's never a good idea. And as for him calming down, he doesn't, sorry shouldn't, get back in your house without serious serious apologies, immediate reinstatement of Amazon privileges ffs and anything else you think necessary. Of course, he doesn't have to get back at all if you don't want. He said he didn't care about seeing his small boy Sad.