To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

[WolfInSlutsClothing]

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

Your son would have been happy with anything with wheels to push his Teddy around in. There was no need to buy a doll's pram/stroller

So teddy gets to be wheeled around in something that isn’t meant for teddies.

I am failing to see what exactly he is annoyed at.

I presume you have a pram for this new baby.

When your dh takes the baby out will it go in a wheelbarrow because your dh wants a manly item to show he is a man just in case other men look at him pushing a push chair and think he has caught The Gay

Utterly and completely ridiculous.

Your husband is a bellend. I’d buy another pushchair and get a little baby doll to go in it as well.

My response going forward would depend on whether he has been aggressive and controlling before this. If this is a one off then he has to apologise and you set boundaries: he never undermines you like that again, he never cancels a decision you have made, he never shouts at you like that again.

If he has form for this, I'd be considering the future of the relationship.

You haven't kicked him out - you've shown commendable restraint there - you've given him a choice of backing down from his ridiculous position right away or having some time out to prepare for backing down later!

His rudeness, high-handedness (in cancelling your order and closing your account) and disrespect is unacceptable and way out of line.

Don't let him back until he apologises properly and guarantees to raise his son in partnership with you to be a better-rounded and more tolerant human being than he is himself.

I had pigeon-pair twins so we always had a mix of toys. The little buggy and pram were used by both of them - sometimes fought over - and my DS is new father to a DS himself now.

None of their toys influenced their sexual orientation.

Buy him Steve Biddulph's book on raising boys - he might learn something.

Oh, and when you order the buggy, why not order him a tiny tutu in case he wants to be a ballerina one day?!

I honestly don't know of his mother will side with him, I imagine she'll just stay out of it. I've told him loads of times that I as a child played with mostly boys toys, as I grew up with only brothers. I used to dress up as a fireman and I had loads of cars and dinosaurs. I also had barbies, hated baby dolls and prams though. Nothing strange or odd ever came of it, and it never would because toys are toys in my eyes and thankfully most other people's.

The more I think about it the more angry I get, I feel like he's just going to keep making me feel like the bad guy until I back down and I'm afraid that I will. I think I'll go on and order the buggy after myself and ds have had dinner. I can't imagine I'll be letting him back anytime soon if at all anyway so it's none of his business.

You can point out to H that when I was little (5/6) my favourite toys were a set of small, but real, tools - with some wood and nails and screws and electric cable and plugs - all that my dad let me have out of his own tools because I was interested. My 'workshop' was the boot of the car (lid open!!). I went on to have some very happy years as a female, straight engineer.

And PS...while I was playing in the car boot, my little brother was pushing the pram and playing with the doll my DGM bought me and that I had no interest in. He's now chairman of a decent sized …. engineering company. With a wife and two children, and also straight.

Whose email address is the Amazon Account in? If yours - then change the password and dont tell him. If his - then set up your own. And whilst you are at it get some funds out of that joint account before he clears it and you have no money to eat or feed your son. Given that he has stopped you accessing the amazon account - seemingly the way your order stuff I would suggest you are reasonabley justified in protecting yourself!!

Hopefully he will realise he's an idiot and will come home with his tail between his legs... then you have a choice to make!!

Aparently iv 'ruined his whole fucking day in work' and when I asked him was he happy with the fact that he won't see his son until this pandemic is over as he won't be putting me or him at risk, he said he doesn't fucking care.

What you've got yourself there OP, is a cunt.

Horrible, selfish man who views his kids as a dick swinging extension like some men view a Porsche. A reflection on him rather than an individual human in their own right.

Imagine a woman saying they didn't fucking care if they saw their kids until after the pandemic.

Fuck me. 2020, you absolutely bellend - nothing as changed.

He called you a cunt???

That's it. I was going to suggest that he may not be the best man for you to rely on in terms of a long term relationship after I'd read your op, but having read your further posts, I am bloody glad he's at his mum's now.

I'm so sorry this is happening, and happening at a really bad time. I think if you wanted to go back to your parents', you would be able to, given the rules about abusive relationships.

How much support can you get where you are? Do you have family close by, or very close friends?

Looks like he’s shown his true colours, I’d be more angry about him cancelling my order and then changing the password than if that were his views. Some people are just very small minded,

Do you have a support network around you eg mums, siblings, friends, please speak to someone who can support you just now,

Joint Amazon accounts are wrong. Get your own. Buy what you want.

The best picture of my childhood is a pic of me in his fireman sams costume and my brother in my princess costume with the heels on!

My brother is a straight married man whose also a successful professional boxer

I also was quite a tomboy in my earlier years but I'm a very feminine straight mother lol

My daughter loves her screw set and cars (she's 2)

It's just toys, all he thinks is wow I'm pushing something with something inside lol.

Why don't you suggest, you buy BOTH the pushchair and the wheelbarrow ? And then your Dh can see how ridiculous he's being when your ds alternatives between the toys lol

There is nothing effeminate about pushing a baby around... lots of grown men take pride in taking care of a child, so why shouldn't a young boy?
At that age, it doesn't signify a damn thing anyway - it's innocent learning and enjoyment.

Sadly it is adults who seek to impose their own stereotypical behaviours on children, which in turn teaches them to feel guilty about some activities.

Our little dd just gets the toys of things she’s interested in. She loves dinosaurs and she knows all their names. Dressing up as Elsa, loves Elsa only. Elephants, has a ukulele, obsession with the moon and the stars - so has a moon lamp! Has a CAT digger and dump truck and a Henry hoover! Anything really apart from toy guns/swords I don’t like violence.
This guy sounds unhinged, it’s just a little blue buggy, DD’s cousin enjoys playing with all his sisters dolls and buggies it’s just play.
The fact he’s gone crazy at you when your heavily pregnant over practically nothing means I think you should really reconsider this relationship. However I know how vulnerable you feel I’m 8 months pregnant too. X

My 2 yr old boy loves his pushchair (and baby doll) but I would be more concerned about the way you're being spoken to, and forbidden from buying things, rather than precisely what the 'problem' toy is.

came to a compromise that he will push teddies in it and not dolls.

Well shit, the time machine actually worked!
Off I go to patent this. The menfolk will be happy I'll never need to work a day in my life again!! One less woman daring to have such a dangerous thing as an idea

Oh so you're the only one who has pushed your son in his pram or his buggy? Dad has never?
Arsehole!
How does he think boys learn to be men, learn how to be dads?

My nephews all had dolls and prams. None of them are gay. My eldest daughter had a doll pram my youngest daughter liked cars and trucks. The eldest is gay, the youngest is not. Therefore, I deduce that doll prams only make you gay if you are female.

Also your husband is an abusive wank biscuit.

So the father of your child doesn't want his child to grow up to be a good dad? Doesn't think parenting is for boys? Gross.

But like @Pinkyyy I also come from a travelling family and even though my brother was allowed to pretend with my toys I think if it became. Regular occurrence like choosing to play with girls instead of boys etc, my father wouldn't have liked it either...

I think your husband may be OT a little because atm all you hear is about parents basically letting little boys go into school with skirts on etc when all the boy probably did was say he liked pink or something, it's sort of becoming "fashionable" for us to want our sons to explore their feminine side. So he's probably thinking
"No no no no I'm not having all this, what's next, he wants to play dress up, then it be sending him into school with a pinafore on" I think he's handled this very wrong but men tend too...

Wow op haven't rtft but ds2 dad was just like this. Tried to have a huge go at me in the middle of playgroup because I wasnt stopping his son from playing with the pushchair.
I told him straight hes pretending to be a dad and you object?
Apparently it was going to turn him gay and it would be all my fault.
I just laughed at him.
Funnily enough ds2 dad doesnt bother with him anymore so I'm guessing it was jealousy ds2 was a better dad than him. Absolutely fuming at your behalf. Pick one up next time your doing the shop or make your own Amazon account.
Before you do that have a major talk with you "d" h.

How come virtually all toy pushchairs and prams etc are either pink or blue?

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you were shouted at. Heavily pregnant with a toddler to look after, it’s the last thing you need. I have some experience of controlling behaviour, and I really sympathise. I found that I felt much better if I could block out some time to look after myself and do the things I wanted to do. I know it’s tricky with a toddler, but if you’re alone with him, can you use his naptime for a break? Watch TV, eat lunch on the sofa, phone a friend. Just some time when you’re not answering to anyone else. (I used to use my DS’s nap to finish up chores- but now dedicate it entirely to myself - I can do the washing with DS around). And somwhow, having that space made me feel a lot better about everything else.
This is not to say your husband’s behaviour isn’t awful- just a way to cope and feel like you’re in control again.
Sorry, I know this isn’t strictly what you asked, but it helped me.

came to a compromise that he will push teddies in it and not dolls. Again, not ideal, but it would be silly to pretend that a lot of men don't feel this way.

What's silly about that is you and your husband.

Your son would have been happy with anything with wheels to push his Teddy around in. There was no need to buy a doll's pram/stroller

He wants to push teddy around in a pushchair like he knows his Mum and Dad push him in a pushchair.

came to a compromise that he will push teddies in it and not dolls

Apart from this being a ridiculous 'compromise', how does that solve the really serious issues the OP has? The shouting? The Controlling? The financial controlling? The double standards? It doesn't - it just appeases her H.