Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
TARSCOUT · 13/05/2020 17:33

I would just create a new Amazon account and reorder. That's absolutely ridiculous!

unlikelytobe · 13/05/2020 17:40

Do you only have a shared bank account? You absolutely should have your own account which he has no access to. Same with Amazon.

Joint account for household bills etc but separate, private accounts for each of you. If you do forgive him this (among other things) has to be sorted out.

Magic2020 · 13/05/2020 17:42

My DS used to go to a nursery where all the boys wanted the pushchairs for racing up and down with! Luckily the nursery didn't impose gender stereotypes on them and just let them have fun with it.

Grumpbum123 · 13/05/2020 17:45

He’s a twat. My nearly 6 year old still plays with his bright pink Peppa pig pram. There are zero fucks given here by me or my H

AMomHasNoName · 13/05/2020 17:45

Hes a Prat.
Order a pram anyway.

nysnet · 13/05/2020 17:45

I'm sorry to say this but he sounds awful. To yell at you, cancel the order and change the password is controlling and a huge red flag. The way he has treated you and his views on gender roles make me feel sick. Obviously I don't know him and wether he is usually like this but if he is I'd be very worried for you and your kids. I hope you are okay and everything works out for you. X

sparklefarts · 13/05/2020 17:46

Eurgh, you husband repulses me.

VerticalHorizon · 13/05/2020 17:48

I find it the ultimate irony that a man can't 'man up' enough to deal with this.
It's such a non-story, and yet he sounds like he's utterly taken aback by it.

MMN123 · 13/05/2020 17:50

Glad to see you aren't being bullied into relenting on this.

Hard though it is, you are completely correct and now is not the time to compromise. Only way to handle him escalating it like this it is for you to blow it up further and farther than he can imagine. Either he will come to his senses and back down and grovel for forgiveness, or he isn't fit to be a father to either of your children.

Stay strong.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 13/05/2020 17:51

My DS6 has Elsa and Anna dolls and dresses (the dresses in particular saw raised eyebrows from disapproving in-laws), and a dolls' house. He loved the toy pram at his nursery. He also loves spaceship lego, superheroes, diggers and science-experiment kits (which I'm betting my boots would be categorised as boys' toys). It's all crazy, arbitrary shit. As far as I'm concerned DS will be susceptible to peer pressure soon enough in life. For now, he can like and play with what he wants.

It's this rigid set of adherence to specific interests, toys, even bloody colour coding fgs, that's possibly directly responsible for the furore over the nebulous term 'gender' we're seeing right now. And all because of somebody else's marketing ploy. 'Girls'' aisles in the toyshops didn't used to resemble an explosion in a sugared-almond factory: they were full of bright, primary colours the same as 'boys'' aisles are now. It's not only a feminist issue, either. 'Toxic masculinity' is really a thing, is fuelled by attitudes exactly like this, and I suspect your 'D'H has fallen prey to it. His attitude is quite alarming, toward both you and your DH.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 13/05/2020 17:52

If the entire shouting over a toy buggy, cancelling the order, etc wasn't bad enough, he now doesn't care if he sees your or DS for a while. He's a right charmer eh?

FWIW my mother was the eldest girl of a very large family, back when I was younger she always told people to calm down and little boys love pushing things about - her younger brothers would always be pushing her sisters toy prams. She reminded her siblings of this when they had DC. She even bought DS his own buggy for when he was visiting as he'd quite taken to DDs. DS isn't much into it now he's older, but he had the most joy pushing his favourite toy about in a buggy. Let's face it, he was used to us pushing him around in a buggy so it's something very normal for them to explore.

YinMnBlue · 13/05/2020 17:52

OP, I am sorry it has come to this, but he has brought it on himself.

How did he even know you had ordered the buggy?

Can you send him an e mail? Say there are 2 separate issues: the buggy...and your relationship.

Masonverger makes some good points. Tell him that you are simply responding to your DS's joy in pushing a buggy around, and of cours he wants to push a buggy like his Dad does, Tell him you are not trying to impose any 'agenda' - just allowing your DS to be free and happy. Say you are sure he would love a wheelbarrow too,] get one and then he can do as he pleases.

However, explain that the buggy is the secondary issue. That you cannot live with someone who accuses you of being controlling while trying to control what your child plays with and financially controlling you by shutting you out of Amazon. Tell him that whatever disagreements you may have you will not put up with being shouted at. And that's why you don't want him in the house until he can communicate in a calm, fair and equal way.

Yellowsubmarinedreams · 13/05/2020 17:52

Divorce him. He's abusive and vile and your poor children are stuck with him for a father forever more so at least make it so they don't have to live with him.

viewfromthecouch · 13/05/2020 17:52

Your DH is a misogynistic and possibly homophobic arse. I'd be worrying about those beliefs now that he's show you who he is as a father and husband.

viewfromthecouch · 13/05/2020 17:56

He called you a cunt? The 8 months pregnant mother of his children?

Wow.

That'd be enough for me to have him out permanently.

Hanab · 13/05/2020 18:02

Ask your husband does he feel feminine when pushing the pushchair/pram? Or does he push your child in a wheel barrow 🤔

BackseatCookers · 13/05/2020 18:05

I find it the ultimate irony that a man can't 'man up' enough to deal with this. It's such a non-story, and yet he sounds like he's utterly taken aback by it.

My god so much this.

He's so insecure about his perceived masculinity that he calls the mother of his child, eight months pregnant with his next child, a cunt and throws his toys out of the pram (or whatever oh so manly vessel he chooses that is suitable for a penis haver) and says he doesn't give a fuck about her or the kid.

I think my vagina would seal itself up permanently to him to be honest. Maybe it could be revived by someone who wasn't so staggeringly immature and insecure in their manhood.

CatNoBag · 13/05/2020 18:05

Happy to order it for you Wolf if you're worried he'll see the transaction from your bank account. If you don't have anyone else who could do this for you, send me a DM for where to send it.

Rubyupbeat · 13/05/2020 18:07

Gosh, I never realized people still.had this attitude! My Son's favourite toys were his pink pram and baby doll, then his little mermaid doll, hes in his 30s now and back then it was only my dad that thought it strange.

Rubyupbeat · 13/05/2020 18:08

@Hanab
Brilliant, never thought of that!

HUCKMUCK · 13/05/2020 18:10

@WolfInSlutsClothing I'm really sorry you're going through this. Have you got anyone to support you?

Anotheruser02 · 13/05/2020 18:12

He's a dick.

A wheelbarrow is a totally different fucking thing and not at all like pushing a buggy. He would have to lift the back up to push it along, a buggy supports itself and possibly a wobbly toddler leaning on it.

SunshineCake · 13/05/2020 18:14

Your husband is an embarrassment to fatherhood.

When I was pregnant with my second child I bought my son a toy buggy and doll as I wanted him to feel part of the new baby coming.

Fucks sake I got it all wrong as he hasn't grown up gay. He's now 19 and he has grown into a lovely young man who is loving, caring, kind and extremely secure.

I'll order the damn thing and send it to you if you'd like. I'm up for an argument with a twat.

LakieLady · 13/05/2020 18:15

I can't believe anyone would behave this way over a children's toy. I'm still the controlling one, I'm trying to control him and ds and for that supposedly I'm a cunt. So that's that then

Wow, OP, I can't believe he's taken such a minor thing so seriously. What an absolute arse.

DSS used to push toys round in a doll's pram when he was a toddler. He grew up to be a heterosexual, rugby-playing tree surgeon so it didn't feminise him in any way. And I didn't grow up to be gay, despite being allowed to choose what I wanted for my 5th birthday, namely a mouth organ and a plastic machine gun that made a horribly realistic noise.

I've never shot anyone or learned to play the harmonica, either. Grin

Gabrielknight · 13/05/2020 18:16

What a horrid man. LTB. His true colours on display here.