Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
hammeringinmyhead · 13/05/2020 16:43

Oh love. You definitely don't need a man who is calling you a cunt and effing and blinding at you.

Do be prepared for his mother to side with him though. His attitude hasn't come from thin air.

Heatherjayne1972 · 13/05/2020 16:45

I get you op. My daughter had a train set and cars at that age
Que much muttering from the in-laws

I just ignored them and carried on

Nothing wrong with your son having a pushchair

It’s quite normal

Your husband on the other hand seems to have some issues

IntermittentParps · 13/05/2020 16:46

Pinkyy, there's nothing wrong with bringing up your culture. That's where you come from and we're all a product of that! I'd say that it's important (for everyone wanting to have a discussion) to explain their reasoning.

ZenDay, Your son would have been happy with anything with wheels to push his Teddy around in. There was no need to buy a doll's pram/stroller. Equally there was no 'need' not to, surely? Hmm

madcatladyforever · 13/05/2020 16:47

That is absolutely shockingly controlling, I could not live with someone who did that.
Do men not push children around in pushchairs then? Is that an all female job? tell him to piss off with his toxic masculinity crap.
No doubt it is emasculating to cook, clean, hoover, iron either so your son can't do any of those things.

God knows what would happen if your son turned out gay, would he tell him to leave and never come back?
I'd be incredibly concerned if my husband behaved like this.

VisionQuest · 13/05/2020 16:48

I bought my DS a toy pushchair for his second birthday. Admittedly it was blue, but whatever.

He even got a doll to go inside it! Husband was fine with it, which surely is the only normal reaction?

He once raised an eyebrow briefly when I bought a pink second hand toy castle but knew better than to make any kind of fuss about it.

Your husband is a dick!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/05/2020 16:48

What a prince he sounds, OP!

I'm so sorry.

I hope he can't take all the money out of the joint account - can you set up your own new account and transfer some money out of it, just to make sure?

Hopefully his mother will kick his arse for him, but you can never tell - mine is a handmaiden doormat so she would take DH's side over mine any day of the week, we do get on so long as we don't touch on "men's and women's roles" etc, but I couldn't trust her to be an ally. What's your MIL like?

DrDavidBanner · 13/05/2020 16:48

I am so sorry Wolf I haven't read the full thread and gave a daft response, I am just so stunned at his overreaction. This must be so upsetting for you, do you have real life support?

19lottie82 · 13/05/2020 16:50

OP....... have you asked your husband what his reaction be if your son turned round later in life and told him that he was gay?

myangelalex · 13/05/2020 16:50

Oh Jesus. What century is your husband living in?

Apart from the ridiculousness of his reaction, locking you out of the amazon account and changing your order, would really alarm me because it is horribly bullying and controlling. How dare he infantilise you and restrict your child's exploration of the world.

I would do nothing at the moment because of yours and the worlds situation, but in a years time I would step back and look at him without emotion clouding my judgement.

One way or another I would not put up with this.

Cailleach1 · 13/05/2020 16:50

You are the parent and are in the position where you can find the solution to ease your son's frustration with a full size buggy and allow him to experience the joy without the problem. At 18 months, he wasn't able to analyse it all and come up with the solution himself. How come a wheelbarrow is the alternative? Did your son ask for a wheelbarrow? He is not a logical man, your OH.

tootiredtospeak · 13/05/2020 16:50

Take a deep breath and dont contact him again today. He is 100 percent in the wrong and went way over the top cancelling the amazon order and sounds like he has spoken to you like crap. Is he normally like this or is this a total one off you need to really talk to each other once you have both calmed down. This is an argument I had with my DP it really does seem to irk men however, its stupid and in the end with a sensible conversation he realised that. As you just ordered it anyway maybe he felt it was controlling if you knew how he felt so was controlling back. It needs a huge apology from him but I am not sure it would end the relationship for me if its in isolatiom but I would want a genuine aoology and him to understand that it os homophobic if the issue is he doesnt want it to turn his son gay. Maybe his Mum will talk some sense into him

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/05/2020 16:52

@WolfInSlutsClothing

Is his mother likely to agree with him? Or could she be an ally?

AnneOfCloves · 13/05/2020 16:53

I am so sorry you’re going through this, OP.

His demented reaction to the pushchair is the least of it - his behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. I’m glad you enforced your boundaries. Stay safe, and maybe ring Women’s Aid for advice?

TheClitterati · 13/05/2020 16:54

Sorry your husband is such a loser bigoted misogynist.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 13/05/2020 16:54

Flowers Op. You sound genuinely upset by this, and it's such a petty thing.

Your DH doesn't sound as though he's thinking clearly at the moment - is he struggling with the situation at the moment or is this just who he is? I'm not downplaying his behaviour - it's revolting - but it seems so over the top for someone to leave their home over a child's pushchair. I hope he comes to his senses and begins to apologise for his ridiculous behaviour.

Both of my boys have had dolls and prams - MIL used to go wild when she saw it and I would always ask her how else do little boys learn to be lovely Dads if they're not allowed to play at it first? She never had an answer, just some odd fear of "girls toys". It's such a wanky thing to get upset about and makes no rational sense at all.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/05/2020 16:55

Oh and FWIW, my eldest son loved his buggy. Second son not at all bothered by it and was very much into traditional "boys" stuff by choice.

Eldest son didnt catch the gay off his buggy. Second son came out last year.

KellyHall · 13/05/2020 16:56

I'm so sorry op. What an horrendous afternoon you've had, just for being a good mum by following your son's interests with such an open mind.

The funny thing about the 'c bomb' is that generally it is more befitting of the person using the word, rather than who they are saying it to!

I'd use the time he's out of the house to get your finances, important paperwork, etc together to keep him gone.

Well done for being and staying strong Flowers

madcatladyforever · 13/05/2020 16:56

I loved action men and trucks as a child, as an adult I rode big motorbikes and liked fast cars.
I have not turned into a butch lesbian - I am a feminine woman ff's.

CuppaZa · 13/05/2020 16:58

I feel sorry for your son, his dad has the potential to really damage him over the coming years. I hope you rub off on him more than his dad. Imagine another one of him walking around

JudyCoolibar · 13/05/2020 16:58

Apparently iv 'ruined his whole fucking day in work'

I'd love to know how his workmates react to this (rather than the wishful thinking version of their reaction that he has given to you). If one of my work colleagues started ranting and raving because his wife had bought their child a toy and allowed it to ruin his entire day, I would definitely be telling him to get a grip and grow up.

DatingDickheads · 13/05/2020 16:58

Wow what a prick!

TheClitterati · 13/05/2020 16:59

It's not just over a toy though. They toy is just a catalyst. It's revealed into full light his sexist abusive behaviour. I suspect this isn't the first time you've seen this though op.

What a hard day for you. Thanks

Windyatthebeach · 13/05/2020 16:59

I hope he goes raging to his dm. She can witness how he is abusive and controlling..

TinklyLittleLaugh · 13/05/2020 17:01

DS not only had a pushchair but used to take his teddy out of it and stuff it up his jumper to be fed.

He’s a gentle sort of person and for a while I did in fact wonder if he was gay (generations of gay men in DH’s family) but he seems to like girls. Currently looking for a new flat with his gay mate. Basically on a mission to catch the gay Grin

Feedingthebirds1 · 13/05/2020 17:01

but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him,

And that's not what he's doing?? As in...

My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he (ie your husband - my brackets) bought them for him

I don't like the sound of it. It suggests that it won't be very long before your H is telling DS not to cry, that big boys don't cry.

You can point out to H that when I was little (5/6) my favourite toys were a set of small, but real, tools - with some wood and nails and screws and electric cable and plugs - all that my dad let me have out of his own tools because I was interested. My 'workshop' was the boot of the car (lid open!!). I went on to have some very happy years as a female, straight engineer.

Swipe left for the next trending thread