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Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
MummingIt2018 · 13/05/2020 16:25

I bought my son one when he was just learning to walk because like yours he wanted to push his own one but it was too big plus he liked pushing things and enjoyed playing with them at his friend's house or at play cafes. Now he's 2 he likes putting his teddy or doll in there and pushing them about. He also likes his many other toys like cars, balls, puzzles and books, like most children. I did get very annoyed when I was looking for one at how entrenched it is that they are aimed at girls - John Lewis even used the term 'for little doll mums'. It's also quite hard to get one that isn't pink, which is fine but does extend the stereotype a bit. He also likes his tea set and making me cups of tea if your partner needs more examples of boys playing with toys that are apparently only for girls.

Cyberattack · 13/05/2020 16:27

Sorry your husband is an idiot.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/05/2020 16:27

Can you buy one from somewhere else?
He's an unreconstructed chauvinistic pig, and I'm so sorry. My DH tried to pull that with our DS1 too, but he backed down when I asked him if he thought there was a problem with him pushing his son's pushchair - and said he could have one if it wasn't pink (fine by me, I'd have gone wooden, primary colours or navy if possible). As it turned out, DS1 wasn't that bothered so I didn't get him one, and DS2 was never interested in pushchairs at all.

But him locking you out of Amazon is outrageous! I assume you can't' set up your own account, but can you order online from elsewhere? or would he go full caveman and trash it if you got one?

I'm outraged for you.

Soontobe60 · 13/05/2020 16:28

They have lovely prays and dolls I. Tesco, Asda, Argos and many other places. Just buy one from somewhere else and tell your husband that he's a complete moron.

hammeringinmyhead · 13/05/2020 16:29

I do think that expecting a forum of 99% women to be tolerant of a culture dictating that women have to do what a man says, because he is a man, is a big ask.

Soontobe60 · 13/05/2020 16:29

Prams, not prays 🤣

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 16:29

@BackseatCookers thank you for explaining that. I have been told before not to take everything personally and that's definitely something I need to work on. I suppose it comes from habit as it's not easy living in a culture that's one of the few left in this country where it's pretty much widely accepted to be racist towards.

I definitely realise sometimes I come across as though I'm on another planet, but I struggle with people who try to shush me and say that I shouldn't share my thoughts just because they're so different.

I really appreciate you taking the time to explain that and doing it in a nice way, so thank you.

EllaAlright · 13/05/2020 16:30

I don’t understand why he has an issue? I’ve got children of both sexes and they’ve all equally played with pushchairs, fairy wings, bricks, tool sets, dollhouses, cars, meccano etc... they’re all just toys aren’t they? They don’t need to be ‘gendered’.

His behaviour of cancelling the order and changing the password is very controlling. What does he worry will happen if you get your son a pushchair?

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 16:31

@hammeringinmyhead that is fair enough, but I'd have thought that people could be tolerant even if they're not accepting though

IntermittentParps · 13/05/2020 16:31

Pinkyyy, well personally I think that discussion is relevant to the thread, and interesting too. In the nicest way, I would say that it may well be that people are nasty towards you, as you characterise it, at least partly because you're not explaining your point of view. Openness and giving reasons for your POV generally makes for a better and more enlightening (for everyone) discussion.

DrDavidBanner · 13/05/2020 16:31

From how I understand it I am a Dr Wink if small boys play with 'girls' toys then their penis falls off, also the father's penis falls off and all his friend shun him. Its called male fragility.

Aren't you glad you're not a man?

CHIRIBAYA · 13/05/2020 16:31

You need to try (if you can) to help your husband understand that the deeper, more significant message that he is unconsciously relaying to his son is that his love for him is conditional. That is far more damaging than any toy he might object to!

Dartsplayer · 13/05/2020 16:33

Wow what a sexist pig your husband is. I'd open my own Amazon account and order him one from there

ZenDay · 13/05/2020 16:33

Your son would have been happy with anything with wheels to push his Teddy around in. There was no need to buy a doll's pram/stroller.

My son pushed a cart around the house with the cat in it. The cat loved it for some reason.

Winterwoollies · 13/05/2020 16:34

Also, there’s nothing more ‘manly’ than a father who wants to carry, push, nurture and care for his child. It’s wonderful and sexy AF. A ‘man’ that deems it unmanly to do anything of those things, presumably seeing it as ‘women’s work’, is nothing more than an insecure and laughable inadequate.

Looks at Pinkyyy’s husband and Piers Morgan, to name but two...

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 13/05/2020 16:36

@DrDavidBanner Shock😂

Original poster
WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 16:39

He's gone to his mother's, I told him if he was going to continue trying to control me and what I buy then he could find somewhere else to say. He's not saying iv kicked him out of his own home. I haven't I gave him a choice and he decided controlling me is more important.

I'm honestly devestated, I don't know if it's the hormones or what but I just feel like this is it, and it seems so bloody stupid over a children's toy. Aparently iv 'ruined his whole fucking day in work' and when I asked him was he happy with the fact that he won't see his son until this pandemic is over as he won't be putting me or him at risk, he said he doesn't fucking care.

I can't believe anyone would behave this way over a children's toy. I'm still the controlling one, I'm trying to control him and ds and for that supposedly I'm a cunt. So that's that then

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 13/05/2020 16:39

I definitely realise sometimes I come across as though I'm on another planet, but I struggle with people who try to shush me and say that I shouldn't share my thoughts just because they're so different.

I'm sorry if I came across as trying to shush you, I genuinely am interested in the practicalities of what you describe. Because I do understand what it's like when your upbringing is dictated by 'men's roles' and 'women's roles' and you are surrounded by it. I had a colleague once tell me how he thought my husband was very tolerant to allow me to have a job because he thought it must interfere with, and I'm quoting directly here, a woman's chores, and there was a possibility that by going out to work I wouldn't be pulling my weight at home. His wife had never been allowed to work. This is within the past few years, not 40 years ago. So I do understand what it's like to be out of step with the rest of society. In my case, I knew from an early age that a life where I was expected to be a slave to a husband would be worse than death for me, so I made sure that I didn't marry someone with those values.

Peridot1 · 13/05/2020 16:39

At 2 my DS’s favourite toy was a toy cleaning cart with a mop and bucket etc. He also loved pushchairs. And tractors. And cars. And ride on toys. And trains.

Common denominator? They all have wheels. It’s the wheels they love. Anything they can push around.

Your DH is being an arse.

But maybe explains it’s the wheels he is into might make him understand a bit better. He is completely over reacting and being homophobic obviously. And controlling. I would not be forgiving the locking me out of the Amazon account personally.

Pinkyyy · 13/05/2020 16:39

@IntermittentParps thank you, I appreciate the constructive criticism. I often get 'told off' for lack of a better word, on here for not giving my reasons, but I equally get told off if I bring up my culture too much. It can be frustrating because often my reasoning is linked to my culture, I'm guessing I need to find a balance!

Peridot1 · 13/05/2020 16:40

Sorry cross posted with your update.

I’m sure you are shocked and devastated.

Touchmybum · 13/05/2020 16:40

Is this a 'one off' (not that that makes it in any way acceptable!) incident, or is there a pattern of behaviour behind this OP? You don't need this crap, especially when you are heavily pregnant.

Easilyanxious · 13/05/2020 16:40

My son had a little buggy at that age as he liked playing with them admittedly he mostly put cars and Radom bits in it
Not that it matters but he is now a rugby / football playing child but also is comfortable pushing his younger cousins in a buggy my other son had a toy hoover which was his favourite unfortunately now at 17 he seems to of forgot what one looks like .
It's just a toy

Original poster
WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 16:41

Sorry my spelling is awful. I meant he's now saying I've kicked him out

OP posts:
Cailleach1 · 13/05/2020 16:42

He has quite a problem with the way he looks at things and he is not reasonable at all. A little buggy is perfect for manoeuvring around the house and easy to transport stuff in. Four wheel drive. A wheelbarrow is not the same movement at all. The wheels and the way the buggy moves are the attraction; the engineering.

That is without the issue of throwing a big fit and locking you out of Amazon. You know, it is tough enough having a child and taking care of their needs without this bs. Why do people add misery like this? Sorry for what you are having to deal with op. Just a thought, when the charity shops re-open you could have a peak at what they have in the toy section. Of course you should be able to buy a fun thing like a buggy without an unreasonable and irrational outburst like that.