To think this profile and DH doesn't stack up . . . .

[Hulloandwelcome]

DH and I married 15 years, 2 kids, we have grown up together. Always lived in the same town, the one we lived in as children. Pretty good relationship, same as most of my friends and typical of those after this amount of time together - a bit stale, but generally a functional marriage.
I had a few drinks (via zoom) with some girlfriends at the weekend, which turned into a bit of a bitch fest about people we went to school with. 'who is still with so and so' ' have you seen how much botox such and such has had' silly childish stuff that was fulled by boredom and way too much Cava. This lead to us trawling through DH's facebook friends looking for someone who we all wondered if was still with their idiot DH. We all spotted this profile that none of us know, no connections in common, no sense of familiarity. It didn't just stand out to me, my BF spotted it too and asked who she was. For context, we have a small friend group, DH doesn't have 100's of friends, he goes to the gym, plays football and works with mostly men. BF asked her DH if he knew who she was, he had no idea and had never seen her before. So I asked DH, the response was 'oh we used to work together' For some reason the speed of his response and then his manner for the rest of the evening (he told me off for bitching about people, that I should #bekind) didn't sit right. So I did more digging. She doesn't have much of an online presence but I found her on LinkedIn, they haven't worked together according to her profile and it doesn't seem possible looking at their careers - plus she doesn't live anywhere near us. AIBU to think there is more to this than an old work pal? Or is boredom getting to me. Can't sleep for thinking about it . . .

[Cheeseandwin5]

I cant believe some of the posters supporting the OP suspicions and telling her to confront her DH more.
She is already showing paranoid and controlling behaviour and people want her to promote that??
I live is a small village too but I do not know who all my DH friends are. I certainly wouldn't know all my BF's DH friends.
You sound absolutely hideous and I feel for your DH.
You need to change your attitude, as well as your friends cause this sort of behaviour is not right

[Riverviews]

Sometimes I mistakenly believe that people like you only exist in bad soap operas, but clearly, I am wrong. What an awful existence! Would you find it acceptable if your husband went over your FB in order to laugh at your friends?

As for this mystery friend, who cares who she is? Would you have reacted the same if there was a man you didn't recognise?

[NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace]

You and your friends sound awful, by the way.

Rather unnecessary

[deydododatdodontdeydo]

And if he was slow I guess you'd accuse him of hesitating while trying to come up with something plausible!!!

100% true. The court of MN has found him guilty.
Sounds like OP and her friends love a bit of drama, not much is happening during lockdown, so they're creating some.

[Ponoka7]

TerrapinStation, because posters, said that a husband wouldn't add his mistress on FB, but many do. Also some people do know everyone on their FB and could answer immediately who they are.

OP, if you both know everyone that you and your friends are gossiping about (and gossiping is never harmless), then that easily explains your DH's mood for the rest of the night. You wasn't just gossiping, you were ripping people to shreds.

[thebearwentoverthebumble]

When I was about 19 I was obsessed with that Facebook farm game as was my little sister. We needed someone else to send us crops so we made a fake account and then logged in to it whenever we needed more help with the game 😂 she's still on my list of friends! just saying there are lots of random reasons for this sort of thing.

[PamwichShilling]

She could have been someone he worked with then moved away or she may not have updated her location etc...nothing in your OP sounds suspicious at all. I don't even know why you asked him about her.
Are you and your friends perhaps just looking for a bit of drama?
I'm with your DH on this, be kind and stop looking through his friends list.

[bee222]

This all sounds like teenage drama.

[overnightangel]

“I’d be entirely freaked out if my spouse combed my social media for drunken mass bitching material and got suspicious because I had a FB friend that didn’t fit her ‘template’ for my life. ”

This.
Moral of the story: Don’t be an invasive bitchy drunken stalker

[ptumbi]

Wow - I cannot imagine knowing everything about my DPs life, let alone everything about my friends' partners lives!

And i'd feel entirely invaded if someone looked at my SM and decided that they needed to know who each person was and why and how I knew them.

Seriously, you wonder why your marriage is stale? Maybe spice it up a bit and leave your village/county/country once in a while?

[pinksmile]

Drinking too much cava and found an online bitch fest with other women?

You sound revolting.

Maybe he worked in a bar in his youth and knows her from there. Maybe he shared a paper round with her ffs.

How are you all so intertwined that even your best friend knows who should and shouldn't be on your DH Facebook friends?

That's really not healthy.

Get a hobby, do some travelling, do something.

[Megatron]

I’d be entirely freaked out if my spouse combed my social media for drunken mass bitching material and got suspicious because I had a FB friend that didn’t fit her ‘template’ for my life.

I'd be majorly pissed off about it. DH and I have been together for many years but I have dozens of male friends on FB who DH has never met and never heard of, mostly work colleagues. If he asked me who 'Derek Smith' was I could tell him in an instant even though I haven't worked with him since 1993.

Perhaps don't look for something that isn't there.

[Megatron]

OP, could he have been 'off' with you because he really didn't appreciate what you'd done rather than him being a bit dodgy? If DH acts like a twat (sorry, but it was twattish behaviour wasn't it) then I'm absolutely 'off' with him.

[Frosty26827]

Drinking too much cava and found an online bitch fest with other women?

You sound revolting

You don’t sound very nice either!

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

If a man posted this he'd have his arse neatly parcelled up and handed to him on a plate.

You need to cut down on drinking if it's bringing out this type of shonky behaviour.

And stop being so horrible about people who probably haven't given you a second thought in years. It isn't big or clever.

[vanillandhoney]

It looks like you were searching for gossip and now you're not happy because you're the subject of the gossip!

I have loads of people on my friends list that my DH will never have heard of. Some are friends from primary, others from university - he wasn't part of my life then, so he'd have no idea who they are. Why would he? He has friends from that time in his life that I've never heard of as well. It means nothing.

Maybe stop bitching and snooping with your friends in the future. It's not very pleasant and now you've found out what it's like to be the subject of the gossip. Horrible, isn't it?

[Zaphodsotherhead]

God help anyone trawling through my FB. I've got about 3,000 people on there, most of whom I've never met!

[Reallymissthegym]

I’m Facebook friends with several guys who if you looked at our LinkedIn aren’t connected- The profiles aren’t full on CV’s you know!

I’m mortified now in case it’s me! Yet they are people that I’ve worked with, trained with at some stage, and are just friends!

And stop bitching that’s so bloody childish!

[Bleepbloopblarp]

Firstly where do you live, bloody Royston vasey? That level of knowing one another’s business would do my absolute head in!!

Secondly, my dh has hundreds of people (women!) on his phone/email that I don’t have a clue who they are - that’s the nature of his business so I couldn’t get worked up about it. However - if you have suspicions they are sometimes there for a reason so maybe you should do a bit more digging.

[TryingToBeBold]

But if you've all grown up and lived in the same town... why did you need to go through your DH friends list? Surely you were already friends or knew of the person you "originally" were looking for.

[GabsAlot]

maybe its weird in your world op i dont know-i have fb "friends" tht ive never met and so has dh i dont question who they are

[Ponoka7]

thebearwentoverthebumble, so did I. Thanks to Farmville and pet society I have people from all over the world on my FB. It's interesting to see the different lifestyles, so I've kept them as friends.

[Sn0tnose]

He is typically very secretive with his phone, I don't know the password because it is a work phone and people say that is an indicator of infidelity. It’s not a sign of infidelity at all. We’re very free and easy with passwords on personal phones and devices, but there is no way in a million years I’d let my DH see anything on a work device or disclose passwords etc. The only time I’d be suspicious that he was up to something is if it was a personal phone he’d normally leave laying around but suddenly wouldn’t let go of.

Is there more to this than you’re letting on? Because you haven’t said anything that would suggest he’s done something wrong. Are you letting yourself be influenced by your friends because they don’t know who she is either, but think that they should know all of his friends? I believe in following your instincts but it seems your friends have caused your suspicions here.

[Peggysgettingcrazy]

Theres a poster that turns up every so often. Posts that their dh has don't something normal and how suspicious it is and they have behaved badly, to gevthw information they have

Then they disappear.

Not sure if its someone very cintrolling looking for support. Or someone trying to prove that MN is full of women, who will always blame men, say LTB and always trot out 'must be a OW'.