To think this profile and DH doesn't stack up . . . .

[Hulloandwelcome]

DH and I married 15 years, 2 kids, we have grown up together. Always lived in the same town, the one we lived in as children. Pretty good relationship, same as most of my friends and typical of those after this amount of time together - a bit stale, but generally a functional marriage.
I had a few drinks (via zoom) with some girlfriends at the weekend, which turned into a bit of a bitch fest about people we went to school with. 'who is still with so and so' ' have you seen how much botox such and such has had' silly childish stuff that was fulled by boredom and way too much Cava. This lead to us trawling through DH's facebook friends looking for someone who we all wondered if was still with their idiot DH. We all spotted this profile that none of us know, no connections in common, no sense of familiarity. It didn't just stand out to me, my BF spotted it too and asked who she was. For context, we have a small friend group, DH doesn't have 100's of friends, he goes to the gym, plays football and works with mostly men. BF asked her DH if he knew who she was, he had no idea and had never seen her before. So I asked DH, the response was 'oh we used to work together' For some reason the speed of his response and then his manner for the rest of the evening (he told me off for bitching about people, that I should #bekind) didn't sit right. So I did more digging. She doesn't have much of an online presence but I found her on LinkedIn, they haven't worked together according to her profile and it doesn't seem possible looking at their careers - plus she doesn't live anywhere near us. AIBU to think there is more to this than an old work pal? Or is boredom getting to me. Can't sleep for thinking about it . . .

[Handsoffisback]

It does sound as if you’ve already been suspecting him of something tbh.

[wildcherries]

I'd have a manner too, if I were him. How unpleasant and claustrophobic.

[dementedma]

My dh doesnt know my work phone password or my personal phone password. I think thats fairly normal.

[understandmenow]

@Frosty26827 I gave some constructive comments, concentrate on making your marriage less stale and not sitting getting pissed with your mates and trawling through your DHs personal stuff with them.

[Pukkatea]

I'd be careful OP...with all that egging on and stirring your friends were doing, it sounds like they are excited for you to become the next thing they can gossip about.

[TheMotherofAllDilemmas]

I cannot imagine living in such a small cocoon I and my friends knew every single person my partner knows. What kind of small little life for a couple that is?

[TerrapinStation]

Your best friend noticed someone she thought he didn’t know? So she knows everyone in his family, work, education?

Didn’t happen.

You know that people are different, have different lives and use Facebook differently to you? Of course it's possible that if all the DH's friends are school classmates apart from one it's going to stand out.

Loads of people live life's like the OP describes, not everyone is well travelled with a long CV of different jobs.

[Justathinslice]

Jesus everyone- so the OP either changed some details or was indeed being immature and bitchy. No need to pile on, she's been told.
And yes, some people do live in very small towns where everyone knows everyone. It may not be for everyone, but y'all can stop looking down your judgy noses because of it.

Her husband reacted very strangely, and the woman didn't seem connected at all. For many of us, that would have been the tiny red flag telling us that something is not right.

[Frosty26827]

understandmenow The comment was not directed at you, if it had of been I’d have “tagged” you personally. It was a general comment to everyone that feels the need to tell the OP that what her and friends did was wrong .... I’m sure she understands it now, she’s had 4 pages of people telling her so!
So how about unless we have any help or advice to give her about her problem, we refrain from telling her off (again) and offer some real help to someone worrying that her DH may be having an affair or inappropriate friendship.

[understandmenow]

@Frosty26827 it was addressed to everyone, so that includes me?

People can and will give their opinion on the posts that OP has made, if they feel the same way as precious posters , then it just proves that the vast majority think the OP is wrong and are expressing that thought.

You can't police posts, so I'd probably not try.

[TheMotherofAllDilemmas]

... or it maybe that in their search to make their life more interesting, your friends have selected you as the central character of the next gossip season and enjoying the drama resulting from making you doubt your own husband. I can’t imagine my BF choosing a random stranger in DP’s Facebook to convince me my DP may be having an affair. Are you sure you and your friends are actually friends??? Friends don’t do that to each other.

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

There was a very similar post on here some while ago. Obviously without the lockdown details but the rest was exactly the same.

[Asuitablecat]

I have absolutely no idea who.dh is friends with on.fb. he had no.idea who most of my friends are. Why would we need to?

[BruceAndNosh]

I have my friends list set to Private to stop people trawling through it.
I'm TeamDH

[Maybelatte]

My DH barely even uses FB and he has all sorts of ‘friends’ he barely even remembers, some are old colleagues, old school friends or people he met travelling years back. He couldn’t tell me who they all were and I don’t find that suspicious, I think it’s normal tbh.

You’re being really paranoid. People don’t list their full CV on linked in, he easily could have worked with her at one point.

[TheStuffedPenguin]

If he's having an affair with her she most certainly will not be a FB friend .

[JudgeJudee]

Love this.

You went trawling for gossip, and now that’s you.

[ErickBroch]

You are being really unreasonable. I don't know who most of DPs facebook friends are and I don't see why I need to know how they were connected. Even if this woman was someone he kissed before he met you, is that a huge problem? I would only be concerned if they were communicating - if his profile is all family family family I doubt they're having an affair.

[EasyPleasey]

Yanbu it doesnt sound right, it's probably an ex girlfriend, I have exes on my profile, he may not want to tell you.

[MizMoonshine]

Everyone saying that you never have your AP on Facebook is talking through their arses. That's often the place it starts. Speaking from experience as OW.

OP, I'm not going to judge you for your bitch sesh, everyone does it. Maybe not in the same way that you and your friends did, but they do.

I am a strong believer in go with your gut. Something seems off with the man you've known for so long, you follow that trail.

The fact that she stands out and it seems like bullshit that they worked together is a red flag. Does she work in some sort of creative industry though? Could he be planning something for you?

Ask him where they worked together and when.

[Herpesfreesince03]

Funny that you were trawling through all his fb friends looking for people to slag off, when you’re clearly the most pathetic of them all. Grow up and get a life op

[TerrapinStation]

Why are posters saying what their own husbands do with their Facebook accounts?

Unless they are also bigamously married to the OP what on earth has that got to do with anything?

[LadyMuck111]

Aside from the fact you and your friends sound like the cast of mean girls bitching about other people I don't think you have much to worry about. People do have acquaintances on FB and just because you don't know her doesn't mean something is going on.

[starfishmummy]

"The speed of his response"?? Well I know who my fb friends are so would be able to answer "speedily,". And if he was slow I guess you'd accuse him of hesitating while trying to come up with something plausible!!!