To turn DH down because he couldn't tear himself away from a bloody game until almost 1am

[Perqut]

DH works nights, on his nights off he stays up into the small hours gaming or watching films because he can't go to sleep at a normal hour like myself.

He made it clear he was "interested" this evening so I had a bit of a pamper, long bath shaved everywhere you get the picture.

He was on his xbox so I waited up, but by 12.45 ive decide to call it a night. I'm exhausted and our DC (toddler/baby) have me up at 6.45.

I can't function on less than 7 hours sleep generally. It's ok for him as he gets to sleep late into the morning.

Only when he sees I'm off to bed does he pause his game and become suggestive.

I said I'm going to sleep, I've waited up very late and you've been sat on your game. I have to be up with the children.

This happens often, then he acts deflated because by daft o clock in the morning I'm no longer in the mood having been sat around wasting my time.

Who, if anybody, is being unreasonable?

I am in a similar situation to you (minus the children) I have been with my partner five years and every night ( aand day whilst he isn't working ) he is on a computer game and/or ps4 game. It drives me insane I can acknowledge He is in the wrong and I am only 21, however when I get stricter he ignores me more, I have to nag him to tidy ect and he doesn't even pay bills during lockdown. As Hypocritical as it sounds please be more independent and stricter and show him what he could miss, you are absolutely in the right. I wouldn't dare let my situation get that far and you need to take control.

Fuck. That.

Question to all you gaming hating people.
Why do you hate gamers this much? I mean would you feel this way if you’d swap gaming for unnessicary cleaning? Baking? Reading? Gaming does not make people lazy.

Why wait around though? Clearly you are comfortable talking about sex as you went for a shower when he asked about it. So why wouldn't you then say right I'm off upstairs with a wink or something?!

You need your heads banging together sounds like.

I'm glad others are also up at 3 am distracting themselves with advice.
The first answer was all you needed. IMO.

I’m not a fan of pre-arranging sex.

Why didn’t you just make a move on him while he was playing? Or walk by in lingerie or a state of undress?

That’ll be a lot more appealing than watch tapping.

@grisen I'll weigh in. I wouldn't say I hate gaming but I don't respect it. IMO it's childish, insular, addictive, sucks away time. The other hobbies you mention usually have some benefit in terms of personal development (reading) or contributing to the home or people around you (baking, cleaning). Also you can engage meaningfully with someone while they are baking or cleaning. If my husband was baking I could stand in the kitchen and chat with him. He'd be aware of and observing what was happening in the home. You can supervise children while doing those things, for example. But when a parent decamps to another room, puts on headphones and picks up a controller- they are usually no good to the household for hours. I guess I just see it as selfish .

@Soon2BeMumof3 I can see your point when it’s a situation of shutting down completely. However... my cleaning is much more selfish than my gaming for example. There’s only so much non existent dust you can wipe off the same table or cleaning the bath tub for the 4th time that day, I did say unnessicary cleaning for a reason
I guess my point is that it is down to the person and their style of doing things. I for example am a much better parent when I play Super Mario than when I’m cleaning. I can chat to my partner when he’s playing call of duty, just depends on the person.

People loose all sense of time gaming. It's anti social as they don't talk to you when gaming or maybe that's my husband. For example he was going to cook the roast on Sunday. I told him twice what the time was and suggested he started cooking. Gave up in the end and cooked myself. He turned up an hour and a half later to start cooking as he'd lost track of time.
I don't think YABU. He knows you get up early with the children and should have kept an eye on the time. Maybe he'll learn from his mistake. Or next time agree but say he has,to get up with the children.

Why on earth did you wait up for him. I'd say this is more a problem that you created by not speaking up. So next time:speak up and make sure he understands that when you are off to bed to sleep he misses out.

I can't believe you had to ask!

YADNBU

I would be waking him up too, with a bloody long list of jobs to do.

Once you were done you could have done something to seduce him, not clear if you did anything to make him know you were ready for it
🤣🤣🤣

Just go to bed at 10? If he’s interested he’ll follow, and if you’re interested you can initiate earlier? Be a grown up!!

My XH used to stay up late and he knew if he wanted sex he had to come up to bed with me at 10.30 then he could go downstairs again I'd never have waited up for him. Never.

@grisen true I'm generalising. And you can come scrub my bathtub anytime if yours is too clean

You are both being unreasonable. Why cou

Pressed send to soon. Why couldn’t you have initiated sex instead of sitting there for hours while he played

I would never wait up. He's a tit.

Missing the point here, but is it normal to have a 'pamper" and shave everywhere before sex now?

We might be a lot less sophisticated/more grotty, but generally if we both want sex (and the DCs are asleep), we just jump each other then and there and it's fun and easy and leaves us time get on with other stuff too. Of course if one of us has been exercising or just back from a sweaty commute we'd have a quick shower on getting home anyway, but that's less the case on lockdown. Would a more spontaneous approach ever work for you? Then you do it before anyone has got distracted, or you spend an evening waiting around...

My DH doesn't game (thank goodness) but he does watch untold shite on television (which is nearly as bad). If we're up for it, I get up for bed and say "next 10 minutes or the offer is off" which usually works.

Under no circumstances would I be waiting up for him, or he for me in fairness, and neither of us would expect that.

I never understand married couples who just can't communicate with each other Why couldn't either of you just talk to the other?

Well you could say, “Put that down and come and shag me.”
You don’t have to sit there all primed and waiting, like a chattel. Tell him you are good to go.

Yanbu to go off the boil by 1am though. Missed your chance pal.

@Aclh13

You are only 21 and have no kids. I'd not be putting up with a partner who didn't pull his weight, and didn't pay for anything. I tho k you should take some of your own advice here. You are far too young to be stuck in such a poor relationship.

He wasted your time and his opportunity. That was his choice.

Next time, OP, head upstairs when you're ready saying "You have half an hour to be in bed or I'll start without you!" 😉

It sort of seems like you set each other up to fail. Why didn't you make it known you were ready after your pamper?