Best CF Stories

[CupcakesAndCastles]

Lockdown sucks, what’s the best CF stories you’ve read?

but I stand firm behind my "I don't do split bills" policy and the people who are offended by this are always the CF because they can't take the piss!

This!

The purse forgetting also no longer works with phones. So you can whip out the phone and transfer the money now. The only person who'd be offended by this is a CFer. In fact, I'd be offering then and there to do it because I don't take advantage of my friends.

My hen do was ruined by a CFer.

I'm quite a shy person. Stupidly nervous around people I don't know. I finally had made a small group of close mum friends so was actually looking forward to my hen do. It was a day/night out in a big city I'd never been to. Cocktail making lessons and a pub crawl so nothing extravagant costing my hens £100's and £100's. The cocktail making session was even being paid for by my mum who was unable to come.
One of my hens was a partier and went to that city at least once a month and knew all the best places to go. Great!

A week or so before the hen do she announced that her cousins were coming too. I'd never met them. Then a couple of days later she said the ladies from her work were coming as well taking the numbers from 8 to about 18, meaning that there would be more people there that I didn't know than those I did. Apparently she hadn't been for a 'good night out' with her work friends in months so might as well combine the two.

"It's okay, they're nice. You'll love them. Besides, I can't go and I invite them now, can I?!" she said when I expressed my concerns that my hen party was no longer mine.

It was at that point that I and my fellow hens decided to give up on the idea of the train to Liverpool and I ended up having a quiet meal with the remainder of the hens in a nearby restaurant while my friend and her pals went on the night out. 10 years on and I've still never done the big day/night out drinking thing.

As for bill splitting? I'm all for paying for what you had. Those who demand to share the bill equally and call those who don't, tight-fisted, are almost always the ones financially benefitting from It.
If I go out with the same group regularly, it's safe to say that the steak eater will always opt for steak and those who prefer the vegetable (and most often cheaper) dishes will almost always order that or similar. The drinkers will drink and the teetotallers will end up subsiding them every single time. It's a fact. Yes people can and do change their orders but dining out is something a bit special. A time when you can get that beautiful juicy steak you've been looking forward to since last time. People don't usually pick steak one time and nuggets the next.

You all keep saying why should I pay so some CF can fill their boots. I don’t go out with CF if I feel I’ve been burned before I wouldn’t go out with them, the people I go out with are my dear friends and would never call them a Cf ever... maybe the question should be why are so many people friends with CFs? And before you all say I’m the Cf who takes the piss. I’m not, I’ve never have been I’ve probably paid more than my fair share In total.

Also what do you do in a tapas situation? I live in London and all the fancy restaurants seem to have share plates- how do you just pay for what you have then? You pay for just the one potato you had!?

You're just being ridiculous now. Of course sharing dishes are shared. They're fucking sharing dishes.
I always round up the cost of my meals, rounding up and therefore covering more than my share but someone who eats more than others or likes the pricier items on a menu is not necessarily a CFer as you seem to think everyone we associate with is. It does however mean that their meal inevitably costs more than others and equal bill splitting is not a fair option so should not be expected and certainly not demanded.

It’s not demanded. Read my original comment on it and I’ve explained that if someone’s orders loads then it’s not fair and shouldn’t be split but everyone just pilled on WITH IM NOT PAYING FOR SOMEONE ELSE! Without reading what I’ve said. But let’s agree to disagree many of you think I’m cheeky and I think you’re tight so let’s just move on.

Went out for a meal with some of the mums from kids school. One booked us in to a nice restaurant in Manchester for lunch. There was a set menu so it wasn't going to be too expensive and we were so looking forward to it.
What a let down.
The nicest person we spoke to was the doorman!
Once inside the quiet restaurant we were all but ignored and treated as if we were lesser than. (We assumed because we were on the set menu)
Food was ok but we waited ages for drinks when we arrived and eventually had to ask if we could place our order. We were obviously getting in the way of the waiters social life as he stood at the bar chatting to someone and rolled his eyes every time we tried to catch his attention.
We asked for the bill and when he came back for the money he disappeared with it and never came back with the change. We waited, and waited, and waited.
In the end I (the shyest of the group) got fed up, went over and said something along the lines 'hi, we are still waiting for our receipt and change' he tutted!!!!!
Ten minutes later he came over, slapped the change down on the table and stormed off. Then one of the group asks if we are leaving a tip. I'm very firm in the fact that we are NOT leaving a tip. I also wrote a scathing review on trip advisor after that. (Which I've never done before or since!)
Saf really as I know some people who really love it there and it's a beautiful looking place.

@Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal That's your choice if you want to split the bill and pay for more than what you have ordered just like it's my choice not to subsidise other people's greedy CF habits! And I never invited the CF out, if it had been up to me I would never have invited her full stop but some colleagues felt bad about not inviting her and that it was unfair to exclude her which I to some extent I understand but that's not an invite to come out and take the piss out of people's kind nature.

@highmarkingsnowbile The CF college friend stuff was back in the days before contactless cards and apps on the phone to pay and the "I forgot my purse" stunt worked but once it reached £80 I was done I never got that money back and I never spoke to the CF again and she moved onto the next mug and did the same to them. I learned a hard lesson with her and I will never allow anyone to take the piss out of my generosity again and if that makes me a tight bugger in some people's eyes then so be it

When I eat out I will always have wine and so even if the meals are fairly equal in cost I'll always pay extra for the wine. Some friends insist that it's doesn't matter and just split equally but they're fairly well resourced. These days I don't tend to eat out in groups unless all the other diners are very close friends, I don't see them enough as it is so don't want to spend my leisure time with other people I barely know

@Greeneyedminx I love you story! CF karma at its best well done to the crew and captain for having them kicked off! I had a similar incident I was on a train going to visit family and I always book my ticket in advance and pay extra to reserve a seat preferably with a plug socket because I have rheumatoid arthritis in both my ankles, feet and now my toes so I cannot stand up on long journeys as the pain is just too much. On this particular journey I boarded the train found my seat and there was a guy sitting there with his phone plugged in. I politely and calmly said to him "excuse me I think you're in my seat" and showed my ticket. He rudely replied "there's a spare seat opposite you can sit there" at this point my CF alarm bells started ringing so I firmly said "I paid to reserve that seat because it has a plug socket so can you please move or I'll call a member of staff to sort this problem out" cue CF tutting at me moving out the way but left his phone plugged in. I sat down got my laptop out and unplugged his phone and plugged my laptop in. This was the last straw for the CF who rudely told me "I was here first I need to charge my phone!" at this point I did lose my temper a bit and replied "well you should have fucking paid to reserve a seat with a plug socket then like I did! If you don't like it fuck off and sit somewhere else you rude twat" not my finest moment I admit, but it did the trick he sat there the whole journey in silence giving me evil looks had he been polite I wouldn't have minded him charging his phone for a little while.

Lucifer666 I had a very similar one but you dealt with it much better than I did! Was on a long distance train, booked table and forward facing seat in advance. Got there and man is in my seat. I said so and he just shrugged and said "there's nobody sitting there" (opposite). I said I had prebooked the seat but he just looked at me and said "well you can sit there can't you?" I stupidly sat there (still table and power but backward facing) feeling nauseous for about an hour. Then pulled out my sandwiches which were admittedly a smelly food (I know, but I was pregnant and it was the only thing I could face). He then told me I shouldn't eat that on a train and didn't I have any courtesy for others? I snapped at this point and said don't talk to me about courtesy when you have refused to move from MY prebooked seat so I have to face backwards getting sicker and sicker! He looked sheepish but still didn't move.

I agree Lucifer, I'm very glad you learned a lesson, too, so many put up with CFers for years and years to the tune of hundreds. Nope. I don't think so. Goes for people sitting in my pre-booked seat on the train. 'You can sit there.' 'No, you can. This is my seat.' Fuck them.

I got on a train once when the reservation system was down so I just took an empty seat. On the other side was a block of 4 seats round a table - a young mum with 2 kids and grandma got on the train and went to the seats. There was a bloke already sitting there who had put his bags on all the seats and spread his work out all over the table. The mum asked for the seats as they had reserved them and all he replied was - 'reservation system is down' and then ignored them when they asked again. So they juggled their kids and bags into other seats in the carriage but were sitting a long way apart. I went to the loo a few minutes later at the same time as the mum and we agreed he was a twat. I was so annoyed that when I was going back to my seat, I stood over him and said very loudly " A gentleman would let that family travel together." I gave him the evils, the rest of the carriage joined in, so he picked up his bags and shuffled off.

@Itsbeforepartb that's terrible! I would have puked on him and said "sorry morning sickness" these CF rely on other people being too polite to call them out on their rude CF entitled behaviour! the thing is though it doesn't actually cost much to reserve a seat about £3 extra! I used to let people take advantage of me out of politeness then I had a eureka moment where I thought these CF have no shame about their behaviour so why should I care about what they think of me! it's very liberating when you no longer care what other people think and it makes them less likely to start shit with you once they see you also have no shame in calling them out

@highmarkingsnowbile yeah I learned the hard way and started calling people out on their CF behaviour they aren't ashamed of how they behave so why should I feel the need to be polite and let them take the piss! the CF colleague pissed me off massively during lunch breaks she would help herself to other people's food like it was her right! she ate my entire lunch that was in the staff fridge and when I told her that was my food her response was "oh Lucifer you're so selfish sharing is caring you know" that was her response to everything she helped herself to (she even used the same phrase when she would give others her workload ffs!) and this was how cheeky her behaviour was that I had to go out and buy myself something to eat since she ate all of my lunch (she was on early break I was on late) so I went to the chip shop and when I got back I sat down to eat and once she saw what I had said "ooh that looks tasty" and actually reached her hand out to help herself! at this point I snapped and moved my food out of her reach and politely said "aren't you full from consuming my entire lunch!" she was shocked but recovered herself enough and repeated her "sharing is caring" phrase which used to make my blood boil so bad that it would turn into acid!

So when she pulled that restaurant stunt that was the final straw for me and I wasn't tolerating her behaviour anymore. She did indeed tell our manager on the Monday what I did (surprise surprise her and the manager were best pals ) the manager had the cheek to call me in her office and lecture me about my behaviour saying it was unprofessional and that she would be "letting me off with a warning" to which I replied " actually you cannot give me a warning as this incident happened outside of work hours so technically you're abusing your position so if you warn me I'd like it in writing so I can seek legal advice" her face was priceless! after that they both started a passive aggressive thing against me but I had the last laugh I left not long after (no prizes for guessing why I never stayed in that job long ) and the company closed within a couple of years because all the hard workers left for better jobs and leaving the lazy ones there the manager ended up closing the business because nothing ever got done properly or on time and clients weren't happy with their work ethics! I look at it as CF karma

Have just read 'Mexican house thief'. It wins CF stories forever.

We always used to split the bill. It was a regular group. No one took the piss and everyone used to be roughly the same cost. 10 of us did it for years in various guises without any problems.

Then one of the guys got a new partner. Their first trip out she tried to split the bill between 6 - 4 couples, me and another on their own. It was laughed off as “how silly” when it was pointed out that was hardly fair on the two on their own. Apparently nerves. It pinged my CF radar right away

Later that night they made a snide remark about the guy in one of the couples never buying a round. Had to backtrack when it was pointed out she’d watched his wife buy two rounds in a row. He avoids the bar because he has a speech impediment and it’s difficult in a noisy bar.

Months past and a couple of people started grumbling about how much CF’er was ordering at the meal without putting in extra. The lad who has steak always chucks in and extra £10. One of the girls who drinks a pricey drink always puts in extra, but Cf’er never did and her partner ignored all mentions of it

One night they were ridiculous. She ordered the most expensive starter, a really pricey main, three sides and they ordered expensive wine to share between them. I’d had a shit day already so I said “BTW guys is there any chance we can we just all pay for our own tonight?. Pennies are a bit tight”

Everyone else agreed. CF’er actually said out loud “I wouldn’t have ordered that if I’d known we weren’t splitting the bill” and was furious.

Never came out with us again because we humiliated and bullied her apparently. Her partner drifted away from friends of 20+ years as we were so unwelcoming

@Lucifer666
I can't believe she tried to rob your chips having already eaten your lunch. That's nearly worse than the restaurant stunt.

Mine is tame compared to some of these, but here goes!

DD1(6) made friends with a new girl at school and I met her mum a couple of times briefly who seemed nice enough.

DD then started asking about having this friend come for a sleepover. I thought they were a little young plus I didn't really know her parents, so just said let's see. Then the mum texted to say her daughter was asking about it so I agreed.

The day came and DD's friend was dropped off with nothing apart from the clothes she was wearing. The mum told me she had to teach her a lesson as she asked her daughter twice to pack an overnight bag and she didn't do it. She was 6! How was that teaching her a lesson?

I was miffed but just brushed it off. Gave her a new toothbrush and DD's pyjamas. Forgot all about the annoyance and enjoyed seeing the kids having a good time.

Next morning pick up agreed for 10 am. I had to be somewhere else at 10.30 and my much younger sister was coming to watch my 2 kids. At 9.30 the mum texted to say she would be 15 minutes late. No problem, I said. Explained I wouldn't be there and left for my appointment. Heard nothing from the CF mum or my sister so assumed everything went as planned.

Almost lunchtime whilst I was still out, a text arrived from CF mum 'I was thinking about dropping my son off with your sister as I need to go do something and it would be quicker on my own. Then I can just come back and pick both kids up at the same time'. Turned out she hadn't even been to pick up her daughter.

I got the measure of her by then and just told her no, my sister could not take care of 4 kids and to come pick up her daughter ASAP, which she did.

To this day I still get the odd text saying let's get the girls together again, to which I pretty much just brush off every time. It's a shame as her DD is a lovely girl but I knew I had to nip it in the bud with this one.

Got there and man is in my seat. I said so and he just shrugged and said "there's nobody sitting there" (opposite).

I'd have acted an ambiguous mixture of PA and slightly dim (let him take it as he wishes) and said "Ah, wonderful - so that means I can have my seat that I reserved for my requirements and that one's free for you to sit in, so everybody wins!"

Similarly, with the 'sharing is caring' idiot, play her at her own game and ask her what full lunch she's bringing in tomorrow for you. When she goes quiet or says that she isn't, look perplexed and say "But why aren't you sharing as well? Don't YOU care too?"

These people know exactly what they're doing, when they come out with their little etiquette rules for others that, oddly enough, don't also apply to them.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal Tapas is the worse for CFery. We have this every time with my CF mate ( different to my last one,).
It’s impossible to stop them hoovering up the lions share of anything communal, ordering the most expensive dishes for themselves and not inviting anyone to try it but with no qualms about helping themselves everyone else’s choices.

on fairly good terms with our neighbours despite a few odd things (they stole our wheely bin, we took it back, they stole it again, we took it back again. Our number is on it). DH owns a small share in a vinyard, we get lots of wine, which he stores in a purpose built wine shed at the end of the garden. He noticed that wine had gone missing (over 30 bottles) and so set up a hidden CCTV. We caught someone going in at around 2 in the morning and leaving with 3 bottles of wine when he checked the CCTV footage. So, he set up a mini-alarm that went off in our bedroom, fast forward to the weekend and it goes off at midnight. Fast as he can, he dashes down to catch a slightly drunk women, he has never seen before helping herself to his wine. He goes ballistic at her and threatens to call the police, whereupon she tells him to F off and she has permission from our neighbour to help herself! He relieves her of the wine, and next day goes to talk to neighbour. Turns out she had a party once and just helped herself to some wine, thinking we wouldn't mind. It became such a habit that her friends asked her where she was getting the wine from, she told them and said they could help themselves because DH "has way too much wine to drink anyway".
We now have a lockable gate and a lock on the wine shed.

@cstaff she was a greedy, very gluttonous and horrible cow! other colleagues ended up hiding their food and not leaving it in the fridge because even if their name was on it she'd have it! but trying to rob my chips after eating my lunch was the ultimate piss take and I wasn't having none of it. The strange thing is me and another colleague who were and still are close friends to this day could never work out how the fuck she stayed so skinny when all she did was eat! I'm a size 16 but fucking hell if I ate the way this one did I'd be the size of a house! I could fill this entire thread up with her CF behaviour alone its that shocking it's unbelievable!

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll in the 18 months I worked for this company I never once saw her bring or buy any food in for herself but then why would she need to other colleagues weren't too keen on calling her out for her behaviour because as I said her and our manager were close friends in and out of work and anyone who did have the guts to complain about her the manager did sweet FA.

We met a mature student and his wife at the university my exH and I worked for. They used to often be in social gatherings of friends of us. We were all about the same age but we were the only couple beyond student times in professional employment so these CFs went back to their country When they finished their studies but asked us they could leave a “Couple of Boxes” with us for when they returned after the summer.

They showed up with more than 20 big boxes, which occupied the whole of our spare bedroom, the shed and part of our living room. I was furious but at that time I was not as assertive as I am now so I just shut up at the end of the day we always spent a good part of the summer abroad si it wasn’t as if we had to see the boxes for the whole of the summer holidays.

Came September and they announce they are not coming back for at least a year, didn’t even ask if we are ok to keep their shit for so long so I ask when they are going to remove the boxes. They said we could post them to them and they will pay us the costs when they receive the boxes.

We said no, so they asked if we could organise a removals company for them. We refused but another idiot in the group agreed to foot for them. When they got the quote, they asked for another three, as none fitted their expectations they arranged to use a student courier so they said the only thing we needed to do was to deliver the 20 boxes to an airport 3 hours away (no mention of getting a removal truck though)

We said we were not doing it and that they could find someone to collect the boxes by the end of September, a lot of people started coming to pick one or 2 boxes at a time but we were left with at least 5.

4 months later someone from the group called me because the CF had left their pet with them for the summer but they were no longer able to keep it as they were going home, they were told to contact me as I would find the rodent a home. Fortunately, someone from work wanted it so it was much easier to shift than the boxes.

2 years later they called us saying that they are coming back for their PHDs, could we please pay the deposit of the 4 bedroom house They found so they don’t have to do a bank transfer?
Obviously I said no, but being the coward I was back then, I told them we couldn’t lend them the money because it was all invested in ISAs so no hint taken.

They showed up in October and the woman calls me because they had an altercation with their landlord after CFs refused to pay the full rent... they demanded the discount because they had rented such big house as they brought with them two nieces to study for free in the UK and the state schools had refused to take them as they were no legal dependents and there was no justification for them to be in the country apart of having a free school year abroad, so as they were not using all the bedrooms anymore they wanted a discount. I sent her to a student welfare advisor as I totally refused to get involved in that.

And times goes by and the woman ask us to be first communion godparents of their kid. Jesus... the woman wanted to make a wedding out of the event and us godparents to sort it all. I had a 3 week old baby so I refused but I offered to do some thank you cards to hand out to guests as a memento of the day (customary in her country) She said ok and I spent a good time doing the design, printing them and putting stupid ribbons on them. I thought she was going to love them but instead was disgusted because they didn’t include the names of the godparents and... wait for it... our academic titles at work! She said we had only been asked to be godparents because she wanted the cards to say their kid’s godparents were academics in such university!

I left it at that, no more cards or titles, she will need to put up with those, or so I thought, she went and ordered some in a printshop that included the academic titles!

We decided to keep contact with them and the whole group altogether after that but thought it would be rude not to show up to the first communion... so we got to the ceremony and from there to the “reception”. We arrived to the place with the other guests but there was nothing indicating there was going to be a party there. She arrived 45 minutes later and started complaining the godparents had not helped at all so that’s why there was no preparation!

Thankfully, we were not surrounded by CFs only so everybody wondered why she expected us to throw a party in her behalf especially when I had such a tiny baby.

Some people...

dadshere wow, that's crazy. So your neighbour just invited someone to steal from you?
What did neighbour say after you confronted them?!
Had you ever given neighbour free wine before?

I definitely would have had lock on it from day one, wine is too precious to me but then again I don't have a shed full of it!