Best CF Stories

[CupcakesAndCastles]

Lockdown sucks, what’s the best CF stories you’ve read?

This one has just happened today.

DH tells me that an old colleague called him today for a "chat" and asks him for 8k as he wants to buy a "great" house. This isn't necessarily the CF bit. This old colleague doesn't work, doesnt want to work in the near future and has serious cash flows issues so how he plans to pay it back, I do not know. He's got form for asking for small amounts of money but this is something new.

I asked DH what he said and he said: I just said: no and they moved onto something else.

@Wolfgirrl

The caravan people!!! Fucking hell. They truly walk among us.. How can people be so utterly devoid of self-awareness??!

The caravan people 😂 how rude!!! How can your dad have them back?

I can't even! We're not even going to pretend to want to spend time with you @Wolfgirrl

I went on a hen party where I only knew the bride-to-be and two women through my partner, one of whom offered to drive the three of us. Location was about an hour away. The other woman and I offered petrol money in the car, driver waved it off saying "don't worry, just get me a drink later". I didn't think anything of it, money tends to work out among friends.

But it turned out not to be a couple of drinks. We started drinking at lunchtime and she clearly expected me and the other woman to subsidise her night out. I happily bought her a few, but when she sat looking expectantly at us when the dinner bill came I was a bit . I cracked at around 10pm when, in some dingy club, I went to get a G&T to get me through the cheesy music. She trailed after me to the bar, said "what are we getting then", and looked expectantly at the purse in my hand.

"I'm getting a G&T," I said, thrusting cash into the bar lady's hand before she could order. At that point, the other woman – whose circumstances meant she was struggling a bit for cash at the time – comes over and driver goes "Oh great, I'd love a insert expensive cocktail here". And the woman PAID. I felt terrible and ended up buying struggling-for-cash lady a few drinks and a portion of chips later on to make up for it.

Honestly, either the driver was oblivious to the price of petrol or was a mega CF. I never added it all up but I reckon we could've hired a limo for the return trip for less!

Thank you very much for starting this thread @CupcakesAndCastles you've made a very trying week not seem to bad - 'ooo I can check if there's any new stories'

I should also volunteer as tribute - my MIL is beyond a nightmare. She almost split my husband and I up by causing a massive fuss in the 6 months before the wedding. On the day she took the flowers my mum had bought for her to make 8 button holes (she demanded to do the flowers - I wanted the florist to do them to save stress) and used them to make 15 button holes for all her family members.

My BIL and SIL's very recent wedding, she caused a massive row over the guest list and demanded certain guests weren't invited. When they stopped replying to her (long and ranty) texts, she then wrote emails and letters and then starting complaining about the groom to the groom's parents
She didn't get involved in prep for the wedding as it was a destination wedding but told multiple people that she had done the flowers, made the cake and the bridesmaids dresses...
One of her extremely lovely new in laws had made the cake and was thanked profusely in the speeches - not sure how she explained that away.

May not be a true CF but I feel the last point was cheeky to the point of bizarre

She told everyone she made the cake!? Wtf!?

Yup...
The lady who had made it was related to over half the people there (very large and close family), really no idea how she thought she was going to get away with that!

I've just read the Mexican house thief thread and I'm that should win CF of the decade award!

@Wolfgirrl that is cheeky fuckery of the highest order! I would have told them in no uncertain terms to fuck off and to holiday somewhere else for the foreseeable future!

Here's some of my CF stories although they're probably tame compared to some on here.

Years ago me and some work colleagues used to sometimes go out to restaurants on a Friday night after work nothing to flashy or expensive but nice places. There was this one woman who I was never really keen on she was quite the bully actually and a CF at work always trying to get other colleagues to do her workload and would never buy or bring in lunch for herself but then proceeded to help herself to everyone else's food as it was in the staff fridge and "sharing is caring".

Anyway I have always made it very clear that I don't do split bills (had a CF pull the "left my purse at home" excuse on me a few times before) I pay only for what I eat and drink and of course will leave a decent tip. On one of these night's out CF said at the start "oh let's split the bill" not wanting to be rude as I'm quite a direct and blunt person I politely declined and said I would pay for only what I eat and drink she passive-aggressively told me "well we're ALL doing a split bill tonight sharing is caring Lucifer don't be so selfish!" with a smug smile. Me being someone who is difficult to bully asked the waiter quietly to give me a separate bill for what I order which he said was absolutely fine. CF and the others order their food and drink and no one takes the piss except the CF of course. She orders loads of wine and food and was still helping herself to other people's foods from their plate whilst they were still eating! CF then tries to do this to me but wise to her ways I moved my plate out of her reach. End of the night she asks for the bill and tells everyone "we're splitting it" and proceeds to then order a meal to takeaway for her DP!! she then asks everyone to put their share in. Her face was an absolute picture when the waiter handed me my bill which was half of what she had "told" everyone they had to pay. She then started trying to bully me into paying towards everyone else's bill to which I responded "erm can you not see I have my own bill to pay so there is no need for me to contribute to yours!" she then proceeded to belittle me by calling me a tight arse and how I have ruined the night. Without any shame I replied back with "well you should know all about tight arses since you help yourself to other people's food and never return the favour! sharing is caring you know" I then paid my bill and with a breezy smile said to everyone "have a lovely weekend see you all on Monday" and went home. The next day another colleague who had been there called me at home to tell me that the CF was absolutely furious at my "blatant cheek and would be telling our manager on Monday" I lmao and replied "she can crack on and tell whoever she likes".

An ex friend (who was very toxic) got engaged and from then on everything was about her wedding it drove me crazy three and half years of constant "my wedding this and that" down to minute detail. Anyway a couple of month's before the wedding ex friend called me stressing out because she needed money to pay the DJ and had spent the last of her wedding fund on catering and could I get her a £2500 bank loan in my name! I was a bit because I've never heard of a DJ charging that amount! I politely asked why she couldn't get the bank loan herself and she replied "I can't my parents would kill me!". At the time I was skint as only working part time and studying full time so I told her no and explained that I really didn't need the stress of that hanging over my head (I was going through severe MH issues at the time as well which my friend knew about). Cue CF ex friend bursting into tears telling me she was so stressed out over her wedding and then started begging me to do it even resorting to emotional blackmail about how she would do the same for me and she has been such a good friend to me (she wasn't but that's a whole other thread) with all my MH issues recently (yeah telling me to get a grip and pull myself together and being dismissive of my issues and how her MH was much worse than mine, she's a hypochondriac the slightest sniffle and she's off to the doctors with bubonic plague) anyway I stood firm and told her that I would not be getting her a bank loan in my name. For the next four days she bombarded me with phone calls and text messages begging me to change my mind which I thankfully didn't. No prizes for guessing why she's an ex friend.

My kids once did a 3x/week, after school activity that went till 7pm. Another girl (8yo ish) did the same activity and the mom asked if I could supervise her until a parent could pick up so they wouldn't have to pay the nanny. Fine - I was there anyway. Only the parent kept being late & I'd be waiting in the parking lot with 4 hungry kids who needed dinner & homework. When I could get hold of the parent, they'd say they were still 30 min away and they'd pick child up from my house. Which meant I fed her and entertained her for another hour, while doing homework and bedtime routine.

That went on sporadically for a couple of years till we switched venues and schedules. Now a 6 day per week schedule, all year, the child would try and find out what sessions my kids were planning to register for each season so I could be used as a drop off point, supervision, and drive home (30min extra out of my way) or pick up point (at their convenience). My kids would tell her the wrong schedule, the mom would register, and then be gobsmacked when I told her the coordinated plan she'd worked out wouldn't work.

She always approached it as "sharing" the workload but it never worked out that she did anything. She never asked ahead of time, after the first "supervision". She never, ever said thank you. Some kids I wouldn't mind, but the girl was a shit disturber who thrived on creating chaos with mine and was quite snide. My kids didn't want to see more of her than they saw at the activity. Sometimes I'd go to drop her at home and no one was there - they were grocery shopping. Sometimes, as the years went on, the girl would approach me herself and tell me she had no way to get home - they knew I'd be there. Occasionally I'd say no, we're not going home, and the mom would bitch about me to anyone who would listen.

I felt sorry for the girl but put my foot down as much as possible. Her mother was relentless. She would manipulate situations to put me in an untenable place - like leaving a child alone at night. She just could not understand that her family's schedule was not my responsibility or obligation. 3 of my own, a busy schedule, and chronic illness were exhausting enough.The girl is now mid 20's, very independent, seems a little more pleasant...and she still hit me up for a ride when we were at an event last summer. I can sort of laugh now.

It's made me able to fend off the normal CF's without breaking a sweat. I've "shared the work" with many people over the years of school and activities, sometimes doing way more of a share, but only when it feels right and it's appreciated by both sides.

I should also add that my DH and I were doing hundreds of volunteer hours that her child benefitted from. Guess how much she did?

While I was volunteering recently at a huge event, I ran into her. She said "Are you STILL volunteering?!".

I can see why people don’t want to pay for other people’s meals when loads of cocktails/alcohol/ starters mains ect have been ordered and I don’t think people should take the piss but in the same vein if you go out of your way to only ever ever eve pay your own bill that makes you look tight and not great either. Friends of mine always share the bill even if ones had cocktails and the other hasn’t. I even used to spilt the bill when I was pregnant and not drinking. It doesn’t bother me if someone’s had something and I haven’t, it massively puts me off people who are so indignant that they will only pay for what they’ve had (When an extra glass of wine is the only extra) in the same way it puts me off people who would try and get out of paying.

Absolutely - but equally I have the cheaper main of a burger £8 (2nd choice) when my first choice would be the lamb (£18). I then would be annoyed if we split the bill and my share was £20 rather than £10 because of your massively overpriced wine

I'm not going to quibble over a few quid but I can't afford to be paying double my meal.

My sister and her DH went out for a meal with his brother and partner and friends - all lawyers but my sister and DH were students at the time. My sister wasn't feeling well, just had a main. Their costs were £15 each, bill split equally was £70 each! that's not fair at all

There are ways of asking as well -MIL caused bad feeling at a recent meal out by being very indignant and aggressive about not splitting the bill. Fair enough but say calmly. (also then add up your bill correctly - she hadn't put her drinks or sides on but that's another story)

Why Wash? Why should I pay for other people? I genuinely don’t understand why separate bills at a restaurant is a problem. Of course it’s totally different at a dinner party in someone’s home where you bring things.

If people are eating the same kind of thing and around the same quantities, then splitting is easier. Problem is people like my BIL/SIL, if they get a sniff of a split bill literally start throwing alcohol down their throats and ordering steaks.

It just makes you look tight no matter how you dress it up especially if it’s just a couple of quids difference. I’ve said I don’t agree with it if someone’s had a tap water and a salad and everyone else has had cocktails and steak. Although the kind of people I go out with do try and still split it even when it’s them loosing out. I had to put my foot down to my sister when she was pregnant and is veggie all she could eat was a small dish and no wine and she still tried to split the bill we all told her no we would split and she would just put in a small amount. That’s just the kind of people I know i guess and I go out at least 5 times a month for dinner with different groups of people and they are all the same. Split the bill no worries no pisstaking.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal I'm just getting back to this thread now.

Re Boat wedding, yes we were guests.

The bride and I had months of back and forth emails about how it was great to be back in touch she even made sure my dietary requirements were met with a different meal to everyone else's!

I had told her I'd bought a dress and wanted to check it didn't look like bridesmaids. She said there was no bridesmaids and said nothing about my dress in emails.

It was only 2 days before wedding she asked if we could help out decorating the boat. So I was invested at that point

I still can't understand why nobody else was dressed up. I thought there would be some dressing up as the bride,groom and their families were very well off, it was an expensive reception and she had a very elaborate and expensive dress.

Strangest day of my life.

I'm really shocked at the amount of cf restaurant stories. What's wrong with people?!

Maybe it’s a cultural thing? My American guests at my wedding in the uk asked about dress codes as they know they dress more casual as weddings than we do.. so weird why would they ask you to decorate! I bet you laugh about this now!

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal
It was in Paris. I know parisians have a very understated and demure sence of style so I didn't walk in with ruffles and sparkles just a very plain yet elegant long dress, one colour.
Hair simple too but done!

These family members and close friends were literally wearing shorts and sandals. And I don't mean lovely tailored shorts. Their hair wasn't just messy, twas greasy too. Just very very odd.

I thought she'd asked us to decorate as she had no friends or family in France, I thought perhaps someone had let them down last minute.
Only her parents flew over from quite far away to be there, they spoke neither English nor French so couldn't communicate with anyone ....

Now almost 10 years later I realise was just a cheeky fuck plan...more than likely instigated by her pompous Parisian groom and his family.

I guess they wanted to cut a few corners but didn't know anybody who would be caught dead decorating for their reception. They were all 'very important people'🙄

The bride knew nobody in the country.. Just a few people from a class we'd taken a year prior .

I'm sure the though was 'Get in touch with anyone you can from your old class and invite them, we'll use them but dont tell them til 48hours before' foolish me

@pandoschmando I get what you’re saying, and in one way if they didn’t want to come they shouldn’t have, but I would give a present for a destination wedding either. If you feel obligated to attend then you are basically forced to take a holiday somewhere you might not want to, so regardless of how much of a spread you put on at various days they’ve still spent the £££

@Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal I am not a tight fisted bugger and I used to do the "lets split the bill" until a previous CF when I was in college would repeatedly take the piss out of my then passive nature and generosity we used to do go to a nice place for lunch when college was finished and agreed we would take turns each time to pay/ or split the bill. The CF then started "forgetting her purse" asked me to pay and said they'd pay me back they never did and it got to the point where they owed me £80 quid for meals and drinks that's alot of money to a 17 year old student, I learned my lesson and stopped that kind of piss taking.

When I'm out with friends I'm different I don't mind taking turns to buy drinks etc I've even treated my friends when they're skint and they've done the same for me. Or if it's their birthday's/special occasion's then of course I'm happy to treat them and pay as they're wonderful friends. But any other times we all agree that we pay for what we order and have our own bills its worked well for us.

But I don't see why I should have to split the bill and pay for loads of food and alcohol that I don't eat or drink just so some CF can take the piss without putting their hands in their pocket if you can't afford to pay for what you order why should everyone else have to pay to towards it? I'm never rude about it I'm always polite but I stand firm behind my "I don't do split bills" policy and the people who are offended by this are always the CF because they can't take the piss!

We were flying back from the Far East on a jumbo plane and were near to the bulk head seats where people who have babies can put them in the sky cots.
A man and his grown up family sit in these four seats so they can all sit together. Two young couples with babies very politely say to the man and his family that they think he is in the wrong seats and show him their tickets with the relevant seat numbers on.
This man is having none of it, pretends he doesn’t understand and states very loudly that he is staying where he is.
The flight attendant comes along due to the hold up in the aisles and asks to see the seat number on the tickets, sees them and says he and his family are all in the wrong seats and need to return to their allocated seats, which are all over the plane.
This man continues to extremely loudly at this point, insist he’s going nowhere!!
Captain of the plane comes along to see what the hold up is... asks to see the tickets, explains very politely that they are indeed in the wrong seats and need to move now. The man and his family once again refuse to move to their allocated seats.
Captain then says in his lovely Aussie accent, right mate you’ve got 10 seconds to move otherwise you’ll be offloaded now, as I don’t like people taking the mick.
Why are you all still sat there? You’re on 8 seconds and counting!!!
Family gets up, knocks Into the young mum and baby - who are now both crying due to the stress of it all, and starts shouting at anyone who will listen that the airline are being racist because he is the head of his family and needs to sit with them!!
Captain comes storming back, states they are certainly not racist, but don’t put up with bullies who won’t follow the requests of his crew and promptly off loads them all to the cheers of everyone on board, including people of the same ethnicity as this man and his family!

@TwinMumSuperHero Exactly! you have hit the nail right on the head!
The CF in my story massively took the piss which I knew she would as she was the same at work always helping herself to other people's food and when told no she would smile and say "oh you're so selfish sharing is caring you know" and continue her CF ways.

She actually expected everyone to pay £80 including tip (there were around 8 of us there that night) when my meal and drinks came to about £35 and everyone else's was around the same but because she ordered so much stuff when the bill came it was big and she then ordered another meal to takeaway for her DP and still expected people to split the bill and pay double what they had ordered and all but one of my colleagues paid because they were too scared to make a fuss as she was also known to be very confrontational. Didn't work with me although she was baying for my blood after this incident and tried to make my life a misery but I had the last laugh with her