Best CF Stories

[CupcakesAndCastles]

Lockdown sucks, what’s the best CF stories you’ve read?

Older lady/neighbour lets herself into our back garden gate because she had heard my husband banging about. So stood having a chat with him.

I hadnt realised she was there....anyway I walk down my garden towards my husband....lady starts walking towards me and says dont come over and disturb him,I have been talking to him long enough and he needs to get on.

She walks out the gate.

I was gob smacked lol

Went to a hen do. MOH had booked an Indian restaurant. I don't like Indian but of course don't say anything, it's not my night. Later find out the bride doesn't like Indian either but it's the MOH's favourite! Anyway, make the best and order a glass of wine and a side dish. MOH and her mum order EVERYTHING. Some of it they don't like when it arrives so they order more, mains, sides, rice, huge hanging naans x 3 because she dropped one on the floor. Whatever, I didn't care, they were happy and I expected to split the bill whatever it cost.

But when the bill came the MOH mother stood up and pointed at me like something off Invasion of the Bodysnatchers and screamed 'Sheeee had wine, I'm sorry, but I am not paying for someone's alcohol'. Turns out I was the only one who'd had wine (1) even though they'd all had multiple soft drinks and mocktails. Everyone turned to stare at me so I agreed to put extra in despite the split bill coming to around £25 each and my drink and food coming to under £10! It was so humiliating! We put our money on the tray, the MOH took it up to pay. On the way to the toilet I saw the MOH and her mum with their heads together counting the money and separating it. I went and hovered near them as I was 100% certain they were going to pocket all the tip. The tip did turn out to be very generous and I've no doubt the MOH made up the amount we all had to chip in to steal.

I probably should have said something but I didn't know most of them and the bride idolised her MOH. Made me sick at the wedding when bride was fawning over her. And I was sat next to the horrible mother who had clearly forgotten she'd already met me and started telling me different versions of bullshit lies she's told me at the Hen do. And argued with me about the bride's age despite me and the bride being born in the same year. So weird!

Observation: I've never been on an actual good hen night - apart from my own but there were five of us who all knew each other very well. I was early mid-20s and hadn't been in the UK long. Also, it was just a night out.

I think it gets harder when you're older and mixing lots of friends from different parts of your life - childhood, uni, various jobs - and the event is the more typical weekend away malarky that goes on today. Much, much higher chance of CF-ery to emerge.

For people who don't get their round, start a kitty. I much prefer those. Put 20 quid in and then top up as required.

@Afint, I suggest you switch to a system where you each just buy your own drinks. Even having a kitty can be a bit of a minefield if you all contribute the same amount but the individual drinks greatly differ in price. But if you only buy your own, nobody loses out financially (and your CF friend can spend as little as she likes!).

'Sheeee had wine, I'm sorry, but I am not paying for someone's alcohol'.

An ideal opportunity to say with a tinkly little laugh "Fair enough, I'll just pay for my own separately, then, so nobody needs to subsidise me!" and force them to admit that they're wanting you to sub their meal but expect you to pay for your own similar-priced drink, just because it happens to be alcoholic - but hindsight is a wonderful thing. CFs usually spring these things on you deliberately so that you don't have time to object.

I just wouldn't keep going out for drinks repeatedly with someone who never bought a round. Either they're all good pals and you can openly talk about it or they're people I wouldn't choose to spend that much time with! Maybe three times before enough is enough? Why do you keep going?

Apologies, forgot to tag @Afint

I would say the cheekiest fuckers I've heard of are a couple who are friends of a friend and expected their mates to fork out £3000 each to go to Vegas for the stag and hen dos!

Afint - Do the other two not object to her taking them for a ride as well? Incidentally, does she tend to go for cheaper or more expensive drinks than the rest of you? I could understand if she only drinks free tap or soda water, but from what you say, I'm guessing that isn't the case. Even if she had Coke and you had wine, there's nothing stopping her getting in every tenth round or whatever.

Rounds only really work when everybody drinks similar-value drinks and isn't tight - and, if there are more or fewer people than the number of rounds you get through, the same group meets regularly and people are fair enough to say "I'll get the first one as I didn't get to buy one last time" or "You ended up getting two rounds in last time, so you keep your purse/wallet in your bag/pocket tonight!"

It's doomed from the beginning if there's anybody there who isn't determined to pay their way - the whole idea of rounds is to give everybody their moment to be generous and treat the rest, not to give CFs a chance to freeload eternally.

I think saying that you'd rather just get your own in is probably your best solution. You could always say that rounds aren't really practical in your group dynamic as you have more people than usual number of rounds in an evening, so it's a hassle to keep track of whose turn it is from last time - and you don't want it to work out unfair for anybody looking pointedly at CF

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Too right, I should have. It just felt they all turned to me like I was a raging alky trying to cadge booze and I just went on the defensive. It's not like it was an AA hen do as she was knocking back the free drinks that came with the ticket to the comedy club after. The hen hates stand up comedy too but her lifelong bestie seemed to not know or care about this and bride was soooo grateful for her organising the surprise.

How do some unpleasant users manage to get these groupies?

Round avoiding CF drinks more or less the same as the rest of us. I don’t know if the other two have noticed or object to it and I don’t want to mention it to them in case they think I’m being a bitch. I’m not going to stop going out for drinks with my friends just because of one CF.

How do some unpleasant users manage to get these groupies?

It's both baffling and very sad, isn't it? It's the bride's one big special day before her wedding when the focus should be unashamedly on her and what she wants, but still, a supposed friend has taken it over and turned it into just another evening out based on her own preferences.

I think it's the friends (or not) equivalent of when you get OPs coming on and beginning with "I must make it clear that my DH is an amazingly kind and caring husband and father...." and then go on to tell minimisingly of his constant, deliberate routine of appalling abuse and neglect.

Tragically, when people respond and gently point it out and tell her she's worth far more than that, she'll leap to his defence and even get angry at those telling her the truth, such is the power that these users/abusers/controllers have over their victims.

I’m not going to stop going out for drinks with my friends just because of one CF.

It's your choice, but she's deliberately feeding off that and counting on exploiting your feelings of awkwardness which she interestingly doesn't share - it's the classic CF playbook.

My ex husband, abandoned me when I was seriously ill and pissed off to live a party lifestyle and shag another woman.
Racked up £20k in debt while he was away then returned begging me to come back to him (because he wanted me to pay off the £20k like I did all his other debts). I told him to fuck off so he deleted me from his life.
Last I heard via mutual friends he was up to £50k and desperate and then coronavirus happened.
I fucking laughed my head off.

madcatladyforever

Good for you! I'm really glad you showed yourself the basic respect that you thoroughly deserve, because he most definitely wasn't about to do so.

I do have another. Concerns neighbour and her son (CF and CFS).
Elderly neighbour, moved in around same time as us, widowed. CFS not very helpful to CF, doesn’t help her with anything around the house.
DH although is handy and it fell to us to do various bits of DIY and repairs, sometimes at cost to us, DH is too nice and just took the cost of bits of wood etc. She’s done little in return (tiny amount of babysitting. She won’t commit as has to be available to CFS at all times). Don’t mind that much really. Honestly DH felt sorry for her having no help.

However, over the years the tone changed. DH offered to do something, non urgent, but said it needed to wait as away with work. Gets back and CF comes round to complain CFS isn’t happy and needs a estimated date it would be done (never did do it). Lots of comments from then on about CFS not happy about ‘quality of work’ etc. Started to step back at this point.

So DHs uncle is a roofer. Offers to do work across roofs, only charging materials. CF wants something extra doing. Nice uncle says fine just pay for materials. Priced up. CFS gets involved. Firstly wants 3 quotes for the work, uncle is doing for free!! (We didn’t, pointed out it was fucking stupid). Then makes out all the material prices are obscene and he’s going to order himself, uncle says fine. Stuff comes, all wrong (why it was cheap). Takes weeks to get replacements by uncle himself. Uncle has to delay job as he has own work to do, caused by no materials to start.
CF comes round and complains CFS not happy about delays (uncle offered they could go elsewhere and pay, strangely not keen). Carry on basically just to keep the peace.

Job done. All lovely. Give bill for materials to CF who LOSES HER MIND. Seems they had decided they didn’t need to pay at all and CFS apparently didn’t think work was ‘up to scratch’. Uncle says fine and he will remove all the materials. At this point CF pays and has never spoken to us ever again. People are bonkers.

Seriously what is wrong with some people!!!!!

@Disfordarkchocolate I absolutely agree.

Uncle says fine and he will remove all the materials
Brilliant!

Parents NDN lost her front door keys, she had one of those yale locks you can open from the inside without a key but need one to get back in.

Instead of calling a locksmith she would just leave the back kitchen door open, but the yard door would be locked, with a slide over bolt so again you could do it from the inside. When she returned to the house she'd call to my parents crying that she couldn't get in and ask my mum to climb over the wall, using our ladders, drop down 15ft then slide the yard door bolt across so she could get into her house, she never said thank you and once mum opened the door she'd just push past her into the house.

This happened about 20 times before she finally called when my dad was home, he was always at work before, he was pissed off that mum had been putting herself at risk of injury doing it for so long, and the NDN was younger and fitter than her. He said to NDN he'd do it this time, but next time she would have to be the one to climb over herself.

Surprise surprise she had the locksmith was out within the hour, then NDN put lots of Facebook comments up about how the neighbourhood was going downhill.

I had my first ever cf experience from a neighbour who is knowen for being cf when it come to alcohol
(its minor compaired to some stories here though)

It was my birthday just before lockdown happened.
Cf said shall we have birthday drinks in the garden i have a lovely bottle of red for the occasion. (Mum and i dint drink red-she knows this)
Sounded great. I have a bottle of prececco i could bring for me and mum to drink. Mum has only half a glass to join in.
Cf oh good we'll just have your bottle then. There is no point in me opening a bottle of red just for me.
She lives alone opens a bottle to herself most nights
"Yes good try i said. Its my birthday not yours"

She eventually brought a bottle of procecco also and mum and i had a half glass each from her bottle and she kept the rest for herself. So when it was time for my bottle i did the exact same and she complained like a spolit child 🤣🤣🤣

She is lucky she has some very good qualities.

Ive one from a hen do too - groom was a friend of my DH and bride was foreign, a lovely really sweet quiet girl. They live abroad but came to my hometown for her hen so his family could attend.

I was pregnant at the time so drove in, her bridal party were also foreign and all in there were maybe 10-15 of us for dinner in a mid to high class restaurant. As it was a group there was a set menu / think it was €35 a head. I’d gone to atm on the way and had €120 on me as I needed cash for something the next day and thought for dinner / tip / non alco drinks for the night would mostly be maybe €70 or so.

During the dinner there was a constant stream of cocktails on trays being brought to the table of bridesmaids, in this place they’d be €12-€15 at least per cocktail. My table was a few of the other lads partners and apart from them I didn’t know anyone (except the bride). Only 1 or 2 at our table were drinking and myself and other girl who was driving had one half glass of red wine each.

At the end of the meal the first table all packed up and ran off to the cocktail bar. We hadn’t been told what the bill was yet till it filtered down it was €100 PER PERSON!!!!!

Myself and the other girl who was driving tried to quietly mention we weren’t drinking (happy to split for the bottle of wine we had some from obv) but no way could it be that much. But the other girls had legged it and I think they decreed the split was to be paid by everyone except them (3/4 girls plus bride) and they were of course the ones lashing into the cocktails. As the girls had already left it was left to those behind to pay the balance on the bill. So for a €35 meal and a half glass of red wine it cost me €100

My friend actually hadn’t enough cash so I had to give her my remaining €20 to make it up as we had no choice but to pay and the bride (who had no idea) saw our faces and asked was something wrong and we didn’t want to tell her that her bridesmaids were cheeky f’ing b*tches getting a free night out on us!!! I had to go home straight after the meal as I had no money left!

At another wedding a few months later the bride apologised to me as she had heard from someone else what happened and was mortified. Scabby cows.

@WindsorBlues There are some funny people about.

@afint
Why don't you suggest me and Mary will stick together for rounds. You three do the same. They won't be too happy to pay for more than one drink for her and will hopefully suggest her paying her way at least once a night.