Best CF Stories

[CupcakesAndCastles]

Lockdown sucks, what’s the best CF stories you’ve read?

Sheeee had wine, I'm sorry, but I am not paying for someone's alcohol'

Why didn’t you just say, fine, I’ll pay for exactly what I had and go through the bill?

The CF shite was the worse thing that ever happened to MN.

Shagzilla

I don't get how so many people have trouble dealing with the bill at a restaurant. When I go out with friends we just round up whatever we had to the next note and pool it. It usually results in a good tip. If it is too generous then there's a very British "no, after you" scenario as we try to return the surplus notes to each other. Those who had alcohol, starters etc. are always at pains to make sure that they've paid their way. It's easy.

We had a round dodger when we were about 18, long term friend but stingy. We would all have bought a drink and be standing awkwardly with empty glasses when it was her turn so someone would end up out of awkwardness getting a round in on her turn. She also made sure the taxi dropped her off first and never offered any money for it. So one night I had enough and after we all bought two rounds and climbed in the taxi I asked the driver to go to another friends home First, effectively working in reverse order to usual. I then said ‘CF I noticed we all bought a few rounds and you didn’t, so tonight The taxi fare is on you!’ She looked at me and sneered ‘I was going to do that anyway!’ Really? strange that you didn’t fucking offer until I said it love.

Had another friend years later who would order champagne cocktails on someone else’s round then when her round cave she’d say ‘oh I think I’ll change my drink...’ and try to convince the rest of us to get a cheaper drink so her round was less than ours 🙄. My and my best friend were wise to this ‘oh we’re enjoying these cocktails we’ll stick with them. She earned 3 times as much as we did and liked to boast about it.

I also got stuck with a drinks bill that someone decided we should split. We went on a team night out and had paid in advance for the set menu. Me and 1 other team member were driving. I ordered an irn bru and it was definitely not branded stuff it was vile. That was all I had to drink a small tumbler of shite smart price style irn bru. Two members of the team were bladdered on wine and a few guys were meet with pints. When the bill came my team leader said ‘let’s just split the drinks bill!’ They wanted £21 quid. I was made to feel like a stingy cf for saying no chance I’m not paying £21 for one small soft drink.,,not a chance! Apparently I was a killjoy!

On page 10 and have read about the round dodger (RD)
There’s an app called Splitwise. You all download it and then put in what you’ve spent that night and how many people it’s split between. It then totals up who owes what and to who. That also might highlight to the others that the RD never puts her hand in her pocket.

Round dodgers have plagued many a work do over the years. One woman was utterly adamant she would never pay into a round or otherwise do anything that would involve more than her precise share, and even then she would move heaven and earth to avoid that. She used to state brazenly that managers should pay more, and on another occasion utterly refused to leave a tip at a restaurant- loathsome behaviour in my view.

I have a CF friend. She doesn’t get invited out anymore.

We went out for dinner. We got a drink whilst waiting for the table. By this point we were becoming more wise to her CFness and so got our drinks individually. She didn’t get a drink but instead waited until we were at the table before starting to order her drinks.

We went away for the weekend. We were in a cottage and all brought bottles of alcohol and food to share. She had nothing and said she would get something on the way.
We stopped off for petrol and she steadfastly stayed in the car.
On the second night we walked to the local pub for a drink. It was a fair walk and me and her were slightly in front. Perfect opportunity for her to get some drinks in. She walked straight into the toilet, not even contemplating going to the bar.

Another night we went out for a meal, clarified we were splitting the bill and then proceeded to order the most expensive things on the menu.

There were many other incidences - too many to recall. She could have written a dummies guide to rinsing friends the amount there were. The real kicker was that she probably has the largest disposable income out of all of us.

I don't get how so many people have trouble dealing with the bill at a restaurant. When I go out with friends we just round up whatever we had to the next note and pool it.

I just pay for what I've consumed and not expect other people to either subsidise my tastes, or be subsidised by me, it's not that difficult. I don't want to be forced into getting something I don't want to keep the meal costs even across the board (especially if others don't), far easier just to get what I want, and pay for it.

And it's always the CF's who have a obsession with "splitting the bill", then do the thing where they frame the person who just wants to pay for what they had as "tight", ummmm "tight" is ordering all and sundry then expecting the other people you're with to part pay for it.

SiaPR I have seen that piaster on others threads. I think it's true. A troll would have started a thread about it and worked it in 30 sec intervals. We'd have had dialogue on the discovery of the CFers, been in the police station etc. She wouldn't have just dropped it there and calmly answered a few questions.

"Poster"

Absolutely hate 'oh let's just split the bill'. Never ever suggested by somebody who didn't have much.
My sister's partner is is always oh let's split it (to be fair I don't think he's trying to scam but just wants to get on with it rather than get the calculator and the menu out) but no I don't think I want to split the cost of your 2 bottles of wine, starter and steak when I've had a tap water and an £8 main. Funny how I'm the cheap one...
He had a right old strop the first time (about the time we were taking) but has not complained much since (and again to be fair still has the wine, the starter and the steak)
P*sses me right off though that I'm 'tight' and that's a negative thing

I also never get into rounds (never pay and never be paid for) as I'm normally the driver and don't drink much anyway

Years back DP and I had a weekend away with 3 other couples. Lovely spacious rented house a couple of hours drive away, we divvied up what we would need in terms of food and drink as we were self catering every meal. Everyone brought their fair share and shared the cooking. Great weekend, not expensive and something we were keen to repeat.

One couple said that they'd raved about the weekend to his parents and they'd offered us the use of their holiday home for the next one. Although it was considerably further away we thanked them and started to plan on the same principle as before.

The couple then sent out a message to say that they were going to stay there the week before so they would organise the food and we could split the bill when we got there.

We arrived to find that it was much smaller than we'd been led to believe. We had all brought wine and nibbles. The couple then announced that we had to have a meal out at a specific unmissable pub. Not what we were expecting but ok. The couple kept putting off telling us how much we owed them but the food they had bought was all the opposite of what we had done previously. (E.g. instead of own brand cornflakes it was Waitrose croissants, a range of bonne maman preserves, President butter).

We discussed away from the host couple what we could do for their parents for the loan of the cottage. The general feeling was that our own parents would be happy with some nice wine in the same situation so we bought a case to leave at the cottage for their next visit. (The cottage wasn't let out when they weren't there so safe to leave it)

As we were packing to go home at the end of the weekend the host couple came to us all individually and said that they thought their parents would like a piece of furniture as a thank you which the couple had ordered on our behalf. They then told us how much we owed them for the weekend which turned out to be 3x the cost of the previous weekend without the additional travel costs and the meal out.

Stupidly we all felt we had no alternative than to pay and we had already given them the case of wine. We never went away with them again even though they kept pressing us to join them at the cottage for a long time afterwards.

Mine is not as bad as some but another restaurant bill one. DH and I went for a meal with another couple. Bill came and we agreed to split it, no problem with that. We asked to pay by two separate card payments. Waiter brings card machine and I pay mine and DH's share plus 10% tip, so say the bill is £80 I pay £44. Then the husband from the other couple says "oh great so we just pay the rest then" and pays £36. Obviously I was happy to pay the £44 in the first place but was really pissed off there was no tip left, so ended up adding another £5 cash (I can't remember the exact amounts but I know I didn't have enough cash to make up the 10%). Now I always pay exactly my half, wait until everyone is standing up to leave, then leave my part of the tip in cash.

Mrs Collins that is a disgraceful way to behave on their part. Honest people are open and up front about costs and that is more, not less, important with friends than strangers (well equally anyway). Did they have no shame about the massive extra cost?

Did they not get the hint when no one wanted to reprise the weekend?

With bills at restaurants etc people have to be more open before the meal.

If you can afford it then you rarely need to worry as you can pay “surprise” amounts, but for everyone else you need to be more careful.

If you are joining a group who have been meeting regularly then it is up to you to find out beforehand (from whoever invited you). This my old flatmate failed to do and complained bitterly she had a cheap main and tap water while the others filled their faces, but they were just doing what that group always did.

If someone is a non drinker (pregnant / driving) I wouldn’t expect them to subsidise my drinking, but again this should be agreed beforehand. English people often have a real problem being up front before hand though, but it’s the only way to weed out the cf

In a bar If someone is dodging rounds I am finally old enough to call them out. Was painfully naive when younger so got stung a few tjmes by stealth cf’ers

We never went away with them again even though they kept pressing us to join them at the cottage for a long time afterwards.

Should have replied sarcastically asking if they were after some new carpets for the cottage, or another piece of furniture and that's why they're trying to get you there.

With bills at restaurants etc people have to be more open before the meal.

No they don't, the default position in any other scenario in life is, you pay for your own, why is any different in a restaurant?

Do you go into other shops like primark or asda, with your friends, each throw in stuff you want into the trollery, then at the till go; "guess we better split the bill?", no, and I don't think you need to make that clear on entering the shop?

That cottage story is one of the worst CF stories.

They probably had a share in the pub too!

My case of wine would have mysteriously disappeared after the "piece of furniture" request...into my trunk.

XDH had one friend who I'd dread going out with as he and his mates drank copious bottles of expensive wine when I didn't, and would just assume we'd all split the bill. XDH would always pay up as he thought it "low rent" to quibble over bills but this lot really took the piss. The last straw was an expensive night out where one couple left the restaurant early without leaving enough money and the rest of us had to chip in to cover their share!

My sister’s ex bf was awful. Came with us to pub with a group of friends and dh got a round of drinks and left his card behind the bar for subsequent rounds so he could pay what he owed at the end. CF BF Had a double scotch as his first drink (when everyone else was on beer), downed it quickly and asked for a second when one of our friends (who he had never met before) got second round in, downed that one and went to the loo. On his way back from the loo he ordered a third drink (not a scotch this time but alcoholic) and put it on dh’s tab.

Dh is usually the most generous person you could meet but at the end of the evening he said to CB BF that he owed him half the tab value as he hadn’t bought any rounds of his own and clearly expected to chip in since he was putting his own purchases on there. Cf was livid, he was our guest so apparently that meant we should expect to foot the bill for his every desire.

A while back one of our group of friends lost a cat very suddenly and they were understandably really upset.

One of our group had the suggestion of pitching in together for a portrait of their cat, lovely idea, we all agreed and said yes.

Literally the next message we get is a picture of the already completed portrait that we didn't get any say in (and it was shit) and a request for money.

I still feel resentful.

We and lots of friends (18 of us )were invited to the 40th birthday meal by a CF. This restaurant was quite expensive but as we arrived were told to order what we liked
but to buy are own drinks. Fair enough. After desert the waiter brought for the birthday girl and husband champagne. Again fair enough. She then stood up
to make a speech and open her presents. After opening each and every one she moaned very loudly that it wasn't as expensive as she wanted.
She then burst into tears as we had all ruined her birthday.
(All the presents cost about £50, we had traveled in a coach so no one needed to drive) so it wasn't a cheap night as the drinks were dear.
They then disappeared, the waiter presented the bill for the drinks, food and champagne. It ended up us all paying for everything. £200 per couple.
The following day a few of us called at their house to ask what did they think they were doing. To be told that as we were so MEAN with our gifts
they thought it was acceptable for us to pay for the evening.
To add insult to injury she returned all the gifts and they went on holiday with the money.
I always wonder why they don't have any friends.

Noidea how did the CFs get any friends in the first place? Was that out of character for them or did you have fair warning?