Is it ok to feel low if you’re ‘privileged’

[Tiredofbeintired]

Yesterday I was told that I have no right to feel down about everything going on at the moment because I’m in a better situation than most. Big house, big garden, lots of varied rural walks about and financial security (for now anyway). I haven’t felt low for much of lock down - a few days at most and it did not impact on anyone else.

I expressed that I felt a bit down/anxious yesterday and was asked what exactly I had to feel down about. I said it is a mix of worrying about the future (job stability/economy), hearing sad individual stories of people who have lost loved ones, worry about elderly lonely relatives, concerned about stats and the nhs. Mostly general unease about the uncertainty of it all. The person told me I haven’t been directly impacted so should not feel emotionally affected by the situation.

Just wondering how common this view point is? Is it not ok to feel low occasionally because I’m one of the luckier ones? The person saying this is in the exact same boat as me and is enjoying lock down at the moment.

Well OP, you are martied to a right peach. Not.

First time you feel a little low and you are roundly dismissed and guilted.

Prick is the word that comes to mind.

I would be seriously unimpressed.

What an extremely damaging message you have been sent and I would be telling him so, combined with questioning the point of being in a relationship with such a thoughtless, empathy deficient twat.

He must be a right joy to be married to. Again. NOT.

I hope you feel better soon.

We all can jolly each other along.

But nobody who really cares for you wants to silence you and deny you the right to feel what you feel.

Only a twat would.

Oh I had one of those days, and my husband could just see it in my face.
He came over, gave me a long hug, I had a silent cry and felt the better of it.

That's what a partner does.

Not make you feel even more shit,.....when you already feel shit.

Yes, it looks like an empathy failure on his part. OTOH, it's good that he realises that other people have it much worse.
But confinement affects everyone, even those of us who enjoy our time at home. Tempers get frazzled and not all days can be good. Even his response could be a sign that he's not coping that well, if he is usually a kind and warm person towards you.

There's a quote from pride and prejudice along the lines of Elizabeth knowing she was happy but not feeling happy. I think of that quite a lot and your post reminded me of it, you know intellectually you're one of the 'lucky' ones but that doesn't mean you feel like one of the lucky ones.

I'm feeling dreadful and have to rationalise with myself that I'm lucky to have job, means to pay the mortgage for the moment, we all currently have good health (touchwood.) Doesn't make me feel any different though.

somenerve ... nicely put:
"Well, there’s no denying the violin gets smaller the more privileged you are. That’s also a normal human emotion one shouldn’t feel guilty about. A disparity of circumstances naturally limits the capacity for empathy. I’m with your DH on this. On the other hand, you shouldn’t require the input of strangers to validate how you feel."

Why not distract yourself by volunteering by putting food bank items together with other better off friends/neighbours?

Grendlsmother - I do volunteer and also am part of a group that puts food bank items together. It hasn’t stopped me feeling low on a handful of occasions though. Any other suggestions?

Didn’t mean to make you sad Biscuit, here’s a picture of my dog Joey to cheer you up

My life has barely changed and I’m still struggling. I’m worried about catching it because everyone in my home, including myself is fragile. I’m worried about the economy. I’m worried about the supply chain.

It is totally possible to know how lucky I am and still be scared at the same time.

One bed flat with no outdoor space here. Of course you're allowed to feel low! I consider myself lucky because we have a separate living room and kitchen.

Tiredofbeintired ... we don't have a right to be cured of feeling 'low'.
Keep going ... oh another suggestion

1. Make some face masks.
2. Collect second hand books and games for refuges.
3. Weed the gardens if the elderly.
4. Walk someone's dog who can't get out.
5. Volunteers with Shelter to drop food parcels

Some people on here have the empathy of a deceased snake.

Why not distract yourself by volunteering by putting food bank items together with other better off friends/neighbours?

Could you be any more patronising?

I know your feeling low but I know people worse off so just volunteer and your feel better 🙄🙄

Grendlsmother Feeling low is a real problem for people and no, doing things for others isn't a fix. Even volunteers have their own needs and issues,and those are still valid regardless of how bad things are for others.

@Oceangirl82

Did you REALLY have to put up a picture of such a totally divine looking dog....

I am trying to talk myself out of going to see if they have a suitable one from my local refuge.....that picture has only made it harder😂

@SpratsOnParade

"Empathy of a deceased snake"...I like it...thought provoking yet evocative...I may borrow it😂👍

Joey is a rescue dog he’s a Westie/Cairn cross and absolutely brilliant.
Go for it 😂

Yes ... just realise that you're pretty fucking lucky and don't expect sympathy from those worse off than you... be sensitive with those who really have it shit OK? I've got women in our refuge who have broken bones, 4 kids and no money/garden/kitchen. Choose the receptacle of your moan with care

well you could tell them that they're lucky to be in a shelter and that elsewhere in the world are women with broken bones not in a refuge who have lost their kids…

Or you could acknowledge what the OP actually said is that she knows she's priveliged but that she still feels down. It's not bloody rocket surgery.

I think most people are feeling low. The uncertainty of the future is depressing, not seeing friends/family, the constant stress of having to be 'alert', washing packaging (should you do it or not?). The state of the world was pretty grim before Covid appeared anyway. I hold by what John Donne said: 'No man is an island, entire of itself... Each man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.. And therefore never send to ask for whom the bell tolls.. it tolls for thee.' Apologies for sexist language, but he was writing in the 17th century. And I may not have quoted him word-perfect. But anyone who thinks you shouldn't feel low because people are dying all over the world; they are the people who need to examine themselves. Not you.

Not directly affected?

We’re ALL directly affected! We have all had our routines taken from us, our ability to get things done easily and effectively.
We’ve lost face to face time with people we enjoy being with, we’ve lost our hobbies. We’ve lost freedom.

So many people are relishing in punishing those who are finding this stuff hard. I’ve see thread after thread of dementors rating and raging on and it’s pathetic

I’m pleased to see so much support here for the op, but I’m sure if her post had been about her own thoughts of being sad at the situation we all find ourselves in that these dementors would pile in.

Grief, anxiety, fear is all relative. The worst thing for you to have gone through is the worst you’ve experienced. It may be that someone else has had worse things, but it takes NOTHING away from your upset. You’re absolutely entitled to be sad at sad things.

If only those who have experienced worse could be more generally empathetic and help those struggling rather than dismiss them...

I’m sure many would look at me in the same way, “what’s she got to be sad about?” But I am sad. I may be locking down with my wonderful OH and my son - two of the best people in the planet, but I miss my training, I miss seeing so many people who bring so much to my life outside. I HATE the whole shopping malarkey, the chaos and those who revel in bringing terror and fear where the here simply is no need.

I’ve made sure to contact people I know to make sure they’re all alright. Very very few have bothered to do the same for me.