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Original poster

Wouldn't you know its Mother's Day so of course MIL drama

308 replies

Leaannb · 10/05/2020 21:40

Today my MIL called and decided that since our lockdown is ending on Tuesday it was time for her to make plans with my family. First she started in about my son's high school graduation which was originally planned for next weekend. It was cancelled a few weeks ago and they did a drive by graduation. Mil was informed of this by email by my son and myself. Of course we didn't get a reply. Needless to say she was upset that she missed it. Sorry for her but the island is closed until Tuesday so she couldn't attend anyway. She then stated she would be here next weekend to say goodbye to the same son because he was scheduled to leave for basic training next Monday. But due to Covid and early graduation he got offered the opportunity to leave earlier so he took it. He informed her once again by email and of course no reply. To be honest today is the first time we have heard from her since very early December when she got her knickers in a twist that we were going on vacation for the holidays. I don't understand that because we always go on vacation during Christmas holidays but anyway....Next thing on her agenda was wanting to visit around my DILs due date which was May 19th but she had her baby by c-section two weeks ago. Once again she was informed by email and no response.Obviously she is disappointed but what can I do. She then went on to say that she would be arriving on Island by Wednesday so she can meet the baby. I then told her that Son and DIl were following the advice of their OB/GYN not to introduce the baby for 12 weeks due to Covid and Kawasaki Disease and in fact has decided to keep all visitors away from baby until after the tourist season which is October. Which is completely understandable considering where we live,tourisim traffic and very iffy medical care at this time. She started to lose it but reined it in. Right until she asked me for photos of my granddaughter and my DIL's phome number. I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers. I told her I would pass her number along to my son and dil and they would handle it as they see fit. Thats when she lost the plot freaked out and started yelling and screaming. I just sat down the phone and took my daughter to the beach for swimming and a picnic.....She definitely put a dark cloud on my Mother's Day

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 11/05/2020 00:26

ok so she's not living in poverty.
i still don't see why you dislike her so much.
you sound cold and officious.
can't you just try to be friendly, what harm would it do.
sorry you've been ill. hope you are better now.

alexdgr8 · 11/05/2020 00:29

maybe on her travels she could swing by Rosario ? in Mexico.
i hear another senior citizen, a mr thomas markle, has been having difficulties with family members cold-shouldering him.
maybe they could swap notes.

79Beastie · 11/05/2020 00:40

Sounds to me like she doesn't do emails. I do kinda feel for her though. Just wondering why you would need to ask them if you could give out their phone number? She is family after all so unless something has happened?
If you don't want to share photos off SM, why not print out some nice ones and send them to her to be more private. Bet that would mean the world to her and more personal. Also try another way of communicating with her, maybe a text or suggest another form of SM she obviously doesn't check her emails. Don't be to hard on her it does sound like she cares.

2catsblack · 11/05/2020 00:50

My husband and I went travelling for 4 months last year. The first trip was to
Japan & Canada (cruising at sea for 12 days). I hadn't really thought through the mobile / email issues. I couldn't get my provider to give me any deals on Japan / Canada so used wifi & also paid a lot. Luckily around Japan I found WiFi hot spots but had difficulty getting internet at sea due to the cost / time difference. I sorted all this out for the 3 month road trip. If she is using burner phones how is she opening emails? I guess as it is a road trip they can find WiFi spots. I assumed it was my responsibility to keep in touch with family & friends. I sent updates every few days etc. I showed interest in their lives. It sounds like your MIL probably does have difficulty with email but I would have thought she could do more to keep in touch. The photo sharing is difficult- I always check before I pass on photos to other relatives / don't share contact details unless agreed.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 11/05/2020 00:51

I got sidetracked and wondered where you could get a waterfront six bed for the price of a high end campervan, found this for the price of a 3 bed semi where I live!!!
www.villagerealtyobx.com/outer-banks-real-estate-listing/108805

JudyCoolibar · 11/05/2020 00:59

My son and dil made it explicitly clear they did not want people sharing pictures. They wanted to be the ones who decide who gets pictures and what pictures they get

This sounds really weirdly controlling, especially in relation to the child's great grandmother to whom they've already sent a photo. At some point they are going to have to unclench and realise that there will be loads of cameras taking photos of their PFB without their explicit permission every time they walk along the street, and that if he gets into the back of someone else's beach or playground shot they don't get to control what happens to those pictures.

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:02

@flyingspaghettimonster...I did not have permission to share the number which is why I got her number and passed it on

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:05

@Vehivle....Once again the c-section was not my news to share. It was my son's and Dil's decision and I don't think emailing was the top of their priority at that time. I know it wouldn't have been mine if I jad went to the OB/GYN and was told they needed to take the baby early

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:06

@2catsblack....Her RV has internet connection

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:07

@79beastie....Its not my place to share photos of another person's child. My place as a grandmother does not supercede the place of the parents.

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:08

@alexdgr8...If I was being cold and unfriendly to her I wouldn't have passed on her contact info

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:11

@MissConductUS....Still underweight but appetite is slowly but surely coming back. As far as fatigue goes some days are better than others. At least the horrendous pain is long gone

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:13

@TheGreyMethod...They did send her a photo. It was ignored

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:14

@Leflic....but yet she called after 6 months of nothingness to start drama

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BrassyLocks · 11/05/2020 01:15

@DontStandSoCloseToMe That it, I'm selling up and moving there. Race you to it!

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:16

@Pitaramus....That is exactly what I did. Got her phone numer and passed it along to the people who could grant her request

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:18

@TheGreymethod....If my mother had asked me to send her photos the answer would be the same. Check with Son and dil...However,since my mother is very involved she doesn't need to go through me. She actually cares enough to know their phone numbers and have a seperate relationship with them. No need to put me in the middle

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BrassyLocks · 11/05/2020 01:20

OP, does your MIL see the emails or not? Have you asked her?

Maybe explain to her that her method of communication is making it hard for family to keep in touch with her, and suggest that she gets a proper phone or uses email properly.

Do your son and DIL not want her to have photos or not? Do they dislike her? Or is it just that they want to choose which ones to send?

The dynamics of your family are very unclear, which is why you are not getting very sympathetic responses.

CrazyOldBagLady · 11/05/2020 01:22

I'm another that has never heard of such a thing as refusing a grandmother pictured of their newborn grandchild. She obviously doesn't use email much either. Poor woman.

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:24

@BrassyLocks....I asked her but she never gave a straight answer. Thats when I told her I would give her number to the kids and thats when she decided to get her knockers in a bunch and I went to the beach

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:25

@CrazyOldBagLady if she doesn't use email that much thay is on her. We have no other way to communicate

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DrReed · 11/05/2020 01:25

As much as i find it odd that a grandma can't share a picture with a great grandma in the same family, they asked you not to so fair enough. But seriously why could you not give her their number so she could call them herself. Are they in that much of a protective bubble that his own grandmother cannot have his number? I wouldn't go out handing over people's numbers to anyone but this is his family ffs, has he also said to you don't give my number to gm when she calls?

BrassyLocks · 11/05/2020 01:27

Well you're probably not going to hear from her again for another 6 months, so forget about it. Let someone else deal with it.

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:29

@DrReed....She has never met my DIL and in fact she hasn't met my 5 yo yet either

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Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:31

@BrassyLocks...Honestly,I wish we did hear from her more often. I know my husband worries about her and I know he will be upset for missing the phone call

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