AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

[hellosunshine5]

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

• I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.

• England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.

• I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

I live on the outskirts of a small village in Rutland, it's beautiful here and the people are lovely and friendly. We go to London every couple of years and it's like a different planet - there's no comparison. Dh moved here from Italy, and I moved from Ireland, and whilst we both love our countries of origin (and visit family there regularly), we feel very lucky indeed to live here.

think living elsewhere is insufferable, I wouldn't be able to handle living in towns where the town centre consist of a peacocks and the local eel commuter cafe

Heh, this reminds me of a lassie who had never left London, who came to the NE sent by her job. She genuinely thought we didn't have electricity yet. Wtf she was expecting I don't know

It’s just London, not the rest of us I promise.

Agree.. also love in South East.. we are here for a few years as expats. It is gorgeous but I really don't connect with a lot of the other mums here at our new school. They are so much older and very stuffy and uptight. They spend their time driving in their range rovers to the tennis club to sit and drink tea or champagne surrounded by all the senior citizens who hang out there... not my scene. Our kids are very young and I miss having other mums around my age to talk to. We are fortunate to have a generous living allowance and quite a large home but for what we pay here we could have SO much more back home which is annoying. I'm enjoying the experience but this will never be my home!

They hate on London because they can't live there
😂😂😂 I have lived there. I could live there now, but you couldn't pay me enough. Bloody hated it - noisy, crowded, dirty, unfriendly. I don't even like visiting it very much but a couple of days is tolerable. It suits a lot of people and that's fine. Plenty of people would hate where I live.

But don't delude yourself that dislike of London springs from envy.

@derxa

www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(20)31097-7/fulltext

I think living elsewhere is insufferable, I wouldn't be able to handle living in towns where the town centre consist of a peacocks and the local eel commuter cafe

If only there were other cities in England and even the UK with proper shops like Selfridges, John Lewis, Harvey Nicks plus independent boutiques, national museums and theatre, large parks, restaurants serving any sort of food you can imagine, galleries etc? Such a shame these things only exist in London.

It is gorgeous but I really don't connect with a lot of the other mums here at our new school. They are so much older and very stuffy and uptight. They spend their time driving in their range rovers to the tennis club to sit and drink tea or champagne surrounded by all the senior citizens who hang out there... not my scene.

@Yellow that is not my experience at all. There are no people like that in my village (in Yorkshire), or if there are, I don't know them.

If only there were other cities in England and even the UK with proper shops like Selfridges, John Lewis, Harvey Nicks plus independent boutiques, national museums and theatre, large parks, restaurants serving any sort of food you can imagine, galleries etc? Such a shame these things only exist in London.

Such a shame that so many people think that these things only exist in London. With the exception of Selfridges you will find all of the above in Leeds. Or were you being ironic?

I do chuckle when I read these threads and posters say, I think this or that about London, but I don't think I could move north, there are no jobs, or I couldn't earn the same, or I couldn't cope with being isolated. It's almost as though there are no cities outside of London. Granted London is the economic and cultural focus of the country, but we still have cities with decent, well paid jobs in the north. we have public transport, and culture, and all the other stuff that happens within the m25.
I love London, but there are plenty of other nice, vibrant, places in England, and the UK!

All these posts bashing London are missing the point as OP doesn't live in London! Maybe she lives in a boring commuter town.

Move from London, I live in the Peak District, it's beautiful! I can cycle to work in Sheffield, take the train to Manchester, it's great!

@Witchesandwizards I was in Clapham and Wandsworth for almost 7 years, and found plenty who wanted to be the Jones. Thankfully, like NZ, not everyone in SW London was the same. We married in the U.K., and I think only 3 of our guests were British. We found it easier to build friendships with those who didn’t have friends from school, childhood etc or who jumping on the train or M1 to go home for the weekend. Like I said earlier and as you recapped, when you move to a new area, the people around you already have an established network of friends, colleagues etc plus they probably have family nearby so they judge you unintentionally on how you’ll fit into their lives... and they can come to their conclusion that their lives are already busy with demands so no, the new migrants seem lovely but I just don’t have time for new friends. I can’t fault them for that, I did the same myself once or twice. Most people are lovely whatever country you’re in, but it’s difficult to settle if you can’t make connections. It’s not them, it’s not you - it’s everyone trying to achieve life balance. I went to 13 different schools in three countries so got to do the settling in bit a lot even as a child, and we’re up to our fourth country in our marriage. I think Ireland’s been the hardest as we’re childless so we don’t have the opportunity to connect at the school gate. We’ve put ourselves out there a bit, and more recently concentrated on non-Irish friendships, but here we’ve become more used to spending time with each other. In the OPs case, she needs to move away from the SE (I loved London and the surrounds and still miss the public transport in most U.K. cities but SE England doesn’t seem to fit her well). If you get the chance move away from Auckland as it doesn’t appear to fit you well either - try some of the other cities. Hamilton’s nice, so is Palmerston North. I liked Thames but it’ll be too small I suspect for you. Tauranga’s gotten quite busy I’ve heard, but a cousin loves Cambridge. I love Christchurch despite the infrastructure issues. But yes, the shopping in NZ is crap - why do you think the customs import limit is so high for online shopping?

@Ginfordinner I think @BarbaraofSeville was being ironic

Maybe it’s all part of a plan... if they didn’t realise how wonderful other parts of the UK are, it’ll be safe for you all to enjoy. I loved Leeds, and if we ever move to the U.K. again, Yorkshire would be on our list as we’ve got family and friends nearby. No country is without its faults, but the U.K. is lovely and there’s very few parts I wouldn’t want to live in.

I think what's interesting about this thread is how passively some people live.
You get one life... actively decide what kind of lifestyle will make you most content, and then decide how and where you would achieve that lifestyle.

Living in commutersville would be insufferable to me, in any country in the world.

I live in the north west in a ‘nice’ area and non of what you are saying applies here.
Move to the north.

dayslikethese1 - if the OP works in London and lives in a small flat in the SE, chances are she knows more London commuters and London co-workers than she does people who live and work in the place where she sleeps at night, so London is still the issue here! If she hadn’t tied herself to working in London, she wouldn’t need to live that sort of life, nor to live in a town stuffed full of people just like her, but with whom she doesn’t want to associate, because their dislike of small flats is competitive, whereas she doesn’t think hers is!

All these people stating how racist the UK is, I'd be intrigued to know where they think is better. As a Muslim woman in a hijab, I've never had a problem gaining employment here.

I'm not sure that would be the case in much of Europe. I went for a job interview for an agency based in an EU country and they were swift to tell me I'd have to remove my hijab. Canada is one of those countries that gets fawned over on here, yet Bill 21 in Quebec has banned hijab for public sector workers. NZ I don't know about, but I've got Muslim friends in Australia and life is no picnic for them either.

“@Witchesandwizards - I think your problem is not that you can't find what you want, it's more that you don't want what you find. You are determined to not even try to fit in with your new life”

I agree. We moved to NZ and haven’t looked back - I don’t recognise the NZ you are complaining about. But I think it’s very different in Auckland (we are South Island). We have found it very easy to make friends, but we are joiner-inners and have got stuck into the community. I think the lack of consumerism is great, although I hate the Kmart obsession.

I love it here but I came with an open mind and a positive attitude. I understand things are tough and I hope it gets better for you but it’s not NZ - it is you.

And the same goes for the UK. There are drawbacks to living there and negative aspects there, same as anywhere, but if you’re willing to make a go of it, you will.

CloudsCoveredTheSky

Given the East Asian obsession with property investment and long work hours...I should have thought youd feel right at home here then.

"Given the East Asian obsession with property investment and long work hours...I should have thought youd feel right at home here then."

I am from here

People don't bore on and on and on about them. That's the difference.

Never struggled to park at the supermarket other than at Christmas.
I’ve lived in 2 other countries and the “keeping up with the Jones’ “ is not just in the U.K. or England ,it’s in many 1st world countries

@IPityThePontipines hijabi isn’t a race. I think the word you’re looking for is xenophobic. It’s very different.

It's a big country. Maybe live somewhere different. If you like NZ then clearly it's where you want to be, so go?

Agree there are lovely parts of the country, but to be honest living there comes at a premium too, ok not silly london prices but high nevertheless and beyond the reach of alot of people. Love it when people say move North, it's cheaper. You only have to see prices in York, the dales, Harrogate, parts of Leeds and realise that it's far from it. Some areas of the north are shit holes and house prices are low for a reason - if you are relocating from London you're not going to move there.

The UK does have some lovely places. In almost every county there is some stunning countryside.
The rich gap divide has increased over the last three decades and house prices are too expensive. I standby by the argument that trains are way too expensive. But I know some people have little choice to pay it.
With house prices being so high, surely no one really gains? It means there are less first time buyers and people end up having 40 year mortgages just to pay their house off.
We need some sensible house price ideas so houses go up at reasonable levels.
Generation rent will surely cause problems
In say 30 years time when many people will retire and not own a property. Where will they live? In this country if you don’t buy then you’re stuck paying high rents. Council houses are nearly non existent, too much demand.