AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

[hellosunshine5]

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

• I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.

• England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.

• I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

@LuluJakey1 - I see your point. The fact is we have different ideas of what makes a nice place to live. In NZ we are more used to detached houses so the thought of a semi doesn't attract us all (some would be happy of course), and as I said wooden houses are popular here and cope well in quakes. The house pictured has obviously come through the big Christchurch quake well. I don't think a lot of the houses you have in the UK would be suitable here. You have a lot of two storey houses, which are not so popular here. Certainly the area has contributed largely to the price of that property - but I would love to own it (not that there is any chance!)

@eaglejulesk I don't think I am 'whining' about NZ, any more than anybody else who has made negative comments about either country. The nature of the OP's thread was bound to lead to people giving their own opinions of UK vs NZ. My opinions are based on facts and experience.
If you have read my original thread, you will know that I have already discussed it with my husband and the outcome.

I have lived in 2 other countries apart from the UK and have traveled all over the world.

It has made me really appreciate the UK. As a woman it's one of the best places in the world to live. I don't get catcalled or harassed walking down the street. I don't get disapproving looks if my friends and I talk or laugh loudly in public (as we did in a central European country where I used to live). I am an equal member of society. I'm not told how to act or dress by either my government or my family.

On addition I love how gentle our climate is. I've lived in a place with - 20 degrees for many months in the winter and another where the temperature never fell below 35 degrees.

There may be poverty here but at least all children go to school for free, and families don't live in makeshift huts by the river scavenging in rubbish heaps, like in the SE Asian country I lived in.

So while I agree that the UK is far from perfect, and I really dislike things like our entitled Conservative government, the fact that powerful positions are filled by people who went to the right school, etc, the UK really isn't such a bad place!

YANBU, but experiences will differ for everybody. I'm up north, so money goes quite far with property and it isn't as overcrowded. I don't really buy into all the keeping up with the joneses nonsense either. We earn decent wages and have a very nice life, we're both happy with life.

If you're unhappy, what's keeping you here?

I was going to say yabu until I read your reasons. I agree however, it's not the UK as awhile but living in the SE. There are other places where this wouldn't be an issue.

I’m Australian. I also find the whole commuting thing a bit of a pain. I also hate how tiny most British houses are. But we’ve found a lovely market town and rent a decent sized character house quite cheaply. It is possible to find a nice place to live.

They have earthquakes in NZ. Nuff said.

NZ has a fair bit of poverty. I am not saying the UK does not but I do know quie a few younger people who moved to the UK from NZ simply to get a reasonable job. When I was a child NA was where I picked that I might live in when I grew up - I still have the lovely illustrated geography book my parents had bought me and the NZ pages in it. It is a lovely country but not my own and I don't think I would ever move there. I do know someone who has 3 homes including one in NZ and he loves it.

I am happy living in the UK. Lived in London for 40 years but now live in the East Midlands. I agree that the UK is far too over crowded. Driving anywhere takes so long because there are almost always traffic jams or accidents. So many people everywhere. I dread to think what it will be like in the future as it's obviously only going to get worse

NZ is likely to be a sought-after country to which to emigrate in coming years, having eliminated Covid-19 That's a very bold statement.

I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.
I hate the competitiveness of life over here.

Er - aren’t you being competitive there?

Why choose to live in an expensive city if you want a big house?

I’m not English but have a lovely life here. Obvs if you’re not happy then something needs to change for you so I’d get on with it as soon as you can after the pandemic.

I'm in the SE. I love it. You have everything on your doorstep and great travel links. There is so much to enjoy
Perhaps change the people you mix with

Has the OP left already?

I'm in Surrey near London. I do know what you mean about the competition but you can choose to ignore it, and the volume of people sometimes, although I'm sure you get that in many big cities, too.

The SE is beautiful and you have handy links for everything on your doorstep including London (which is lovely to be in all the time but too busy to live in). As much as I love visiting the rest of the UK, I wouldn't want to live further out unless I was really wealthy & able to be up to Town a lot- too provincial for me.

I love London but for a visit, I'd hate to live there. I live in Edinburgh which is like an overgrown village and a very short drive to the countryside and beautiful beaches. People are mostly a lot more relaxed up here too. You might benefit from moving areas, you might take a wage drop but cost of living could well clutter that massively:

I live in London, and have done so for 37 years. I love it and don't recognise your description of it/the UK. This photo is of my road during my daily walk - London isn't all grim, mean streets!

FFS can people not read?! The woman DOES NOT LIVE IN LONDON so as much as most of you have been clearly chomping at the bit for an excuse to bash our capital city, it’s completely irrelevant. She could be living in a number of four items including Hertfordshire, Essex, Surrey, Kent etc etc. She was actually out of order for not stating which one and only mentioning she travelled to work in London which is not the same as living there.

In any case in defence of the city I was born in and love, there’s a reason it’s crowded. It’s because it’s great and millions of people prefer to live here over everywhere else in the country for many many positive reasons despite the expense. And to be honest, London doesn’t have to be expensive, there are many lower paid people living just fine.

Some of these places being touted as being much nicer than ‘that dump’ London are actually underpopulated and businesses don’t want to invest in them for sound reasons. If I had money to invest, I would not choose the area dominated by Question Time audience member types as I would lose my money. The people in these areas want to blame everything on all and sundry before improving themselves. This is why they keep voting for governments to stamp on their necks and then wonder why everything’s going to shit, pointing one finger at others and not realising three are pointing back at them.

OP if you want to leave, that’s fine, you don’t need permission from strangers on the internet but please realise the grass isn’t always greener. I also agree with some of your points, this country as a whole has become more negative, spiteful, individualistic, poorer and deluded about its place in the world over the last few years. None of it is a good look but I’m hopeful that post the fallout from Covid, that we start to embrace more positivity, realise emulating America isn’t a good idea and go in a different direction. I want the younger members of our country to start to engage more politically to help drive this change. However, don’t confuse your small bubble with everybody else. I’m certainly not competing with any of my friends.

The large, multi million £ turnover company I work for has its head office in Sheffield. There are some jobs that can only be found in London, but there are many well paid jobs outside of our capital city as well.

I am getting rather tired of all the negative threads and posts on mumsnet about how awful our country is right now. I doubt that it is much better everywhere else during this pandemic.

Yabvu and a bit ignorant to assume your experience in London reflects the rest of England.

Where I live in the North East there are more sheep than people. I have a 2 minute commute. The countryside is glorious and so similar to parts of NZ that your first government surveyor named NZ towns after ours here. I've visited some and its home from home.

Maybe travel a bit more.

@Tellmetruth4 well said. The way I see it is

They hate on London because they CAN'T live here.

I have 3 big parks within walking distance lol, I'm surrounded by greenery? I've never felt crowded? I've never felt crowded in Hyde park either or any of the central London parks.

The same busyness that happens in sales/Boxing Day/Christmas is no worse than the crowdedness in Manchester etc in fact the smaller cities are often too much to even handle because you get the whole population huddled into one small confined place such as Trafford centre or the arndale and in London we mind our own fricking business and get on with stuff.

I attempted shopping in the Trafford Centre once, I couldn't breathe, and when I could finally sit down in the food court, too many people were trying to make small talk and you had other people hovering by to get your seat

I think living elsewhere is insufferable, I wouldn't be able to handle living in towns where the town centre consist of a peacocks and the local eel commuter cafe

YABVU
You live in the wrong bit of England. I love where I live

Bloody good post that Tellmetruth4 well said!

They hate on London because they CAN'T live here.

Not true. I love visting London. I am from London, and used to live and work there, but I chose to move to Yorkshire, and prefer it here.

I think living elsewhere is insufferable, I wouldn't be able to handle living in towns where the town centre consist of a peacocks and the local eel commuter cafe

You have obviously never lived outside your London bubble.

Town mouse and country mouse all over again.

I also agree with some of your points, this country as a whole has become more negative, spiteful, individualistic, poorer and deluded about its place in the world over the last few years.

I'm trying to think of places I've read nasty comments from the general public on anywhere but online media.
I think that people now have a whinge platform, which they make a lot of use of, especially now when people are fed up or bored, so it's not really that people are nastier but that they are in a position where other online comments wind them up and they respond.
There didn't used to be the opportunity to hear lots of twattish comments from other people. You only heard them from the handful of people you lived or worked with.
There's a chance to hide the threads here. I recommend this as a useful tool for maintenance of sanity and the avoidance of ridiculous uninformed twaddle. HTH.