AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

[hellosunshine5]

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

• I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.

• England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.

• I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

On the flip side - my DH and I are from NZ but lived in SW London for 8 years. We came back to NZ 2 years ago - I was homesick, most of our friends and family are here, and with v young kids, it just made sense. BUT there is so much we miss about the UK: the incredible history, stunning buildings and monuments that are hundreds (if not thousands! of years old - unheard of in NZ, and if they were, they would have to be roped off because idiots would clomp in and vandalise them). The cute little storybook villages, the perfectly kept countryside and wood walks. The proper seasons and snow. Friendly pubs and pub gardens (pubs are not the family centric places here that they are there - and the cost of a pint if you are lucky to find one is astronomical). The low cost of most things there - food, utilities, you name it (those 4 bedroom new build houses you're talking about certainly aren't affordable at least in Auckland or Wellington where most of the jobs are - and if they are, they are at least an hour's commute - by car - no good train or bus options! - from the city centre, in a new development devoid of any shops or character or anything at all within walking distance). The friendly, quiet gentleness of Brits (granted not always the case in London). There's still a very blokey, macho, need to prove yourself mentality that still exists here in NZ which is tiring (e.g. mocking another guy for wearing a pink shirt) and makes for absolute lunatic, arrogant drivers everywhere. Kiwis seem to be really good at talking our country up (and not always with good reason), while Brits are the opposite. It surprised me when we first moved to the UK as you have so much to be proud of. Having said all of this, with everything that is going on in the world these days, I'm happy to be where we are at this point in time for obvious reasons! So, YANBU to feel a bit tired of England right now, in light of what is happening. But YABU to write the whole country off as insuffferable. When things open up again and life resumes - try moving properly out of London. Space, greenery, less of a commute, more affordability, more friendly faces, less competitiveness. ;)

Depends where you live. Where I grew up was much as you describe, and I hated it and assumed that's just how it was to live in this country. Where I live now is completely different, despite being just 100 miles away. There isn't even that competitive streak going on among people I know, people are mich more laid back. The only thing I will agree on is housing is too expensive all over the country. As for everything else, I don't don't think you can just generalise to such an extent about a country with 60 million odd people and varied regional differences.

There is a tendency here and online to act like England is one giant monolith where everyone feels the same, acts the same and votes the same. It's tiresome and it's absolutely not true.

*much

@moonzy Spot on!!

Insufferable ??? I don't think you know the meaning of the word if you compare it with the rest of the world !!

We are in south manchester , very green, great primary and amazing secondary my eldest has just got into.

We're in a 5 bedroom house on a corner plot with large gardens. We both drive 4x4s as we have 3 dc and lots of stuff to carry around ! We have worked our socks off for this and are grateful every day for such an amazing blessing in our lives.

I'm a sahm while dh works for himself.

With regards to the competitiveness, I honestly do not socialise or befriend people who are like this as I just hate it myself. I have a small circle of modest and gentle albeit quite well off friends.

I am a second/borderline third generation immigrant in this country and I love this country and identify myself proudly as British !

@Witchesandwizards - in my experience people choose where they want to live based on how close it is to their work and how affordable housing is in that broad area. Or, if they live in a rural town as I do they can live anywhere they like! That also applies to Christchurch, you really can live anywhere you want in the surrounding area and travel to work without much difficulty. Auckland is a very different kettle of fish to the rest of the country - and, despite what some people think, there is life south of the Bombay Hills!

I live rurally in the South East and absolutely love it. I see so much beauty every single day, we have lovely neighbours and a really solid community. I commute into London every day and it's fine.

I don't have relationships with competitive people and don't pay much attention to social media (I'm only on FB and even then only flick through when I'm in a queue or something).

I have lived in a few countries and travelled the world, There is no where like the UK and I mean that in the most positive way. I always love coming home and my DH feels the same.

We love the UK and we love our lives here. It is anything but insufferable

@moonzy - you are advising the OP to move out of London to find a better life, and yet you are basing all of NZ on Auckland or Wellington? As for most of the jobs being in those two cities, well yes - but we do have jobs in other parts of the country you know! We also do have proper seasons in some places and - who knew - we also have snow!! If we had buildings that were hundreds or thousands of years old in NZ many of them would have succumbed to the many quakes we have here by now. The point is, we all have different views on what makes our life pleasant. You like old buildings, I prefer stunning scenery (and those English villages can become a little bit chocolate-boxy after a while). There are good and bad things about both countries, it's not a competition. As for the friendly, quiet gentleness of Brits - just read a few of the posts on here!!!

And shopping. OMG.
And I don't mean a lack of nice stuff for me, I mean, frequently impossible to buy anything that isn't imported from Australia, US or UK which now makes life impossible with shipping times.

-Christmas was awful, nothing arrived on time.
-Trying to find a pair of football boots for DS - one (very expensive) pair in his size in the whole of Auckland.
-You order something online and then get a phone call 2 weeks later to say they are out of stock and not getting any more in.
-There are only about three shops that have decent kids clothes (Cotton On, Seed and Farmers but if anyone has any tips I'd love to know of more. Oh H&M but not online) and none of them have anything left in DDs size. I don't want bloody Warehouse/Kmart
-Can I find a pair of black leather ankle boots for DD that will do her for school and weekends. Not in the whole of NZ.

Move out of London? I’d hate to live there too but love where we live in the uk

@eaglejulesk
As for the friendly, quiet gentleness of Brits - just read a few of the posts on here!!!

You are presuming that the posters you refer to are British, they may not be

@PutYourBackIntoit what you wrote didn't make sense. But feel free to be obtuse if you like.

Really , not another Britain/England loathing thread ?. Personally I wouldn’t live anywhere else and I’ve worked in quite a few countries in my time. I also work with people from all around the world including From New Zealand. And they had to go through quite a few hoops to get here. But hey, what do I know ! .

I have lived outside the UK for about 25 years and am originally from Greenwich in London where I grew up in flat that was right next to a Royal Park. I went to state schools and had a very happy childhood. However, if I ever went back now I would choose a completely different part of the country. My dad was from Sunderland and I always loved spending time there with my grandparents and other relatives. We also spent the summers in North Yorkshire which was another fabulous part of the country.

I think your issue is with the South East which from what I hear from friends and relatives has become very overcrowded and expensive. I don't have any relatives in London anymore as everyone moved out due to the price off property and the stress level.

I am in the USA now and just like anywhere there are incredible places to live with excellent state and local governance and then cities and regions with lots of serious problems. Where I live now is beautiful and I have amazing neighbors.

I still love the British sense of humor and the self-depreciating, easy-going nature of many British people. My American teens absolutely loved England whenever they visited, and one of them is determined to live there when she is older (they are dual citizens).

I think your problem is being in the south east, it is really crowded, very competitive and so on. Also expensive, so harder to live somewhere which is in the countryside unless you have a great deal of money.

I left UK briefly to go to Scandinavia. I went for the lifestyle, the fresh air, healthier living and so on. Despite loving the mountains and Scandinavian living, I was shocked to find how unfriendly the people were (lovely when yo get to know them but the British 'chatting to a stranger on the bus' doesn't happen out there). Living came at a cost, it was more costly than our south east of England...food, housing etc. And for a foreigner none of the 'safety nets' we have in the UK such as the NHS in times of crisis.

Back in the UK I found a beautiful village in the countryside, in a much cheaper part of the country. I have become more proud of my own country than before, and appreciate what we have here much more than I did before. I am much more content now....

That’s the life you have chosen.
I live in the U.K. as well. Single mum, one son, 4 bed house 10 yo car, big garden, only one neighbour, never have to queue for a parking space.
I used to commute into London, realised how soul destroying it was and took a slightly lower paid job elsewhere.
Stop comparing and make some changes.

Your perspective seems to be skewed based on where you're located. We live further North with average income jobs and can afford a large detached house and garden. Never have a problem getting a parking space at the supermarket even on a Saturday. Whilst we live on a large development it's certainly never crowded and people aren't on top of each other and we have a large green space and fields. Living and working in and around London is great for some but it isn't for everyone.

If you choose to live near and work in a capital city almost anywhere in ther world you'll find it's the same. You sound like those people on Wanted Down Under who are surprised that they can't afford Sydney when they sell their semi in a small UK town!

*mondeo

I think the competitiveness is the people you've chosen to surround yourself with either in the area you've chosen or the work you've chosen.

I've lived in London and in several parts of the UK. You get competitive prats everywhere but you don't have to associate with them. Plenty of nice people to be friends with!

@BossAssBitch

You are presuming that the posters you refer to are British, they may not be

As they keep telling the OP to move (or fuck off!) I think we can be pretty sure they are. An Italian, German or Australian is hardly likely to tell her that.

@eaglejulesk I agree that Diamond Harbour is beautiful- I said so in my post. I was answering the question 'Could you get this for £300,000?' and it was an advert for a pretty but basic wooden house in a lovely place.

The answer I gave was yes, you could get more than that in terms of house here and in a lovely (different, as the climate is so different here) environment.

New Zealand is beautiful, I agree. I have cousins who live overlooking the bay in Wellington and in the north of the North Island. The very wealthy one who lives in Wellington has a lovely house that cost a fortune. The other has a wooden bungalow- which was about the price of a semi up here.

@Witchesandwizards - I think your problem is not that you can't find what you want, it's more that you don't want what you find. You are determined to not even try to fit in with your new life - which is fine by the way - but you haven't given it much time (yes, I remember your original post) If you hate living in Auckland so much then maybe it is time had a discussion with your husband instead of continuing to whine on MN.

I think you want different things at different stages in life.
Eg small DCs, small village, so they can walk to their friends house and any oddballs are known.
Teen DCs decent town/city so they can get to sports facilities by themselves.
Kids' left home. Saving for retirement so near to well paid job.
Retirement - wherever but usually near GDCs.

I love living here and can’t imagine moving abroad anywhere. My sibling lives in the USA (no thanks !!!) and I have friends in other counties and I think everywhere has its issues - be they political, social or whatever.

As others have said OP, your problem seems to be London, not the UK generally. I suggest you move further north for a much better quality of life, affordable property, decent employment prospects, better scenery, less stress and nicer people.