To ask if you're a long time married do you spend time with your spouse?

[Orangesandbananas]

My DH and I have been together 20 years. Two teen DC.

In the evenings we spend time in separate rooms on our laptops.

What does everyone else do? I mean couples together 15 years plus, after the honeymoon years are well behind you.

Do any couples still talk or spend time together?!

If you watch TV together how does it work if you both like different things?

My husband and I rarely spend time apart in the evening. We watch movies, play cards, do puzzles, take walks, etc. We love being together.

We've been together 30 years

Dh works shifts so is often out in the evening. Some weeks we are like ships that pass in the night. So when we're both home in the evening, we tend to be in the same room. We often watch something we both like (because we can watch what the other doesn't in the nights we're alone). But, we will also look at our phones, read a book, do our hobbies. So we're not always chatting and doing stuff together, but are generally in the same room. And we do chat.
Tbh even after all this time, there's no one I feel more comfortable with and no one I'd rather spend my time with.

We sat around tapping into our devices a lot, but that needn't be a tragedy. 'Companionable silence' is an important part of relationships - I didn't used to know this and worried how I'd find someone who I could talk to all the time etc, then when I was in one I realised that relationships are also about how comfortable you are with not talking! We do watch things together, cook and tidy together and talk as well.

I was married for similar to you and yes we used to spend lots of time together doing hobbies together, walks, games, puzzles, chatting, films, making dinner etc.

Can you start an online marriage course together like Gottman?

Been with DH 22 years. We never sit in separate rooms. Also make effort to not be on our phones in the evening. We love watching box set type shows, or films with the kids. Equally we are capable and happy to spend time apart. Pre lock down DH often away with work and nice to have the place to myself, and also makes us look forward to seeing each other.

Together 16 years, we have some evenings where we do our own thing (watch different programmes in different rooms) but we also have evenings where we watch something together, play cards or just sit and chat in the kitchen with a bottle of wine or whatever. We still enjoy spending time together but also both value having our own interests and time apart as well.

Been with DH 10 years and he’s rarely here as he works away so we are always together when he’s here - I think it does his head in

43 years and counting. We don't do everything together i.e. have separate hobbies and interests. Good thing too, now we're both retired. Being in Lockdown together is a challenge, but we still talk a lot.

Married 9 years, together 17 very rarely spend time in separate rooms. If one of us wants to watch something the other doesn’t then one of us reads or I play my switch etc we share a lot of the same interests though

Been together 36 years and married 29. It's not like it used to be but we still spend most of the time together. Did a 4 mile walk together today. I have however found myself enjoying time on my own more and more lately - favourite time of the day is between 6.30am (when I get up) and 9.30am when the house comes to life.

We've been married 26 years, together a few more.

We tend to be in the same room, conversing, while watching TV, but doing our separate thing on our phones or laptops. He likes some stuff (sci-fi and high brow, I'm a complete pleb') that I don't - he tends to save that for when he's travelling.

Been with my husband for 16 years, we spend at least some time together in an evening. Usually watching TV or talking. Lately we've been playing wii games after we got it out for the kids. We would happily watch different TV programs but choose to watch ones we both like, we only get time for an hour of TV anyway. We don't have laptops for this reason though, my mum and her partner used to spend all their evenings on their laptops side by side. They're not together anymore although don't think that was a laptop issue. I try to turn my phone off around 9pm although not being so good during lockdown.

Married 24 years and seldom apart except for when at work.

In the evenings we spend time in separate rooms on our laptops

So sorry OP, that sounds awful.

Been together nearly 30 years. Some evenings in separate rooms for a bit, some evenings watch TV together, do quizzes, or in same room, me reading book him gaming. We both love walking and often have a lovely evening walk together where we chat. It works for us.

We've just celebrated 33yrs.

I agree with companionable silence. We are retired now but we do our own thing still. Sometimes we chat, watch tv together, listen to music. DH sometimes goes to watch weird tv programmes (mostly war and conspiracy theory stuff) in another room. We cook, tidy, and generally potter around together if we are both in at the same time. If he's watching something in the same room I'm usually doing something else at the same time, planning house projects, chatting online, surfing the net for useless information.

But it doesn't matter what anyone else does really, as long as you are happy with what you are doing then it's all good.

30 years married. We have coffee together every morning, eat at the table together for our main meal and watch TV together in the evenings. We also do walks when we can, enjoy days out together and love our holidays. We do have spats but get over them quickly. It was worth the tough times to have this now.

Been with DH 18 years and we spend lots of time together, even pre-lockdown.

Of an evening we’re usually lolled all over each other on the sofa watching Netflix or a film, we do have our own stuff that we do too but we spend more time together than not outside of work/volunteering.

But it doesn't matter what anyone else does really, as long as you are happy with what you are doing then it's all good

Sorry yes, I agree with this from nokids. I meant that TO ME it sounds awful but if you are happy than that's great.

We used to sometimes do this, DH would play a PC game and I'd read or watch something on my laptop (in the same room though and we'd chat), but that was pre DS when we had lots of free time. Now by the time we're home from work DS is bathed and in bed, general tidying up, laundry on etc (which used to be occasional but is now relentless sure to aforementioned child), we sit down for dinner around 8:30-9 some nights I've of us only gets home around this time anyway, then we watch something together or listen to a podcast etc and then bed between 10:30/11. We used to regularly stay up until the early hours. Those were the days!

We’ve been married 14 years this year and yes, we spend every night (at least most of it) together. We watch films, tv or play games together, not always paying attention but in the same room. I quite miss him when I have a meeting etc to go to in the evenings. I couldn’t imagine having any kind of relationship when I never saw him. When we are not in a world pandemic lockdown he works 6-6 then putting the kids to bed etc takes until 8 And I look forward to it.

Together more than 30 years. Yes we do talk had a teo hour chat about politics this afternoon. We are presently both working from home and don't interact much 9-6 but seeing more of each other than usual and it's lovely.

We have our own lives and often spend much time in different rooms but it's a big house. He is also a workaholic and for most of our marriage he has worked a 12 hour day.

But we don't spend nights apart unless necessary and every night before we go to sleep he tells me he loves me and does the same in the morning. We sleep and wake with a cuddle but have never been in each others' pockets.

Together for 15 years, married 12. Some evenings we chat, watch tv/films together, or just sit in the same room on our laptops! Other evenings he will go in another room to watch a film and i'll sit in the living room watching trash tv. It works for us!

We've been together nearly 20 years and do a mix. Wednesday and Sunday DH has a bath then watches TV on his own as this is how he relaxes. Other nights we are either in the shared office doing are own jobs or watch TV together. Nearly always my choice as I watch easy/ naff shows where he likes things I find too violent. We have never played games or anything like that. I think do what's right for the two of you.

Obviously each to their own and all that. And it’s very important to be able to do things without one another.

But I would genuinely question what the point is of being married to someone you never spend time with? I mean apart from financial benefits. Would it not be better living alone?