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AIBU?

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Original poster

Reported neighbour now potential backlash, was Ibu?

176 replies

FailNameC · 07/05/2020 23:27

For context the house next door to me in a back to back, the one at the back is a housing association house who currently has a male tenant, he comes and goes. Last summer he was smoking weed in the garden whilst my children were playing and I asked if he could put it out which created some animosity.
He's currently having a party with 4 other people, loud music etc.
I reported it via the 101 website.
Police have been out and asked them to turn music down, they all said they lived there and the police left.
I could hear him once the police left something about 'stupid cunts next door' and 'I'll pop windows'.
I'm scared now! Wish I hadn't done it.
Wibu?

OP posts:
LakieLady · 08/05/2020 19:22

@tenterden, I'm south coast too, I might be tempted to think that one-bed houses were a local thing were it not for the fact that my brother's was in Milton Keynes!

I think they became more common when councils started making some social housing provision a condition of planning permission for housing developers.

MyWitzEnd · 09/05/2020 18:04

No not unreasonable- but you need to.recognise that not everyone is.goimg to take that on the chin

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2020 18:09

How often was he smoking weed op? It reads like it was a one off, as was his party last night. Both events a year apart.

I don’t think I have been calling the police over a smal, get together, or for a joint once, but you are you and not me and you did.

No point in being scared, you need to own your actions. You’ve done it now. I doubt he will take any action against you other than think some unpleasant thoughts.

Nettie1964 · 09/05/2020 18:20

Why does smoking weed in yr neighbours garden bother you? Do you think this will make yr dc grow into drug addicts? You seem like the worst interfering neighbours. Hope he's not serious. Phone the police if it gets serious. But why anyone wants to bring shit on themselves over nothing is beyond stupid. Curtain twitching and snitching really. When dealing with neighbours best to try to be friendly and nice. Ps I have lived in council houses and privet estates there are people who cause trouble and others who just get on.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/05/2020 18:22

@papiermaches - you hate grasses. So if you had been burgled, and I knew who did it, you wouldn’t want me to grass on the burglars? Hmm

Axl1977 · 09/05/2020 18:23

I personally don't agree with snitching unless someone is in danger. You didn't know their situation so stay out of it. It's not your business!

Shona52 · 09/05/2020 18:33

Report the threat to the police so they have a record of it.

BusyEmz · 09/05/2020 18:42

I understand your frustration, unsure as to what living in a Housing association has to do with it but ok.

It is empty threats said loudly of course since the person who did it has been watching and listening.

If it was one isolated incident like you say from last year then I’m pretty sure they are not thinking of it being you. Since it sounds like they may grate everyone’s nerves.

You will be ok.
We have to remember it is not what we do but how we do it. Not what we say but how we say it. Last thing you need is a war with your neighbour.

You will be alright.

LittleMissMe99 · 09/05/2020 18:48

You reported him for loud music? What time was it? Why didn't you just ask him to turn it down a notch? I think you've over reacted a bit. Unless it's an ongoing issue of course. And as others pointed out, I'm not sure why social housing is relevant

papiermaches · 09/05/2020 18:51

Snitches get...
this whole thing is just people whining about their neighbours. Tedious.

erniepigy · 09/05/2020 19:08

YWNBU. Stick to your guns and be vocal about it. Tosser is probably all mouth. Put some fake cameras in your windows or up on wall if you feel that worried.
As for being referred to as a snitch or grass, that is disgusting and the type of attitude that is turning parts of this country into a scum filled shithole. You were right to report and you’ll find these types of coward will be more wary to do stuff if they think you are about. Well done girl and don’t be scared of anyone. They will be right on him if he tries anything, get him evicted too.

Confusd · 09/05/2020 19:09

I believe the OP reported the neighbour because of the lockdown violation not because of him smoking weed!! How plain does it have to be made to people about how much of a serious situation we are all in? I hope all of you people on here who are banging on about people snitching, grassing, being petty etc etc don’t end up losing someone to this terrible virus going on because you think it’s alright for some dickhead to have his mates round cause it’s only a few people, what harm can it do? These people are the reason this virus is still spreading and the reason people are still dying. I’m sorry to say but a lot of you on here need to go and get a clue - I bet the people bemoaning this poor lady are the ones out this weekend socialising doing whatever the hell you like because the rules don’t apply to you or you don’t think it matters. Ridiculous. OP - take no notice of the negative comments - you did the correct thing and stood up for what you think is right - I suspect your neighbour is all talk - like someone the people sat behind their phones and computers on here.

Notthetoothfairy · 09/05/2020 19:28

I’m the same, all of the above would have annoyed me just as much. Tbh, I think you’re a bit limited living next to people like that, so perhaps re-think whether you may be happier moving elsewhere.

Axl1977 · 09/05/2020 19:28

Well said Deedee Cherry!

Axl1977 · 09/05/2020 19:33

Confused you are wrong! I am complaining about the lady grassing and I have not broken therules once! I have my own reasons for that. I don't necessarily believe the government are right, nor the figures, however I do believe in minding my own business and not judging. The reason that lady has a problem is because they are council tenants or she would not have mentioned that as it should be irrelevant! No one is any better than someone else just because of their financial status or any other reason actually. I bet if their house was bought she would not have reported! 4 people come on!

Purplealienpuke · 09/05/2020 19:43

YappityYapYap if you met me in the street, or in a social situation, you would have NO IDEA I like to smoke a joint in the privacy of my own home. You are making very sweeping statements about people who I highly doubt you have ever experienced.
The OPs neighbour may well be a twat. Not all joint smokers are twats.....

Beatendownmum · 09/05/2020 19:47

Oh you may have opened yourself a can of worms there. Unsure why living in a HA house is relevant. Personally no I wouldn't have reported him because its none of my business. I have neighbours in HA houses, 1 is regularly going against guide lines have I reported him? No! If he wants to behave like a prat and potentially catch the virus while the rest of us are trying our hardest not to and staying away from friends and family then good luck to him! But I don't have an issue with my neighbour, it sounds like you already did with yours because of the weed smoking and the fact he is a HA tenant!! And now you've probably made it a whole lot worse.

missrabbit23 · 09/05/2020 20:26

Firstly, with the fact that you asked him to put the weed out, who are you his mother? There's a way to speak to people, you could of said 'hey, sorry to bother you but next time when you can see the kids are in the garden, please could you not smoke around them?' If someone told me to put my cigarette out in my own garden I'd tell them fuck off! No!
Secondly 4 people is a gathering not a party. Seems like you have a stick up your ass bone to pick with him.

Why wouldn't he be upset with you? First interaction he has with you your demanding he put his spliff out.
The next one is on a warm summers bank holiday weekend, you have called the police on him?
Seems like your bored and looking for someone to pick on!

papiermaches · 09/05/2020 20:30

Genius

@papiermaches - you hate grasses. So if you had been burgled, and I knew who did it, you wouldn’t want me to grass on the burglars?’

It would be pointless. We’ve been robbed and the police did absolutely Nothing. Didn’t take finger prints or anything. Just asked for cctv, which we didn’t have as it’s a normal house/street.

Jen4813 · 09/05/2020 20:40

YABU and petty. It sounds like you were waiting for a ‘real’ reason to complain about them and that you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder because they smoked weed once in their garden. Yes it smells and I don’t personally smoke at all, but normal smoking smells too, would you expect that to stop because you have a child in your garden who can smell it? I think you need to let the whole thing go. I am not surprised they are pissed off, but also doubt they will actually do anything other than maybe have some proper parties once lockdown is over!

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2020 21:06

To be fair smoking a joint takes a max of twenty mins. Usually ten or less.

Yes it stinks for that ten mins, but it’s not world ending. And yes it’s annoying they had friends down during lock down but it seems it was the first time in at least a year, not sure I’d have been calling rhe police on them,

My neighbour has had friends round. Lots of music and children laughing.

He’s in his seventies and “bored shitless”. Using his words. He has to make his own decisions and is capable of assessing risk as far as I can tell. They are also socially distancing in his garden,. I would not call the police on him.

As said I doubt he will do anything, but he won’t think well of you, as most people wouldn’t. But I’m not sure you care about that.

Halli2020 · 09/05/2020 22:42

People who disagree probably smoke weed in their garden too

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/05/2020 23:14

People who disagree probably smoke weed in their garden too

What nonsense. I don't like weed, don't smoke it, think it's largely a negative substance. BUT I do think it should be legalised and I wouldn't dob someone in for smoking it.

Confusd · 09/05/2020 23:15

Axl1997 what do you want a round of applause for doing what u and everyone else is supposed to be doing? The fact is whether it’s 4 people or 40 people it shouldn’t be happening at this current time - why should this person be allowed to do this when the rest of us have to adhere to the guidelines? Some of us are smart enough to realise that there is a bigger picture here and some of us are not - the world is full of selfish twats whether they smoke weed or don’t, they live in HA housing or not - being a selfish twat doesn’t give you the right to flout the rules given and by rules I mean LAW currently. Some people are just looking to jump on any old band wagon they can and you guys appear to have on this lady because she mentioned ‘housing association’

mathanxiety · 09/05/2020 23:27

Halli2020 I don't smoke weed in my garden. I'm a non-smoker. I chose to live in a smoke free building.

I have neighbours who smoke all sorts of crazy crap in their gardens and love to gather round a fire pit nightly as soon as the weather gets fine, and I grew up next door to a man who smoked cigars in his garden.

It's their gardens and even though the smoke carries over they have a right to use them as they wish.

Wrt the current law, a multi generational or large gathering would have been a different kettle of fish. The OP might not have even noticed the gathering were it not for the music. And the police don't seem to have bothered checking the lease, checking names on the postbox, or asking for ID.

It's frustrating to see people getting away with flouting the law. All we can do as individuals is make sure we obey it ourselves.

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