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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reported neighbour now potential backlash, was Ibu?

176 replies

FailNameC · 07/05/2020 23:27

For context the house next door to me in a back to back, the one at the back is a housing association house who currently has a male tenant, he comes and goes. Last summer he was smoking weed in the garden whilst my children were playing and I asked if he could put it out which created some animosity.
He's currently having a party with 4 other people, loud music etc.
I reported it via the 101 website.
Police have been out and asked them to turn music down, they all said they lived there and the police left.
I could hear him once the police left something about 'stupid cunts next door' and 'I'll pop windows'.
I'm scared now! Wish I hadn't done it.
Wibu?

OP posts:
NeutrinoWrangler · 08/05/2020 01:47

*is, not his...

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2020 01:58

surely you don't think it's alright for him to threaten to break someone's windows.

He's clearly a twat. But the OP is on here asking AIBU. He's not. He is very clearly unreasonable, but he didn't ask and won't hear us. I think the OP is also a little unreasonable. Old Navajo proverb, "when one finger points out, three point back". I'm not perfect, neither are my neighbours. We hopefully don't report each other for minor things.

KimLardashian · 08/05/2020 02:35

He’s likely all talk.

mathanxiety · 08/05/2020 03:14

I'm all for obeying the law, but your DCs' sleep is not the responsibility of the whole neighbourhood. I think you should have kept your powder dry until after midnight. At that point you would have had ample reason to call, and the police might even have taken the flouting of lockdown restrictions seriously.

People sit out and smoke cigarettes and drink beer in their gardens even when children are present or nearby. Pot is legal in many countries and may well end up legal in the UK too. I don't think you should have called the previous time. The police very likely have more serious matters to keep them busy. The neighbour wasn't doing anything to directly harm you, and I don't think I am being unreasonable to not consider some very diluted second hand smoke of any kind a danger to children outdoors. Smoke from a tyre fire, yes, but not from someone's joint in another garden.

I agree your neighbour isn't a pleasant person at all, but you need to pick your battles here.

mathanxiety · 08/05/2020 03:16

Re-read your OP - sorry, you didn't report him for the weed.

You shouldn't have asked him to put it out though. My reasons to not poke this particular bear remain.

DeeCeeCherry · 08/05/2020 03:51

If he was smoking weed in his own garden YWU to report him. It's best to just mind your own business sometimes. I'm wondering if small party was before midnight, if so I wouldn't have reported him.

I doubt there'll be repurcussions but you are nosey, and a snob. Leave the man alone them I should think he'll leave you alone.

PhilCornwall1 · 08/05/2020 06:10

OP, there's no way for him to know it was you, so maybe he's just showing off what a big man he his to his friends with idle threats. I'd just try to avoid him and lay low for a while.

Well it isn't going to be rocket science for him to figure it out. The OP has said there is animosity between her and him, so I'm sure in this instance he could make 2+2 equal 4.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 08/05/2020 06:27

Please tell me you didn't report him for having people over...

Phifedean123 · 08/05/2020 06:45

He sounds unpleasant but has this been just a one off or is it regular? Where I live a fair few have had some late night garden drinking sessions. Some have had people over. I wouldn't even think to ring the police. If it did wake up my 2 year old and it was really late I might go and ask them to keep it down
It was probably drunk talk what he said about the windows but obviously keep a record if he ramps things up

slipperywhensparticus · 08/05/2020 06:57

So many people think it's ok not to report lockdown breaches

PhilCornwall1 · 08/05/2020 07:15

So many people think it's ok not to report lockdown breaches

That's because it is ok for people to not report it.

pictish · 08/05/2020 07:17

I wouldn’t have reported him, no. I’m not of a ‘reporty’ persuasion. I don’t feel the need to see other people get ‘in trouble’ for doing something I don't approve of...especially when it has no actual impact on me personally.
He won’t pop your windows, he’s all talk.

LastTrainEast · 08/05/2020 07:19

OP had no way to know for certain they were in breach. Just like those people who report benefit claimants for cheating. Reporting people who used disabled toilets because they can stand up and so on.

She is probably safe since most HA tenants are not actually thugs. They vary just like real people really.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 08/05/2020 07:23

the one at the back is a housing association house

What difference does that make? Snobby much OP?

Police have been out and asked them to turn music down, they all said they lived there and the police left.

Consequences for their actions

I could hear him once the police left something about 'stupid cunts next door' and 'I'll pop windows'.
I'm scared now! Wish I hadn't done it.

Looks like there will be consequences for your actions

Those saying hes unlikely to do anything, does that also go for his 4 mates and on what evidence do you make that assertion?

AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea · 08/05/2020 07:29

He sounds very unpleasant but the current laws for gatherings don't cover private residences so technically there was no point in reporting him unless it was for very loud music going on late.

Not sure why it's relevant that he's in HA unless you think you're better because you pay more to live in a similar house on the same street.

BeltaneBride · 08/05/2020 07:45

You should report him to the HA. They will have a massive waiting list and if they have a log of anti-social behaviour from him they can make him forfeit his tenancy.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 08/05/2020 07:45

I wouldn’t have done it, if the party was a one off, I’d rather have one night of interrupted sleep rather than a lifetime of drama with my neighbour.

aquashiv · 08/05/2020 07:45

Good for you.
Aren't we all on lock down. The inconsiderate cock.
I'd personally say I hope you weren't referring to me you were heard threatening to break windows. He's a bully

BeltaneBride · 08/05/2020 07:46

And in fact you are in a better position than if he were an owner occupier as he couldn't then be chucked out.

RiftGibbon · 08/05/2020 07:47

I'm surprised at the responses suggesting OP is in the wrong.
We are still in a lockdown situation and so the person she reported to the police was in the wrong.
I don't understand the mindset of 'keep your head down, say nothing' in these situations. Nuisance neighbours are a genuine problem and should be dealt with by the relevant people - Landlords, HA's, police etc. If this was a playground and teens were behaving like this it would be considered bullying and escalated.

PhilCornwall1 · 08/05/2020 07:47

You should report him to the HA. They will have a massive waiting list and if they have a log of anti-social behaviour from him they can make him forfeit his tenancy.

Eviction isn't the work of a moment you know.

Soontobe60 · 08/05/2020 07:55

I think that people who refer to snitches and grassers are morons and part of the problem in areas where criminality has fucked over civic duty.

I'm with you in this one. Why should the OP be intimidated in her own home? Why should she tolerate idiots playing loud music late at night? He shouldn't have been having a party anyway, the bloody country is in the middle of lockdown!

OP, you absolutely did the right thing, and if the neighbour does anything to retaliate, then contact the police. Don't be bullied and intimidated by this person.

rawlikesushi · 08/05/2020 08:05

I think people who have a blanket policy of hating snitches and grasses are morons.

It's the reason crime goes unreported, communities spiral downwards, antisocial behaviour is on the increase and criminals feel that they are bulletproof.

Having said that, I wouldn't have asked someone to stop smoking in their own garden or called the police for a party of 4.

I might have called 101 for very loud music after 11pm, if it was part of a pattern rather than a one-off.

OP, he won't know for sure that it was you. His comment was for the benefit of anyone listening, including his friends.

pictish · 08/05/2020 08:07

Totally agree with you raw.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/05/2020 08:17

Maybe if more people reported breaches of lockdown, we’d be out of this mess sooner. So many seem to think it’s ok to breach the rules as they don’t apply to them or think their Risk assessment is better than the professionals.

Likewise illegal drug use, i would have reported it to the HA. It shouldn’t be normalised or ignored. I wouldn’t want my children to see it smell it.

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