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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone in their 40's have advice for anyone in their 30's

174 replies

Annamaria14 · 07/05/2020 18:31

You know they say that life begins at 40. I have been worrying and stressing quite alot in my thirties, I have been imagining myself in my forties, caring less about what people think, happier, wiser.

I am 36.

What advice would the 40+ year olds give to the the 30+ year olds on here?

OP posts:
Nosuchluck · 07/05/2020 20:54

Try and make time for friends, it’s easy to be so busy with looking after a young family to find excuses not to see friends.

Babolat · 07/05/2020 20:57

@MadameBee, halfway through your sunscreen lyric post it seems to segue into some other song? And at the end too.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 07/05/2020 20:59

Stone washed denim
Shrink to fit
White boots
Malibu

I've never done it so .... I guess it's still to come. It'll be a bloody good night Grin

justanotherneighinparadise · 07/05/2020 21:02

Look after your gums. Make sure you see your hygienist at least every six months. Don’t think you look old. In 10 years time you’ll look back at photos abs wonder why you couldn’t see the youth in your face.

berrychakewellplease · 07/05/2020 21:03

@nicelegs yes - have children whilst you still can if you want them is what I should have said 😳

I say that as a bitter 40 yo with no children multiple miscarriages and difficult conceiving. But yes I wish I had done it much sooner and tried much harder.

SylvanianFrenemies · 07/05/2020 21:04

If you are thinking of worrying.... don't.

binkyboinky · 07/05/2020 21:07

Take your vitamins. Seriously. As soon as I turned 40 my hair thinned and I got arthritis. Because I was low in both iron and calcium.

So take your vitamins while you're still young, it catches up with you if you don't!

littlepeterwimsey · 07/05/2020 21:07

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C1239 · 07/05/2020 21:21

This is a great post!

Vintagehearts · 07/05/2020 21:21

Don't wait for the perfect time to have children because there is no such thing as a best time to have them. The older you get the more you'll be glad you got through the babies/toddler years when you were younger..

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 07/05/2020 21:23

Last thing is enjoy your small problems - your child not using their cutlery, your DH pissing you off by belching, the DC not going to bed when you want and your DM irritating you - these are all lovely problems that don’t change your life or bring you fear. These problems are the best sort.
Love this! So true.

MazDazzle · 07/05/2020 21:23

Be yourself. Own it. Be proud of your strengths, but don’t feel your have to lie/apologise for your weaknesses. I’m an English teacher and a good one at that. I care about my students and I get the best out of them. Last week my (highly intelligent and academic) boss asked me who my favourite poet was. I made a face and told her I’m not that into poetry. My 20/30 something self would have panicked and faked an answer. Sure, I appreciate poetry and enjoy studying it, but I’m never going to curl up with a book of poems on an evening.

Love the body you have right now, no matter what. Clothes are meant to fit your body, not the other way around. Make the most of what you have right now. Don’t look back with envy at what your body used to be like and don’t hope that one day in the future it will be better. Enjoy it today!

Don’t let anyone be in your life that makes you feel shit about yourself. Move on. You deserve better.

eaglejulesk · 07/05/2020 21:30

Stop worrying about what other people think, people aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are.

One of the best pieces of advice - and I would give it to anyone of any age.

WinterAndRoughWeather · 07/05/2020 21:32

@Babolat

The Baz Luhrman version of Sunscreen was actually called Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen. It was a remix of Everybody’s Free (to feel good), with the Sunscreen monologue over the top. The additional lyrics are from Everybody’s Free.

Soen · 07/05/2020 21:34

Love this thread.

CandleNoBra · 07/05/2020 21:42

Save money. Avoid debt.

bloodyc · 07/05/2020 21:43

If you want children hurry up and have them if you can.

Moisturise
Look after your teeth
Look after your hair
Look after your health in general.
If you need to lose weight do it now
Start yoga or pilates so you can still touch your toes when you hit 40.
Pay as much as you can afford into a pension.

It all went shit for me health wise from 37 so I do have some baggage I'm carrying into those answers!

iamyourequal · 07/05/2020 21:44

I love this thread! I will add, some completely anecdotal stuff that I would definitely want to tell my 30s self:

Learn to be honest and learn to say ‘No’.
Spend less time worrying about work.
Lose a stone now, because you are going to gain one overnight at 43 and its impossible to shift.
Start exercising more as everything is going to start stiffening up.
Let those you love truly know it.
Take up hobbies you love.
Be kinder to yourself, as well as to others.

yellowbrickwhorl · 07/05/2020 21:47

One of the benefits of becoming 40+ is that your bullshit radar starts to really come into its own Grin

Tootletum · 07/05/2020 21:47

Hmm i dunno, I feel far less confident now than in my 30s, or rather before I had kids. I am far less influential at work, mainly because of kids, but also because I don't see why I should constantly need to put on a front. Problem is, the take-no-prisoners front really worked, and the soft nice mum who just wants to get paid really doesn't. So my advice is

  1. be a bitch at work
  2. be generous with your time
  3. sort out your pension now.
lottiegarbanzo · 07/05/2020 21:47

OK, without reading anyone else's:

Your 30s are (can be) awesome, make the most of them when you can. In many ways I felt most complete and myself then - the best version of myself; physically, energetically, intellectually, sexually - but, I wasn't always aware of it at the time. Also more anxiety and just busyness in some ways. From that point of view taking a 'maybe this is as good as it gets' approach and really making that as good as it can be, day by day, month by month, is more than worthwhile. Then you'll know you didn't waste what you had, when you look back.

Oestrogen; make the most of it while you have it, be that for enjoyment or procreation.

Attractiveness; linked directly to the oestrogen (it's essentially the same thing). Likewise, make the most of it while you have it.

Physical ability; want to run some distance, climb something, explore somewhere physically demanding? Do it now. With the right training, you'll do it better and more easily now than later - and you never know when the time will come that you can't do it at all.

Mental acuity and memory; they fade from mid/late 30s, albeit you can cover for them later with greater knowledge and experience. Do recognise and enjoy their value while it lasts.

So yes, you are very likely to be less stressed (depending on circs) and more relaxed and self-assured in your 40s but, do make the most of all the hormones, brain and muscle function that allow you to be stressed and productive now, and not just in others' service but to the best effect possible, for you.

OhioOhioOhio · 07/05/2020 21:47

MadameBee amazing

LoveIslandVirgin · 07/05/2020 21:48

The fewer fucks you have to give, the better.

Be yourself, have no toleration for passive aggressive types and know your opinion is as valid anybody’s.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 07/05/2020 21:52

Moisture and wear sunscreen on your face and chest to avoid the wrinkles

Find an exercise you love

Realise no one actually has it all sorted, they've just learned to fake it well.

Learn at work how to fake your own sortedness well too.

Enjoy your beauty and young body. Whatever shape it is in.

RoxanneMonke · 07/05/2020 21:52

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