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Original poster

Anyone in their 40's have advice for anyone in their 30's

174 replies

Annamaria14 · 07/05/2020 18:31

You know they say that life begins at 40. I have been worrying and stressing quite alot in my thirties, I have been imagining myself in my forties, caring less about what people think, happier, wiser.

I am 36.

What advice would the 40+ year olds give to the the 30+ year olds on here?

OP posts:
sage46 · 07/05/2020 20:31

40 is young.

Mapless · 07/05/2020 20:32

Wear sunscreen - on your face neck and hands. Moisturise no matter what.

Look after your feet. Heels are ok occasionally. Joints in feet can be worn down.

As pp said, get to know your parents as people.

It's ok to not have children. Better to do other things than to take on that level of responsibility and do it poorly.

Put something into a pension.

That extra biscuit too often over ten years can add two stone.

Find an exercise habit that you can repeat happily. If there's a sport you enjoy don't give it up.

Goose89 · 07/05/2020 20:35

Hi, I literally had to join just to say this thread has helped me so much!
I am really struggling with lockdown due to being in a very unhappy relationship and know that I need to leave.
I am now 31 but have felt trapped in this relationship since 25 and just feel so depressed as I really feel I have lost those years.
But this thread has made me understand it's never to late to change and that it is not worth settling.
So thank you all so much X

Goose89 · 07/05/2020 20:36

PS your advice is amazing I'm going to add it to my goal diary so I don't forget X

Backtothenewme · 07/05/2020 20:36

Tell those who give you grief to puss right off NOW and move away from them. Honestly even if it's in you head tell them to do one. Its empowering

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 07/05/2020 20:38

90% of what seems important now, isn't.
90% of who seem important now, aren't.
Sadly it will probably take you most of your 40s to realise it, but if you can grasp it in your 30s, that's a heck of a head start.

But, that's the thing, see? We're not meant to realise that until later. Life is an ongoing learning process, through infancy childhood, teens, early adulthood, mid life and so on. It's not binary: child/adulthood. We learn something every single day, at every stage of our lives. If we'd all got completely wise in our 30s then we wouldn't have had so much fun, wouldn't have made so many mistakes and, most importantly, wouldn't have learned any lessons.

I was a bit slower than some. I didn't grasp the 'give fewer fucks' until I hit 50 but I'm 53 now and .... I got it.

We're all doing just fine Smile

berrychakewellplease · 07/05/2020 20:38

Have children- everything else pales into insignificance.

Get your eyes lasered
Lose weight if you need to
Save at least 10% of your budget
Start a hobby-just one that's not drinking eating or shopping
Start a budget
Have as much fun as you can
Work out what you want to be remembered for and work on that.
Save for a pension
Buy a bigger house or another house
Get the car you want
Wear sunscreen

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 07/05/2020 20:38

@Goose89 Flowers

WinterAndRoughWeather · 07/05/2020 20:39

This is a fucking fantastic thread.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 07/05/2020 20:41

Have children- everything else pales into insignificance.

Have children .... if you want them. If you have 'em when you didn't want 'em, then the rest of your life will pale into insignificance Blush

sammylady37 · 07/05/2020 20:41

Don’t have children unless you want them.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 07/05/2020 20:42

Don't worry AT ALL about skincare regimes or hair or sunscreen or moisturising or bikini waxes or anything like that.
It MAKES NO DIFFERENCE.
Good skin is all genetics, good food, happiness and good sex, and I defy anyone who says different.
Have as much sex with as many nice men as you have time for. Make time!
DEFINITLY do the pelvic floor exercises though, I agree with that.
Sort a pension, yesterday.
Get life insurance and make a will.
Nurture your relationships with your friends. Those old broads will be the ones still standing when husband number 1/2/3 is long gone/boring you to death.
Get into gardening. The ebb and flow of the seasons will soothe you, make you feel connected to nature and help you to realise that everything changers, everything dies, everything starts again and you are part of all that.
Don't let men at work talk over you or steal your ideas. Worry a lot less about whether people like you. They don't need to like you, they just need to respect you.
Have a good time as much and as often as you can!

sammylady37 · 07/05/2020 20:42

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace said it better than me!

totallyyesno · 07/05/2020 20:42

This thread is depressing if you're almost 50 and haven't done any of it!

Good luck Goose!

GladysNarracott · 07/05/2020 20:43

Don’t ever depend on someone else financially. Be self sufficient and keep your personal power. Personal power = dignity.

Definitely this!...and ALWAYS look after your teeth.

sammylady37 · 07/05/2020 20:44

Save something from every pay cheque. No matter how small each contribution seems, it’ll all add up.

missmouse101 · 07/05/2020 20:44

Don't have children just because people tell you to. Hmm

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 07/05/2020 20:45

Goose, I got divorced at 30. I thought my life was over, I was so devastated.I rarely think about him now. Its great that you have realised you need to leave and you are only 31. Life will get so much better, I promise.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 07/05/2020 20:46

This thread is depressing if you're almost 50 and haven't done any of it!

No, there's plenty of time. Honestly. Read back through some of the thread: it's very inspiring Smile

StarShapedWindow · 07/05/2020 20:46

Don’t let other people tell you what’s important in life, stick to what you think. Don’t stress about turning 40 - you are still you, you still look like you, nothing bad happens. If you have DC don’t worry how well they are doing at school - it’s all so competitive in my area. If they leave primary without good SATS results it doesn’t matter, there’s plenty of time, if they leave school without good GCSE/A Levels, don’t worry they have plenty of time to go back into education once they know what they want to do. Last thing is enjoy your small problems - your child not using their cutlery, your DH pissing you off by belching, the DC not going to bed when you want and your DM irritating you - these are all lovely problems that don’t change your life or bring you fear. These problems are the best sort.

VerticalHorizon · 07/05/2020 20:48

I wish I'd listened when I was younger...
I could have avoided:

Stone washed denim
Shrink to fit
White boots
Malibu

Quite possibly all on the same night.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 07/05/2020 20:48

Have as much sex with as many nice men as you have time for. Make time!

Yes, yes, yes. I was a bit slow on that front too — long-term, steady relationship for many years — but I'm 53, not dead. I'm making up for it Smile

Greenpop21 · 07/05/2020 20:50

Don’t use retinol in the summer. Even with sunscreen it gives me pigmentation. Use it October to March though. Sex explosion is correct.Wink

Greenpop21 · 07/05/2020 20:52

Definitely start saving especially if you have children. University, car insurance etc or v expensive.

StirCrazy2020 · 07/05/2020 20:53

With the right resolve and/or divorce lawyer life can be better.