He’s cheating again. What do I do?

[fucknotagain1]

Last year DP cheated on me and gave me an STI. It was the worst time of my entire life. We have DC.

He never accepted me ending things and is quite controlling. Nearly a year on from the cheating I stupidly agreed to try again because I wanted DC to grow up with both of us together And to get him off my back. He was withholding money and contact with DC for months previously and I was really struggling financially.

It’s been a matter of weeks and I’ve found a profile he has on online dating. We haven’t had sex so I’m not worried about STI’s this time but I don’t know how to ‘end’ this ‘relationship’ as I know it’ll mean he withholds money and won’t see DC anymore.

I know this post probably sounds completely pathetic but the money he gives me when I go along with us being ‘together’ has a huge impact and it’s so difficult when DC are upset when he withholds contact.

He is emotionally abusive towards me, and very controlling.

So AIBU to ask for advice please?

Bloody brilliant news.

Don't feed the beast. Any communication should be with the fewest number of word possible. Don't give him any emotion to feed off.

Well done, op!!That's a really brave step and absolutely the right thing to do. Think how much happier you will be without him in your life. He is vile. And also bonkers - crying when he's on a dating app right in front of you?!

Quite right to ignore any begging or pleading messages he sends you. See what benefits you're entitled to, contact child maintenance and get the ball rolling, and it might also be an idea to contact Women's Aid and get their advice.

Well done OP! You’ve taken a very brave step towards a much better and healthier life for you and your children. Now YOU are in control. Please keep it that way. As other PP’s have said, go grey rock, only have contact re important matters that affect the children or legalities and if you can do that through a third party then all the better. If he’s got other OW then you wont see him for dust. If not he will be a thorn in your side. Let’s hope he has OW to entertain him a and keep him away from you. Good luck OP 💐

Try giving all the financial info to the CMS rather than HMRC, I did this with me ex & although it took a long time (over a year), they eventually re-adjusted his income & demanded he make back payments for all the maintenance he owed me.

He was self employed as well & “earning minimum wage” until I proved he wasn’t.

Best of luck OP, keep fighting for what you know is right for your kids.

@CrazyBusyMum did you mean report him to HMRC for undeclared income instead of CMS. That is absolutely what you should do OP, tell the tax man he's not paying taxes and atm the UK needs everyone to pay their ta es.

no advice for you OP but sending huge hugs. Sounds awful but you will get through this and he sounds like an arse.

You are magnificent!

Your life just go so much better OP well done

Well done OP!
You've had the tears, the words and the poor me - oh I knew you'd end it bullshit.
Be ready for the nastiness and the attempted head fuckery from him. It'll come, it always does. Save and record any interaction with him from now on in case you need it later.
Here's to your new life

I'm so proud! Well done!

I am also very relieved he went without physically hurting you.

Keep him gone.

Change his name to Don't answer the dickhead in your phone. Works even if you have willpower not to reply .

Blardy well done op. So delighted for you! 💐🌸🤸‍♀️🤸‍♂️🦸‍♂️👍

Great news op!

And definately change the locks. Cause once he finds out that guilt tripping you and whatever other current method isnt working, he may just try and strong arm him way back in.

You should end it. The kids and you are better off without this loser in your lives. Kids are resilient and they will get over this. You will be happier and they will be happier. The situation with this man won't change. He is not a good example for the children and does no live hem if he refuses to see them to get back at you. Cut the cord and move on.

Well done OP. Just saw your update.

I’m in a very similar situation OP. I made him leave yesterday. You’re just putting off the inevitable I’m afraid. You and your children can either go through it now on your terms or endure years more until he leaves you .

Who is paying rent for where you are and in who's name is it? You need a roof over your heads. You need to tell everyone you can the situation, there is no shame in this but having friends and family chip in to help with basic things just as watching the kids while you shop, helping you find out what financial help you are entitled to or just listening to you is gold. Ask for help and use it.
I don't know how old your children are. They will adjust. He is not someone I would want around my kids, they pick up on how he treats you I'm sure. It's not healthy. Plus their mum isn't happy.
However hard it is right this moment, that won't continue. But you must go through this hardship to come out the other side. Even though you aren't married he's the dad he has to provide maintenance. Yes he'll probably lie and dodge and not pay. But then that's the kind of person he is.
For your own sanity and future you need to leave this man. You will all be happier in the long term.

I think you need to start recording his threatening rants OP - as many as you can, if not for a lawyer to use as evidence, for your DCs when they're old enough to hear the truth, not their "dad's" truth.