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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour snitched on me putting up 1 fence...

213 replies

Brokentoday · 07/05/2020 12:32

I have recently moved to new property...

I live in a row of houses, all the house apart from my neighbour to my right have 4 ft fences..

There are house opposite of my garden and there garden are next to ours and so are the rest of the houses on my street, so in my garden the fence in front is 6ft and the fence to my right is 6ft the fence to my left is 4 ft.

Me and partner decide to put new 6ft fence along the left hand side by professional costing a fair amount of money. I off course notified my neighbour to my left that I would be doing so and if she was okay with it. She has no issues with it and she hope's to raise her fence aswell.

Now my neighbours are friendly welcoming and all round decent people since we moved me. The issue i have is I can see 4-5 houses down in my garden, I'm not unsociable I just was a bit of privacy in my garden with 3 children under 5. I dont think it is partically safe either..

My partner also feels somewhat uncomfortable because we are black they stare at us in our garden..

I got a phone call from my housing association letting me no that basically somebody have called them to inform them that I am putting a fence up..

I was told to stop as I didnt ask for permission, I said the fence is more or less done. I was then asked to write a letter retrospective permission.. to inform them that I have done a fence and that is meets there criteria.. the lady I spoke to was nice and basically told me make sure it not higher than 6ft and it's done by professionals.. take a pictures and send it In.

To find it somewhat funny that somebody felt the need to report me as if i stole from the queen palace.. I mean Im entitled to some privacy for fuck sake.. the fence is up and nobody can stare at us.

AIBU?

OP posts:
snowybean · 07/05/2020 17:21

Remind me to add "6ft high fences on all sides" when I give Kirstie & Phil a call.

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 07/05/2020 17:32

@magicfarawaytrees it's the OP's partner who has that view not her.

Unless you are a black male, particularly one of average and above height, then neither you nor the OP know his lived experience.

Mittens030869 · 07/05/2020 17:41

I think it's a massive assumption on the part of the OP's partner that people are looking at them because they're black. It's possibly true, but there are all sorts of other reasons why they might be looking at you, if they even are. Other people are not as interested in us as we sometimes think they are, they're usually too busy dealing with their own shit in my experience.

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 07/05/2020 17:43

@Mittens030869 are you a black male?

People treat men and women differently particularly visibly BAME men and women.

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/05/2020 17:49

Not everything that happens to black people happens because they're black.

Pipandmum · 07/05/2020 17:51

Similar happened to me. I lived into an ex coh cilla culkin de sac and replaced my dilapidated picket fence with a trellis shaped fence - same height, same material. Suddenly I hit a letter from my council saying it had been reported that I had replaced a hedge with a fence and needed retrospective planning as it was a conservation area (I knew that but as I was placing like for like except different pattern i thought it was ok). In my application I included photos of the fence before and after. Believe it or not they sent some one out to inspect t it! The fence cost £70 to replace, the application cost £120, cost to council to review application and send some one out £??. Total waste of time and money, plus the 'nosy parker' was wrong as there never was a hedge there.

Festipal · 07/05/2020 17:57

My friend's are the only Asians in our village and get stared at. I didn't fully believe it because were in 2020 FFS but a trip out to the park with them was like a circus show. Very odd how people were blatantly staring at them!

OP it's not nice to think your neighbours are snitching on you and being petty but hopefully your lovely professional looking fence will satisfy housing woman and you'll be the winner in the end.

Mittens030869 · 07/05/2020 18:03

@BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup

No, I'm a white female admittedly. I did agree that it might be that they were being looked at because they were black, but how are we supposed to know if that's the case? I'm capable of paranoia myself (thinking I'm being watched when I'm probably not), as I suffer from PTSD hence I'm hyper vigilant.

I do have experience of being the only white person in an African village, though, and I was obviously an object of curiosity, but that wasn't in a negative way. Could it be something like that? Children in particular can be curious, if it's a predominantly white area.

Without more info, we can't know.

Glowcat · 07/05/2020 18:40

And you don’t see how being treated as a curiosity in your own back garden is othering?

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 07/05/2020 19:06

@Mittens030869 just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.....

Anyway the first post was complaining about neighbours reporting the OP.

isadoradancing123 · 07/05/2020 19:11

Why do some people try to bring racism into everything, even putting up a fence

category12 · 07/05/2020 19:25

Maybe it's because they live with it daily.

Headinthecloudsfeetinthemud · 08/05/2020 17:45

Agree with dementedpixie - someone else was possibly denied permission. Anyhow, there could 101 reasons why the call was made - it’ll do no good dwelling on it. Accept that other people are just different in countless ways. It’s great that you have such a good relationship with your neighbour, I hope you make lots more great friendships with your other neighbours :)

1forsorrow · 08/05/2020 17:57

When we moved in to our house we didn't realise that because it is a conservation area we had to get permission to have a Sky dish. Neighbour reported us, funny thing was they had a Sky dish, we saw the object they put in when we applied for retrospective permission and they objected as they could see it when they were in their garden. They could see their own as well but apparently that was ok. They made such a fuss a group of councillors on the planning committee to come and have a look. It was funny as a minibus load of them came and walked round our garden, I do hope the neighbour was listening as they laughed and said how ridiculous the neighbours were being.

Funnily enough my husband is black, perhaps that made our dish offensive in some way.

Today the whole cul-de-sac are on our neighbours drive having a VE party, no 2 metre distancing. We were left out.

Prejudice is a bitch isn't it.

1forsorrow · 08/05/2020 17:59

My friend's are the only Asians in our village and get stared at. I didn't fully believe it because were in 2020 FFS but a trip out to the park with them was like a circus show. Very odd how people were blatantly staring at them! It is strange isn't it, when we were first together I used to make excuses for people, tell DH it wasn't because of his colour. Obviously over the years I've had to accept that is exactly what it is.

randomchatter · 08/05/2020 18:10

The nosy parker couldn't possibly know if the OP had permission or not; unless the new fence was very different to the others, aside from being two ft higher (still within national regs).

Well done to the HA for dealing with this sensibly but maybe the OPs considered a dream tenant!

lboogy · 08/05/2020 18:11

Honestly OP. Never post about racism on a forum full of white women: most of them don't get it and they don't want to get it either. For them racism starts and ends with being called the N word and even then some of them will find a reason why it's justified, such as 'they say it in rap songs'. The ones procreating with Non-whites will also show their ignorance. There are no friends here.

You should have asked permission but you've got retrospective permission so all is well. Hope you get the privacy you want. Nothing worse than nosy neighbours and even worse white ones who clearly don't want you living in their community.

Aridane · 08/05/2020 18:12

Such passion and such a bunfight about a housing association tenant who, rather foolishly, failed to get permission before erecting a fence on the HA’s property...

MsCRobinson · 08/05/2020 18:16

People are strange

Thisismytimetoshine · 08/05/2020 18:17

Some people take offence at half nothing and then snarl at everyone who doesn't have their "lived experience".

1forsorrow · 08/05/2020 18:25

@lboogy The ones procreating with Non-whites will also show their ignorance. Is that aimed at me? I'm sitting here feeling shit enough as I listen to all my neighbours partying, DH not acknowledging what is going on as actually it is hurtful so I could do without anyone else having a go.

Stampy84 · 08/05/2020 18:29

@Iboogy

I’m not sure that’s entirely fair. Yes, there is absolutely ignorant people to racism, and the depths and different levels to it. There’s bad in every race and culture as far as I’m concerned, you only need to watch Jeremy Kyle to see the level of cringe the chavs can be. There’s bad whites, blacks, Asians, catholic’s, Muslims, ect.. but there are more food than bad as a whole.
I can’t speak for everybody, only myself.
In this instance, the OP sounded a little paranoid, other than saying she was being stared at because her family are black she was saying she needed 6 foot fence as she has children. That’s a little paranoid no?
And actually what really got to me was when she said ‘you’re white, you’ve not experienced racism’
When I told her I’d been called white scum, fuck off back to your own area, and does that not count as racism as I’m white? She wouldn’t answer.. I gave the same question to another poster, about my brother having his teeth knocked out and again fuck off you white cunt.. and there response was they’re not interested or bothered.

Stampy84 · 08/05/2020 18:30
  • they’re
randomchatter · 08/05/2020 18:38

Thankfully on my street we all like a good 6ft fence or hedge. Nothing worse than having to do small talk when you're not in the mood and just want a bit of alone time!

MadMadaMim · 08/05/2020 18:54

Putting a fence up for privacy is not unreasonable

Putting a fence up on a property you do not own and/or for which there is a process in place which you did not follow, is.