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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour snitched on me putting up 1 fence...

213 replies

Brokentoday · 07/05/2020 12:32

I have recently moved to new property...

I live in a row of houses, all the house apart from my neighbour to my right have 4 ft fences..

There are house opposite of my garden and there garden are next to ours and so are the rest of the houses on my street, so in my garden the fence in front is 6ft and the fence to my right is 6ft the fence to my left is 4 ft.

Me and partner decide to put new 6ft fence along the left hand side by professional costing a fair amount of money. I off course notified my neighbour to my left that I would be doing so and if she was okay with it. She has no issues with it and she hope's to raise her fence aswell.

Now my neighbours are friendly welcoming and all round decent people since we moved me. The issue i have is I can see 4-5 houses down in my garden, I'm not unsociable I just was a bit of privacy in my garden with 3 children under 5. I dont think it is partically safe either..

My partner also feels somewhat uncomfortable because we are black they stare at us in our garden..

I got a phone call from my housing association letting me no that basically somebody have called them to inform them that I am putting a fence up..

I was told to stop as I didnt ask for permission, I said the fence is more or less done. I was then asked to write a letter retrospective permission.. to inform them that I have done a fence and that is meets there criteria.. the lady I spoke to was nice and basically told me make sure it not higher than 6ft and it's done by professionals.. take a pictures and send it In.

To find it somewhat funny that somebody felt the need to report me as if i stole from the queen palace.. I mean Im entitled to some privacy for fuck sake.. the fence is up and nobody can stare at us.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PotholeParadise · 07/05/2020 14:48

I'm sure the OP has life experience and reasons for believing racism is behind stared at. I think a bunch of people jumping on her to justify that ought to think about why they're doing that.

This kind of thing always reminds me of a bunch of men asking a woman to justify why she thinks a particular man was sexually harassing her on the tube... 'Maybe he was just making conversation!' and so on...

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2020 14:49

No, bruffin. Anyone who can't work from home can (and do) go to work if not furloughed.

GoatyGoatyMingeMinge · 07/05/2020 14:53

Is no one else intrigued that OP has managed to get professional fencers in to put up a new fence during lockdown?

There are plenty of tradesmen working here. These things still need doing.

twilightermummy · 07/05/2020 14:53

I'd be mortified and livid.

PotholeParadise · 07/05/2020 14:54

bruffin Depends on the layout of the garden. I've had tradespeople in to do stuff in the garden since lockdown. As I could organise access arou d the side and undertake not to come near them, they were very keen for the work.

Easiest time I've ever had getting a quote and organising a time for them to do it!

bruffin · 07/05/2020 14:55

No, bruffin. Anyone who can't work from home can (and do) go to work if not furloughed.
I thought you good only do repairs etc on gardens not new work.

Lynda07 · 07/05/2020 15:02

bruffin Thu 07-May-20 14:46:17
Is no one else intrigued that OP has managed to get professional fencers in to put up a new fence during lockdown?
........
Not at all. If I can find someone to put up a new fence for me right now, I will - my neighbour knows people and may be of assistance to me there. If people are prepared to work, why not? As far as I know, there is no law against it as long as proper safeguards are observed. I'm more than happy for anyone to be earning an honest wage at this difficult time. However such tradesmen are scarce. I'm glad the op found some good people to do her fence.

lowlandLucky · 07/05/2020 15:04

What the hell has being black got to do with it ?

PotholeParadise · 07/05/2020 15:16

Lynda07

Definitely go ahead if you can find someone. They need the money and if you have a garden you need it to be usable. I found someone through FB recommendations and they were fantastic.

Leflic · 07/05/2020 15:20

What the hell has being black got to do with it ?

Er, this from the opening post?
My partner also feels somewhat uncomfortable because we are black they stare at us in our garden..

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/05/2020 15:23

That doesn't mean a thing. Op's dh has no notion why some people might glance in his direction. I doubt they're standing there staring open mouthed.

lowlandLucky · 07/05/2020 15:26

Leflic The OP is assuming people are staring at her because she is black, she doesnt have a clue why just an assumption, maybe they have parked in the "wrong" place, maybe they are way too loud, maybe the staring neighbours were hoping friends or family were going to be allocated that house. There could be many reasons that have nothing to do with colour. To assume is wrong

GoatyGoatyMingeMinge · 07/05/2020 15:30

@IowandLucky

To turn this back to you, why does is matter why people are staring, and why does it matter if her husband is misinterpreting. They're staring! He wants privacy! The thread is about a fucking fence!

Leflic · 07/05/2020 15:33

Quite. But you asked what being black had to do with it.
Op rightly or wrongly feels it her ethnicity and doesn’t want neighbours looking at her.
That wouldn’t change if the neighbours wrote detailed explanations of why their staring wasn’t to do with her being black would it?

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/05/2020 15:38

I could be wrong, but in order to observe someone staring at you, you sort of have to be staring back, don't you?
Maybe the neighbours are wondering wtf op's dh's problem is, staring at them like that...

YE420032c · 07/05/2020 15:44

The posters who said you should have written to the HA for permission are probably correct, Its always best to ask before laying out some money for an item you may have to remove!

Having said that I detest snitches. And yes, snitch, rat, glasser and tittle tattle are the correct words for sad people who watch their neighbours or workmates etc looking for someone or something to report.

People who behave like this often have a borderline personality disorder allied to obsessive or stalking behaviour. They crave gratification of the moral high ground and live their lives vicariously through others.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2020 15:44

I live in a conservation area. The guy doing our drive didn’t mention we needed planning permission despite having worked extensively in my area. Idk who snitched but someone did and work had to stop for 2 months until it was granted. The same happened with my ndn. People are just concerned that things are being done legally. I was annoyed at the time of course, but it’s just one of those this. 🤷‍♀️

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/05/2020 15:46

Some posters have explained that it could have been noticed by a ha official, YE4 😆

JasonPollack · 07/05/2020 15:52

People are petty with way too much time on their hands. It'll probably be fine but it's not very welcome to the neighborhood is it?

Unfortunately you've made the cardinal error of mentioning race on mumsnet and upset the nice white ladies who don't see colour Confused

Glowcat · 07/05/2020 16:04

There’s a huge amount of wilful ignorance when it comes to recognising racism.

On the fence issue, if you don’t own outright it’s worth checking before you do anything to a property. Even people who own a flat (leaseholders) have to comply with restrictions from the management agents of the building the flat is in (freeholders).

RedToothBrush · 07/05/2020 16:17

Tbh atm being reported could have been someone complaining to police that the op wasn't socially distancing and had workmen in their garden. Police look into it and refer it to the housing association to deal with cos they deem it not worth their while to look into.

Stampy84 · 07/05/2020 16:32

@JasonPollack

Had the OP been white, and mentioned she was being stared at because she was white in so called ‘black area’ I’d have asked when on earth she was assuming her colour had to do with it also.

magicfarawaytrees · 07/05/2020 16:35

I get being stared at is horrible but why have you automatically assumed it is because you are black? Genuine question. Please other posters don’t fire back calling me racist for asking this or name-calling.

To me it’s quite a racist point that because they are a different ethnicity to you that you have automatically assumed they must be being racist.

Stampy84 · 07/05/2020 16:53

@magicfarawaytrees
According to some people on here today, racism only counts if you’re not a white person.

magicfarawaytrees · 07/05/2020 16:56

Mumsnet for you. The irony is all this rushing to label others racist is actually making everything much more divisive and racist than it has been in a long time.