Rude dinner lady in hospital

[fedup78]

I’ve been in hospital this past week undergoing some gruelling treatment, which has been very taxing both physically and psychologically.

This morning a dinner lady comes round, knocks on the door and shouts “breakfast trolley”. I said thanks and then she goes, “Oh my god, what do you want”. I ask for tea and toast, which she brings in, then goes, “Do you walk?”

I said that I can walk but not particularly easily - plus I’m not meant to be lifting things.

She then shrugged and said if I can move my legs I should come and get the breakfast myself. I apologised and said that nobody has told me this since I arrived - they’ve always just brought it into the room, so how would I know?

I then asked her to take away a smelly plate of half eaten dinner that has been in the room since yesterday afternoon and she said she’ll collect it when she’s done serving breakfast.

I’m feeling really fragile as it is without having to contend with rude dinner ladies giving me grief. The food is grim anyway (and they often miss my room altogether) so I’m not especially bothered if I don’t eat.

AIBU to think there’s no need for her attitude and that a little bit of kindness goes a long way?

‘Dinner lady’ is an outdated and sexist term. Staff who serve meals in schools are lunch time assistants and can be, surprise surprise, bake or female.

YANBU

The walking thing is because they don't want people to get a DVT and stuff.

It's because the funding has been cut left, right and centre. You should have be walked round with a nurse or physio to prevent DVT, not left to walk carrying hot food, that's just a lame excuse.

caramelbun Absolutely.

I had emergency ectopic surgery and three blood transfusions . When I woke up, my first contact was a nurse who was really brusque. She told me off for not walking around. I had a catheter in and had no idea I could get up and move around let alone they expected me to.
Even worse I couldn’t see a thing as they had taken my contact lenses away and it being an emergency admission, I had no glasses with me. It’s really scary being somewhere new, no being able to see and feeling drained.
I felt shit apologising for being a crap patient.
Had a lovely Irish nurse later too who explained what they expected of me and was more positive. Which actually helped my recovery.

fedup, I would have been upset by the 'Oh my god' too. I understand where it came from but completely unnecessary and abrupt.

She sounds like a prize twat ! Don’t let her attitude bring you down. Best wishes for a speedy recovery

‘Dinner lady’ is an outdated and sexist term. Staff who serve meals in schools are lunch time assistants and can be, surprise surprise, bake or female.

FFS.
The OP said the person serving food and a woman.
I work in a school and they are called dinner ladies. Sometimes 'canteen staff' but who the hell cares.

It's a while since I was in hospital but you got your own breakfast if you could.

I would have thought everyone should be eating meals separately atm & having patients wandering about with food&drink is surely not a good idea?

I've been in hospital 9 times, and I've always had to pre-book meals; I've never had anyone come up and ask what I want for that meal.

@Chillipeanuts “Bedside manner wasn’t great but I guess if I were on minimum wage doing a usually thankless job in an environment that’s suddenly a lot more dangerous, I might have days where I wasn’t sweetness and light.”

As already pointed out, she wouldn’t be on minimum wage. In fact no NHS employees are on minimum wage. Plus those on the lowest NHS banding get very good enhancements for working unsocial hours, think lowest wage on Sunday being over £18ph (time +97%). Plus they have very good pension arrangements. Plus they have very good sickness and maternity conditions.

I feel much more sympathy for the assistants in the local supermarkets, or care assistants in local care home. They are on minimum wage, with no extra for working weekends, only get ssp when sick and poor pension and maternity benefits. Plus a lot of them are working in a much more dangerous situation, than many NHS staff, at the moment! Perhaps this ‘dinner lady’ would like to change places with with one of them if she isn’t happy?

YANBU. I know it's not the Ritz, but. It's also not Alcatraz. I'm sure some of think you're there on Holiday

Bedside manner wasn’t great but I guess if I were on minimum wage doing a usually thankless job in an environment that’s suddenly a lot more dangerous

I'm a TA and getting paid peanuts does that mean I can talk to kids(or parents)like that?

Crimsonnightlotus

I never expected that you need to go get the food yourself, never seen it happen. If there were a carer with the patient, maybe, but not when they are on their own. Is this normal? “

I had to after mastectomy in 2016. I wasn’t overly impressed but it was hospital policy, they like to have patients up on their feet ASAP post-surgery, aids recovery, apparently!

I feel for you OP. I think NHS staff should be paid a hell of a lot more but I don’t think their job gives them carte blanche to be rude to people who haven’t been rude to them!
A few years ago I had major abdominal surgery and the day after a really unpleasant member of staff came around to strip the beds. He told me to get up so he could make my bed. I was groggy and throwing up every ten minutes plus couldn’t even sit up let alone get out of bed and stand. He was so rude and unkind at a time when I was feeling so vulnerable. All other staff members were wonderful but he’s what I remember when I think back to that time.

She was rude, and that makes you feel a bit shit when you're vulnerable. YANBU and I hope you make a speedy recovery

Sounds like a bit of a jobs worth but she's probably stressed about working at the min and you're probably over sensitive. Try to ask someone else as someone will use discretion. Hope you get better soon.

You do realise the pressure on the NHS now??? Stop moaning.

You do realise the pressure on the NHS now??? Stop moaning

The pressure is on doctors and nurses, not the people who serve lunch. If anything, they should have less work to do since all non essential operations have been cancelled and lots of wards are empty.

Alexis the pressure is very much on their admin staff too.

You do realise the pressure on the NHS now??? Stop moaning

How horrific. So because the NHS is a difficult environment, you think patients should put up and shut up with vile behaviour and on the lesser end, unkindness? Fucking hell

@dranktoomuchpepsi

Yes, totally agree. You're right.

Lots of misconceptions on this thread though- firstly, they are not paid minimum wage. Secondly, even if they were, thats NO excuse to be unkind to people recovering from surgery. Ive done many jobs at minimum wage when I was a student- was never rude or mean to someone.

Lou670 if you'd read the thread you'd see that NHS staff being rude to patients for not following rules that the patients are unaware of is commonplace. Before, during and no doubt after the pandemic.

Patient-staff communication in hospitals really needs addressing once the pandemic is over.

Yes I agree Alexis. I find it so sad that people think it's okay to have someone behave badly professionally, just because they're paid poorly.

I was paid poorly working in abortion care, should I have just ignored confidentiality because hey, low pay?

Thanks for replies. I’m now out of water and am unsure whether to press the buzzer to get another jug (which is what I’ve done to date) or go out into the corridor to try and track one down!

I notice you asked this yesterday. I hope you went to track down where you can get water from. Think buzzer is emergency not room service!
Hope you are out of hospital soon.

I think she was rude too. She was probably tired and rushed, but shouldn’t take it out on the patients. Some health care workers, in all roles, just don’t have the bedside manner! If she comes back try and get her name so you can check with the nurse whether she’s right in telling people to get up for breakfast. She could have someone fall on that advice if she’s wrong.

My husband was in and out of hospital a lot last year and I found the service is always worse when they’re in a private room. Things get forgotten a lot. I can forgive her not taking the dirty pots if she’s got a trolley full of clean plates and food, but it’s pretty rank that it was left there all night. Had no nurses checked you during the night?

It was awful treatment and there is no excuse. However the nursing staff are at fault here also for not explaining the system in that ward. Ask to speak to the nurse in charge and tell them that you are upset by this and also upset that you weren’t told how the ward was run in terms of getting mobile and food service etc. The only issue that I can’t disagree with was the plate being taken away- although it should have been done last night- but the breakfast trolley isn’t the waste trolley so she wouldn’t have had capacity to do that. However if I had been asked by a patient to take away their plate I’d have jolly well done so ASAP or found someone who would.
One of the things that drive me mad in hospitals is the reluctance to just do the little things that wouldn’t take a HUGE effort but would make a HUGE difference to an individual. So many HCPs and people who work in hospitals forget the patients world has shrunk to their situation so everything is a big deal. They are often traumatised, in pain, scared etc so little things are big things and when people don’t just go that extra mile and in fact often do the opposite- acting as if fetching water is a chore etc. It makes me sad. I was introducing myself to a patient as I tidied round her bedside (as a student nurse) and I said to just use the buzzer if she needed anything and she said “oh no point dear, no one ever comes.” I assured her that for today I most certainly would... but how sad that was what she thought.

Hope you’re a little better today and in case breakfast wasn’t a success again.

@Blackbear19 depends on the ward. The ones I’ve worked on most certainly don’t want patients wandering around looking for water and the kitchen is out of bounds for patients anyway so they can’t fill their own jug. Can you imagine how many people might overfill a jug, spill a few drips then leave that water so some other patient slips when also wandering around looking for stuff? No. Patients by their beds is safest in many wards. Use the buzzer as it is the communication tool- not for emergency use only.